Moshe's Practice Notes

Is this the right place to post this? Hope so.

Anyway, hello to everyone, I've been a frequent observer of this board since I met Kenneth about 5 months ago. I truly appreciate all of the discussions and posts on this site, which have drastically helped my practice and my life outside of practice as well.
I'm a 22 year old college student, and I've been meditating fairly regularly for a little over a year. I'd love get more feedback on my practice, and hopefully help others with whatever I can. My summer is pretty open, so I'll have a lot more time to practice as well as to post here. My recent progress has been inspiring me to connect with other yogis.
In my next post I will give a report of a 10-day Goenka retreat, which ended three days ago..

Before the Vipassana retreat I had been deep in dark knight for about 3 months.

Retreat notes:
During the first two days of samadhi practice, I was able to collect myself to some extent. On the third day, however, Goenka introduced his technique, which threw me into a state of confused helplessness, which lasted a couple days. These were the hardest and worst days of my life. I wish I had known in advance, the teaching structure of the 10 days, because it is entirely intended for pre-A&P yogis. He told us to bring our awareness to the top of the head and slowly move down through each part of the body until we can feel sensations everywhere. We were instructed to 'sweep and moss' or go 'part-by-part'. This proved to be counterproductive because I am used to noting everything'“ not manipulating my experience. I would remain on certain parts until they intensified to an unbearable intense pain (two days later, he explained that we shouldn't stay on them for over a minute or two) (As a side note, towards the end of the retreat there was an intense pressure as if something was squeezing the top of my nose, which interestingly enough, my friend also reported. This pressure has now moved up to the area above my eyes, as if my eyes are trying to push something upwards.) Anyway, I didn't know how to handle these sankaras, or gross solid hot spots. I didn't realize that I need to have complete body dissolution in order to progress through the nanas and jhanas, but Goenka says so?

On the sixth day, I decided to switch to just noting body sensations, which immediately jump started my progress. There came a point when my entire body was a solid brick of pain, but in an instant I let go entirely, and a voice arose saying 'This is not your pain, this is the pain of the world, do you wish to hold it?' I complied, slightly in fear of the alternative, but mostly because I felt I had the responsibility to 'hold it'. Then the voice said 'you may now enter the gates of equanimity' and a pulsing energy burst up from my solar plexus to the point roughly between my eyebrows. I was then separate from my body, but still aware of its existence'“ it was a very blissful feeling. After about 10 seconds, I consciously descended back into my physical body, and the pain returned a couple hours later. During that day and the next I was not particularly equanimous, and I was frustrated that my mind was playing tricks on me. However, on the 8th day, I remember sitting outside witnessing sounds, sights, sensations, feelings, thoughts, arise and pass away, and I experienced a tranquility that I haven't had in months. With the remaining time on the retreat, my equanimity developed, and I was able to sit and be OK with anything that arose. I now understand how equanimity develops and builds upon itself when I don't react to sensations, or to anything really. It's now four days after the retreat, and I feel incredibly content with life. Are there any tell-tale signs for equanimity? And is it a gradual or sudden transition?
My concentration has been very poor recently. It's unclear whether I should be noting body sensations, feelings, or thoughts, or developing my poor concentration via breath/kasina.
Any thoughts/suggestions would be much appreciated.

Hi Moshe.
Congratulations on completing the Goenka retreat. Sounds like it was both challenging/frustrating and rewarding. I'll let more advanced yogis chime in on your questions. Anyway, best of luck with your practice!
Joel

Hi Moshe,

Great report.. Were you sitting in Hatzeva? Your name is a bit of a giveaway on your location, but I could be wrong
I'd also love to hear how were you practicing before this retreat.
Others here also have some background with the Goenka tradition and would probably chime in with some suggestions / helpful advice.

Thanks Joel and Yadid.
Yadid- I was born in Israel, but have spent most of my life in Boston, Massachusetts.
Before the retreat I was doing 1-2 hours of samadhi/vipassana daily. For about three months I experienced intense dark night symptoms, such as intense chest/throat contractions, and face grimacing. I was also extremely depressed for no apparent reason in my daily life. After the retreat, the contractions still occur occasionally in my sits, however I'm completely dis-embedded from them, and they only last moments, as if I'm quickly passing through that territory.
Today's sit: for the first 15 minutes I would get deeply embedded in thoughts, but this didn't bother me at all. I then switched to noting body sensations, which began arising and passing too quickly for me to mentally note them. At this point I usually switch to noting the most predominant "essence" of my experience (sensations, feelings, thoughts) akin to Kenneth's "see how it...". This morning I experienced a lot of tightness in my chest, tiredness, absent mindedness, and towards the end was very calm, slightly drifting off into thoughts. Lately, my life have been very joyful and sociable, and my practice seems to be falling back, or almost pointless. I think I need to work on concentration. I'm still confused about how to relate Goenka's practice to noting practice.

I've done several Goenka retreats and have practiced that for about 4 years but since I discovered noting I don't scan the body anymore during my formal practice (awareness of body sensations is still helpful), I simply sit and start noting, or start with staring at a kasina for a few minutes and then start noting. I find that noting develops concentration very fast and helps me progress through the nyanas, whether I'm aware at which nyana I am currently or not.
I know this is easier said than done and when you can note that you will, but I found it very helpful to know that I'm supposed to note *everything*, that includes the sensations of searching for something to note, doubts on whether I'm doing this right or whether I should do it like this or like that, those are great objects
for noting.

In my opnion and experince, The Goenka/U Ba Khin method gets you to stages where you are aware of the subtlest of vibrations/sensations within the body. Wherever you place attention in the body, there are vibrations. I stopped doing the sweeping a long time ago, and began focusing on the heart area for long stretches. Then 2 years ago stumbled across Daniel Ingram's book and started using the Mahasi technique along with being aware of the subtlest of sensations. That's how I coupled it. Say I'd be aware of anger arising , I am able to note "anger, anger" and at the same time am able to become aware of the sensation that the mind is reacting to and can note "unpleasant" or "agitation". I never really swept up and down the body with it. Go with what you feel comfortable with. IF it is Mahasi, all the better in my opinion. Forgive the bias but it was much more effective in disembedding from phenomena than just watching it and trying to be equanimous with it. .

Yadid and Nikolai, your comments are much appreciated and reassuring. Noting is no doubt the way to go. Limiting my awareness to the body not only confused me, but I think hindered my progress somehow.
This morning I decided to focus on the breath for 40 minutes, which proved to be very beneficial. Doing so, enabled phenomena to arise more naturally and I accessed at least two distinct jhanas. . It's similar to the way I treat my cat; the less attention I give her, the more attention she gives me. Recently, with noting, I've been too aversive and attached to my experiences. As I remained with the breath this morning, I felt I could really let go of everything else and observe things without aversion or craving.
I'm realizing more and more what Kenneth has been saying all along, that Westerners really need to work on concentration, since it's our natural tendency to investigate our experiences.

Hmm...
What do you mean that with noting you've been too aversive and attached to experiences?
I think that by noting out the aversion and attachment you are becoming free of them, dis-embedded, because craving and aversion arise and pass just like any other phenomena and should be treated in that way.

What I meant was that maybe I currently lack the capacity to note my aversions and cravings, so sticking to basic concentration, via breath, feels like my best bet right now. I'm just taking a break from noting, until I'm more grounded. I suppose the main problems I have with noting right now, is that either 1. I lack an adequate vocabulary to identify a lot of my experiences (in which case I should be developing my work bank, or noting "confusion"), or 2. Phenomena arise and pass away so rapidly that I often feel like I'm grasping on to certain things, while I should be letting them pass by, which subsequently slows down or interferes with the natural flow. I'm definitely a noting enthusiast, and will get back to it soon enough, when I feel my basic concentration is more solid.
Thanks Yadid!

Sure, Moshe.
I just had a nice video-skype chat with Kenneth and we discussed noting and some of the issues you're raising here (accuracy of noting - vocabulary, being unable to note 'it all', etc).
I really recommend that you get in touch with Kenneth (Skype is the best way. Feels like Kenneth is sitting on your desk in front of you). He can certainly help you with your practice and the issues you've mentioned here.

By the way, how did you come across this forum? I'm intrigued.

This morning I got back into noting. First 15 minutes- noted primarily body sensations, then thoughts and feelings started to arise. My ability to objectify these is greatly increasing . I'm finding that "letting go" of them helps a lot. Whenever 'm getting stuck on certain phenomena, I simply let go of it, and something else arises. This morning, I had a genuine sense of no-self. I understood that the phenomena that make up my experience, is kundalini energy manifesting itself in various forms. The more I let go, with awareness and equanimity, the more it does its thing! There was a point this morning, where it seemed as if I was having a stream of thoughts, thousands per second. Emotions tend to stick around longer. For example, tiredness will arise, and I'll say "cool, this is what tiredness feels like", and after I've investigated it enough, something else arises. I hope I can maintain this fun, lighthearted attitude towards practice, which I usually struggle with.
Thanks again Yadid, and Nikolai, for your help.
Yadid- I came across this forum after I met Kenneth in December. I feel very fortunate to be part of this community and practice.

That's cool.
Where did you two meet?

Hey man always good to see another young Yogi around here. Well its hard for me to give you concrete advice. I played around with noting but used mostly Goenka like body scan with special attention to the 3 characteristics not just impermanence. That got me a long way. On my most recent retreat on day six I just went strait to noting and found it very productive. But now that I feel comfortable with my progress I have been doing scanning in daily life cause its just easier/less involved... I dunno man talking to Kenneth would be great. A few simple things that helped me... Try to not judge your experience too much. I know its hard but It is whatever it is. Its all material for awakening. Whether you are sitting like a buddha statue with sick samadi or restless with a wandering mind both of these situations are opportunities for dis-embedding and thus enlightenment.

Much love,

Clayton

Yadid- we met at the Isabella Freedman Center in Connecticut.
Thanks for the advice Clayton, I often forget that "it's all material for awakening"! I should have mentioned that I corresponded with Kenneth about a month ago.

These past couple of days I've been paying very close attention to my progress. In daily life I've been feeling real steady and grounded, more so than ever. My sits have been more dynamic, and I can sometimes feel myself backsliding into being embedded in "my pain" "my fear" "my worry". However, my ability to sit back and observe or note is noticeably increasing. Yesterday I was in a hard jhana, which was quite pleasant, but took an immense amount of concentration to stay in. I definitely need to start kasina practice again.
I've also been experiencing something, mostly in sits, but sometimes in daily life, where my upper chest/throat contracts and retains the breath for about 10 seconds and as it releases, there is a surge of energy pulsing from my heart area that seems to permeate a warmth throughout my face and head. It feels like blood or oxygen is being pumped up there. This started at the Goenka retreat a couple weeks ago.
Well, I don't have any pressing questions at this point; just need to continue to practice...