Josh's Practice Journal

Well I thought now is a good time as any to start a journal documenting my progress of insight.

A little background:

I discovered Buddhism and meditation a little over a year ago in October 2009... I was doing a school assignment on Buddhism and got interested in meditation as a way to enter altered states and such... I sat down for my first meditation, following the breath, and 20 minutes later entered the first jhana without knowing what it was. It eventually led to a spiritual awakening and discovery, where I have been living on the Big Island of Hawaii for the past year, following a fruitarian diet, meditating (irregularly) and enjoying the many aspects of spirituality.

I am now back on the mainland for the holidays, and had a bunch of changes recently. I only discovered Mastering the Core Teaching by Daniel Ingram a few months ago, but I had pure faith in the technique, in the buddha and such, and began doing light noting practice alongside mantra and breath concentration.

About 4 weeks ago had an Arising and Passing event quite unexpectedly, while laying next to my friend. I had my hand on her heart chakra region, and then I began automatically following the sensations of the hand. There was a quick shift, a very quick light and consciousness fireworks, and I was in the planetarium of sensations, no I, just made of all these fragmented sensations.

I sat up, knew immediately what it was, and a 4 hour long full body orgasm followed, along with a bunch of other conscious things. I immediately plunged into the Dark Night with deep heartfelt feelings of sadness coming up after the AP event. It was kind of nice, the depth of the emotion..

I was in the Dark Night, determined to get out as I had slightly amplified emotions, a constant spiritual hangover/headache type thing in the center of my head, and what felt like an anchor on my mood, like I couldnt feel happy, just slightly content.
cont..

cont...

I immediately began doing some formal sitting Vipassana, Mahasi Style, but the majority of my insight stuff what just during the day, all the time pretty much when I felt like it. I was surprised how underwhelming the Dark Night actually was as I had read many accounts and Daniels book and was thinking it would be bigger... I attribute alot of clarity and a relatively strong vibration to my fruitarian diet, yoga and exercise practice, and then living in Hawaii...

It wasnt until 2 weeks after having the Arising and Passing Event that I was sitting reading Daniels book online. I intuitively began looking back on the last 2 weeks and seeing that I had indeed been moving through the Dark Night stages, and was in reobservation. I was astonished at how simple it was, I noted excitement. Just then while sitting there in reobservation I began looking at sensations for fun. I told myself that I am comfortable with all sensations that arise and pass away, and bam... a big wave of peace and relaxation hit me... I immediately knew it was Equanimity, and kind of hung out in the peacefulness I was experiencing for a bit, no dark night headache or tension in my third eye.

A day later I had fallen back into Dark Night territory but knew how to navigate out of it immediately everytime.... I was taking a flight out of Hawaii so I was in Hilo Hostel, just talking to some people in the lounge area... There was a guy talking non stop to me so I began to zone him out and do insight on all sensations... Easily hit equanimity and then I didnt one out in the peace this time I began looking at the sensations of peace and ease and such... and then blip, whoosh... a strong bliss wave, a smile and giddiness came over me... At the time I was like " that couldnt have been it... this enlightenment thing just isnt that easy" and I continued to talk to the guy in the lounge with the biggest smile and deep sense of peace...

cont...

cont...

Went back to my room to observe reality a bit, and indeed I was sure I had hit stream entry... My interaction with reality was noticeably different... I laid in bed that night, and began looking at sensations, and wizz zip wizz zip I began experiencing energetic like phenomena in my spine and knew I was cycling in A&P.... Over the next couple days reality was noticeably doifferent, a permanent change with how I interact with everything, an expansive feeling in my mind, more space up there... I continued to go through cycles while traveling through the airports and stuff, they pretty much happened on their own.. I was kind of just wanting to get home and do actual meditation... but was excited about the whole thing.

Since then I have been taking a break from insight and meditation and indulging in cooked food (im usually fruitarian), and other sensory indulgences that I did not have in Hawaii....

I am ready to start up my practice again and have resolved to attain 2nd Path while I am staying at my parents house up in the NC mountains for the holidays... best retreat location ever

My Formal Resolves :

I formally resolve to water fast for 5 days, clearly in ketosis, breaking the fast with orange juice and green juices the first day
(I am very into following a prestine diet for the clarity it gives me... it has been a large attribute in my awakening process)

I formally resolve to enter a meditation retreat once hitting ketosis, and remaining mindful during all wakeful hours, noting all sensations using Mahasi Sayadaw style noting

I formally resolve to attain 2nd path for the benefit of myself and all sentient beings!

I formally resolve to stay strict 90/5/5 (fruitarian term for only fresh fruits and vegetables) for 365 days after breaking this last fast, for the benefit of myself and all sentient beings

I formally resolve to manifest cheap living arrangements and a source of income in Hawaii for both myself and Megan

I formally resolve to manifest a trip to Thailand, in order to maintain 955 and attract a meditation teacher into my life in order to navigate 2nd path more skillfully

I formally resolve to maintain a happy loving energy for all sentient beings

May all Beings be happy

May they effortlessly find the Path to Liberation

Om Mani Padme Hum

Starting day two of my 5 day water fast... Im feeling slight detox symptoms and a sluggishness in my mind from indulging in foods outside of my normal diet, so im feeling less enthusiastic about doing any formal meditation. I am however looking at the unpleasant detox sensations that keep popping up, and then any pleasant vibratory sensations I may experience.

Im hoping to hit ketosis in my water fast tomorrow, which will shift how my brain operates, hopefully giving me tremendous clarity in meditation.

More later, peace love and aloha, OM!

Hey Josh,

Nice resolutions. i like the the trip to Thailand, hehe. Hope it works out.

The next time you post about your experiences, try not speculating on whether something was 1st or 2nd path. Wht you should be doing here is describing your meditative experiences as just the phenomenology of it. That way you avoid speculation and grand announcements. To keep this place (KFD) from becoming a place for people to make claims out of the blue, we need to see what was going on and what is going on with your practice , the nitty gritty of your practice. Rather than speculate about what you experienced, start to just describe what you are experiencing now in your practice and perhaps we will be able to see patterns emerge and perhaps we will be able to say, hey, this guy is experiencing fruitions and completing cycles of insight so he must be at least 1st path. This way, we try and preserve the integrity of this place, so that it avoids being a place where people can just come out and make claims without showing how their practice has evolved and without seeing what experiences could be diagnosed to support their claims.

Anyway, sounds like you are on the ride anyways. Manifesting cheap living arrangements ..haha.....I never thought to make resolutions for such things.

Welcome mate!!

Looking forward to seeing nitty gritty phenomenological descriptions of your practce without the specualtion.

Nick


P.S. check out the thread below to see what Kenneth does not want occurring at this site: He posts at the very bottom.

kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/40...l1983+practice+notes

Understood Nikolai , from this post onward I will only record what I experience from a day to day basis, and not hold any claims of such.

I am just doing brief little sessions here and there during the day, but I am experiencing a slight shift. During my trip over to the mainland I was experiencing pleasant energetic phenomena all over my body and in my spine, and then it would quickly shift into a pressure in my forehead, followed by a quick kind of spacious feeling, like I was integrating into the environment I was in, and then a quick hiccup in reality, and then relaxation and peace.

I am now experiencing what I believe to be Mind and Body. I am looking at sensations of my arm touching my side, and they feel solid. No flickering or vibratory quality, and I feel soft first jhana like bliss, very subtle though, but it happens everytime I look at more closely at bodily sensations. Oh and I havent had any cycles or blips since I got home and started eating heavier foods, which definitely affects my practice... I will be able to give a more accurate and precise account of everything in a few days when I am back into my normal diet vibration.

"I will be able to give a more accurate and precise account of everything in a few days when I am back into my normal diet vibration. "

Excellent, Josh!

Looking forward to that report! Can you describe what you mean by "hiccup" in reality? Can you please describe perhaps what is happening right before it and right after it in much much more detail, if you can? I'm curious. The next time you sit, explain each phenomenological shift and change from when your butt touches the cushion to perhaps when you reach that "hiccup" and after it happens with your own words and without calling them this stage and that stage. Lets see if we can see some patterns some here may be able to relate to!



Nick

The hiccups that were occurring a little under a week ago were basically following a cycle, where I would feel energy all over my back and in my spine, followed by a slight tension in my head/ 3rd eye, and then there would be a sensation like my head was being lifted up, or pulled up, and then a blip, or hiccup or the best I can describe is reality skips a beat. The first time it happened was sitting in the Hostel Lounge talking to a guy, when I was doing some noting on sensations, it happened really fast, so there was no recognizable door. All the other times its been happening were while i was traveling on planes and airports, so I couldnt do any formal sitting practice, and thus could not really verify anything or try to repeat the occurrence while sitting.

This mornings sit has been very interesting. I am no longer having any cycles or blips, atleast not since my travels over to the mainland.

I have returned to my normal fruit diet and yoga routine so the clarity and bliss i get from that is returning, and making my practice very interesting. I sat for an hour this morning.

I began with following the breath for about 15 minutes, to get access concentration and the beginnings of 1st jhana. Once my mind was stable I began following sensations as fast as I could. At first my mind felt sluggish, just noting some random bodily sensations such as touching the floor, concentrating on those sensations. I began to notice the three characteristics and my mind became a little more engaged. I began following about 1-2 sensations every second, mostly sensations of sitting, breathing, and energetic phenomena.

I began to get really engaged, following about 2-3 sensations every second, all sensations of bliss, tons of energy surging through my spine and my whole back felt buzzing. I was also noting sensations of excitement, and strange raptures that I can only describe as getting accelerated really fast.

cont.

cont....

I became very engaged in the noting of these energetic sensations, trying not to get lost in them, and effort eventually dropped. I noted sensations of concentration, a strong pressure in the front of my head, noting slight tension.

I sat for about 30 minutes following sensations in this way. This feels very similar to when I first crossed the A&P unexpectedly while laying next to my friend, but this is way more intense. I got up after my sit feeling slightly dizzy, and very much alert and awake.

As soon as my body is more stable and not experiencing any detox from thanksgiving dinner, Ill be spending as much time in retreat to try and cross what feels like a threshold... atleast I felt during my sit this morning there was a noticeable threshold I was trying to get past, but kept getting lost in the raptures and wowness of the ride.

More later... love you all o/

wow lots of energy stuff happening...I did some mantra chanting after sitting and having breakfast this morning... did the moola mantra for about an hour and alot of energetic stuff all my body, and rapturous (extreme interest into sensations)...Im having a hard time not getting lost in the raptures... im thinking ill be able to navigate this territory after doing a bit more aerobic type yoga stuff to ground a bit.

Ok, today has been interesting...

Around 10 last night I was talking to a friend on online, and also noting energetic sensations between talking... I had a slight shift (still not sure if this is bliss from my fruit diet returning or from my noting) where there was a very quick expansion feeling in my head, and a kind of dizzy like feeling for a brief moment... this is following noting energy and tingling in the spine and back.. it felt like some sort of rapture, which ive been experiencing the past few days while noting... but there was a nice sense of pleasant bliss and a general uplift after the quick expansion feeling...

about an hour later the pleasantness subsided and I began experiencing some sadness, it was surrounding a worldly experience (my dad talking about my life as a bum not doing anything with my life), but the sadness seemed exaggerated. Normally people talking about my bum yogi way of life wouldnt affect me ... but I felt a strong sense of sadness, a painful pressure in my forehead, and alot of unpleasant anxious sensations going through my back and the front of the chest... I began noting them but didnt feel as engaged as before...

cont...

cont... I went to bed after trying to note the unpleasant sensations of sadness and painful things happening in the back and chest... at this point the energetic vibrations that had been occuring constantly for the past 36 hours wasnt there so much, or it was shrouded by the sad/pain... I woke up the next day with feeling no sadness or emotion pain or any of the sort... and was once again feeling constant energetic vibrations in the spine, all over the back, tingling in the head and such...

Is it possible that I crossed the A&P Event (not so much an event this time as last, if it was) and dipped into Dark Night, and then somehow fell back down to A&P again? I thought you cross the A&P once every Path and only cross it once, can you cross it multiple times?

The territory all felt pretty familiar prior to the first go around...the Dark Night sensations were very familiar... although a bit stronger this time...

I have decided I would like to get through this progress of insight as soon as possible, and get 2nd Path, as I would like to enjoy my time I have here at home. I need a small break from all of the insight stuff :0.

So,
I Formally resolve to start a Vipassana retreat at home, and keep the momentum going until attaining 2nd Path.

I have a whole month of having access to a peaceful mountain home in the North Carolina mountains, so I want to utilize this time the best I can, so im not a spiritual bi polar mess going back to Hawaii in January. Thank you everyone here, this is the greatest website! OM

Hey Josh,

When was the last time you had a "hiccup"? And when was the first one? When they occur what happens AFTER they occur?
Here are some questions by Kenneth I would like you to answer to the best of your ability. You are still speculating that you got 1st path. Maybe so , maybe not. It isn't clear yet. This is a tricky business, and anyone can be fooled by it. So before we call it 1st path, we need to see more patterns.

"Does your sitting start immediately with the A&P instead of having to work up to it as before? Are jhanas more clearly delineated than before? Are you able to jump between jhanas and nanas at will just by inclining the mind toward them? Do you experience a looping pattern in your sittings where you make your way up to the 11th nana/4th jhana, then find yourself instantly teleported back to the 4th nana only to repeat the looping pattern every few minutes for the duration of the sitting? Do you notice any momentary blips of "nothingness"? Do you feel as though you are "off the ride" at least for the moment? Do you feel that something has been lost but it isn't exactly clear what?
These are a few of the changes likely to accompany stream entry." Kenneth Folk

Josh, have you gotten in contact with Kenneth yet? If not, do so. "Hiccups" can occur at the AP stage and trick yogis into thinking it was the infamous "blip" that is talked of so often here and the DhO. Easy to confuse. I am not outright saying you are wrong. They are your experiences. BUT we have to be careful about diagnosing ourselves and then claiming on a forum that it is so without showing how one's practice has progressed.

Keep posting your experiences so we can see further patterns and please refrain from calling it 1st path till we sort this out for a period. All the same, whatever it is, it sounds like progess in the right direction. Keep noting!

metta and mudita,

Nick

"Is it possible that I crossed the A&P Event (not so much an event this time as last, if it was) and dipped into Dark Night, and then somehow fell back down to A&P again? I thought you cross the A&P once every Path and only cross it once, can you cross it multiple times?

I have decided I would like to get through this progress of insight as soon as possible, and get 2nd Path, as I would like to enjoy my time I have here at home. I need a small break from all of the insight stuff :0.

"

I don't know if you are 1st path, Josh. More posting of your sits and perhaps some time talking to Kenneth would clarify that.
Yes , it is possible to cross the AP and dip into dark night then fall back. But I don't think it would be so for someone who got 1st path. This was never my experience. But I may be wrong. If one gets 1st path, they will experience the cessations of mind and matter at the 11th nana, equanimity of formations, then suddenly will find they are back in the AP. This can occur over and over as review cycles after a path is attained. We don't want to speuclate so much yet. Let's see some more nitty gritty explanations of your practice.

And if it was 1st path, 2nd path is NOT going to resolve your dark night or life issues. In my and others' experiences, 2nd path was not so pleasant. I would switch that resolve to 4th path. That's when you get off the ride.
Check out NAdav's practice notes thread to get an idea of a good way to describe your practice
.
kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/40...dav's+practice+notes

Keep on keeping on!



Nick

Interesting things over the last couple days...

Monday was all kundalini energetic stuff. I did 2 formal sits of 30 minutes each, both consisting entirely of kundalini/A&P stuff. I noted sensations such as vibration (in my spine and back mostly), tingles, raptures of being accelerated or being spun around really fast, dizzyness, unpleasant fire like sensations in the spine, tension. I was noting here and there throughout the day on monday.

Tuesday was quite unpleasant. I had one formal sit in the morning following 10 minutes of shamatha. After doing the shamatha the energetic stuff in the back and spine was immediately apparent and quite strong. I began noting it, and would get super engaged in the noting of the energetic stuff, and I would have quick succession of raptures, such as kind of whirlwind of consciousness and bliss or acceleration sensations. I went into town with my mom and continued to note while in town, but eventually had to stop cause the energetic stuff was growing stronger and I felt overwhelmed, and what was somewhat pleasant before became unpleasant. I started to experience tension, pain and fire in my spine, very much alert and awake to these sensations. Half way through the day the firey stuff in the spine turned into a kind of disgust with the sensations, some sadness and confusion. I felt slightly disoriented and kind of just really wanting the energetic stuff to go away. I had stopped noting consciously at that point, but my mind was still noticing sensations, so I guess the noting was still occurring whether I wanted it to or not. I ended up doing a yoga session in the middle of an antique shop to help clear the energy channels and bit and that made the fireyness go away.

cont...

cont...

The energetic stuff died down and I had some unpleasant pressures near the third eye and around the crown for most of the rest of tuesday, though not super major. I noted some sensations of restlessness.

Today was the most interesting. I didnt have a formal sit this morning, but noted here and there through out the day. It started off with noting mostly energetic stuff, not as many raptures as the previous two days, some pressures in the forehead and crown, tension near the forehead, like that tightening when you experience sadness.

I went to the new Harry Potter with my mom today and halfway through the movie something interesting happened. I had an unpleasant pressure in my forehead during the movie so I began noting it, bringing awareness to it so it would go away. Half way through the movie the unpleasant pressure turned into a high vibrating very pleasant and blissful pressure. I felt relaxed, blissful and at ease from all of the energetic stuff that had been happening over the last couple of days. I felt like it was a shift into equanimity, as other unpleasant bodily sensations were seen with ease, but did not sway my mind state at all. I began noting the ease, relaxation and peace/bliss I was experiencing, all while also paying attention to Harry killing the horcruxes!

I continued to note the pleasantness until the movie ended, and continued all the way till home. At one point the pleasantness was very strong, my whole body was vibrating with bliss, and had a general good mood. Then something happened. I noticed a pulling near the forehead/third eye area where the pressure of pleasantness, kinda like being slightly pulled up into the vibrations, I got excited thinking I was about to have a fruition, and then the excitement made it go away. I got home and decided to eat. I feel I got into some level of equanimity, I will continue strong practice tomorrow and report back. OM

Hi Josh,

I just want to follow up on Nick's suggestion to modify your reporting style a bit so we can tell what is going on with you. Check out this excerpt from Nadav's Practice Notes:

"This morning I sat for 45 minutes. I felt relaxed and determined.
Noted some itching... a specific point below my left eye that was persistent in one of yesterday's sits too.
Lots of visual remembering thoughts, and planning thoughts.
Some pulsations in the arm and very subtle tingling all over the back. I focused on the breath for a bit and caught myself absorbed in thoughts/stories. I noted thoughts and then the other 3 foundations of mindfulness separately for a few minutes.
Noted some judging thoughts about my practice / desire for progress.
Some slight vibrations in the hands. Tension going up and down my back. Itching.
The itching disappeared and for a while there was very little body activity, but the mind was very active. I realized that I was worried about this and searching for body sensations (noted as 'searching').
About 30 minutes in, my legs started throbbing. The legs and hands felt hot. I noticed vibrations within the burning sensations in the leg."

This is a good example of the kind of reporting that will best help us help you. Notice that there is no speculation, just painfully simple descriptions of what happened in terms of bare phenomena. I know it seems unlikely but it's true that the less you speculate about where you might be on the maps, the easier it is for the rest of us to tell. It's like Dragnet: "Just the facts, Ma'am."

Your noting technique seems sound, so other than the suggested change in reporting style, keep up the good work! Just stay technique-oriented and all of this will unfold just as it's supposed to.

Kenneth

Okie havent updated in a while, but Ive still been meditating and engaging with life.

Over the past two weeks ive been noting alot of tensions in my third eye, spine and this general "ick" kind of feeling, which ive come to associate with the 3rd nana. Ive been meditating irregularly, some days Ill meditate several times for an hour each sit and some days I wont feel like meditating at all.

Here is a good description of what my sits have been like for the past 2 weeks (except a change in my practice which happened last saturday)...

I will sit, begin with doing Metta towards my friends, family and then to one person I have conflict with. I will get a good flow of warm sensations going from the heart chakra, and I get one-pointed, or atleast gain access concentration.

I begin noting, first noting the pleasant, ease, spaciousness and warmth from the Metta and this gets my mind engaged in the act of noting, rather than indulging in the "ick, meditation" feeling. I note tension, sadness, anxious, a kind of irritating tingling squirmy feeling in the spine.

It is not long before the I notice more spaciousness and ease with the unpleasant sensations. I note the pleasantness, expansive mind, peace, ease, bliss, will dip back into some tension in my head and spine, miserable feeling in the back of my head. I notice some stable states of mind, and my mind kind of takes a rest in these states. I notice I am resting in the pleasantness and disembed from the absorbed state.

This sort of practice continues for about 2 weeks, just kind of fluctuating between noting unpleasant icky, misery, and anxious types of sensations and states of mind. I really get the vipassana energy flowing when I start noting states of mind. it really seems to disembed.

Then my practice had a few changes

cont...

cont...

My practice continued to fluctuate between the unpleasantness, and going into a noting with ease and noticing the mind absorbing into various states, sometimes it is such a relief from the unpleasantness that I just let the mind rest in these stable states.

Its when I started to really notice and disembed from these stable states of pleasantness that I started to feel a kind of build up of energy near the crown, like im kind of being pulled up above my head a bit, and then I get excited, and thinking im about to pop, and it loses its energy and I fall back down into some unpleasant tension. I notice the tension and get back into the state of ease, where sensations are just coming and going, and the mind is very stable.

I kept at this for a week, each sit getting into the ease where sensations of suchness are just coming and going, and I start to note the ease, and then feeling the pulling sensations, I try noting pulling, excitement, and such but it seems to lose its build and drops back into just ease. It takes me a good 20 minutes to get from unpleasant, misery, tension and anxiety, to ease, bliss, spaciousness and peace.

Last Saturday I had an event happen in my meditation.
I sat, not expecting anything from the practice, just kind of going with the flow of whatever happened. I was almost just kind of meditating for the hell of it while my mom was playing some music in the living room. I sat, got to what I think is equanimity to formations within 5 minutes, and my mind felt very centered, like the "center of the universe" best way I can describe it. Within 5 minutes of sitting down and getting to this state ease, I felt a quick "blip" above... like it felt like the blip pulled me up towards the crown.

After the blip I immediately wondered, "was that it?" I didnt feel like meditating anymore, and I got up and went and started talking with my mom.

cont.

cont...

After the blip my mind felt very spacious, open, clear... pretty similar to after my sits if I had gotten into the state of ease, but it felt like there was something missing that had been there after all my sits for the past couple weeks.

I went and talked with my mom a bit, and was just kind of noticing how I was experiencing reality. As I was talking to her, maybe 3 minutes after the blip event, I had a very big sense of ease, bliss, relaxation, but at the same time it felt like the center of my brain was frying with bliss... like the sensation of bliss or something similar was too much. It was slightly uncomfortable, but at the same time it did not bother me and I was very happy and simply peaceful.

I kept wondering if that was a fruition, and I talked with my mom for a bit more and then went and played with jhana a bit using mantras as my object. I noticed the mantra I used "om mani padme hum" was very solid, like I could feel it with my mind, and my mind absorbed into it very quickly. I gained access or first jhana and then I could "flip the channel", where I would simply incline my mind into the next step of the ladder, or the next channel. I recognized what I think is the 4th jhana (equanimity) from all of my previous sits from the past 2 weeks, as this was what I was absorbing into every time I sat.

I tried to incline my mind into a fruition, but im not sure I can. Over the past week since the event I have been enjoying a very peaceful mind, quite equanimous to everything, a piece of "me" is no longer there. I continue to try and repeat a fruition by intention alone but I think I am just fooling my self. When I simply will my mind into a fruition, I feel a quick kind of skip, but there is no bliss wave or anything, it feels like im shooting blanks, which makes me think I am fooling myself into think I had a fruition..

cont...

cont...

Since the big blip on saturday, I had 3 of my highschool friends come visit me from Atlanta up to my parents home in NC... so I havent had to meditate since then, until this morning.

While they were here I was enjoying just not meditating and enjoying life... enjoying my friends... and then I had an event in my life (not meditation), with a girl, felt very painful stuff in my heart chakra last night. I felt like I had cycled back into a really hardcore dark night, alot more severe than the last couple weeks, and pretty much was feeling VERY not good stuff the whole night and this morning...

My friends left this morning and I sat for 30 minutes to meditate, and resolved to repeat a fruition. I got to the end of my sit and was still feeling tension in the middle of my forehead, and a heavy heart chakra feeling, heavy chest... I got up just kind of wanting to incline my mind into something other than what I was experiencing so I got on the computer and started listening to mantras... I was reading stuff on here, and I decided to look at the tension again... and then a quick "jolt" and then a big sense of ease and my mind felt spacious again, no heavy heart or tension in the middle of my head.

So im going to kind of get into some longer sits and maybe do a retreat and possible chat with Kenneth in a couple days.. and see where I am exactly, as I feel mostly very peaceful, my mind feels open, but at the same time slightly confused.

I need clarity! Metta and Mantra meditation helps alot... I may do a short water fast...

Anyways, ill try to keep this journal a bit more updated, rather than having these big gaps.

I think im going to play with purely shamatha concentration meditation tomorrow, using either mantra or breath counting, and kasina.

Im also wondering if there are any key signs to gaining 2nd path? I know from Nik's journal that he was able to will his mind into any of the 8 standard jhanas, and he was playing with one of the pure abodes right after he gained 2nd Path. I was wondering whether all 2nd Path peeps can access all 8 jhanas, and if possibly, any of the pure abodes. Im really intrigued by just playing with these states of mind for a few days, and kind of hardening my concentration muscle a bit, to lubricate the ol' vipassana gears.

Metta to All!

Hi Josh,

Your post 19 is the best of your reports so far, so let's start there and see if we clean up your reporting style even further. My commentary is in brackets:

"Over the past two weeks ive been noting alot of tensions in my third eye, spine and this general "ick" kind of feeling, which ive come to associate with the 3rd nana."
[Don't speculate about what nana you think it is. Just describe the sensations.]

"Ive been meditating irregularly, some days Ill meditate several times for an hour each sit and some days I wont feel like meditating at all." [Nice. This is useful info.]

"I will sit, begin with doing Metta towards my friends, family and then to one person I have conflict with. I will get a good flow of warm sensations going from the heart chakra, and I get one-pointed, or atleast gain access concentration." [Rather than say "heart chakra," tell us where in the body it happened, using simple words like "chest" and "abdomen." Don't say "access concentration." Just describe your experience in simple terms.]

"I begin noting, first noting the pleasant, ease, spaciousness and warmth from the Metta and this gets my mind engaged in the act of noting, rather than indulging in the "ick, meditation" feeling. I note tension, sadness, anxious, a kind of irritating tingling squirmy feeling in the spine." [OK, this is not bad.]

"It is not long before the I notice more spaciousness and ease with the unpleasant sensations. I note the pleasantness, expansive mind, peace, ease, bliss, will dip back into some tension in my head and spine, miserable feeling in the back of my head." [Good descriptions!]

(cnt'd below)