John H. Practice Log II

  • jwhooper
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7 years 11 months ago #93161 by jwhooper
Replied by jwhooper on topic Re: John H. Practice Log II
More hours sitting. Everything is unfocused now. It isn't bad, just unfocused. I sit and my mind wanders off, quite pleasantly. I bring it back, and it drifts off again. Still happy, no strain, no problems. Can't seem to generate any focus. Not a problem. Everything is good. I don't know how else to put it. I sit and I am happy. Not sitting, I am happy. Nothing special going on.
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  • jwhooper
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7 years 11 months ago #93162 by jwhooper
Replied by jwhooper on topic Re: John H. Practice Log II
I sit every day, but my sits are still unfocused exactly as before. It is pleasant enough just to sit there. Nothing comes up. Nothing is going on. Just some wandering thoughts. No feeling of passing through any stage or jhana.
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  • jwhooper
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7 years 10 months ago #93163 by jwhooper
Replied by jwhooper on topic Re: John H. Practice Log II
There is nothing to do, and no one to do it. Seen through, there is nothing left to practice. Nothing to go from here to there. There never was. I sit in peace, and joy. No practices. Things are as they are, very clear, empty. The whole thing has collapsed. There is nothing to do. It is as it is. I would call it freedom, but there was nothing to free. I would say I am off the treadmill, but there was nothing that could be on the treadmill. Just thoughts. Leafs blowing in the wind.
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  • Bill29ish
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7 years 10 months ago #93164 by Bill29ish
Replied by Bill29ish on topic Re: John H. Practice Log II
Yes.
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  • Nadav
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7 years 10 months ago #93165 by Nadav
Replied by Nadav on topic Re: John H. Practice Log II
<!-- s:-) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":-)" title="Smile" /><!-- s:-) -->
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  • jwhooper
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7 years 10 months ago #93166 by jwhooper
Replied by jwhooper on topic Re: John H. Practice Log II
I don't know what happened. Some kind of shift. Along with it came Bell's Palsy and fatigue, like I have the flu. I still sit, but I wouldn't call it practice anymore. I just sit, and as concepts fall away everything becomes more 3-D and fresh, even ordinary things seem so alive. No altered states of consciousness. No effort. Despite the fatigue, I feel fine. Maybe it was just a coincidental virus. I seem to be slowly recovering. Maybe it is just some temporary weirdness. Wouldn't be the first time.
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  • jwhooper
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7 years 10 months ago #93167 by jwhooper
Replied by jwhooper on topic Re: John H. Practice Log II
Recovered from the physical symptoms. Feeling the habitual thought moving back in, but there is nothing to do about it. Sitting is still just sitting. Pleasant, with no altered states, no jhanas, no cycling.
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  • jwhooper
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7 years 10 months ago #93168 by jwhooper
Replied by jwhooper on topic Re: John H. Practice Log II
Now I still can't meditate, but the clarity is gone, and my mind is distracted and more caught up in thought than before this all started. It is hard not to be disappointed. I don't have any idea what to do. I guess I just keep waiting and see what happens.
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  • Russell
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7 years 10 months ago #93169 by Russell
Replied by Russell on topic Re: John H. Practice Log II
Who is disappointed?

Isn't it very clear that the clarity is gone? <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s:) -->
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  • jwhooper
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7 years 10 months ago #93170 by jwhooper
Replied by jwhooper on topic Re: John H. Practice Log II
Things are really weird and unpleasant, like a purging of all my past neurotic issues, all rushing out. I do have the feeling it will be done eventually. It is clear that the clarity is gone. What is actually gone is the PCE like quality of things. Now everything seems &quot;normal&quot; ... only my normal meditation didn't come back. I still just sit there with nothing going on. It actually isn't unpleasant to sit there. I suppose I liked it when everything had the extra 3-D aliveness and beauty. Clingy, clingy.
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  • Bill29ish
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7 years 9 months ago #93171 by Bill29ish
Replied by Bill29ish on topic Re: John H. Practice Log II
John: I shared the same experience following periods of major opening. It may be the nature of the process. It often is for me. You haven't asked for advice, so I won't pretend to be an authority, but I do know it was useful for me at such times to do a lot of bodywork or a vajrayana practice known as earth breathing. It may or may not be useful for you.
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  • jwhooper
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7 years 9 months ago #93172 by jwhooper
Replied by jwhooper on topic Re: John H. Practice Log II
I would take any advice I could get at this point. Nothing is stable. Practice is weird. Clarity comes and goes. It is like switches being thrown on and off. Neurotic fear, then calm abiding. Aversion, then acceptance. Tell me more about earth breathing, it has to be better than what I'm doing. I tried to get into a jhana yesterday. Nothing. Then sometimes I sit in rapture. Then it is gone again.
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  • Bill29ish
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7 years 9 months ago #93173 by Bill29ish
Replied by Bill29ish on topic Re: John H. Practice Log II
Hey John: I would just google &quot;earth breathing&quot; and reggie ray, his explanation is the clearest. Or you could skype me and I could teach you. You are probably at a point when releasing effort rather than trying anything -like getting into a jhana- will be more useful.
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  • jwhooper
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7 years 5 months ago #93174 by jwhooper
Replied by jwhooper on topic Re: John H. Practice Log II
The long period of adjustment seems to be over. Everything seems a lot easier now. Yesterday I sat and looked out the window for an hour, doing non-dual inquiry on what things are transitory as opposed to the awareness that has never changed. The forest outside became my kasina, and the trees blurred, faces and forms appeared, then it all began swimming in a shimmering, shining tapestry, on and on. My awareness became increasingly panoramic, as though my body were in the center of the scene and my awareness was all around.

Thoughts bubbled up and faded away, quickly losing energy without the usual attachment from awareness. There was no process, no progress, as there was nothing to become, nothing to aquire. The true nature of things does not need discovery because it is always here, always now, and nothing has ever been separate from it. It was nice to sit for a while.
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