Amr's Case Study Thread

Hi Kenneth,

I came back from my overseas trip last Sunday night. I haven't been feeling physically great since.

As I expected I had time for meditation the first week of my travel but not as much the second week. My access to the internet was limited.

In general I think I remained in equanimity except for few rough times here and there which was expected due to family issues I had to deal with.

I got sick there (still having the stomachache) and I spent a night mediating under the influence of fever. It was an interesting experience. Have you ever done that?

My concentration was on and off. I thought I made some progress but today's session was not that great. I don't think I was able to focus for more than 10 breaths. I had some pressure around the head. When I relaxed, it turned to lots of energy in the head. The feeling and the sound of something cracking in the head (like ice thawing) is becoming an everyday experience inside and outside the meditation session.

Also when I relax my body the boundaries that delineate my body seems to disappear. I have more sense of the resistance (effort) that is there to create a separation between me and my surrounding. I try to let go of that resistance as much as possible during the day.

Amr

Welcome back, Amr!

You wrote: "The feeling and the sound of something cracking in the head (like ice thawing) is becoming an everyday experience inside and outside the meditation session."

See if you can identity a pattern to the cracking. Is it associated with other phenomena in your practice? The fact that you notice it is testimony to the recently acquired sensitivity of your mind.

You wrote: "Also when I relax my body the boundaries that delineate my body seems to disappear."

This is symptomatic of the equanimity ñana.

You wrote: "I have more sense of the resistance (effort) that is there to create a separation between me and my surrounding. I try to let go of that resistance as much as possible during the day."

Perfect. Also notice that there is a part of the mind that remains unaffected by the daily and momentary changes in your practice.

Kenneth

Hi Kenneth,

I noticed in my last session that there is always a subtle visual representation of the sensations I try to observe including the breath sensation. When I manage to drop that visualization for a short period, I find myself in that state of absorption where there is a loss of perspective. It's as if the breath sensation is in the head instead of the abdomen.

Any advice on how to deal with the visualization?


Status of the past few days: OK.

Amr

Hi Kenneth,

I'm still meditating daily. Recently I've been investigating the visual/space component of my perception of the breath sensation. I realized that part of my effort/tension in concentration was to block that aspect of perception. Then I realized that visualization is always part of my perception of sensations in general. I'm not sure how common this is among yogis.

Now instead of resisting the visual/space element of perception, I just decompose it to the visual and the actual sensation and I stay with the latter.

Again, I'm not sure if this useful or necessary practice, but I'm exploring.

My meditation sessions are more relaxed now, and I can stay little bit longer with the breath (20 breaths), and also deeper.

Status: in general good.

Amr

"Now instead of resisting the visual/space element of perception, I just decompose it to the visual and the actual sensation and I stay with the latter."-keeiton

I love this insight, Amr. Your practice is deepening, stabilizing. As you have seen, there is no need to avoid anything; the very act of paying attention reveals the insubstantial nature of phenomena. The six sense doors (seeing, hearing, tasting, touching, smelling, and thinking) keep operating whether you attend to them or not. So, there's no percentage in trying to block them. You do have a certain amount of influence over which phenomena you attend to in any given moment, however, and this is the essence of meditation. If you attend to the sensations surrounding the rise and fall of the abdomen, for example, thought impressions naturally tend to subside or become more orderly. This, in turn, reduces distraction and makes it easier to pay attention to the physical sensations, so there is a positive feedback loop. Sometimes, the predominant "sensation" is more mental than physical, e.g., you might find the sense of vast space to be compelling. When that happens, just go with it. Such pleasant phenomena are good for your meditation as they bring confidence and a sense that this practice is paying off. Don't be too eager to "move on" when these restful states arise. If any one pleasant state stays around for more than an hour or so, or if it recurs over a period of weeks to the point where it has become a fixation, gently turn your attention to the movement within this pleasant state. This is what I call "vipassanizing" the jhana. By doing this, you allow the stratum of mind in question to develop fully, which will in turn allow your mind to float "up" the jhanic arc and begin working on developing the next stratum of mind.

I'm getting a little ahead of you here; for now, go deep and enjoy the fruits of your meditation.

"Sometimes, the predominant "sensation" is more mental than physical, e.g., you might find the sense of vast space to be compelling. When that happens, just go with it.

"


Sometimes after focusing for a while, I find myself in an altered state, it's restful like going to sleep. Is this what you're taking about? I don't stay in that state for long because it pulls me away from observing the breath.

Is it OK to drop the breath as an object of meditation and just stay in that state, without a meditation object, until it goes away? Is this what you mean when you say "go with it"?

"Amr: "The feeling and the sound of something cracking in the head (like ice thawing) is becoming an everyday experience inside and outside the meditation session."

Kenneth: See if you can identity a pattern to the cracking. Is it associated with other phenomena in your practice?"

It's associated directly with relaxing "something" inside the head. Usually there is a build up of energy in the head then when I manage to relax that area the crack happens. The build up of the energy could be like a bubble expanding in the center of the head, or the energy is pushing up/down to the center of the head.


Amr

Hi Kenneth,

Still meditating. Mood wise I'm, generally speaking, in equanimity except for a couple of days last week that were dark night. Even then I was more on the pensive side rather than on a disturbed state.

Today, I think I went into a new territory in my concentration. I don't know much about jhanas and I'd like to see if what I'm going through are what you call jhanas.

There is a certain transformation in my awareness state that happens when I manage to have a good focus on few breaths. First there is a flow of energy in my head that seems to pull my attention away from the abdomen. If I resist the flow, the transition doesn't happen. If I go with the flow to my head, there seem to be a step deeper away from my surroundings. The step is clear. If I try to go back to my breath immediately I usually step back from that state. If I just stay in that state for few seconds before I go back to my breath I can maintain it but not for long. However, if I allow myself to surrender to that state I take more steps deeper then I go back quickly to my original state. By surrendering to the state I mean, staying with the flow of energy that is going to my head.

Today I went to a new territory. I'm not sure how to describe each step. But I just know that this one was new. Please ask me questions to see if these are jhanas and, if so, which ones. I can look for description to read, but I prefer that I find out through my experience to avoid projecting my expectations.

Also, I'm experimenting with the direct approach as explained in "Great Freedom" website. I found their simple approach easier for me to understand more the satsang style pointing. Do you think they are genuine? Can we use their approach as a material for discussion?

Thanks,

Amr

"There is a certain transformation in my awareness state that happens when I manage to have a good focus on few breaths. First there is a flow of energy in my head that seems to pull my attention away from the abdomen. If I resist the flow, the transition doesn't happen. If I go with the flow to my head, there seem to be a step deeper away from my surroundings. The step is clear. If I try to go back to my breath immediately I usually step back from that state. If I just stay in that state for few seconds before I go back to my breath I can maintain it but not for long. However, if I allow myself to surrender to that state I take more steps deeper then I go back quickly to my original state. By surrendering to the state I mean, staying with the flow of energy that is going to my head.
"

Hi Amr,

Yes, the way to develop jhana is to let go of the rise and fall of the abdomen and take the pleasant sensations of the new state as object. You want to steep in the sensations, allowing them to soak in and take over your consciousness. This is the samatha (concentration) aspect of the samatha/vipassana team. When you are steeping in the jhana, you don't have to investigate anything. Just enjoy it and go deep.

Kenneth

"Also, I'm experimenting with the direct approach as explained in "Great Freedom" website. I found their simple approach easier for me to understand more the satsang style pointing. Do you think they are genuine? Can we use their approach as a material for discussion?"

I just now took a look at a few minutes of the first video on the site, a talk by Candice O'Denver. It looks fine. She is doing some direct pointing, and talking about the perfection of your original nature, which sounds like Dzogchen. This makes a good basis for our discussion of what I call 3rd Gear practice, and if it resonates with you, we should use it. Some other good non-dual teachers with videos on YouTube are Gangaji, Adyashanti, and Mooji.

Kenneth

This interaction took place in a different thread (What, really, is "The Witness"?). I added it here to have all of our dialog in one place:

Kenneth: "My sense is that it is more difficult to stabilize access to rigpa without having first stabilized the Witness, which I consider to be an important developmental phase."

Amr: "Kenneth, in my limited experience I found that if I, honest to God, focus on the witness I become it and it becomes a direct path meditation.

If I try to keep enough distance between me and the Witness in order to observe it as an object of meditation, the whole thing becomes contrived.

As a result I gave up on the Witness, and I'm going directly to the third gear. Is that bad thing to do?"

Kennth: "Hi Amr,

No, there is nothing wrong with going directly to Third Gear. In fact that is ideal. But let's make sure we are using the words in the same way. It could be that what you are calling 3rd Gear *is* the Witness. In the Witness practice, once you get in touch with the sense of "I", the goal is to dwell as that witness. In other words, you are *supposed* to become it, not hold yourself separate from it. You can tell the difference between the Witness and rigpa because the Witness is a heavily concentrated state with a distinct sense of a knower. Rigpa is light, fresh, doesn't require concentration, and you can't hold onto it at all.

Can you say more about your experience when you do these practices?"

Cont...

Amr: "My experience with the third gear (if it's indeed third gear), is based on the lessons from the Great Freedom website.

The first step is to relax and rest. The second step is watch whatever comes to my awareness as if I am watching TV or a movie. Just watching with "ok, what's next" attitude. The third step is to discern what is constant in all the things that show and go. The last step is to keep discerning that constant.

I don't intentionally go through those steps when I do it. But when I analyze it now, this how it seems to happen."

Kenneth: "OK, that sounds great, Amr. I think you should keep doing that, alternating it with your vipassana/samatha."