Robert S Walker's Practice Journal

Hi guys, first entry.

Background: Total beginner, no teacher, no retreats. Have only attempted about three or four short vipassana sessions in my life, all informal, all at home, all last month. Nothing much happened.

20:00 - 21:00

Intention: note everything for a while, then pay particular attention to sensations that seem to comprise the observing self.

Decent concentration but occasionally drifted off into spacing and snoring. Some flashing or strobing behind the eyes and some throbbing in the body, with some slight hints of buzzing in the legs. For a while the flashing, shimmering, strobing effect turned into a rain of light, in reverse, falling away from me, forming a swirling tunnel. Interesting, but it only lasted a few minutes, and I didn't try to sustain it or cling to it.

I tried several times to look closely into the constitution of the "me", and always discovered some tensions in the chest and throat, which I then tried to inspect closely (as sensations, not psychologising). Tried (for the first time) to note any change in those tense sensations, trying to see them in terms of the three characteristics. Succeed, but kept losing track. Occasionally became conscious of a (more or less) constant stress or tension associated with the seemingly built-in assumption of a me / observer / doer lurking somewhere beyond ('behind') the phenomenal field. The assumption creates (or perhaps is) a misguided attempt, a constant and blind striving of some sort. Only have a vague perception and understanding of it at this stage.

After effects: none noticeable. Feel quite fresh, clean and alert, but nothing particularly striking.

Hi Robert,

Welcome!!!
Seems like you are chasing your tail. Leave those sensations of "me" to the side and follow the following advice.

From the collection of tips for stream entry

The following tip is by Kenneth Folk. It is the best tip out of all tips. If I were you I would just forget all other tips and follow this tip. If you do, not only will you get stream entry, you will also go all the way to arahatship.

Six: Forget about the tips and tricks. Forget about the centerpoint. Forget about the 3 characteristics. Forget about whether you think you are concentrated or not. Forget about what you think you know about meditation.

Every time you discover the "problem" with your meditation, note your reaction to that thought. Note the thought itself. Note once per second, aloud, for the duration of your sitting. Note catastrophizing, dramatizing, histrionics, self-pity, evaluation thoughts, impatience, despair, self-loathing, joy, triumph, scenario spinning, longing, desire for deliverance, irritation, doubt, bliss, absorption, distraction, fear, anger, rage, disgust, euphoria, hope, contentment, anticipation, softness, hardness, coolness, warmth, pulsing, burning, itching, throbbing, stinging, tingling, hearing, seeing, tasting, smelling, pleasant, unpleasant, neutral, petulance, futility, dullness, fatigue; what have I left out? Of course you would like some kind of a shortcut or a tip. There is no such thing. There is only the mastery of this simple technique. By the time you master this technique, you will be an arahat. If you distract yourself from this technique by trying to tweak the recipe, the warrantee is void.

Thanks Nick, I'll go with that, and note all the reasons why I can't