Question about equanimity and stream entry

Hello I am a senior in high school so I don't really have the flexibility of going to a retreat with the little time I have. I am currently in the dark night and just want to get out. I have done some noting practice but just seem stuck. I've read a lot of the stuff on this site and feel like it is helpful but something just isn't clicking for me. What exactly should I do? I've read that I need to note a lot yet Kenneth said in the 1st Gear page that I should concentrate. I find it extremely difficult to concentrate due to the constant pain and distracting dark night stuff. When I note sometimes things go faster than I can actually label them. How do I go about on improving? Im sorry if I sound a bit desperate in my request but I really don't want to be stuck here for too long as I have been for a while during high school. I want to be able to enjoy my year and get into college without any problems while still pursuing my spiritual goals. All comments are appreciated.

If things get too fast to note, you could either note what you notice with a mental "tap" sound..like "duh", or "dat" or a sound or mental head nod of your choosing. Or you could note "too fast", "confusion" "slow mind", "looking", or just note whatever takes center stage in the experience of eddy every 2 seconds. Things will go by but you just note what you can. Don't stress over it. If you do, then "stress" is what you should be noting. Or just note the general tone of the sensations, or the mind state that is predominant. Soemtimes the phenomena arising and passing so fast can be stage specific, such as the 5th nana (dissolution). It is hard to catch when things arise and only when they pass away quickly. Don't fret.

If you are truly dark nighting it, Im not sure you can turn it off in time for college. But if you develop your noting skills and if you can increase your concentration skills, the dukkha nanas will be less of a hassle.

Can I ask how , at such a young age, you got yourself into the dark night? Could you describe your first AP?

Hope this helps,

Nick

Hi eddy,

Welcome to KFD!

I know that feeling. Dark night can be a bastard. What you wanna do is increase your noting skills and surrender to it. It can be hard, we all know that. But surrender is key. When you struggle against it, the suffering is more intense. Note as much as you can. It is good if you can increase your concentration skills too. A kasina object is an easier way of developing your concentration if the dark night is making it hard to concentrate. If you are able to concentrate you will perhaps find that it helps your noting skills and may well make it easier to navigate the dark night on through to the 11th nana.

I think another helpful thing you can do is to perhaps set up a practice notes thread here so you can report your sits and experiences and connect with others who also know exactly what you are going through. You will get support and support is good to have during the episodes of the dark night. It's good to talk about with people who understand.

Practice wise, if you can't concentrate, then note, note, note like there is no tomorrow. None of what is happening is "you". If this doesn't work, get up and do some exercise. You'd be surprised what a walk in the park can do for dark night episodes. Walk and note at the same time. Don't over do it with the sitting. If you feel too negative, go out and walk around the block and note continuously. Sometimes that makes it easier. Watch a movie and occasionally check in with the sensations, mind states and thoughts. Note them when you can. You are suffering as much as you are embedded in those sensations, mind states and thoughts. But don't overdo it. Know when you are frazzled and perhaps take a breather, go out and enjoy a break from it all.

Thanks Nikolai. Very helpful information. If we could skype that would be great. I havent been able to ever actually talk personally to a teacher or someone else who practices. And about your question.. Thats a bit difficult to explain. I honestly can't really remember my first AP. I discussed it on the dharmaoverground discussion to see how this was possible. I believe I may have lost it at a very early age. Like mid childhood. I used to stay up at night for hours just watching things break up into little dots and pulses. I would get into a lot of trances. Idk why. Then all of a sudden I just started acting up and have been depressed since. Ive been through countless therapies and medicines and nothing seems to work. I ruled out the possibility of pure psychiatric disorder (though I believe my suffering has a component that is) when I began doing practices and looking at the maps. Everything seems to line up with the dark night, especially the energetic symptoms and pains. I think I reached equanimity while meditating today.

Just to offer an additional point...

If you are pretty stuck in a dark night and can't concentrate, be open to the fact that maybe you are having a spiritual *and* a psychological issue at the same time. It's quite possible. Particularly if you've felt lost since an early age.

The practical outcome of that would be to do an integral or integrative practice; don't do spiritual practice all by itself. So get exercise, get involved in your passions and education, try to live a healthy social life, find an excellent therapist, and all of that while also noting and meditating. It isn't a one or the other. I'm speaking from experience here; some problems are spiritual and some aren't, so it's best to attack from all angles.

All of those other things will help your practice as well. The healthier the self, the easier it is to transcend.

Yours,
Mark

You've gotten excellent advice so far.

I thought I'd offer my own take on this, since I'm going through a rough Dark Night myself:

I usually start with a Kasina, nowadays I use a candle, and stare into the center of the flame, really staying with it, until I feel a shift into a concentrated state.

As to noting, as Nick said, just note everything that arises, dissatisfaction being a main and easy thing to catch.

I find that when I really note honestly and consistently, after a while, the dark night tends to go away in a "wow.. everything is just fine.. I'm here reacting to my imagination" sort of way. It does have a nasty habit of coming back though

Hey thank you all for the advice. I will apply it now!

Yet another word of advice chiming in - one thing that helped me out during DN was to apply some metta-meditation skills. That is the loving-kindness meditation. I would do a metta sit in the mornings focusing on being kind and forgiving to all the pains and problems that make up "me." It worked really well because it infused the noting with a kind of kind patience for what was happening. That made it a lot easier to keep noting. It was as if every little itch and discomfort that came up was not only noted but "comforted" in a strange sort of way.

Also, I second Mark's advice. Going through DN isn't JUST a spiritual experience (I think we lose sight of that here). It can bring up a lot of your stuff, and then you have to deal with that too, on top of the DN stages. Getting hooked up with a good counselor is priceless in that situation.

For full disclosure, I should say that I'm a psychologist, so I'm a little biased about these things. But I say that if you have access to someone that would listen and be supportive, rather than judgmental or problem-solving, get with that person and stay with them until you are through this phase at least.

Please feel free to message me through this forum at any time.