Being and stillness

Over the last few weeks I've been living with the sensation that I am dying. Ten days ago, I lay down on my bed. My heart began to hum and whir, followed then by my throat, and then my third eye until all was humming and whirring simultaneously along with exploding and ongoing fruitions. I did not resist or attempt to investigate or add or take anything to the event. I just observed the phenomenon. The whole thing lasted about ten minutes. My following sit was one of profound relaxedness with no movement at all. This was then followed by a number of lucid dreams over a couple of nights in which I allowed and did not resist events to happen even though I perceived them to be threatening my life, eg, I allowed myself be attacked and devoured by a giant snake and also to drive off a cliff in my car. I could actually feel my physical body relax during the critical life threatening moments in the dreams. A few days ago, I was watching my soccer team play in the semi finals of the European Cup. They were losing. I suddenly noticed the tension created in the body by '˜wishing,' - by projecting an outcome into the future. Immediately, my whole body relaxed 'by itself,' everything came to a halt and I was just looking. (cont'd)

This was a key moment. Since then I've been noticing how '˜movement of mind' induces tension in the body. Sitting now, I am just practicing doing nothing at all. '˜Looking for something,' in the mind comes to a halt, 'attempting to attain to something in the mind' comes to a halt. All tension goes out of the body. What is left is spontaneous movement of energy both in the body and in the mind 'occuring by themselves' but I am '˜not that.' I am perfectly still, unmoved, profoundly perfected in a way. I used to think I had to move and do something to find what I was looking for and now I find there is nowhere to go and nothing to do. '˜I am,' here. Now, I find I am doing it, or should I say, it is occurring naturally during the day, spontaneously arising in all sorts of situations, most joyfully, it arises in situations that appear 'emotionally charged,' situations that previously would have ended messily. Now there is a vast wealth of possibility to help the other as well as myself move harmoniously through the moment-moment to moment.
Paul