Dwelling as a witness and crossing A&P questions

Hi,
First of all I find the information presented on this site very valuable, thank you for this and keep at it.
I recently did a 7-day self-retreat and these are the things that I wanted to ask:

1. While doing continuous noting (1st gear) I would find myself in a state where very little mental activity is left, only rare single thought to be noted from time to time. I remembered what Kenneth writes about dwelling as a witness and started to inquire Who AM i? After some minutes, when it seemed that very little sense of self can be felt, a strong fear arose and my heart started to pump like crazy. It was really intense, I thought I was going to have a heart-attack and opened my eyes. Next day tried again and similar thing happened. Had someone experienced something similar or know is it dangerous?

2. On the end of this retreat I felt somewhat disappointed, because I think I spent most of the time in 3 characteristics stage. In my meditation experience I crossed A&P two times by deconstructing stable solidified pain in my knee by seeing the end of every pulse. On this retreat to my disappointment sensations were flowing freely through it and the only pain I had was in my back, which was never stable. As soon as I deconstructed it in one place, it just moved to the lower back or to another side or upper back. How should I penetrate the object which is unstable and the mind does not seem to get that it is impermanent? Deconstructing pain is the only way I know to cross A&P, can somebody advice other ways?

3. Is it possible to proceed trough insight stages without noticable A&P event, just dissolving all solidity gradually instead of one big event of dissolution?

Hello D.Y.,

Just a few quick notes, based on my opinion...

- If practicing self-enquiry (Who am I?) is leading to an anxious, fearful reaction, you may want to stick to noting for now. There's no reason to bring yourself unnecessary stress. You can go back to this practice later.

- The whole point of noting is to note what is happening in your experience right now. You don't have to wait for a certain kind of persistent pain to penetrate an object. If you are unable to notice a more subtle level of impermanence (vibratory sensations), then stick to the rise and fall of your belly, or the touch of the breath on your nostrils and it comes and goes. Simply pay attention to the coming and going, the rising and falling. As concentration builds naturally, you will become more aware of the more subtle phenomena that is usually unavailable to you.

Whatever is presenting itself to your awareness is what needs to be noticed. This moment, right now, is the door, to the door, to the door, etc.

I hope you will keep us posted.
Jackson

To answer number 2, I can get across the A&P fairly reliably using a Kasina. I feel that really opened up the practice for me and gave me a feel for it. It is much easier now than it used to be to develop concentration on the breath, begin noting and have the same sensations arise.

Yesterday after posting this I started to feel so much activity at the top of the head, so I went to sit, but could not meditate at all. As soon as I sat down, It seemed like energy wanted to break through the top, but couldn't. There were such wild energy waves throughout the body. I used to do some body scanning during my retreat, but now these waves were uncontrollable. I remembered reading this post in another forum. Here is the link
www.dharmaoverground.org/web/guest/discu...oards/message/594204 .
My experience was exactly the same. There people are insisting that these are dark night symptoms, but how can it be if the energy is collected at the crown, not breaking through. It's obviuosly early A&P, isnt't it?

When I tried to switch to anapana concentration, there appeared much pressure in the third eye area, I could not concentrate at all and went to rest, waking up all night long due to these waves.

This morning things are calmed down, I was able to do normal scanning and noting. I feel like back in 3C.

I will certainly try kasinas, thank you for advice mumuwu. I spent too much time with Goenka's practice without understanding that my sloppy daily meditation is due to insufficient concentration. I did not know about jhanas, nanas, etc. I hope noting and other practices will get me through.

Hello D.Y,
Thank you for your post. There is much wisdom and insight to be offered you here as there are many advanced yogi's who can help you. Jackson for one is awesome. I thought I might suggest something to you as well because my path has had quite turbulant kundalini episodes and energy movements. So, for what it's worth....Where ever you feel pressure, you may concentrate there, deliberately releasing pressure on the out breath. If you imagine for example somebody has gripped your arm quite tightly and they release the pressure softly, this is similar the the 'knot' of energy that you are holding in your body...it's yours, and the outbreath relaxation can help release it. I generally tend to follow where ever the energy blocks point, ie, I let the kundalini do it for me. Concentration and insight are paramount however, you must watch very carefully for subtle movements and lean into them. Sometimes I find however that focusing on a pressure spot in the brain only makes things worse so I then return to another powerhouse practice...the heart. The heart apparantly, through a series of specilialized nerves connected to the fore, mid and hind brain, is able to calm the brain. I choose an image of tranquility, normally a sitting buddha, to place imaginatively in the heart area and I breath through it. If you cultivate this, it is amazing how the tension in the head releases all by itself. I personally would not suggest the "I am" sense for you at the moment...things appear too tumultuous. Also, don't worry so much about where you may be or what anything is supposed to or could be...in the end the fact that you have strong intention, powerful curiousity and discipline to sit will reveal to you where you are in good time...every now and then it becomes very clear where you are. When caught in these energy fluctuations, it is more a hindrance than a help to try to figure things out. Hope this helps.
Paul

I just wanted to report that I was able to overcome my energy turbulances by breathing in loving kindness, spreading it from the heart through the body and then generating to the world. The pressures and tensions turned into heat and connected to the crown.

I always kept in mind the line that pre-4th nana yogis must penetrate solid objects with consistency and effort and I was striving no matter what. Treating my body in a more loving way saves from unnecessary suffering.

What a great advice it was Paul!