richard's practice notes

Hello everyone,

I had a session with Kenneth few days ago and he suggested I start a thread with my practice notes.
But first a brief introduction to myself. I have been meditating for 11 years - a wide variety of concentrating practices - (metta, visualization, mantra, anapanasati) and various styles on insight practices (vipassana, self-inquiry, dzogchen, analysing the elements in terms of the skandhas). The last three years I have done pure formelss practice (3rd gear) and self inquiry (2nd gear). Have been to a variety of advaita and zen teachers. Was put onto MTCTB six months ago, and found my way here. I was particularly inspired by Daniel's total practice approach on retreat which I have applied ona couple of ten day retreats this year with a sense my practice has gone up a level.

I think I'm first and possibly second path - talked this over with Kenneth who seemed unsure - one of the difficulties in being clear is, I think, I was doing zen type practice at the time and was basically just ignoring the objects of awareness and trying not to get attached to anything so most of the time I didn't actually know what was happening and didn't have the language to describe it. Anyway I'm sure time will tell - and if I have been deluded this last three years better I find out now!

I found the session with Kenneth very useful. He took me through the first three vipassana jhanas. Frankly I am amazed by how precise and reproducible this can be, and that the stages can be mapped not just on the basis of their content, but also by what preceds and comes after. In just a few sits the last few days the maps have come vividly to life.

Hi Richard.
Welcome to the forum. I can really relate to what you're saying, having started with a Zen-type approach. I'm looking forward to seeing more of your posts!
Best regards,
Joel

Richard, it's great to see another experienced yogi on here. I'm thinking you'll get the hang of where you're at after a few sittings with all this stuff in mind as well as with some detailed, non-speculative journal entries (check out Ron or Mike's journals for some really good examples).

Because of your previous practice I think you make very quick progress!

Best of luck!

So to business.
I don't generally take an object of concentration but just sit until concentration gathers.

after a few moments: momentary pulsing in thoat, then a sense of anticpation and excitement - pulsing energy on torso - flickering in eyes - a sense of restraint around the eyes - (M&B/1st Jhana?)

then sense that concentration is destabilising- vibrations jerky and ragged, sense of instability in posture (Cause & Effect?), neck and shoulder pain (3 characteristics?) -

vibrations speed up and then out into waves, tension in eyes drops, sense of ease, eyes drop naturally down, softer focus in front of body to around the top part of the chest, bright light behind the eyes (A&P/2nd jhana)

i think I missed the movement into dissolution/ 3rd jhana - then concentration appeared to fragment again - lasted about ten minutes - sense of frustration, as if practice getting away from me, thoughts: ''i hate this'' ''what's the point?'' itching, pulsing and twitching in legs, focus of awareness 180 degrees in front, missing sense of centre, sense of a struggle of something needing to be resolved (duhhka nanas?)

gathering of sensation at third eye, then vibrations smoothed out, panoramic awareness, balance, pose, space, joy, ease. light - began self inquiry - what knows? what knows peace? what knows space? tried to attend particularly to flickering and movement at the edge of awareness - sense of panoramic awareness expanded, feeling of going through a doorway to a new state of being (5th jhana?)stayed in this for rest of sit.

sit 2 (29th July 50 mins)
was quite concentrated when sat down (possibly already in 1st nana or went through it so quickly I hardly noticed?)
itching, headache, tightness in thoat, ragged, pulsing vibrations (2nd & 3rd nana)
release of eyes tension, smoothing of vibrations into waves, ease and happiness, feeling of depth and silence (4th nana)
this time noticed transition from 4th to 5th nana - definite refinement of energy, a cooling, very fine cool sensations on arms and thighs, broadening of awareness to whole 180 degrees in front
then fragmentatin again - surge of fear in belly (6th nana) neck and back pain, twitching legs, frustration, wanting to get up and walk away (re-observation?) - didn't last too long
ease, peace, light, panoramic awareness, (equanimity) inquired: what knows this? what knows space? what knows light? rested awareness on sensation of space and tried to detect vibratory quality
expansion of panoramic awareness out into space , sense of going through to new level(5th jhana?)
inquired: what knows this space? sense of awareness focussing back in front of eyes from periphery and then behind head(6th jhana?) - still feel rather uncertain about these last two stages - continued inquiry: quite zennish - what does not happen? what is not born? - then at some point a deep spontaneous breath and a profound inexplicable relaxation through the body mind (fruition?)

Phew!
After writing all this one thing comes to mind - the problem of suggestibility - I've been reading about these stages with enthusiasm and interest for a couple of weeks - and boing! here they are. I wonder if there's anyway to watch out for this - creating the experience to fit the map - i guess non-manipulation of experience is the key. This is of particular interest to me in terms of fruitions and review. I'm fairly sure i expereince fruitions (which maybe are bit more ineffable as they're more likely to come through the emptiness door (as I'm doing self inquiry mainly) but I'm uncertain about trying to resolve to get them. Best I think to just keep watching and noticing whatevers going on.
Also wondering if sense of transitioning from 4th to 5th jhana could actually be just locking in to the 4th? Any thoughts anyone? And thank you for the kind welcomes I have already received.

Just keep doing it over and over again!

It'll make sense. At this point, it would be best to simply note the phenomenon you are experiencing and then allow someone like Kenneth to use that as a diagnosis. It sounds like you are calling things right, but it is also good that you are aware of the dangers of scripting. If you can report the bare sensate experience without the speculation and do that for long enough, it'll will become clear where you are at to both yourself and others. Also, try to keep a beginners mind and let things unfold as naturally as possible.

All the same, it's very exciting to see these things and it must be a huge boost in your confidence to see some of these strata unfold as they should.

Take care!

Hey Richard, I would like to cordially welcome you to KFD... this is a great community which has facilitated the progress of myself and many yogis... no matter where you might be on the path, you found the right place...

Clayton

31/7 45 mins

pulsing temples, pulsing lower back & abdomen, slight sense of constriction at eyes, sensations smoothed out somewhat
then vibrations bigger, more solid seeming with more identifiable endings and beginnings
smoothed out again into waves, eye focus fell to front of quest, sense of fullness
then quickly to cooling down, actual sensation of coolness on arms, falling back of awareness to include everything in front of body, things breaking down into fine, cool particles - very intense almost so pleasurable it was painful
spread from arms to sides of chest, actually felt cold, centre missing, much more activity at periphery
this continued for a until the end of the sit
periodic sense of frustration that would not move on, but determined not to try and manipulate it, desire to get up from sit by the end though generally sense of interest and inquiry persisted

question: i think most of the last part of the sit was dissolution with possible forays forward into the dukkha nana -
am wondering about those mind strata that have both a concentration jhana and a vipassana aspect - like dissolution - are they always both co-present, or do they sometimes shift from one tendency to the other, calling attention to different aspects of the strata?

50 mins
pulsing lower back & lower belly, /pulsing aching around base of neck, itch (can't remember where now) pulsing flickering eye-lids
then rapture and joy, subtle tension still on eye-lids - sense of wholeness in awareness of body, feeling of arms distinct from body
then sense of wholeness dissipated
then returned but with deeper sense of ease and peace, smooth flowing waves, pulse of white light filling whole visual field, relaxation of eye-tension, visual field lowered and widened
then the fullness of the waves and pulses thinned out and refinement of energy, sense of periphery more marked,
then subtle sense of struggle which resolved itself into
sense of stability and ease, feeling of awareness field filling in behind me to become panoramic, increase in light, (employed self inquiry - what knows? where is the knower?/ rested awareness at sense doors particularly sound and sensation)
feeling like a deep long pulse and sense of space expanded naturally out from the centre, awareness of body much less marked - meditation seemed to be more focused in head, face area (inquired what knows space/rested in bare attention)
then another deep long pulse - difference between centre and edges almost disappeared - sense of luminosity in front of eyes, meditation seemed very focussed in head area, particularly in between eyes, very little awareness of body
found myself craving next stage here so resolved to do nothing and sit with bare awareness
after a while aware of increased mental activity and subtle thoughts
return of sense of the body (phrase 'return of the material' came into my mind) & and increased vibratory activity
loss of panoramic awareness, periphery active, centre missing
then fullness and light, and vibrations became waves, though 'heavier' and denser than preceding vibrations
thick, heavy pulses and aches, itching
finished

Excellent report Richard. This is how you get it done!

Awesome.

"question: i think most of the last part of the sit was dissolution with possible forays forward into the dukkha nana -
am wondering about those mind strata that have both a concentration jhana and a vipassana aspect - like dissolution - are they always both co-present, or do they sometimes shift from one tendency to the other, calling attention to different aspects of the strata? "

"As ñanas are jhanas, they can be lined up alongside the traditional pure concentration jhanas in order to better understand the territory. As the yogi develops the mind through insight and concentration, he is moving through a series of layers, or strata, of mind. Each layer has its own characteristics and contains within it the blueprint for a particular insight. The first ñana, for example, corresponds to the first jhana. That is, the stratum of mind being accessed is the same. To access that stratum with pure concentration results in the first jhana, a highly concentrated and pleasant absorption of mind. To access that same stratum using the investigative technique of vipassana results in the first insight knowledge, Knowledge of Mind and Body. Below is a list of all 16 ñanas, along with their corresponding jhanas:"

kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/page/Jhana+and+%C3%91ana

thanks mumuwu - that's very helpful!

40 mins
lost in thoughts - discreet aches around base of skull -
increase in pleasure - body experienced more as one - arms distinct - happiness
aches for a few seconds
smoothing out again - thoughts about categories - relaxed eyes - focus widened to included chest area -
quickly on - much more distinct awareness of arms - cool tingling - whole body available to awareness - focus 180 degrees in front
aches and pains
then ease and peace - whole body still available to awareness - feelings of cold (objectively the room was very cold!)
content to be in this state
brief period of frustration - wanting to give up
then back to contentment
then sense of peace and ease - though body sensations still available - 360 degree awareness - feelings of cold, shivering -
then deep spontaneous in breath and spontaneous yawning - deep contentment and relaxation spreading through whole body - profound sense of letting go - yawning continued for several minutes
end

1 hr
had been experiencing fear and anxiety quite strongly since previous day and just before sit
noted
itching which moved around different parts of body, unpleasantness, aversion, intensity, suicidal thoughts, lost in thoughts, lost track of noting, sense of interest, tickling throat, very strong aversion, desire to get away, periphery available, centre missing, unpleasant aversive character to vibration- went on for about twenty minutes
vibrations brighter and more pleasant, panoramic awareness, body sensations still available, sense of ease and arrival, but still some unpleasantness - spacing out
fell back into previous chaotic vibrations
picked up noting again - sound, pulsing, light, space, investigation, sense of ease stabilised, and became more more refined and brighter, much less sense of body - rested awareness on light on back of eyelids - inquired what knows this? where is the knower?
awareness spread out to include periphery, sense of space with lack of edges - inquired - what knows this?
then luminosity in front of eyes - centre and edges non-distinct - inquiry increasingly subtle, almost subliminal/non-verbal - almost no sense of body
instinctively inquiry became 'not this, not this'
sense of looking away from sense objects, and of luminosity being dampened down somehow, eyes very relaxed (somehow turning to each other? - not sure if I scripted this detail!) - state quite unstable - almost any inquiry felt very threatening to it
then luminosity returned, bright vastness returned, still very little body
increasing awareness of body
end