Jigme Sengye's practice journal.

Back to vipassana reporting. I sat very late last night for around 50 minutes. I followed rising and falling of the abdomen and noted pleasant, unpleasant, neutral and thinking. This exercise is much more focused than what the monks had instructed me to do, which helps when done late at night. Apart from leg numbness I can't remember much of the physical sensations, apart from the fact that it was mostly just rising and falling. I had dukha ñana-like content come up in my thoughts. I had anger, dislike and unhappiness and two flavors of wanting to get away (from the sitting and from a work-related situation). I interpret this as misery, disgust, desire for deliverance (might be a review of reobservation), I noted this ugly stuff, it went away, I noted rising and falling, the thoughts came back, etc...I'm a bit detached from it, I don't care about it and I see that it's an uncontrollable (in the anatta sense) craving reaction (craving for venting) to a habitual pet peeve.

Wow again. Thanks for the awesome description. I've heard a bit about Taoist Chi Kung but never really made an effort to look into it. The energy circulation aspects always fascinated me, but the warnings about how you could damage yourself if you did it wrong always scared me off. I took up my current practice and only later found out that it too had those warnings attached to it, so I take them with a little more salt now. But its good to hear feedback from someone's who's been into the Taoist system for a while.

I've been having a little trouble figuring out what is meant by vibrations on this board, but your comparing them to chi flow makes a lot of sense. I will have to watch out for that. Its also interesting that the chi effects are less noticeable immediately after stream entry, something I will keep in mind. : )

And I definitely would agree that having well defined energy patterns helps deal with the dukha, or at least, I've noticed a marked decrease in the pain during meditation since starting the daily chi kung. It's something we'll both have to keep track of as we go along.

Thanks again for the detailed feedback. A lot to think about here.

I did something different last night. I started the session by listening to my recording of a guided meditation on the review stage and the formless jhanas Kenneth led me through this Saturday and just remained in various aspects of the 4th jhana afterwards for some time, there was a fair bit of of going into the 5th and 6th jhanas as part of this latter part. I can't really distinguish the 7 & 8 from the rest. To some extent the 5th does seem clear and I can somewhat notice the return to the center of the 6th, but a lot of it feels like 4th jhana with changes in mental space. I'm fairly new to this way of concentrating (or allowing concentration to develop) and while the instructions are very clear, I don't yet have a clear grasp of the regular, vanilla 4th jhana itself. I did get a clear feeling of equanimity during this part of the meditation that lasted after the sitting.

I think the sitting yesterday morning was about 30 minutes or so, the sitting last night was very late, maybe in the 20 minute range. I sat for maybe 15 minutes this morning. I just sat for an hour (10:20 PM to 11:20 PM). I meant to follow rising and falling and note the rest as thinking, pleasant, unpleasant, neutral. The other sensations were more pronounced. After a few seconds I started swaying gently from side to side. The pulsing sensation became pronounced, I noted and followed that for a while. There were some itching sensations. I may have chosen to notice a wider area of attention (the skin), while the pulsing was still there, the mental state changed and expanded and became more located in mental rather than physical space, I stopped noticing the body, or at least as much, I know at various times breathing sensations would pull me back towards body sense, while this mental state pulled me away from it. I may have gone into 4th jhana or not at that point, I didn't recognize the equanimity aspect of it and if there was a going into the 5th I didn't clearly notice it. There was some staying in that, some going back down the arc, back up, back down (feeling the body due to breathing, swallowing and then feeling the pulsing). I did notice some thoughts at various times. At one point I did notice a clear equanimity and a wider mind state that felt more clearly like 4th jhana. That didn't last, I went back down into what seems like second (the feeling of the pulse) and the pulse sensation intensified. At various points I also got the sense that this sitting had gone on a long time (though I was enjoying it) and the fear that maybe I hadn't set my alarm and had gone over an hour and should get up and check (fear, desire for deliverance), I may have mild disgust at the spinal compression I got from my retreat giving me lower back discomfort and also the sensation of leg numbness. I also had stronger swaying towards the end. (continued)

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I'm sure I'm leaving out some stuff in the post above, as there's a lot going on, but it's also clearer to me than in previous sittings. At the same time, I'm noticing a reduced tendency to note when clear samatha jhana states arise past the 2nd jhana (the 2nd is more vipassana-ish and very easy to note in). I could note, and I do to some extent, but I'm also unsure as to the optimal way to do it. Do I note the mental expansion, the pleasant nature, anything noticeable, the 3 characteristics? Looking back on it, they're quite impermanent, they arise on their own, so they are uncontrollable and I do keep wanting to get into higher ones and flesh them out more, so there is an unsatisfactory nature to them, though maybe I'm imagining that after the fact, there isn't much emotional going on in those states either. What works for people? I'm asking from a vipassana perspective on it.

"I'm fairly new to this way of concentrating (or allowing concentration to develop) and while the instructions are very clear, I don't yet have a clear grasp of the regular, vanilla 4th jhana itself. I did get a clear feeling of equanimity during this part of the meditation that lasted after the sitting."-jigmesengye

Hi JS,

The key to sensing the difference between the 4th jhana and the formless realms (which are a subset of the 4th jhana) is in the name itself. The 4th jhana is a rupa (material or "body") jhana, whereas jhanas 5-8 are arupa (immaterial or "formless" jhanas). In the 4th jhana proper, body sensations predominate. In the formless realms, mental phenomena take center stage.

When the field of attention is panoramic, you are aware of many subtle sensations, the body is amorphous, the skin barrier has disappeared and body sensations feel like sensations floating is space, with no clear shape, you are aware of sounds all around but they do not distract you, the mind does not reach out to any object but stays put while objects present themselves, there is equanimity and a flow of many phenomena coming and going, including subtle vibrations and pulses, there is no particular joy or bliss, and you do not prefer pleasant sensations of unpleasant, you are in the 4th material jhana. Phew, what a mouthful!

"Do I note the mental expansion, the pleasant nature, anything noticeable, the 3 characteristics?"-jigmesengye

You never note the three characteristics. Never, ever, ever. That is just thinking. Note "thinking" instead. Or note "expansion, lightness, softness, vibration, pleasant, unpleasant, hardness, softness, warmth, coolness, pressure, thinking, worrying, planning, boredom, dullness, joy, bliss," etc.

You learn about the 3 characteristics by noting the phenomena as they are, not by evaluating the phenomena. The Insight Knowledges are much deeper than discursive thought; you don't have to think about them at all. Just become interested in the way things change and see whether those changes are continuous or discontinuous. "Incline your mind toward the passing away of objects," as Sayadaw U Kundala says. Reflections about impermanence, etc, are for beginners who are considering beginning vipassana practice. You are way past that stage.

Thanks a lot for both of those replies, Kenneth. That's very useful to know and it's going to get used right away (or more to the point, right now). I know you'd mentioned those 4th jhana instructions to me previously, but seeing it in writing does clarify it. As for impermanence and the other two characteristics, thanks, I'd meant to ask you about that.

I sat this morning for 56 minutes. I had intended to follow rising and falling and note everything else as pleasant, unpleasant, neutral and thinking, but I got caught up in noting the everything else and kept on not noticing rising and falling much. I did get a sense of reflexively noting nearly all the objects that I noticed. I kept on noticing bouts of pleasant pulsing, occasional bits of itching and several instances of swaying. I intentionally inclined the mind towards the passing away of objects several times and noticed the passing away more clearly. I didn't noticeably enter into the 4th jhana or beyond in this sitting, nor was I making any effort to do so or cause specific mental states.

I sat last night for an hour and 9 minutes. It was a muddled, confused session where I deliberately set out to do jhana practice, only noted when I caught a thought (Edit: Noting thoughts is reflexive at this point, I know you're not supposed to not during samatha, though noting thoughts that are distracting does seem useful for getting back to the samatha, I'm curious as to how to go about this.) but couldn't make up my mind if I wanted to make the jhanas happen (or progress up the arc) or if I just wanted to let things happen and recognize them, which is what mostly did, but in a sloppy way.

This morning I did the 4 foundations of mindfulness exercise for about 30 minutes. It felt like reobservation territory (how long can I stay in one ñana during review?). There was lots of impatience and anxiety, wanting to get up, some itching, fear of not having set the alarm properly and being late for work, some mildly pleasant pulsing that I didn't really care for, swaying (which started annoying me, maybe that's the disgust aspect). The unpIeasantness was much more mental than physical. I didn't detect anything like a reset or a fruition. I haven't had sittings like this where the whole thing was repetitive moody patterns (though they do show up and pass away, but come back) for nearly three weeks. Maybe I'm missing some pattern of the progression of the sitting (and I'm writing this at the end of the day, rather than when it happened).

I just did a 51 minute sitting where I noted the strongest sensation. I was very drowsy, so I noted out loud, except the occasional periods when I was noting sensations of the breath or a few times when my mind really wandered off. A few of those instances of wandering into thoughts started when I thought I was going into some jhana state, so I briefly stopped noting out loud, but slipped off into thought instead. I felt the occasional bouts of itches all over the place (Kenneth's whackamole) , the whole body swaying from side to side at times for short periods, occasional mildly pleasant pulsing changing to the circular horizontal vibration (which I'd be tempted to think of as a sign of dissolution) for short periods as well as general "not really there" aspect of my mind in this sitting (though I remember having the sudden reaction during one of these bouts of noting "sleepy" that maybe this was a symptom of dissolution), some recurring unpleasant lower-back pressure and bits of shoulder tension. The impatience was there again at the end as well as the silly persistent "is the alarm set properly?" fear and the urge to get up and check the time (I recognized desire for deliverance) and dislike of how the sitting was going at that point because of the impression I was giving myself that I was distracted by impatience and not really meditating (disgust, though probably the reobservation version of it, since I was getting it along with the impatience, wanting to get up and fear).

I sat for 48 minutes last night (until midnight). I did the 4 foundations out loud except when noting breathing sensations. The sitting started out pleasant, the list of physical sensations was the same as in the previous report, however with an underlying pleasant mental aspect (the complete opposite of the previous sitting), including for the unpleasant physical sensations. During mind states I noted several bouts of "humor". I noted I was quite happy. Towards the end of this sitting I really got into the rising and falling and it was beautifully sweet. This led into a strong sense of joy that I could bask in. I didn't particularly want to get up when the alarm started, the session was too short, which again is the opposite of the desire for deliverance wanting to get up vibe I was intensely feeling at the end of Thursday night's sitting. Neither of these sittings felt attenuated at all. Also, I think on Wednesday night, I started listening to the recording of last Saturday's Skype session with Kenneth to go over the ñanas and the jhanic arc again. He was mentioning fear and how the sensations of the ñanas are attenuated in review. I got exactly the fear he was describing (not for the first time, I've gotten this particular fear a lot and before he ever described it to me) in a big way, to the point that I got up and stopped listening to the recording. If the sensations are necessarily attenuated in the review ñana, then I doubt I'm in review anymore.

I just followed the recording of my Skype session with Kenneth from yesterday where we went over the first four jhanas and examined the closed eye perception of visual and mental strobing in the 4th jhana. I then continued this for some indeterminate amount of time (it seemed long, but also highly concentrated and pleasant). I'm much more concentrated when doing this last exercise than when doing Mahasi style, because I had basically already done this for hundreds of hours prior to starting vipassana practice. It's just that in looking out for the passing away in the strobing of sight and mind I'm looking at a different aspect of what I was looking for before. On Saturday, I slightly misunderstood Kenneth's instructions and was looking at the flickering of the sensations in the visual field. I can now perceive the strobing of the visual field itself, as opposed to just patterns within it. I assume the strobing of the visual field is the flickering of the mind and there's a subtle aspect to this that feels a little bit akin to extremely quick blips of cessations, but I'm not sure. The level of subtlety of this changes depending on how I'm looking at it (up at the 3rd eye, down or forward). Consequently, I tried doing the exercise with eyes open (not something Kenneth had mentioned), it does work, at times better. Keeping the eyes open for a few minutes and then closing them again, and then opening them for a few minutes, and then closing them again provides contrast to make the subtle sensations more obvious. The mental state of this is very easy to maintain for a long period and it's easy to switch between samatha concentration on the strobing and vipassana-style investigation of the strobing.

Note to qigong people reading this: by 3rd eye, I mean the space behind the yintang.
Note to Shinzen Young students, this is like doing Focus on Change on Focus on Blank with additional instructions on where to look.

Another note about last night's sitting, I only ended up trying the exercise with eyes open after my eyes felt tired after a long period of doing it with eyes closed so I opened my eyes to rest them and noticed that the patterns persisted.

I sat for 14 minutes this morning. The contrast that defines the patterns with eyes closed seems to be easier to notice in darkness with the lights off rather than during the day when there's light. It was easier to get into the state. I first noticed some 3rd jhana sensations very briefly when I started sitting, namely side-to-side swaying and light vibratory itching which may correspond to misery. I then ended up in the "dwelling in the space of the head" and "starting to dissociate from the form of the body" mental state which I associate with the 4th jhana. I successfully tried some 5th jhana-like expansion of attention to an expanding, "leading to infinity on the periphery" space of attention for contrast, just to check that I had been in the 4th jhana. I've noticed that there will be a flash of something formless and infinite that I don't have a grasp of and I then instinctively mentally impose a form that is my understanding of the state (which I've noticed after the sittings is only infinity on the right and left sides). There's a bit of sense of return to the center, but I didn't have time to explore that. I really wish I could go back to retreat and flesh out all of these wonderful new abilities.

On one hand, this has been an uneven week for my night practice, I'm still doing it every night and most mornings, but two or three of the night sessions were rather short, and two were a bit over an hour (including tonight). I've entirely been doing jhanas and looking out for strobing, specifically the end of a strobe when in the 4th jhana. I'm now finding it very easy to get into the 4th jhana. I don't really force it, but let myself get there and stay there when I do. I don't stop the progression beyond it, but my grasp of the formless jhanas is somewhat hazy (I made a point of not making a pun there) and usually don't do anything deliberate to cause them. I usually more or less know what's going in the 5th, I have some idea of not having gone back down but "looping" (Kenneth's word is a spot on description) back to the center, and then I have barely any idea what's going after that except that I haven't gone back down. It is getting a bit more fleshed out or accessible as I do more of this sort of practice. As for the 4th jhana proper phases, that's most of what I'm doing. I do tend to occasionally get some brief side-to-side shaking or swaying or very minor itches or hints of dukha ñanas (wanting to get up) that I interpret as 3rd jhana symptoms (and I do tend to feel them at the beginning of the sitting right before the 4th jhana) and I do note these and go back to the head-centered, but bigger than the head mental space of the 4th so I can go on following the strobes.
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I've noticed going into periods of absorption where I noticed that my eyes were pointing downward and I noticed the strobing less and went deeper into the absorbed mental state, especially tonight. Moving the eyes around on the vertical axis does affect the mental state and does cause a contrasting increase in the strobing as I point them up, though I also notice losing track of the strobing and going back into absorption.
I got up after an hour and 8 minutes to stop the alarm and sat and did a few minutes of metta in the 4th jhana, just for fun, mettaing at specific friends. That toned back down on its own into regular 4th jhana.

A long overdue return to journaling. Tonight, I first sat while following a 29-minute recording of my conversation with Kenneth last Saturday in order to go over the right-left movements of the eye while concentrating on strobing. I then took a short break and sat for an hour. At the beginning of both sits, I had very strong right-left swaying, though it was more being pushed to the sides and being held down. In the hour long sitting, this came and went a few times. I also had a return of head movements. I didn't try to induce anything in this session other than playing with the eye posture. After these bodily movements would happen and release allowing me to right myself, I'd check the closed-eye visual field to see if I could see strobing, thus making me notice the eye posture, which at those moments tended to be down. I'd let the eyes go up as I'd investigate first the visual strobing and then tease out the strobing of the mind behind it while trying to find the sweet spot where the staccato of the strobing changed to a wave. I'd get more absorbed at times and the eyes would go back down, etc...It's a cycle and I'm becoming more conscious of it and staying longer in the more investigative aspects. At times I'd notice the side-to-side movements of the eyes along with this.

I sat for 50 or so minutes this morning. It was fairly muddled. I've noticed that I tend to write journal entries about the eventful sittings and not so much about the ones where I wasn't alert and there aren't interesting juicy tangible phenomena to report. I didn't sway this morning, though I felt a side-to-side vibration at the beginning of the session. There was a familiar vertical pulsing sensation, which I think was up the spine, though for some reason the direction and location were a bit ambiguous. I wasn't trying to manipulate anything, but rather trying to see how things would develop. I had some wandering mind that caused some reflexive noting. I also had several very brief bouts of wanting to go back to bed, which felt like desire for deliverance types of mental sensations (I can't say that's what it was). When I remembered to notice the eye posture, I generally found them to be pointing down and noticing this would generally make the eyes point higher and get me into a more investigative mode. I find that triggering the investigative mode takes some sitting to power up, I tend not to go straight into it. I also haven't had something I can identify as a fruition for a while (I don't think I've had any this week), so I have some doubts as to whether I'm still in review. Then again, I haven't resolved to get a fruition lately, either, so it might not mean anything.

Thanks for these detailed reports, Jigme!

My pleasure, Joel. I'm trying to be more consistent in writing and doing so sooner after a practice, so as to not forget what happened and still be able to write about it. Today and yesterday are bad examples. Yesterday morning's brief sitting (a bit less than 30 minutes), was a sleep-deprived exercise in mostly noting thinking and wanting to get up. This morning I sat for 30 minutes and was much more focused. It was mostly noting of physical sensations, which were lots of mild pulsing (a lot of which reversed the normal pattern and went up the front and down the back, I don't know what to make of that, though it would at times go back to the more typical up the back, down the front) and pressure, and noting of thoughts that came up. When I'd think to notice the eye posture, it was generally level and sometimes down, though for some reason it wasn't entirely clear. I'd shift it up and then briefly notice the visual strobing and try to tease out the corresponding more subtle mental strobing, but I didn't find any and the physical sensations reasserted themselves. I generally find it's easier to get in touch with subtle stuff at night rather than in the morning, but then I also normally sit for longer at night.

I just sat for an hour. It immediately started with lots of strong slow swaying side to side, it quickly changed so it was mostly to the right and just pushing me down to the point that I had to push back up with my right elbow (I do manage to keep my sitting posture despite being tipped over). At this point I was noting the physical part of the four foundations. I would do this for a while, notice the eye posture (down), and try to see strobing and look for the sweet spot between the staccato of strobing and a continuous sensation (I'm not sure I found it at any time tonight). Because I was quite sleep-deprived and it took a while for my altertness to power up, I couldn't maintain my attention on the subtle strobing at first (also, it was a slow frequency at first, it's easy to get lulled in that condition), and I'd shift back to physical noting. I finished the four foundations without shifting back to the strobing. The swaying changed, so it was also the swaying and rotation of my head in all sorts of complex patterns. I had pulsing vibrations down the front of the body (and I think also up the back), lower back pain and noticing some pleasant breathing sensations, I had bouts of impatience (I actually got up at the 42 minute mark, wanting to be done with sitting, saw the time and immediately sat back down), small amounts of aversion, craving mental sensations, growing joy, and a small amount of thoughts. Towards the end of the sitting as I sat back down, I got more mental energy, and perceived cycles of switching (and being compelled to switch) between continued brief physical noting and back to the eye posture and the strobing, with the eye focus becoming more evident and the fast strobing showing up towards the end. At that point I was in a concentrated, very still calm state, seeing fast visual strobing, trying to find the sweet spot and trying to notice the right-left movements of the eyes. As it was getting good, the alarm rang.

I just sat for 52 minutes. I started late, so I was drowsy. The whole body swaying didn't happen much, but the head swaying and turning did. It mostly an exercise in noting, and most of it physical sensations. I noted bouts of itching at various parts of the body (at times one, at times several places at the same time). The itches weren't strong enough to make me want to stop and scratch them. I also had lower-back pain sensations, lots pleasant pulsing sensations, drowsiness and wanting to quit sitting and go to bed. I checked on the posture of the eyes of the quite a few times and tried following the strobing, which would usually make me drift off due to drowsiness. That did work out at the end of the sitting, as I got into a more focused still state and the rhythm and intensity of the visual strobing powered up and was much easier to follow without going off into some hypnagogic half-asleep state. There was an effect at various points where my eyes wanted to point higher and higher along with a sort of swaying of the eyes from side to side that I was able to follow at times. I was not able to tease out any sort of strobing of the mind to go with the visuals.

Tonight I sat for 35 minutes. Lately, the moment I sit, my head starts doing crazy rotation motions. I was trying to note out loud and it was mostly head swaying, itching, first in specific spots and then all over and unpleasant and aversion towards the itching (it's still itching!), impatience and some other minor physical sensations. It's hard to note out loud when your head wants to go right left, up, down, back (with chin all the way up) and various forms and sideways, nearly non-stop. It does one pattern, stops for a second, does another pattern, stops for a second, etc...

I sat for an hour. Lots and lots of swaying. Since I'm sitting late and it's hard to note out loud when your body is doing all sorts of complex involuntary contortions, my mind wandered quite a bit. On the other hand, it's also hard not to notice what's going on in the present moment when making endless involuntary contortions. My mind was mostly calm and pleasant with some anticipation. There were a few bouts of pleasant pressure building at the third eye, a pull towards the visual sense, and flowing into the third eye and past it to somewhere deeper inside the head. The swaying would then reassert itself. On a few occasions instead of swaying, there was a strong push that would completely straighten the spine, making me straighten out as much as possible (sometimes tilting my chin up, sometimes not). The opposite would also happen, as my head got pushed down to the floor a few times, completely curling the spine forward (I think at one point it completely unfurled from that lowest point and completely straightened out). There was a bit of itching and not much sense of vibrations besides for those episodes of third eye attention.

I sat for a little over 50 minutes this morning. It was very similar to last night, except that there were fewer cycles of being drawn to the 3rd eye and for even shorter periods. The swaying motions were also tighter. I was still mentally scattered and drowsy.