Telecaster's Questions

Telecaster: I feel confident that I am doing a practice now that will get results at some point. I watch the rising and falling of my abdomen and note "rising" and "falling." If a sensation comes along I note it and once it goes away I go back to the abdomen. Simple. That is it, right?

Kenneth: Yes, that's it!

Telecaster: And, I'm trying very hard to stick with what is actually going on rather than looking for or expecting a certain experience or sensation.

Kenneth: Exactly.

Telecaster: Lately I've gotten slightly deeper in perceiving thoughts and images as they arrive (though of course it is never the same sitting to sitting). I see that my field of perception while meditating is almost like a black wide-screen TV that is located in front of my eyes and forehead. (this is where the image accompanying the sensation seems to be located) That's what is seems like.

Every once in a while now I'll notice that there is just a simple image, usually of a person, in the lower right hand corner of the field. It's vague right now, but it is there, often.

And, more interestingly, it seems like an involuntary stream of words and images that are very similar to a dream are always going on somewhere in my mind. I don't know if it happens only when I hit a certain level of concentration, or if this stuff is always there and I need a certain concentration to see it. And this stuff is completely involuntary - as far as I can tell I don't engage with it at all or start it going. Does this sound familiar? (cont)

Kenneth: Yes, this is how we get enlightened developmentally. You are objectifying parts of your experience that were previously considered self. Anything that can be taken as object is no longer considered "me." "I" am the one looking at all this stuff, or so we think. More and more stuff gets moved into the category of things that can be objectified. The sense of self becomes very subtle. At that point you have to turn the light around and see if you can get a glimpse of this supposed self. Who knows about this? Eventually, the only thing that has not been moved into the "object" stack is awareness itself, which can never be taken as object and can never be mistaken for self because there is no sense of "me" left. To see this is to see the mind of the Buddha. To surrender to this buddha mind is Realization.

Telecaster: One more question: I'm trying to stay in a practice when not on the cushion. So much of what I try just seems to bring suffering because I never feel like I am doing it right. So, as of yesterday, when not on the cushion I am trying to keep in a more surrendered place -- I just try to accept and let go completely everything that is going on while at the same time staying as aware as possible. What do you think? Is this a waste of time? Should I try to do a more formal practice in everyday life? What I am doing now feels pretty good and seems to create a nice space for me to see what is going on.

Kenneth: Beautiful. Keep doing it.

Telecaster: One more thing: For about two weeks now whenever I get a relaxed concentration on either my breath or on a sensation, I almost always get an accompanying surge of energy shooting up my spine. It makes my head jerk from side to side, like I'm trying to look behind my back. It is almost always to the left. Sometimes I involuntarily shout as the energy hits my head. It doesn't hurt. Afterward, there are usually those "chills" or goosebumps that I always associate with spirituality.

Questions:

1. Will this stop?

Bill Hamilton's "three possibilities;" Could get better, could get worse, could stay the same. As you said earlier, the very best attitude is to not expect anything. In my experience, though, these things tend to get milder and stabilize over time.

2. Does it mean anything?

Yes. It's extremely common among successful meditators and it means that the physio-energetic circuitry is developing. This is kundalini in action.

3. Is there something I should be doing other than noting that it is happening?

Noticing it in real time is the most important thing. Bringing awareness to it helps it develop. You can also do yoga, chi gong, tai chi, and gentle movement exercises to help the energy align itself within the body. See the "Stages on the Way to Cessation" thread, posts number 56 and 59:

kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/31...set=40&maxResults=20

"...it seems like an involuntary stream of words and images that are very similar to a dream are always going on somewhere in my mind." - Telecaster
''You are objectifying parts of your experience that were previously considered self." - Kenneth

Yesterday I went deeply into this. I wasn't sure it was a sort of a hindrance to move away from. 'Proper' thoughs before dissolving ended in a kind of lucid dreaming, with the feeling that the stream of consciousness was no more than a dream. Hard to distinguish between dreams and wandering mind's thoughts. A persistent eardrum buzz, and 'auditory' thinking (voices). I mapped all of that into the dissolution nana.
After deep meditation session there is always something going on, this time I was in a A&P (easy noticing, bliss, the good stuff) but after a while the sense of an happy Watcher faded and I was no more than a process going on with no self. I had only the time to notice that I was observing anatta in real-time (which I believed develops only after fruition) that a real fear of losing myself arose, I tried to recollect a strong sense of a Watcher at all costs. The good thing was that this fear too arose and passed away. This was the first psychological side effect in my meditation (other than piti&sukha ), I believed I was exempted and could experience the dark night as only an energetic process... unpleasant body sensations, who cares?
Umberto