Putthajana's practice journal.

Position: Beginner. Did goenka course 3 yrs ago. Not bad.

Practice type: Vipassana, Mahasi (without breath observance)

Practice: Get two sessions about 35-40 a day on the train. Trying to get more sittings in.

- Observance. Tried to note just as things were without the usual thinking and analysing that occurs (natural tendency of the mind). Was relatively succesful but kept needing to bring attention back to stick when the phenomenon as it occurred instead of drifting away. Sticking to noting sensations as dat most of the time, occasionally giving descriptors like pain, pop, wave. Noted images as they came, did not get more descriptive than that when it came to mental phenomena. Sometimes noted emotions, perhaps one every 2 min or so.

Practicing during the day is very hard. I have 3 days of uni and when learning it seems very hard to practice except in very small 1 or 2 minute spurts as the mind has another action that it is carrying out. This is either absorbing more info or making some logic based analysis.

Observational note: When noting all the mind seems to be doing is liking this, disliking that (in regards to sensations and some images, thoughts) and the this and that are fleeting but replaced all the time. The rest of time is active trying to get things done in the day or distracting myself throught internet browsing (news, cars or sports and dharma sites) or playing computer games. I get the obviousness of the practice conclusions (impermanent, not self) but can't stop myself from doing more productive things like studying or practicing (meditation).

Now that I have been working for about a few months, funnily enough I can note a bit easier (at work) than when compared to being at uni. This is also in small spurts but they last longer than when at uni.

As an aside, when I note physical sensations they are mostly in the head, particularly a lot arising from the forehead.

Cont'd - This is not something I have to try at as the mind is continually taken to the sensations in the forehead. These are mostly of a very raw nature. I can't describe it as anything else. There is a sensation that is gnawing, dull, at times acute and it throbs with my pulse. Sometimes this feeling goes away from time to time, but it normally occupies at least 60-70% of my daily cycle when I am awake. It is normally at a decreased level in the first few hours after I get up in the morning.

All for now.

Did 40 mins of noting on the train this morning. Mind was very very agitating. Had an attitude that kept wanting to get rid of the painful sensations in the forehead, a lot of self recriminating thoughts also arose. Didn't really calm down and start hitting the mark till I acknowledged the craving, then switched to noting aloud (in a quiet whisper like fashion). Started hitting the phenomena more frequently but his occurred only about 30 mins into the sitting. Good to remember to acknowledge all the feeling, especially unpleasent ones that form a barrier to noting.

Started thinking about the technique about noting where one practices by noting something physical in the outside world (eg. a grandfather clock pendulum swinging back and forth) then switching to usual noting practice (thoughts, feelings, sensations etc). This always did work well for me. I only realised why recently. In my noting practice I have a lot of searching for reactions, wanting things to a go a preconceived way and expecting something to happen. The technique described cuts this out because when u are noting something life traffic or the swing of a pendulum you are pretty much disinterested in what is going on. Then when you switch to noting practice, the tendency to look for something, expect something to happen is decrease i.e one is just noting and thereby seeing things much better.

All for now.

Hi putthajana,

You are right to not look for something. It should be whatever is taking centrestage in the experience of "you", of "putthajana". It is very much a looking AT approach which will get you to progress quickly. It seems from your post you are feeling an aversion to only noting what is happening within, because you feel you are "looking for". You should note whatever is arising in the moment (if you goal is stream entry) and that includes the mind state of "looking for" or "searching" or "wanting" or "craving". So if you are not noting those very mind states, you are not noting what is centre stage in the experience of "you". And thus still embedded in them. You decided not to note what was happening centre stage because you were embedded in the "aversion". It was easier to note things outside your body rather than note what pushed you to do that, which was "aversion". What you are avoiding is perfect fuel for your rocket ship to awakening. Include it!!!!!!!

And if what you are looking at visually with your eyes is what is centre stage, it should be noted as "seeing", or "conceptualizing", or "sight" etc, if 1st path is your goal that is. Stick to noting and disemebdding from all the phenomena within your own body and mind (as it is disidentifying with phenomena that is mistakingly read as part of an illusory "self" that will free you). That which is outside your body has nothing to do with "you", the illusory self. ........if stream entry is your goal.

Goal clarification: Stream entry asap (be that in 3 months or 3 yrs etc etc).

Had 40 min sit this morning. Once again the mind was agitated. Looked closely at the agitation and it was mainly due to averseness in the mind. This sprang from arguments that I had last night. Lot of harsh argumentative speechs in the mind were noted as was the tightness in the various parts of my body. Also noted the feelings that arose such as anger, fear, apathy, anxiety, rage and so forth. Did this by using the phrase "see what is feels like - anger", "see what is feels like - fear" etc. Could only discern the feeling, not much of a bodily senssation to match other than tightness. Noting like this led me to note many different feelings arising after another such as anger, fear, apathy, anxiety one after the other which passed away.

The sensation in the forehead cut away through these phenomena in the end. Tried to note that particular feeling with "see what it feels like - sensation in forehead" but it seemed less impermanent and more continous than other feelings. Noted a lot of fizzles and wavy sensations around the gnawing sensation in the forehead.

Hi Noklai - My name is Aswini, thanks very much for the advice, much appreciated, and err..........duly noted (HAHA) no pun intended. (As in I have noted to keep this in mind for future pratice).

Also the external noting practice was something I picked up from a thread in DHO back in the day. It was posted by someone more experienced than I and it was something they used a technique to help them along.

Aswini,

Have you tried a systematic approach to noting based on the 4 foundations?

The instructions are here:http://kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/page/How+to+Get+Enlightened

I find a good way to begin a session is to note out loud and go through each of these one at a time for a bit. I will then begin to note in pairs (body sensations/feeling tone), then eventually in triples (body sensation/feeling tone/mind state) and then in quads.

This way you are breaking up the experience into all it's component pieces. So I'll note whatever bodily sensations are prevalent right now. I'll then cycle through the same ones but use the labels pleasant, unpleasant, and neutral. I will then shift to noting mindstates for a while (at a steady pace out loud). I will then note thoughts for a while. I will do this for some time until the experience begins to breakup.

This seems to really help disembed/build momentum and I keep that momentum going by noting in pairs/triples/and then quads.

Hope this helps.

Hi
Firstly a big thanks to Mumuwu and Nik for the tips. They have proved to be helpful. In my bumbling and hodge podge approach to practice I have not used noting in pairs systematically but use it occassionaly.

I want to begin practice formally again. Formally in the sense I commit myself to an hour a day, every day.

I have not applied myself to practice as per my previous intentions due to a lack of motivation and well basically application. Also I have been short of time as my now fiance and I bought a really really old house and are renovating ourselves in order to make it livable. All our spare time is basically doing that. The only practice i get is on my train ride which is 35 mins each way and I always get a seat. Thus whilst I have not been practicing, at least every week day morning I have kept doing a sit.

In the meantime also me and gf went back to SL to visit her parents 3 whom we stayed with. Got back 3 weeks ago. I was raised in Aus but she came here 4 yrs ago. I had an interesting encounter with a person that had seen many changes. I met this aunty, we tend to call any older female family friend 'aunty'.

She was in a position of influence (connections, granting favours) through her husband. She was very materialistic the last time I knew her back in the early 90s. Her modus operandi would be to ask for help, like 'Mr. x you really have to help with constructing my new house, I don't think that the plans I have drawn up match the plot size of the land'. Mr x would be a architect, he would do the numbers in his head and because he knew she was in a position of influence and if he needed her help some time down the line, he basically would provide her free architectural advice and draw up new plans. That was the type of thing she would do to obtain for every single requirement of her family except for groceries.

So my mom had told me before I met this aunty on my recent trip that she had recently been interested in the Dhamma for a while now. When I met the aunty after a bit of chit chat, she started inquiring about my practice and was trying to teach me about practice. Her demeanour had changed and she wore very simple clothes. She no longer spoke about anything material or was trying to get favours from any of us who were visiting her. Her practice stemmed from a monk in SL who ran a meditation centre and she had a kuti and practiced at the centre for many months at a time and spends most of the time at the centre. There practice is samatha based and she said something of the lines that once your mind is stabilised that your mind will turn to Vipassana practice and you will begin to see phenomena unfolding. She told she could see that phenomena unfolding each at very very small intervals and further how she had seen the sense of I being absent and that sense dissolving in her completely. She also mentioned the 15 (16?) nana steps and about the paths. Although she did not say it outright I think she was at least 2nd path or higher. This samatha based approach pratice is the most common in SL because it's mainly driven by monks who have large amounts of time available to jhana and sila practice first. I did see a large vipassana centre in the capital and a few other smaller centres around also.

So after seeing the change in this individual I got a boost of motivation to practice when I got to Aust.

Anyhoo. I'll get to the mechanics of what I am doing now. I was noting below I left for SL and found I was continuously agitated about the strong feelings in the 3rd region. The feelings were very annoying.

Also I had difficulties in noting practice when it came it to physical sensations. I was trying to note too fast because I thought the faster you note the more your practice would progress. I would look for feelings and anticipate them instead

of actually noting what I was experiencing.

When it came to emotions I could not note them. I then came across a pov from Pema Chodron which was to view the mind as a blue sky and all the strong emotions and thoughts that come across as the clouds that come and go in the sky. These clouds could be strong or wispy or stormy but the sky could hold them all. Similarly the mind could hold all these emotions in it and like the clouds they would come and go but the sky and the mind remained whole and clear. Using the approach I was able to notice emotions in my mind more and was not so reactive of them. When I would note, now I would be able to see the emotions more easily.

When it came to noting, I realised that the goenka course I had done 4 yrs ago was helpful in that now I could tune into the painful feelings in the 3rd eye region and see them come and go and could break down the sensations into smaller component part some of the time. When I pratice now I mainly focus on the face and the 3rd eye region but do not note the physical sensation much (perhaps 1 in 20 sensations or so). If I notice a strong sensation in the other parts of my body I do note these (by noting). Also I note (by noting/labelling) the emotions and thoughts when they come to the forefront of attention. Some of the time now I can see the end of sensations, that is that they disappear altogether. This can be seen more easily with physical sensations but I can see this also with thoughts and emotions occasionally.

Will report more and write a short description after each sit from here on in.

Also went to a Buddhist bookstore in SL that had a huge range of books. There was a Mahayana sections also with many books. A person could get lost in there, but I picked up a few books that seemed interesting. Of course I wanted a hardcopy of Mahasi Sayadaw's 'Practical guide to Insight Meditation'.

I am now reading 'Just Seeing' which is very good so far - www.wisdom-books.com/ProductDetail.asp?PID=19440

4/3/11 friday - Was frustrated. Had many expectations of how practice would go and it did not turn out that way, so it was difficult to note. Had expectations I would experience similar things to what I posted above. Tried to note but mind was clinging onto different things. Noted somewhat ok after this.

But was continually frustrated. Noticed somewhat the mind grabbing.

5/3/11 saturday - On sat morning had a mild sitting. About 20 mins. Noted initially and then did more Goenka style concentrating on the face. Continued as described and noted whenever thoughts or emotions intruded.

7/3/11 Monday morn - sat for 30 mins. Noted mahasi style after one set of breaths. Mind was craving strongly and wanting rsults or looking for things to happen. Noted this and switched to noting physical sensations in the face by identityfying it as "dat". Then as thoughts and emotions and craving quietened down and thus having less to note in that are switched to just observnling physical sensations. Noted strong liking or disliking of the subtle sensations when this arose and ocassionally noted physical sensations as "dat". Could not readily see the end of sensations, only 3 or 4 times.

8/3/11 Tuesday morn - weird session. Did more mahasi style noting. Noted many more emotions than before. These had a powerful force to them. About 2/3 rds through switch to deliberately noting sensations in the lower half of my face.
Sometimes I could break down hard sensations into component parts and sometimes I could not. I also noticed the mind was becoming slightly frantic by trying to keep up with too many sensations. Then tried to keep attention on one sensations at a time. Sometimes I could see these sensations end sometimes the noting and observation was slightly hazy and i could not see the end sensations, only that new and new ones were coming up.

It is interesting to see the extent of struggle, anguish and moaning that the mind goes to in order to avoid pain. Sometimes it is almost insane in trying to avoid momentary pain.

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All the above summaries were recorded on my phone after I sat.

Wed 9/1/11
Counted breathes till the mind calmned donw down a little. Noted everything at the start. The. Switched to Vienna bur labeled everything as "dat". This was ok but I was worried that this practice is contradictory to the 2 or 3 phase model. When I tried this most of the time feelings were Neutral. Nothing other than that to report.

10/3/11 thurs
Felt a bit sleepy. Mind was strongly identify with each thought or each feeling with a strong sense of aversion. Mind was continually trying to find someday to feel good and was straining to get something to feel high emotionally and physically. Noted throughout but it was a bit sleepy.

11/3/11 Friday morn
Tried to note more this time. Noticed mind was increasingly agitated and it was always reacting. So i would maybe get a minute to five mins of noting and after Some time the mind was reacting to what was happening, usually in an aversionary nature. I could note physical sensations easier by labeling that than when trying to note emotions and thoughts. The greatest difficulty was trying to note discomfort around the 3rd eye region, because the mind would be so reactive.

Monday 14/3/11
Noted out loud for some time and then switched to noting quietly. Could discern mind states and emotions a lot better this way. Was able to note physical sensations and thoughts as they came. As this was the first time I noted out loud for a long time the immediate results of this approach surprised me.

Tuesday 15/3/11
Tried noting out loud, but it was a bit slow, so started noting verbally in my mind. Switched to noting out loud when possible. Noted as best I could. Sometimes got distracted by thoughts and this would go on for a while

Wednesday 16/3/11
1st session - noted out loud and as this built up momentum switched to noting quietly. Sensations became fast and subtle so noting quietly I was able to note this sensations quicker. Noted thoughts and emotions also.
2nd session - on the train. Could not out loud for too long. Noticed strong sensations in the 3rd eye region and thus was broken down easier by noting quietly and then switching to a more goenka type of scanning. Started noting when I noti Ed the mind was getting distracted and chasing stories. Perhaps goenka noting only works whilst continually scanning? Otherwise the mind seems to get distracted after a while.

Thursday 17/03/11
Nothing special to report. Noted lots of fizzles around my head. Built up some momentum with noting out loud then switched to noting quietly. Noted in 3 like - "twinge", "unpleasant", "fed up". Continued to switch b/w noting out loud and noting quietly in order to build momentum.

Friday 18/03/11
Noted quietly mainly. But noted much quicker. Rapidly with the label "dat" mostly and occasionally with another label as required. Saw things much faster. Or saw more phenomena. Physical sensations are very quick and many, but when trying to note quickly the mind seemed to automatically label without there actually being a phenomenon to note, so needed to slow down at these times.

MOnday 21/3/11
Had a large pain in the 3rd eye. This was due to sexual activity. Since the sensations were strong the mind was continually reacting to them in an aversionary manner. There was continual struggle and anguish as reactions which I tried to note. But the mind took more time to stabilize and I could not really note quickly all that much. Normally I do a few minutes of noting rising and falling to calm the mind and then note aloud to build momentum. This did not work as effectively as it had before but over time after bringing the mind back from distraction many times over I was able to note reasonably after a while. The emotional turmoil continued. This affected my ability to note. Usually after settling down I would note goenka style to build up speed and then start labeling "dat" mahasi style to whatever came up and occasionally use another label if it were suitable. This way I don't emotions and thoughts and sometimes I would do out loud also. All in all the sit was more difficult than other and I found it more difficult to hit the sensations and other phenomena as well as other times.

Tuesday 22/3/11
Had difficulty trying to note, didnt note out loud, omitting to do this may have been a mistake. Noted quietly and switched to goenka to build some speed but got distracted by some stories, it was hard to observe each sensations as it is. Then switched to noting quietly, particularly the little fizzles and subtle sensations occasionally labeling a sensation with another label. This proved more fruitful and I was able to stay with the sensation and not create ones fictitiously but label the actual sensations as they arose. This happened for 10-15 mins and I could see the sensations clearly.