Bruno's practice thread #2

I decided to wrap up this thread, because I am convinced I solved my insight disease, and because I remember a few things mentioned in this forum which were very correct, seemed mysterious at the time, and now became clear.

Specifically, you might remember me writing ( kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/42...efore+January+1+2011 ):

(Bruno, 28/Sep/2010) My sense of dissatisfaction comes from the feeling of center point in the middle of the head, there is no way around it. It is there where it's uncomfortable, it is it which pulls my focus away from my present experience.

Since then I've had a few developments. What I am convinced was third path came in December 12 (reported on this thread), after I decided to relax the straining effort and balance it with some relaxation (which became part of my practice).

From then on I decided to go for actual freedom (which is still a goal for me), and did a large number of practices, including relaxing in the pool/sauna, walking in the park, focusing on the implied "centerpoint" (which had by now moved from the center of the head to the back of the head), and focusing on my lower body.

All of these were important, but I was starting to get the impression I wasn't getting anywhere. I ask for advice on the DhO, and Trent essencially suggests that I make my attention panoramic. So I started paying attention to the totality of my experience, and, if that wasn't working, simultaneously to as much as I could including whichever the most prominent "problematic area" seemed to be (which was either my solar plexus or the "centerpoint" back of the neck).

(contd.)

This caused some further progress, and then finally, upon reading a nice quote from richard:

(Richard) Thus 'who I really am' is an emotional '˜being' ... a psychological or psychic entity residing inside this body. This may be real, but it is not actual. '˜I', as an emotional '˜being' am not a fact ... '˜I' am a belief.

It occurred to me that the implied centerpoint might actually be simply a belief. I investigated ("is this a belief?") and it turned out to be the case. In a sudden, unexpected shift, the thing untangled. Interestingly enough, the sensation of energetic pressure in the back of the head remains, as well as other various energetic blockages (which have been dissolving very steadily in the last three days), but there was this striving quality to the way the focus was drawn to them, which is simply no longer there (and I can't for the life of me invoke, it is reduced to a bad, fuzzy memory). It is very interesting how a belief can distort perception so much.

The following contribution to my previous practice thread makes complete sense to me now:

(Jackson) Besides, there IS NO CENTER POINT. The center point is a projection of mind, as a way to split off and reify the source dissatisfaction into some kind of foe to be slaughtered. There is no foe.

I feel a lot more normal, and now I'll continue working (more like "playing") towards being happy and harmless, and then actually free.

Thanks for all your hints, tips and suggestions. And thank you Kenneth for those one-on-one lessons.

Bruno

Nice one, Bruno. Great to hear things going so well and good luck with whatever happens.

Great stuff Bruno!!! I can really identify with a lot of what's happened to you in the past few months. Thanks a lot for all the contributions you've made along the way (you've brought up some very useful stuff in your journals and posts).

Sounds great, Bruno!
Good luck with what comes next!

Congrats Bruno!

Well done Bruno, congratulations! Though we haven't gotten a chance to talk directly on either forum, I've benefited greatly from reading your posts here and at DhO and look forward to hearing what you discover in your practice moving forward.

Jeez, definitely not 4th path. Maybe it was third after all, maybe not even that. As I have no ability to jhana, it seems hard to test.

Trudging on...