Intro and a question

Hello all,

I have been reading through this site for a couple of months and found it very useful.
I have been using some sort of meditation for the past decade after spontaneous and very strong episode of fear of death associated with very strong flow of energy down the spine (like strong electric current) that shakes the whole body.
recently I discovered MCTB and finally ended up reading posts both here and on the DhO.

A couple of weeks ago, during a walking meditation, I experienced a very slight shift in perspective. Suddenly it dawned on me that all there is is awareness. When i ask myself the question "Who I am?", it is as if awareness splits itself into two and one strand of awareness becomes aware of the other.

My current understanding is that awareness is simply a quality of sensate experience, like wetness is a quality of water.

After this shift in perspective, a lot of teachings that used to be very confusing for me are now understood clearly. For instance the below quote from an old DhO thread is now clearly understood;

"In each moment of conventional experience, there is some intelligence that knows about it. But it isn't you, per se. The "I AM" is a transpersonal intelligence that has no stake in whether Tina lives or dies. As such, it's a tremendous relief from our usual neurotic state. Later, when even the witness dissolves, there is only pure, non-local awarness, which pervades and is not other than the entire manifest world. --Kenneth"

My question is: Is this 'transpersonal' quality, once truly seen, always available to the practitioner or not? (as it is not always available to me as I continue to experience a lot of neurotic stuff).

Thanks for all for your contributions.
Salam (Peace)
Abdou

Dear Abdou,

Welcome on this forum!

Since this transpersonal intelligence or 'I AM' is the witness of thoughts and emotions it remains untouched by our neurotic stuff even if this neurotic crap continues to pop up. This witness is always available but needs to be stabilized, which requires patience. Best is to learn to get back to it throughout the day. When we realize that we have lost it, we just get back to it.

You will have to ask Kenneth about it but it seems that when this witness state is fully established it starts dissolving on its own leading to non-dual awareness. With time it seems that one is able to abide in it at will like Ramana Maharishi, Nisargadatta Maharaj or high level Dzogchen, Mahamudra or Zen masters.

Kind regards,

Alex

"This witness is always available but needs to be stabilized, which requires patience. Best is to learn to get back to it throughout the day. When we realize that we have lost it, we just get back to it. --Alex
"

Thanks Alex,

Sure I would love to see Kenneth's take on this. In the meanwhile, do you recommend to practice this "coming back" as a sort of informal practice during the day OR (maybe AND) as a formal practice during sittings where you come back to this witnessing like you come back to the breath.

Salam (Peace)
Abdou

Hi Abdou,

It sure helps to identify and train the 'Witness' or the 'I AM' during formal sitting practice, but it can be combined with whatever we are already doing. For instance, one can practice hardcore Vipassana for 40 minutes and devote the last 10 minutes to the Witness or decide to devote a week, a month or even a year to the Witness exclusively. It is mainly a matter of choice and convenience.

Once established, I try to carry it with me during the day. Gradually, I try to remain as the Witness is the most challenging situations. I take it as a form of game: like 'can I keep it during this heated discussion at the office?'

What is difficult in the beginning is to avoid looking hypnotized. People around us should not have the feeling that we are doing something special.

Salam,

Alex