What'sMax's practice notes!

Hi everybody

Kenneth said to me to keep him posted so here I will report my experiences during practice.

I should mention that i was lazy in english so please forgive me my poor skills. I will try my best:

I will begin every session like this:
If i am alone i will start and continue with noting aloud. If not i count my outbreath until it feels effortless and then switch to noting "the four foundations"...

I will practice in all postures all together at least 6hours per day. So i will pick out each day one session (standing or sitting). Beside of the formal practice i try my best to notice the 4 foundations.

I start with yesterday evening:

In the beginning i noticed being tired restless sleepy annoyed (i asked myself: "Who feels ...?" i said to my self: "No preference! All the same you forget?")
Started with standing: started with counting the outbreath 6 to 8 sets before feeling very comfortable easy and clear. "beautiful breath" occured. Body erected itself several times that evening. After a time noting all experiences appeared like one stream in front of me. all the same pattern "araise&pass". Got a bit bored/exhauted to watch in detail so i just continued to watch that distant blur stream and enjoyed just being with the breath and the footsteps. I wondered if this mental stuff is not me as well this physical whats left?
After the whole session i recognized my physical body was very erected and pumped up like after a few hours workout. Breath effortless deep and wide.

I start with yesterday evening:

Before i started felt tired restless sleepy annoyed (i asked myself: "Who feels ...?" i said to my self: "No preference! All the same you forget?")
Started with standing: started with counting the outbreath 6 to 8 sets before feeling very comfortable very clear very easy went in background already. "beautiful breath" occured. Body erected itself several times that evening. After a time noting all experiences appeared like one stream in front of me. all the same pattern "araise&pass". Got a bit bored/exhauted to watch in detail so i just continued to watch that distant blur stream and enjoyed just being with the breath and the footsteps.
After the whole session i recognized my physical body was very erected and pumped up like after a few hours workout. Breath effortless deep and wide.

Sorry technical problems...

Thanks for the posts, Max. Looking forward to hearing more....

Yesterday evening:

Ok hard to put in words but i try.
I started as usual but had to notice that the mind was very "jumpy". hard job for him to stay with the breath + counting. I finally gave it up because it seemed hopeless and started walking (impatient!!! Preferance!!!). I jumped the whole evening from one technique to the other. The mind unsettled foggy impatient restless like someone who wants to fly but has no wings. I could hardly focus or think clearly. Felt like lost track. I think i read tooo many different things here and mix it all up together. Not knowing which is apprecioate for me at this time/step. Its like i entered new unexplored land and dont know where i am and where to go. Too much new stuff happens every day. As well it changes so quickly. Iam quite fed up with conciousness itself and what it perceives. One bunch of unsatisfactory stuff. Impermanent ownerless out of control. The strong wish desire to get some distanz to it is present. To step out. More and more i read about these cycles and different nanas more and more is recognize them in my daily practice. The only thing i am not yet clear what this means or how this feels is frution! I not yet read any clear description about it. But from the first up to equanemity (if i relate it correct) i experience everything nearly daily. But anyway this doesnt mean to me anything is just an observation. For me its all the same just a pain it doesnt last. Like a jail. Pointless.
But if i compare the state now with one experience where i saw the arising and passing and triggering the next arising and passing and then BUM "cut" "bored" "finish" "releave" "lost many kilos/lighter (but this feeling got lost after a a few weeks months)"

in realtime speed with automatic mindfulness (this was like a step out!!!! I only watched that process) then i come to the conclusion that there will be a change if i see these processes in realtime more often.
So i have to recall what i did that time.

Hehe (mind-state changed again and again now cool showers in head area again..) but actually nothing to laugh about. Its still a pain because it does not last eighter.

Times up....

After reading some notes i realized where the problem yesterday lied. The problem was there was actually no problem (there never was, is nor will be) i just wanted it to be different! Wanting to report some spacy stuff. nice experience like beautiful breath...

Anyway a short report from today morning:
Sitting nodding around unaware of body mind dull. Extreme slow walking helped to calm down, mind became focused.
While walking i focus on the feets note each movement and notice sensations around.
Overall i notice my tolerance of what others say or do increased. Normally i would go up the tree but now i just note what actually happens and finish. Old perception + feeling-tone get nothing to stick at.

/I read some print-outs and then listened to the chanting of the satipathana-sutta. I realized that what kenneth teaches is nothing else than that.
Anyway this all resulted in a oneandhalf hour sit of ... Yeah of what? ... Bliss may be a good word. I mean i was fully there perceived sounds sensations and thoughts as usual but the urge to react to them was away (or in distance). The sitting was no deal.
that evening cleared for me many confusion about the core of practise up. Now i know i have to show patience and trust and keeep it going! Thats it. I know the cause of the arising of intentionless mindfulness and this i am going to do. This will lead to the door and the door...

"/I read some print-outs and then listened to the chanting of the satipathana-sutta. I realized that what kenneth teaches is nothing else than that.
Anyway this all resulted in a oneandhalf hour sit of ... Yeah of what? ... Bliss may be a good word. I mean i was fully there perceived sounds sensations and thoughts as usual but the urge to react to them was away (or in distance). The sitting was no deal.
that evening cleared for me many confusion about the core of practise up. Now i know i have to show patience and trust and keeep it going! Thats it. I know the cause of the arising of intentionless mindfulness and this i am going to do. This will lead to the door and the door...
"

"So now... you look like a yogi." -Sayadaw U Pandita

Evening:
I started walking and a thought came to visit an old friend +familie after this retreat. further a thought of gratitude towards them arose and i wished/felt very happy with them if they could get visited by a se. Immediately energy came up my mind got focused.
Then i noticed distraction confusion what i should practice best. Jumped again through different methods until grapped one. I always changed the technique when i saw i became too easy mind wandered away. I sat down first didnt sure what to do. Then counted breath. Very easy mind became stable. Later i realized a lot of stuff going on like dialoges pictueres etc but the mind was in some near distance. I stood up and walked again. this time i walked in my a&p technique. Quickly mind became more focused and my eyebrows began to flicker by themselves. I had this from time to time. i got interested and after a while watching it i stopped to see what happens. I slowed down and finally was away. I turned and started to see colors and then the more i watched a lasershow began.
I did this whole pattern again with same result after a little drink because i got a sharp pain in my sternus plexus. Thought time to give the stomach some work.
Later got restless because of some planning thoughts about tomorrow.

" Old perception + feeling-tone get nothing to stick at. "

I like this observation ("pleasant").
This made me see more clearly that feeling-tones are just another object of awareness. If that object happens to be the reaction of "unpleasant" rather than "pleasant" or "neutral," does there have to be a problem? No. So a meditation session dominated by unpleasant feeling tones becomes a problem only if we add "the second arrow."

@jgroove SADHU!!! gooood point!

4.30am Maybe about 40min
Thinking pleasant wanting to doze thinking pressure tension thinking unpleqsant desire thinking happy pleasant doze pleasant indulgence planning thought pleasant happy planning thought...

I was happy just because i NOTED!!! "perception pleasant" normally dull doze sleepy "perception unpleasant"

Thats the way forward!!!! "thinking pleasant"