Where am i on path of insight?

Hello everyone, i am new here. I sent kenneth folk a message but havent gotten back a response so ill post it here hoping that someone will respond with adequate knowledge. Ok so first i will give a little background on myself. I have never really meditated or anything, i knew about buddhism in general but that was it. I started my spiritual path by doing A Course in Miracles and practicing unconditional forgiveness on a daily basis for about a year. This led to some great experiences. Then one day i had an experience of God-Consciousness, or quasi-enlightenment as i like to call it now because at the time i thought i was enlightened lol. This was followed by a psychotic breakdown with paranoid delusions, anxiety, and all types of fears in general, this lasted like 3 months. Once i felt i could continue practicing i started to research into buddhism and specifically meditation. I read Daniel Ingrams book and many other sources even the suttas themselves. There is a feeling of desperation for awakening and freedom. I looked up into celibacy and many other things such as the chakras and kundalini stuff. Its been like 2 months of meditation, with at least one hour of meditation daily. I am now increasing it to 2-3 hours as i have more free time now. I am doing jhana practice as a basis for insight practice. eg. i go into first jhana and as the buddha said " when the mind was most purified, bright, unblemished, rid of defilement and pertained to imperturbability" i do insight into the 3 characteristics. I seem to be making no progress though. I would like to know where i am on the path of insight. Have i crossed the dark knight? it sometimes doesnt feel like it because i still have a bit of paranoia and anxiety in general. Where am I? Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.

"Then one day i had an experience of God-Consciousness, or quasi-enlightenment as i like to call it now because at the time i thought i was enlightened lol. This was followed by a psychotic breakdown with paranoid delusions, anxiety, and all types of fears in general, this lasted like 3 months. "

Hi Boris,

What you wrote there sounds an awful lot like crossing the Arising and Passing away nana only to have the dukkha nanas hot on its heels. But to give you more thoughtful advice, you would need to you start describing your practice in much more detail and over time it would be much easier for yogis here as well as Kenneth to diagnose perhaps where you seem to be. If you like, you could start a journal here and start recording down what you experience when you practice. If you do this, try and stick to bare bones descriptions of the phenomena that you observe without calling them anything special and without specualtion.

You will notice by reading the many practice threads here that most yogis are practicing the noting technique. Have you tried it? It works wonders. Jhanas are a good platform to jump from to start insight practice, but I always say get your concentration up to enough to start noting and disembedding and moving through the nanas straight away. Jhanas will come easier after 1st path/stream entry and there is less chance of becoming embedded in jhanas. However if your heart is set on jhanas, you could try a kasina or a candle flame. Plus the jhanas here are seen as relating to certain nanas so if you make your way through the nanas, the first 4 jhanas should become much easier to access. See here for more info:

kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/page/Jhana+and+%C3%91ana

How are you practicing for jhana by the way?

Welcome

Nick

hey thanks for your response. I am practicing mindfulness of breathing, or anapanasati, to access the jhanas. The link you gave me says that a post 4th nana yogi should practice concentration, but it doesnt say until what point. Following the map, im guessing until i reach the 4th jhana of equanimity? I plan to start noting practice when i can easily access the first jhana. It currently takes me like 40 mins to an hour. So what do u recommend right now? Looking at the details of the map of insight, i think i am in desire for deliverance, but im not sure.

Would it also be advisable to just start dry noting practice. Bear in mind i started meditating like 1.5-2 months ago.

Hi Boris.

Welcome. I'm sure you get lots excellent advice here. I'll just offer you a few thoughts which are my opinions based on my experience (and nothing more than that):

Whatever practice you decide to work on, try to stick with it exclusively for a while. Having one thing you learn to do "well" is better than a doing a bunch of things half-way. This is because the skills in meditation are transferable--strong concentration is easy to transfer over to mindfulness, for example. Also, it's most important to be consistent in practice. Better to meditate one-half hour every single day than to do two or three but be unable to sustain. This is important from the kundalini angle, since the permanent changes take time--it is more marathon than sprint.

I also very strongly recommend--if you really want to get this--that you seek out enlightened teachers and go visit them in person form time-to-time. Subtle energy is transferable from person to person, and while you are building your own physiological ability to "hold" it, being around others who are open is a huge catalyst and also a big motivating force (once you see it in person, you'll feel why). To be clear, you don't need to "follow" anybody, but meditative states are little flu-like, so in-person teachers are key at certain points. Also, practicing in large groups can be extremely useful as well as you are starting. There is a "field" that gets created, I think, not to mention the consolation of seeing others and talking with others struggle towards the same place.

Yours,
Mark

Yeah im gonna stick to a hybrid of concentration and noting practices. That seems to be what i am drawn to the most at the moment. I am aware of the energy phenomena, i have felt it with teachers i have encountered when i was a bit younger. Funny you mention that practicing in a group creates a field effect, im joining a student zen organization at my university and i hope to meet others who are also on the path.

That all sounds great Boris. With you also connecting with Kenneth and folks here, it's a very well rounded, effective plan. I'm am sure you will make some excellent progress!

PS What teachers have you seen in the past?