Humour on the Path

I am a sucker for fart humour and Shinzen Young brought tears to my eyes!

A thread to help you deal with the dark night through laughing just a little!

Great stuff! Thanks for sharing...

Su Dung-po (1037-1101), a famous Chinese poet, wrote the following poem to describe a state he had experienced in meditation:

"I bow to the god among gods;
His hair-light illuminates the world.
Unmoved when the Eight Winds blow,
Upright I sit in a purple-gold lotus."

He sent the poem to the Great Master Fo-yin (1011-1086), and the Master's reply was two words: 'Fart, fart.' As soon as Su Dung-po saw the Great Master Fo-yin's criticism, he couldn't get it out of his mind, and he rushed across the Yangzi--he lived on the south side of the river and Great Master Fo-yin lived on the north side--to find the Master and scold him. He wanted to tell the Master that he had written an enlightened poem, and so how could the Master possibly have replied, 'Fart, fart?'

"In fact, when Great Master Fo-yin criticized him, not only did Su Dung-po fart, he blazed forth and wanted to scorch Fo-yin to death. And so he rushed across the river and burst unannounced into the Master's quarters and shouted, 'How could you possibly scold someone and slander him that way by writing "fart, fart"?'

"Fo-yin replied, 'Who was I slandering? You said that you were unmoved by the Eight Winds, but just by letting two small farts I've blown you all the way across the Yangzi. And you still say that the Eight Winds don't move you? You don't have to talk about eight winds; just my two farts bounced you all the way up here.'

"Then Su Dung-po thought, 'That's right. I said that I'm unmoved by the Eight Winds, but two words have been enough to make me burn with anger.' Realizing that he still didn't have what it takes, he bowed to the Master and repented. . . .""

ROFL!!!

www.threadless.com/submission/267186/reclining_buddha

"ROFL!!!

www.threadless.com/submission/267186/reclining_buddha

"

LOL
Could Buddha be settling into the fifth nana here?

OK, I'll contribute too. This might not be appropriate for everyone but I just love it and not just because I'm a closet hip hop fan.



Spiritual materialism meets bling bling!

Dharma bum quotes:

"Awakening is like taking a big, satisfying dump" Some Dogzen practicioner

"I think a lineage is about as useful as a cup of warm spit." "Enlightened people smell like sandalwood."
Some enlightened guy

""Awakening is like taking a big, satisfying dump" Some Dogzen practicioner



"

Thanks for that Nikolai, that is one of the best descriptions of the path I have ever seen

I must give proper attribution to that quote about the big, satisfyling dump. Nikolai learned it when I posted it on my thread here on KFDh but the original , the real McCoy first ever time it was uttered was by my friend Mitsuharu Hadeishi on The Well.

There, I feel better now

Thanks Chris I was sort of wondering where it came from...

Bill Hamilton quote taken from the DhO as provided by Kenneth:

"The Arising and Passing is like a fart. Sometimes you only know it happened because you smell something. Other times it's an explosion."

ROFL!!!

Hahahahahaha........ haden't heard that one... wow that is some pretty buddhist humor

Henny Penny International Airport

Your mindful attention please in Terminal One.
This is an 'oh, my God, the sky is falling' alert.
If the sky falls of course, all flights
will be permanently delayed.

This facility and our precious sky is now
at Mandarin orange,
rapidly heading to vermillion.
We at airport security are hopeful for a return
to Mother Teresa Blue
with perhaps just a touch of
Mahatma Gandhi white.

Please turn off all electronic devices.
Toshibas, Nokias, Sonys and Blackberries.
and Ipads, and Iphones and aye yi yi'¦
Technology will not save us.

With this announcement, all meditaters
in all terminals throughout California
are being activated.
This is not a test. If it were a test
we would activate Fairfield, Iowa
or Washington, D.C.
[continued]

Homeland security has requested
all those who meditate,
particularly the transcendentalists,
to proceed to their boarding gate
and return to their spiritual practice.

If you have forgotten your mantra, no shame.
Proceed to a white courtesy telephone.

Speak clearly into the phone
Maharishi Mahesh Yogi,
Paramahansa Yogananda,
Thich Nhat Hanh
Shakyamuni Buddha,
or Jai Guru Dev.

A temporary mantra will be issued to you
on a need to know basis. Do not share it.
Your mantra may be dangerous to others.

You who meditate, this is the moment
you have waited for and quietly questioned.
Can a calm and centered community really
hold up things that are falling around them?
What if this stuff doesn't work as advertised?
We'll have the answers soon
as you take to the unfriendly skies...

Once you begin again, do not stop.
Your practice must continue throughout
the boarding process and for the duration
of your flight in this life.

You can do this. We know you can!
Hold up our sky, yours and mine!

Forget your perfect posture
or the cushion you left at home.
Remember Gandhi White.
Remember Mother Teresa blue.

All together now. Three deep breaths.
Inhale Los Angeles, exhale Yellowstone.
Inhale the Gulf of Mexico, exhale Lake Tahoe.
Have a nice day.
Namaste.
- Doug von Koss

[courtesy of one of my zen acquaintances]

I like a line from a woody allen movie, at a party in California you see a guy on a telephone saying, "Hey I forgot my Mantra." haha

"Meditating for any reason other than enlightenment is like eating berries to get blue teeth." Kenneth Folk

I remember Soki Antsuzaki, who was a great Zen master, sitting in his gorgeous golden robes, with incense burning in front of him, and his scriptures open on the stand, and holding a sort of sceptor that Zen masters occasionally hold, and reading a passage from the sutra, then by commment saying, 'Fundamental principle of Buddhism is purposelessness. Most important to attain state of no purpose. When you drop fart, you don't say 'At 9:00, I drop fart.' It just happen.' And all this kind crypto-Christain audience, very embarrassed, stuffing handherchiefs into their mouths.

- Alan Watts

I heard Alan give another talk where he mentioned this story (i think it was the out of your mind series of recorded lectures). When he told it then he mentioned that at first people thought he said "drop thought." Ha!

"it's good to talk about stuff and share our experiences with each other. I mean, hell, think of all the concepts Mr. Buddha layed down -- that dude loved to discuss sh it."

Mike

Hehehe!

www.thereformedbuddhist.com/2010/07/15-t...stern-buddhists.html

-- in case anyone else might find it funny

www.youtube.com/puppetji69

-- particularly for you, Nik

HEheh, I am such a sucker for fart humour. I snortled! Thanks roomy!!!!

thanks Kate, hilarious...

Short Dhamma Story

It was a hardcore course for me. I was sitting like a stone buddha and feeling like I was owning that front row position in the Dhamma hall.

'Gotta impress those new students sitting at the back!'

My back straight and my hands grasping and slowly massaging at my knees as my mind struggled to remain calm, faced with the bubbling shots of sharp pain that had begun to shoot forth from under my knee caps.

'Gotta sit still! Can't move'¦equanimity and awareness muthahumpa'¦I can do this!..Icannndoooothiiiiiisssshiiit!'

Back and forth, I could feel the temptation to just stand up and walk out versus the desire to continue to sit still for the sake of the new students at the back.

In the Dhamma hall, there were 80 odd students; 40 females on one side and 40 odd males on the other. I could feel the tension in the air, so thick and soupy. A mix of sweaty body, no-shower-for-days smell coupled with a vibey sense of 'Get me the hell out of here!'. It was day 6 or 7 of a 10-day course and people were starting to get real ansy. This was my 7th course so my goal was to maintain that revered excellent image of the experienced 'old student'.

'Can't let them new students downnnaaaaaargh!'

My knees felt like they were ripping me a new bumhole. One hour-no moving-strong determination power sits!

'I hate you Goenka! I Hate you!'

80 students! That would make 160 exploding knee caps. I could feel the hall vibrating with that pain. We were well into the hour sit where the mind starts to wish itself out of existence.

'I'm a stone Buddha! I'm a stone BUDDHA! I'M A FRICKNNNNN STONNNNE BUDDHAAAAARG!!!!!'

Suddenly out of nowhere from the back of the hall......

BBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPP ..BRPPP..BRRRRP'¦BRRRP'¦.BRRP!...............BRP.......!!!!.....??????

The longest, most sensual and juiciest fart I'd ever heard creeps out and begins to knock against the meditation walls...in slow motion! Suddenly, my mind, which was struggling to maintain some semblance of equanimity, was the most fully attentive, present and focused it had been all day. It fell immediately on that most inappropriate of noises ever to enter a Dhamma hall. Like a koan, it's effect was potent.....perfectly still. It was like it had been shocked into stillness.

'Someone just farted in the Dhamma hall! SOMEONE JUST FARTED IN THE DHAMMA HALL!!!!!????!!'

The thought got so big, it burst forth as a muffled chuckle.

'Mmmmblhihihihihi..!'

Then from the back of the hall, a wave of giggling erupted. It lasted a couple of seconds as people were reminded of where they were. But it's too late and too contagious.

Hihihiiiihhihiiahahahaohohaohaohohohohihhhihihiiiiii!!!!

People are gagging! I am on the verge of tears and can feel the laughter rising up as a palpable force and energy, from my gut to my mouth...

'BLAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!'

I couldn't hold it in. A first row yogi balling his eyes out in laughter. I managed to bend down in a bow to hide my reaction. The whole hall suddenly bursts out belly laughing. I looked up to see the Dhamma teacher doubled over on the Dhamma seat trying to control himself. All that sweaty exploding knee cap tension just got cut down the middle.

'HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAHAH!!!!'

It was the most liberating thing to ever happen to anyone on that course.

Western Buddhists - www.thereformedbuddhist.com/2010/07/15-t...stern-buddhists.html

Good laugh.