A bit of Progress

I've had trouble since second path keeping any journal at all, so this is a change of colour for me. I've grown very quiet. I find it difficult relating to most conversations that occur both in my daily life and also here on this forum. I noticed Nic said he felt very aloof...my wife tells me I have lost my joy, but I respond by saying I feel neither joy nor joyless. I don't seem to be able to coax my body into any kind of urgency or my mind for that matter. I find though I'm more appreciative of life and others though and how frictioin appears in relationship which is helpful. From time to time I feel overwhelmed with gratitude and I am moved deeply by the simple endevours of humanity and people whether they are baking a cake or leading a nation. When I am sitting I don't really know where I am or where I'm at. The current state is not the dark spaciousness of the void, or the panoramic expansiveness of infinite consciousness nor is it like the experience of nothingness where there is no vast, just nothing. This state is translucent, deft, infinitely light without any sense that I can convey, its elusive, delicate, without mass or dimension, it's just beautiful. In the meantime, when I drop out of it, it appears I'm in equanimity as three-d imagery has appeared again. During the day, all aspects topsy turvy of A&P and dark night come and go in no particular order like the bats that fly up from the valley at dusk. Hope you are all doing well and staying safe. It's odd really, I feel a burgeoning love for things and yet at the same time I feel I am dying.
Paul

Very cool entry Paul. Very interesting. Your journey is most fascinating. Thanks for sharing!

Adam.

This is a beautifully written description. Have you ever encountered Franklin Merrell-Wolf's account of his unexpected SECOND awakening, what he called 'High Indifference'? This brought it to mind, somehow...

"This is a beautifully written description. Have you ever encountered Franklin Merrell-Wolf's account of his unexpected SECOND awakening, what he called 'High Indifference'? This brought it to mind, somehow... "

Hi Cartago,

Yeh, I felt aloof for a number of weeks after what i think was a fruition which may or may not have been 3rd path. I don't remember exactly when the transition occurred. But I felt quite aloof and I remember telling Kenneth. He asked me if I was aloof towards my loved ones and to tell you the truth I was never aloof towards anyone that it was detrimental to the relationship. it was more of an aloofness to what was going on inside my mind and body. I felt above all the pleasantness and unpleasantness. But when i interacted with my fiancee, it was with a full attention towards her, and full engagement. I didn't feel aloof towards her at all. I felt more connected and engaged. Now this past week or so, the aloofness has been replaced by a peace of mind.. It is slightly different. It is more peaceful and "happy". Just an extreme calm mind which seems to not get ruffled by anything. It is amazing but at the same time, I am not gasping in amazement, as it is kind of...progress...meh! Hahaha! You gotta love what is happening to us all.

P.S. What you said about feeling a burgeoning love arising for all things...I sense this too. I also relate to this:

"All aspects topsy turvy of A&P and dark night come and go in no particular order like the bats that fly up from the valley at dusk". I am starting to really see that I am still happy in heaven AND in hell.

Hi Paul,

Would you say that what you are experiencing is the "no-dog," aka the Witness? If so, it is, as you know, a developmental phase that will eventually pass. It can be very seductive, though, and it is not uncommon for people to mistake it for enlightenment at least for awhile. I remember overdoing it at times, trying to stay in the no-dog perspective during family dinners because I didn't want to feel the pain and awkwardness of the interactions. But it can cause problems in interpersonal relationships and it is better to let it down and return to the personal perspective when spending time with loved ones than to appear aloof to them.

In time, the Witness softens and gives way to a more integrative perspective that combines the intimacy of the personal perspective with the wisdom of the transpersonal. But even then, there is no one perspective that is preferred over any other; often the best thing to do is to dive fully into the personal perspective, be a goofball with your wife and kids and take a chance on getting hurt. All of your life is worth taking on its own terms, even when it leads to pain; because the alternative is simply to miss out on your life.

"If you can fall off of it, it isn't big enough." -Surya Das

Don't hold onto anything. Be willing to fall off of anything that can be fallen off of. When free-fall is home, unpack your bags.

Karuna,

Kenneth

Hi all,
Thank you all for your replies. Sorry I didn't respond earlier, I've been away visiting family and had a great time. Roomy, I shall try to find Franklin Merrell-Wolf. Yes, Kenneth, I've re-read the strawman model, aka, witness, and this definitely fits my current experience to a tee. And thank you for the advice on remaining 'human,' I'm beginning to enjoy it more and more.
paul

I can defiantly relate to what you are writing. It was at its most acute for me (so far) during late 1st path... I felt like an alien walking around... Kenneth's advice seems right on the money...