Sexual orientation and practice

Hello, everyone. I've been experiencing an extreme fluidity around sexual orientation lately. It's been an important proof of the Dharma in my life, and the Dharma has also been an important way to make sense of this phenomenon. For example, the way I am strongly attracted at various times to both women and men, or lacking in any attraction to both women and men, or feeling strongly "straight" or feeling strongly "gay" or feeling strongly "bisexual" or feeling strongly "asexual" is striking to me. Why is this striking? Because rather than merely observing what is, sexuality is often assumed to be about stable identities. For some people, straight and gay, this may be a very real experience. We might also call them hetero-focused or hetero-rooted people, and homo-focused or homo-rooted people. These would be folks for whom desire and fulfillment run along relatively uniform currents (like the focus of a beam of light or the simple flow of energy in the roots of a tree). My own experience, however, is more like running on a treadmill or balancing on a tilt-a-whirl (movement, change, transience, instability and surprise are common themes). Actually, though he uses it to describe paying close attention to sensations, Daniel Ingram's "shootin' aliens" analogy nicely describes the unpredictability of stimuli from the world one is inhabiting (for example, I'm walking down a street and attractive men and women are popping up at random, sometimes mostly women, sometimes mostly men, other times both, other times neither).

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Edit: extra word deleted.

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What is very important, in all of this, is gaining an appreciation for false impermanence. That is, noticing when I want to be straight, and thus I ignore or am averse to a sensation of attraction to a man, or cling to a sensation of attraction to a woman. Or times when I want to be gay, and thus I ignore or am averse to a sensation of attraction to a woman, or cling to a sensation of attraction to a man.

Nice! And nice how you are grounding your articulation of these insights in the candid real-life experiences from which they are emerging, it makes their communication more compelling at least for me. It seems more interesting to hear how these insights play out in people's real lives than how they come up in the more sterile (usefully so, don't get me wrong) setting of cushion practice.
Why are you posting this in the off topic section, out of curiosity? It sounds like the beginning of a practice thread. I guess if your post here is just by way of starting a discussion of sexual orientation, I can see why you have put it here, but if that's just a compelling theme for you personally in your practice as it seems from the content rather than the title of you post, then I still wonder why you have posted here rather than in the main section. No critique intended, just curious! I think that many people nowadays may have similar experiences of these insights messing with our conventional political, cultural, etc self-representations which is probably only different from former times in that we can discuss such things openly without so much fear of ostracization.
-Jake

"
Nice! And nice how you are grounding your articulation of these insights in the candid real-life experiences from which they are emerging...

-Jake "

Thanks, Jake.

Yeah, I'm really glad to be applying the practice to this area of my life, which has been a great cause of suffering for me in the past (both gross and subtle). Above all, the key has been just observing what's honestly happening now and now and now.

As I become more skilled in my 'cushion practice,' I find that I'm also more accepting of the unsatisfying truths of this area of my life....And as I accept that this part of my life is more fluid than stable, I'm getting better at acknowledging the unstable flow when I find that in the rest of my life.

AND I'm seeing how, the more I can stop trying to pin any of this down into an identity, I find a particular kind of happiness. Oddly enough, accepting the fluidity of life can sometimes turn it into a stable background.

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"Why are you posting this in the off topic section, out of curiosity? It sounds like the beginning of a practice thread...

-Jake "

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As for the category of the thread, I couldn't recall reading anything like this here, so I decided to post it in off-topic. I also felt a little skittish about regarding this as a 'serious' practice thread, for a number of reasons. But, given that it really is about practice and daily life, I've decided to move it into general discussion.

If other people can relate to the way I've talked about sexual orientation, that's cool. I can imagine that might really be of benefit to others....And, what I'm really interested in is the practice in daily life, finding a kind of happiness that comes from seeing the truth wherever it manifests - in this case, regarding my sexual orientation.

As a last note, it also seems worth saying that I'm aiming to attain stream entry, and I'm lightly curious about how further development in the Vipassana Jhanas might impact all of this.

Seeing truth is an enormous part of practice, as is being able to observe and evaluate ourselves objectively, and others would very likely benefit from this discussion. The benefits of practice are something we probably don't focus on enough as we tend to be process oriented as opposed to results oriented. But results are the fruit of our practice, aren't they?

"I also felt a little skittish about regarding this as a 'serious' practice thread, for a number of reasons. But, given that it really is about practice and daily life, I've decided to move it into general discussion.
... ... .... ...
..And, what I'm really interested in is the practice in daily life, finding a kind of happiness that comes from seeing the truth wherever it manifests - in this case, regarding my sexual orientation.
"

"the practice *in* daily life"-- nice. There is obviously great value in reducing variables to enact an opportunity to see the bare dynamics of ignorance/insight (cushion practice), but as for me the only reason I have for doing that is to gain skill in working with those dynamics in my whole life, of which after all, sitting is but a part! There's so much time in the day, so many people, so much activity, so much opportunity to practice fidelity to truth-as-it-arises *now*....

"
The benefits of practice are something we probably don't focus on enough as we tend to be process oriented as opposed to results oriented. But results are the fruit of our practice, aren't they?

"

Yes, I agree, Chris.

I'm reminded of the saying from the Tipitaka that the Dhamma is "good in the beginning, good in the middle, and good in the end." I love that message; it's such a gentle reminder to appreciate our practice. For instance, we might notice day-to-day how simple acts of mindfulness or patience can enrich our lives. No matter where we are on the path, we get some benefit from what we are learning, and then the things we do express that new understanding and extend its benefit out to the people we meet in our lives.

I mostly hear it used in a Christian context that's not so familiar to me, but sometimes the word grace does well to describe the fruit of the Dharma. It captures the way that living in tune with the true nature of things is not just right, but also beautiful.

In case you'd missed it, this article that Jackson linked to on his practice thread relates nicely to our discussion here.

Enjoy!

www.buddhistgeeks.com/2010/03/authority-trust-devotion/

I'm feeling compelled to revive this thread, with a few recent experiences re-invigorating my interest in this area of life/practice. Spent some time with my recently-ex-girlfriend today, and noticed some really interesting things going on with attraction/aversion and what we might call equanimity or bare attention.

Sometimes, the sensations that I associate with arousal are in fact sensations of fear, nervous, anxious, contraction sensations, responses to a sexual being as a threat or at least a disturbance. I find it important to notice how this happens for me with individuals of all genders. At other moments I notice sensations of opening, expansion and this is its own kind of attraction. It's like being drawn is one form of sexuality and being impinged upon is another form of sexuality.

What does this have to do with awakening? Relaxing into the reality of these moments is very important, as otherwise I would be strongly resisting an attraction/aversion or lack thereof to all kinds of people. Our interests are not so predictable and culturally-normative as we might think, or at least that's my experience.

Sexuality is such a rich arena for practice, such "real" sensations that just scream for investigation (or even demand it) if we care to put aside suffering in a given moment.

It'll be very interesting for me, voluntarily living in a celibate situation for six months in the coming year, to handle this part of life/practice skillfully, eschewing the pitfalls of negation and obsession.

I tend to look toward heart-based motivation in that sort of situation, embracing affection in order to be cool with leaving sex alone. Worked well today with my ex, so that gives me confidence that it'll be an effective approach at Bhavana Society.

Best wishes, everyone.

Ryan

Hey Ryan,
I so get you. Thanks for reviving this thread. I figured out that I was a big homo after my first zen sesshin. That root chakra opening up does wonders, doesn't it?

"Hey Ryan,
I so get you. Thanks for reviving this thread. I figured out that I was a big homo after my first zen sesshin. That root chakra opening up does wonders, doesn't it? "

Hold on dude, didn't you know that you aren't supposed to be having sexual feelings any more?

I'm going to have to call the dharma police on you

The sutras were mistaken
to my great relief
I can still tumesce just fine.

"

The sutras were mistaken
to my great relief
I can still tumesce just fine.


"

As i once said on another thread, that area actually gets better rather than disappearing

"Hey Ryan,
I so get you."


Thanks, Owen.

"Hold on dude, didn't you know that you aren't supposed to be having sexual feelings any more?

I'm going to have to call the dharma police on you"


LOL.

Will someone please write a song on this topic, parodying the hit by Radiohead? ; )