I've stopped caring about "enlightenment"

... I recalled only recently a certain place in the woods I used to go as a young child, to sit alone in the sun on a rock overlooking a pond and find a kind of peace, away from the stresses of the household. In that looking back I realized the sense of peace and safety I had there, a sort of magickal sense of being part of everything in that secret place by the pond, was faint glimpse of awakening.

-ona

Ona, what you wrote reminds me of the Buddha's statement about the meditation practice that finally ushered him into Bodhi. Having learned and mastered the meditation techniques for accessing the jhanas but finding them lacking, and having fruitlessly practiced austerities nearly to the point of death, he wracked his brain for something else to try. Then he recalled an episode from his childhood in which he sat on a blanket on a beautiful day and calmly observed women of his household picking flowers. So he sat with that same attitude of calm observation. And then...everything happened...but he remained unmoved. He saw experience for what it is. He understood the nature of identity. He realized that nothing had changed except his understanding. He knew he was always already free.

-- Mike "Gozen"

@mike - I'd forgotten about that story. It's a beautiful one. Thanks for reminding me of it! I suspect everyone has had these moments, even if, like me, they do not even recall or recognize them until later. I was re-reading some early practice notes the other day, and it was just a shocking level of self-inflicted struggle. But I couldn't be other than struggling then - that had to be worked through in its own way and time. Perhaps for the Buddha it was like that - he could not have arrived at that memory without having tormented himself thoroughly first, looking at every kind of technique and spiritual practice, before giving up and noticing a very simple, mundane memory that led to transformation?