Jorge Freddy's Practice Notes - II

Ok, so after hesitanting a bit I've decided to join some of the more experienced yogis and started a new thread in order to capture my experiences from a different angle. Hopefully I don't put you all to sleep and find some of these experiences useful in your practice.

So...in my every day, I just find myelf content with what's going on around me. Not really happy, more like a calm and chill mood. I still notice emotions arise, and I can "ride" them, so they feel clearer and crispier, but they pass relatively quickly and leave nothing behind (in the past, there was some sort of "trace" that remained and many times it would become the trigger for a whole range of thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc. I do not seem to find any trace anymore left after the emotion has passed). I'm having a bit of an issue that is interfering with my every day functioning, and that is that I feel lazy :-/
I simply do not feel inclined to do anything, simply look around and take it all in. I feel like I've been here this whole time and never really here, present. It feels like all I want to do nowadays. I'm still somehow managing to do work and other chores but there isn't any "incentive" or drive to do anything other than just being (even my past obsession with mastering Nirodha has gone away, and now I simply enjoy the process of attaining it). I often used to get very anxious about some of the future events (e.i. taking the P.E. test, financial/ legal decisions, etc) and every time I think of them I can notice a vibration in my heart (like the beginning of the manifestation of anxiety) but it too quickly passes leaving no trace. I am noticing how much easier is to enter direct mode (although I can only stay there a few minutes at the time). There is also a lack of interest in staying in it. kinda like whatever the experience is, I'm fine with. (cont)

In terms of my sitting, I've been working on something I've read from the Venerable Acariya Maha Boowa by which he said he achieved Arahantship. He says that "automatic mindfulness and wisdom used to reach the final stage work in unison without prompting, they investigate things in successive stages, chopping them to pieces, section by section" and that there is a paramount level of these two: " at the paramount level, supreme-mindfulness and supreme-vision also work in unison withough prompting, but they permeate everything simultaneously"
When on this "supreme" mode, it feels like doing insight and noting all three characteristics all at once, from all the senstations to thoughts and the deepest sense of self. In my experience it feels like wrapping all the the practice into one, and one can continuously experience all the phenomena around arising and passing, disturbing and detached from self all at once. It becomes extremely noisy and chaotic, and although not enjoyable, it's not an annoyance (perhaps due to the magna-equanimity-like feeling when one disembed from the manifest world (like a glorified, non-localized, pseudo witness-type of thing). Sorry for this is pretty hard to explain with words.
There are some fruition-like phenomena that follow after a few seconds of this observation, and it feels like entering fruition from all three doors at the same time (totally full-bodied, the moment right before and after can be felt a lot more, specially afterwards where one feels a wave of energy-bliss radiating outward and then inward. There is a feeling of having the whole universe fully interconnected and that these waves come from and extend outward. The actually fruition feels like the body, and everything that makes up a sense of "I" gets squeezed in and then let go of so it expands to it normal self, not without expanding slightly more (like a spring after it had been pushed against, (cont)

..and then let go of.
After that practice, I can spend a good couple of hours with a feeling of utter clarity and crystal clear sense of things manifesting before me. That feeling of "all this has been happening before me all along and now I actually see it" is as pure and clear as I can feel it.

Kenneth and I talked earlier today about Nirodha, so I'm going to be spending some time playing with it as well. For the first time in my life, I do not feel I have to be somewhere, or be someone, or do anything, so I guess I'll play it by ear and see what happens!

it's great to live!


With metta to the world
Jorge Freddy

Hurry up and get it done!

"Hurry up and get it done! "

I believe it is, Nick.

"I believe it is, Nick."

You're done?

Can you go ahead and describe how it got done, what was happening before you think it got done and what happened after it got done? Curious minds wish to know details. Or did you alread post an account somewhere?
Congrats!

"You're done?

Can you go ahead and describe how it got done, what was ahppening before you think it got done and what happened after? Curious minds wish to know details. Or did you alread post an account somewhere?
"

Of course, Nick!
Before (since I've attained to 3rd path), my experience was like finally seeing reality as it was often during the day. The amount of clinging to phenomena came and went, as if at times I was able to stay totally unattached to it, and some times I was not, but I started to notice how the "clinging time" started to become shorter and shorter. The feeling of being aloof all phenomena was becoming more and more commonplace. At times when there things were getting pretty stressful around me (tight deadlines at work) I would be able to notice how all my feelings and thoughts would clearly appear before me, and then they would pass leaving little or no trace (when I talk about trace, I mean something that allows for further thoughts and feelings to arise based on whatever clung to my experience prior). I also lost interest in insight for a while, I felt as if everything that needed to be known and experienced (during the practice) had been known and done, and a feeling that there was nothing beyond where I was standing. but there was something missing ( a closure of some sort). It felt like I was staring at the "exit" door and all I had to do was to walk out through it, but something was keeping me from it, and I kept on staring at it wondering " what happens next?" "can this be it?" "am I ready to be done?" "if I'm doing going through, what is keeping me from it?" "I feel like maybe I should stabilize this whole thing before...do I have to before crossing?" "can I cross it and then stabilize it?". I have talked to Kenneth a few days back and we discussed the importance to allowing oneself to be done, and that sparked...

...and that sparked these question at a deeper level.
I started the practice I mentioned above (my first 3 postings) and it came to me naturally (I had read the practice of Venerable Acariya Maha Boowa from a link you posted a while ago (interestingly enough it's titled "shedding tears in amazement with Dhamma") and I had told myself back then "someday, I will practice like the Venerable Acariya Maha Boowa" and it was when I experience the one of a kind fruitions I mentioned above. There were like no other fruition I've had experience before. It was like experiencing all my past fruitions all at once (not so much in terms of intensity, but in its complexity). the first thought that came to me was "I have practiced like the Venerable Acariya Maha Boowa" and then a feeling of being done became apparent. Everything was radiant and clear, as if unfiltered. The way they were staying to feel when they were their clearest in 3rd path, but now I did not have the feeling of anything holding me back, in the present and in the now, it felt like I had arrived. This place is where I have always been but I wasn't aware of it. I remember saying to myself "if I tell the buddha it's done what needed to be done and I'm not done......and it's not time yet.....well, it does not matter. I don't care about being done or not done, reaching 4th path or not, if I'm no done today, I'll be done tomorrow, or next week or next year, or.....I just don't care about being done. I'm done pursing this. I'm ready to live! I just surrender to the here and now, so buddha, it's done what needs to be done" and simply smile and rejoice in the present. All the experiences after that moment are the purpose of this thread.

Bien hecho, Jorge. Felicitaciones! )

Looking forward to your new updates.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

"

Bien hecho, Jorge. Felicitaciones! )

Looking forward to your new updates.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!"

Gracias querido amigo!
Realmente ha sido un viaje unico e increible!

My humble thanks to this wonderful sangha that has played a priceless part in this process (and continues to, of course), with a special mention to Mr. Kenneth Folk who has been a guide, a teacher, a facilitator, and most importanly a friend who opened himself to me fully ever since the first time we exchanged e-mails. I hope that my experiences and those things I've learnt and continue to learn every day can be of help to the rest of our sangha and the rest of the world.
Now, it's time to do what I came here to do, finally live life!

Con inmensa gratitud,
Jorge Freddy

Felicidades hermano!! =) Gracias por compartir.

Start playing with the dead man's switch, lightning rod and don't forget to pay the tolls! (Not that you need to force your"self" to pay =P)

Saludos!

"Felicidades hermano!! =) Gracias por compartir.

Start playing with the dead man's switch, lightning rod and don't forget to pay the tolls! (Not that you need to force your"self" to pay =P)

Saludos!"

Gracias Alex!
como siempre es un gusto saludarte!

I feel pretty lazy at this time. It's as if there is nothing driving me anywhere or towards anything. I'm just content being and living life finally. I'm pretty chill as well, even when I bring thoughts about things that bring anxiety, I notice anxiety clearer than before, perhaps a bit more intense, but it quickly passes and leaves no trace behind (as if it never happened). nothing really sticks, specially if I pay attention to it. I do let some laughs out loud when I realize that these thoughts and feelings no longer stick (people keep looking at me like I'm nuts! haha).

This may sound a bit weird, but at this time I do not have a big interest in playing with the dead man's switch or the lightning rod. Somehow there is something really cool about the way all thoughts and feelings arise and pass and there is nothing more than awareness present. Nothing before and nothing after. There are short lapses of naturally entering direct mode, but they come and go, and at this time, I really don't feel compelled to search for them. Like I said earlier, I'm pretty lazy nowadays LOL

I'm certain this lazyness will eventually fade and perhaps I will feel again the inclination to practice direct mode full force. The level of uncanny clarity and crispness of reality while in direct mode is something else!

I'll continue writing about my experiences!

with metta,
JF

Yeh, a few of us went through a real lazy period. It is surely some phase or other. It will pass, and then maybe occur again. The spiral!

I spiral seemingly ever more towards complete freedom from suffering.

Congrats man, welcome to the world! Now you need to hop on a podcast.

You could even start a blog/podcast of your own to describe post awakening but quickly succumb to characteristic lazyness... Congrats man everything you wrote looks familiar

"Yeh, a few of us went through a real lazy period. It is surely some phase or other. It will pass, and then maybe occur again. The spiral!

I spiral seemingly ever more towards complete freedom from suffering. "

Yeah Nick, I went ahead and read some of your guys postings post 4th path and found out there is a "lazyness" attitude towards chores and daily life activities! it's pretty interesting to see how many of us have experienced a similar attitude towards the things that we had allowed to define us earlier before. I'm certain that it will pass and then I will feel some drive towards other things (like the whole PCE and Direct mode practice). I'd love to read more about your "spiral" experience! are you documenting it in your thread? I have to be honest here but some of your guys's threads are so extent that I often skim through it in order to catch a glimpse onto what is going on and your overall state at the present time.
My mind tells me that I'll eventually will have to play catch up with the rest of my human life, and that's ok. I guess I'll wait until this lazyness goes away and let unfinished business to come and be dealt with at its proper time!

Loving living in the present time, that's for sure!

"Congrats man, welcome to the world! Now you need to hop on a podcast. "

Thanks so much owen! I feel a great deal of gratitude for Kenneth and this wonderful sangha we have helped built here at KFD! It has been one heck of a ride (pun intended! I'm super happy you guys have also started the Hamilton Project and I must say that my experience with your podcasts have been not only didactic, but also reassuring when seeing that my experience with the practice was so similar to your guys'. It would be totally my pleasure to hop in on a podcast one of these days, after this whole lazyness goes away!
LOL!
It is truly magical finally being alive!

"You could even start a blog/podcast of your own to describe post awakening but quickly succumb to characteristic lazyness... Congrats man everything you wrote looks familiar "

That's a very good idea, Clayton! it has felt like a natural state post awakening. There is a new-found calmness about what needs to be done during the every day life, so much that It feels like it does not matter anymore. I'm sure I shall not encourage procrastination or anything of that sort, but eh, my happiness no longer depends on those things getting done or not. I have a Professional Engineering test coming up next week (oh oh!! hahaha) that I have not really prepared for (and awakening is not to be blamed, since I could have started studying for the thing months ago) so after that is done I would probably write a blog about this whole lazyness thing and how natural it feels at this time!

Dear Jorge Freddy,

Congrats!

Much LOVE!
Jayson

"Dear Jorge Freddy,

Congrats!

Much LOVE!
Jayson"

Thanks so much for your kind words, Jayson!

Keep up the great work and get this whole thing done soon.

Metta, JF

I have been starting to notice some subtle psychological changes as far as the "self" is concerned. It looks like the old "self" is being put up against the new experiences and it's causing the old "self" to adapt to it. I seen how the sense of "self" does not leave, as it really does not have to. It is the relation to that "self" what has changed permanently, and it almost feels like the "self" is trying to redefine itself in order to allow for this new relation to fit in with. It feels pretty automatic, so I'm just letting it do its thing, I guess. It's pretty sweet to be able to observe how it morphs almost real time in order to categorize who, or what I am now. I'm gaining a new level of appreciating for the human mind. Pretty amazing stuff.

I'm still feeling lazy, but I'm feeling more the inclination to go and try to test this whole thing in different settings and different conditions, the curious mind calling, I suppose. Maybe it's the "self" wanting to find out how to redefine itself. I'm letting it. I'm good right now.

Now it's time to study for my professional engineer license. this should be fun!

So I'm finally done with the whole P.E. test (provided I passed!) It's time to write some stuff now!

I have noticed less "hanging time" for the unpleasant thoughts and feelings as days go by. They also seem to be manifesting less often. I'm not really doing anything to allow this to happen. It seems to be a natural maturation process post 4th path.
I'm seeing some very interesting phenomena related to the mind creating the "self". I continue to see how the mind is continuously trying to redefine the "self" based on new mental formations. It's as if every new experience is becoming part of the mold that shapes the now very malleable "self". This is probably obvious for anyone who has studied psychology, but it certainly was not obvious to me until now, specially when the it's happening continuously and the changes in the "self" so noticeable.

My shifting to PCE/3rd gear seems to be a simple as turning a switch. Simply putting all my attention in a clear sensate manifestation (a strong color, a crisp sound, a fine but well-defined sensation on the skin, etc). It does not seem to last more than a few minutes, but the experience is the one of simply being in the very present here and now and thus a level of unfiltered reality without any noticeable emotional manifestation arising. I guess I have not caught the whole PCE fever yet, but at the time it just seems like a very neat shift in experience that I can fully and clearly make after 4th path.

My sittings are not as often as they used to, but I constantly feel energy rushes through my body during the day, particularly in the 3rd eye. I have also noticed that I can get really absorbed in any one of the jhanas at will (before, I would have to sit there for a few minutes to really get sucked in by it), as if once the jhana arises I would simply surrender to it and become absorbed by it. (cont)

interestingly enough, it seems to me that this may be due to the fact that the nature of the given jhana is fully seen for what it really is, as if now each jhana is already seen as they truly are and thus one enters them in total and complete equanimity within (not trying to get too much into the whole fractal theory of nanas, jhanas, etc). Perhaps the insight within the jhana is happening really fast and only the equanimity is the only stage being noticed in them. Being in the 8th jhana brings the 4th path fruitions within seconds, as an equanimity within the jhana is felt every time one comes in and out of it (I've always experienced the 8th jhana as going in and out of registering in a strobing manner) and it's a very liberating and freeing feeling every time. Pure land jhanas feel ever so relaxing and calming, particularly the 2nd and 4th PLs. Being at the door of Nirodha has become a lot simpler while in the 8th jhana and 5th PL. Getting pulled into the "event horizon" of it it's still a balance that I would like to enhance. At this time it just happens on its own, no matter how long I stay at the door of it. Usually softening the effort and just being there does the trick.

Right now my emphasis is getting the whole "Arahat" thing balanced. To me, attaining to 4th path and the mind and its mental formations along with its masterwork, the "self", do not play well together. The mind is reactive (as it had been all throughout my life" and that conflicts with the realization of 4th path. This is what I'm noticing leads to the mind having to go and try to redefine the "self". Something that often created havoc and a great deal of stress throughout the day (and would become my reality at the time) now comes and disappears pretty quickly, leaving no trace whatsoever. I notice the mind trying to comprehend what happened and try to alter the mental formations in order to modify the "self". I'm also noticing that all the emotions related to suffering are cause by a friction between how events are perceived to manifest and the boundaries of the "self" at the moment. Obviously it is not the event the one that is causing the problem, but the formation of the "self" the one keeping things from flowing freely as they should. It is becoming some sort of game, and so far it's pretty interesting to see where this leads. To me, the whole "Arahat" thing is the stage in which this process of stabilization happens. No matter how hard the mind tries to create a suitable "self" for a 4th pather, it is destined to fail. Perhaps by the mind accepting defeat and knowing that one will no longer see any of its masterpieces as a true "self" the stabilizing will be complete.
Just thoughts/ views/ ideas that are showing up. I'm loving every moment of it though!