2nd Journal---by ClaytonL

Link to my first sitting journal: kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/37...ther+Sitting+Journal

So its time to begin the 2nd installment in my sitting journal. I would like to begin by allowing my views to be continually rethought and re-interpreted by both myself and everyone else here. Whatever views I express are nothing more than musings written down at one moment in time. Obviously they are but a reflection of truth at best, at worst they may offer future Clayton a clear presentation of his past delusion. The first sitting journal I did was about learning to see that life is in a glorious and mundane freefall. This journal will be about unpacking my bags.

In an absolute (as opposed to relative sense) nothing is better than anything else. There should be no preference between sitting rising through the Jhanic arch to the most blissful states we can attain, having a cup of tea, a conversation, or going to the bathroom. Any attempt to give one of these preference is delusion. Delusion. It will inevitably cause suffering. Any attempt to manipulate the current experience being presented for observation will cause you suffering. The 2nd noble truth is Thirst. Thirst for something to be different. This will cause suffering. Actually I prefer translating Dukka as unsatisfactoryness. Dissatisfaction comes from a lack of radical acceptance. This is on the absolute plane. On the relative plane you should not accept everything. Don't get that ---- twisted. You should not accept what is relatively understood to be unacceptable. Understand that your ability to control these unacceptable things is limited in a sense as well. Work clear eyed within these limitations.

That's it isn't it? The clincher, the key, the secret passcode! Everything is of equal status! Nothing better than, no king of the hill, no boss, nothing more important, nothing more prestigious, nothing given more priority over something else, no special sense of self, no big awesome "me". That "me" is of equal status with the itch on my bum.

Awesome thread opening, mate!

Ken Wilber talks about two forms of spirituality: ascending and descending. The ascending model covers most spirituality. At least 95% of my spiritual history. It is based on the belief that you can transcend what is happening in the real world. If I can get high enough spiritually I don't need to worry about that part of my past, about this aspect of myself I wish was different, etc.

Sunday night none of that made sense to me anymore. The delusion that I can transcend myself and these worldy circumstances was smashed. This is it. It has to be now. No longer hoping to be superman I choose instead to become super-content-man. Which is way more reasonable. Descending spirituality consists of learning from things like relationships, jobs, family, etc. It is time to own up to my circumstances and begin to learn from them instead of trying to transcend them.

I went to a BBQ this afternoon. I got lost and spent 40 minutes walking around the park in 100 degree Texas heat. Usually I would have been miserable. Why suffer about something like that? : )

How to be a Bodhisattva in Hell?

I have been musing this over in my mind this week. I have made a lot of AA meetings recently. Not because I am worried about drinking but instead because I am looking for some fellowship. Sitting with whatever insight I may have I struggle to know how I can help these people many of whom are so spiritually sick. The general spiritual views where I am now (Houston) fall into one of two categories'¦ a belief in a non descript god who will help you out, blended with a strange form of masochism and self defeatist rhetoric, or fundamentalist Christianity. I have been reflecting recently on how it all works. Finally after a few days of frustration I remembered the Buddhist principle of Uppaya. Skillful means. Although from an ultimate level what I am seeing professed does not now seem to be true, it is obviously a great improvement on whatever the person was believing before. Allowing them to live a better life. I see people who have what is obviously to me an A&P think that they have made contact with a higher power, think that the hard part is done. Then everyone wonders why people who have a decade or more sober and a spiritual experience at some point go out and drink or use. The Dark Night will do strange things to people. Especially if left untreated for I dunno say a decade. For the moment the only thing I feel like I can do is be of service. There is a new friend of mine who lives 2 blocks from me. So I have been giving him rides into meetings as he tries to get sober again. No Buddhist angle to our conversations. No need to stank of enlightenment. Sharing details of how I came to be sober and experience some serenity in my life. Just trying to help. Some times though its like watching a stamped of sheep headed for a cliff and I want to stand up and yell NOOO you don't see what you're doing.

What path is there for those folks outside of AA, Clayton? (Let's exempt the Buddhist path for this discussion) I'm seriously curious about what you would suggest. Most therapists seem to gravitate toward 12 step type stuff, sprinkled with some cognitive therapy and maybe a little mindfulness. Your thoughts?

Thanks, man.

That is a very interesting question Chris. Personally most of my experience is within the 12 step program. I have read about a program called SMART: www.smartrecovery.org/intro/ I have no experience with it. But it seems like a more secular approach to recovery. I think most therapist are pro AA for a couple reasons. Its everywhere first of all any city in the US over 10000 people will have some AA... Its also the oldest game around. The steps themselves are pretty good. The BIg Book (primary text) is a good effort but needs a revision badly. It was obviously written by Christians. They were trying to be open minded but its still written in a somewhat anachronistic manor. Like I wrote above there are a few flaws I see. First the text is written in such a way where most people are led to believe they will make very very minimal spiritual progress. In fact when I read daniel's book at first I wondered if these paths etc were available to us damaged AA people... haha that is one of the reasons I decided to start talking about my recovery on this site. I want people coming from that background to understand that they definatly can get paths just like everyone else. In fact I think recovery has worked syergetically with my practice. First because I had developed a real high tolerance for emotional pain before I began seriously sitting. Second the inventory process in the 12 steps helps work on shadow sides which often can get ignored in a potential spiritual bypass. I dunno maybe my last post was from a rare perspective. But for me I can't just have a spiritual opening... that doesn't do it at all. At least not after a few days.

It seems to me that going from active addiction to a big spiritual opening with little instruction for further cultivation is like being taken out of the fire and put into the frying pan. Also I have meet some fantastic people in AA who have helped me enormously. However because it basically is a system based on anarchy I have meet the most vile and dangerous people I have encountered there as well... its a crap shoot.

So I was recently reading some of the old DHO discussion threads and came across this. I imagine most of the regulars here have read this but I thought I would post a link anyway. It is a simple interpretation of the 10 ox-hearding pictures by Alan Chapman. www.thebaptistshead.co.uk/index.php?opti...iew&id=214&Itemid=31

I like this poem on returning to the source:

Too many steps have been taken returning to the root and the source.
Better to have been blind and deaf from the beginning!
Dwelling in one's true abode, unconcerned with that without --
The river flows tranquilly on and the flowers are red.

To which Alan writes simply: "The duality between the world and Emptiness/God/Truth is abolished." Nice one!

I am embracing my inner Zen child. I downloaded a PDF of the Shobogenzo by Dogen, I enjoyed this part, it made me think of Kenneth...

"From the very moment when a disciple comes to meet face-to-face with one who is to be his spiritual friend and knowing teacher, there is no need to have the disciple offer incense, make prostrations, chant the names of the buddhas, do ascetic practices and penances, or recite scripture: the master just has the disciple do pure meditation until he lets his mind and body drop off... " No nonsense, no dogma, just get it done...

This post is specifically for my dharma brother Nick. ; ) *disclaimer this stuff is absolutely not why we practice, I recommend to get your insight trip real together before exploring such dead ends*

So curiosity got the best of me. I followed Alex's instructions for cultivating the Astral Plane. As I got into a trance I started feeling like I was in different places I had been before all over the world. Then I got a few flashes of things like a sunset. I remember the most vivid things got I felt like I was playing ping pong with someone... this was the only kinetic event. Then I just kinda willed myself to snap out. I rolled over and came back to reality. The whole experience felt something like between a deep deep sleep and a lucid dream. Good fun anyhow.

It is inevitable to want to transcend ourselves. I know for me that is what spiritual practice has always been about, since my first opening at the age of 10. I had to do something to make myself better, more holy, more enlightened. I knew something was wrong. I doubt I am alone in this... but as my practice (hopefully) matures I am beginning to see that transcendence is a pipe dream. Not that genuine insight doesn't help in daily life. But it doesn't change daily life. Our shortcomings, out eccentricities, our opinions... they are not going anywhere fast...
I am adding/correcting my post number 3 here: after looking back over his talk Ken also talks about a third option, which he calls tantric spirituality... After understanding the truths of emptiness we come down off the mountain and return to the real world. Our relationship to it has changed. There is a great sense of play... the comfort of truly understanding the nature of what we see... this is the ideal way to live in the world... both of these practices ascending and descending are essential... just spacing out in the absolute is about as useful as BBQ pork at a PETA rally, and just living in the 'real world' without knowledge of the truth will bring a tremendous amount of suffering...

May all who seek awaken in this lifetime...

Hello all,

Some may have noticed I have been taking a smaller role lately, wow its been a month since I posted on my sitting journal. I have been working 12 hour days in southern Louisiana for the past month with only one day off, taking air readings related to the oil spill. It has been a real learning experience for me. I have never put in those kind of hours so it was interesting to see how the practice interacted with 'the real world.' First off I must say I did very little formal meditation during this month. some but not much. I guess I wanted to see if there was a point where whatever insight I had cracked under pressure. I didn't find it. Now thats not to say I didn't get tired, frustrated, lonely, or bored. But my perspective on these things has shifted in a very profound way. There is no more holding onto these emotions and they arise and pass like so many clouds in the sky...

With the help of a dharma friend I was able to identify some shadow stuff that was going on in my practice. I had been rather lonely for a couple days and feeling isolated. It was strange because I feel completely interconnected in the absolute plane and yet loneliness in the relative sense can still arise. My friend helped me by pointing out that my overall tone during our conversation was one of loneliness and perhaps I should take some steps in the relative plane to correct that. The Sangha is absolutely essential...

So did the Jhanic Arch this morning for about 20 minutes. My concentration has dropped a little, but it began to improve during the sitting and I am sure with renewed daily practice it will return to its former glory lol... perhaps some kasina is in order. Also I sat before my green tea, which might have had an effect. Anyhow, I hope everyone's practice is going well...