A samatha journal

Hi, I'm Nick and it seems long past that I should do one of these, and build some momentum.

I am trying to progress on a masters degree and work part time, so perhaps as Ingram suggests in mctb, I can work on concentration since I doubt I'll get to retreats. Although others seems to support the dry insight path.

Also intriguing is where Ingram writes, "If you are poking around sites like this one and care at all about these things, it is possible and even likely that you crossed the A&P at some point, though not everyone who is poking around here has, this is true of the vast majority." Seems plausible that I could be here, but who knows.

Plan to do at least 30min a day. Will try to log something about each day, even if I don't post every day.

The fivefold classification of piti on wikipedia seems a useful map.
"As the meditator experiences tranquillity (samatha), one of five kinds of joy (piti) will arise. These are:
1.Weak rapture only causes piloerection.
2.Short rapture evocates some thunder "from time to time".
3.Going down rapture explodes inside the body, like waves.
4.Exalting rapture "makes the body jump to the sky".
5.Fulfilling rapture seems to be a huge flood of a mountain stream.
Note only the last two are considered specifically piti. The first four are just a preparation for the last one, which is the jhanic factor.[3]"

Seems to me that I have had 3 before, and 2 quite often, eg last night when listening to music and noting "in,out" at nostrils. While piti seems to be the focus for 1st jhana, anything to note about the other factors -- vitakka, vicara, sukha, upekkha?

Cheers everyone, and I hope this practice and place is a treasure trove that surpasses my doubts.

Welcome Nick,
I'm new here and like you began with doubts, I still have them but it's hard to argue with experiences that I thought would never happen to me. If you do the practice, it will work. 4 months ago I wouldn't have believed that I'd be saying that.

thanks, RevElev.

06/01/2011 - 30min, sit on bed siddhasana, fingers on knees, eyes shut, folded pillow as cushion, dark, quiet. Noting "iiin, ooout" at tip of nose.
Entire time was settling down...from jitteryness, scatteredness. Eyes big distraction: having some issues with irritation from computer use lately, almost constant eye twitching when sitting. Some close focus and tightening, then relaxing. Lids ficker letting bits of light though. Trying to get one pointed when your muscles are spasaming ha, think I will call doctor about this soon. Lost noting couple times, ie mental note in on the out breath. Sensations, thoughts. Near end noticeably less jittery, eyes too, several small goosebumps around back.

07/01/2011 -30min, same setup. not so much scatteredness, but attention jumps between objects, sensations, thoughts. eyes only flickering half the time. Did not lose noting. Dozens of chills. Vary in location, size, intensity. Perhaps what is meant by lightening are the bit more intense chills vertically down spine. Then have these occur multiple times with say half second inbetween, horizontal lines going up back though if remember correctly. Sensations peaked around 20min then less.

Nice job, Ciocoiu. Keep up the good work. If the eyes become a distraction, make them the object. There are no hindrances or distractions, only objects. Become interested in the sensations around the eyes. Interest leads to absorption. Let yourself be drawn gently into concentration. Don't force it; trying to concentrate is like pushing on a string. You will go deeper and stay longer if you allow yourself to be drawn out to sea by the ebbing tide. If you try to paddle against the incoming tide, on the other hand, you will just become tired and agitated. Be patient and after a few minutes the tide will turn.

See if you can extend your sittings from 30 minutes to 45.

only objects and interest. alright. I understand about not forcing it. Maybe mediated 100hours total. I don't expect anything new for me for at least a couple weeks. Really wanted this to keep me on track long term and learn from others.

08/01/2010 - 26min. nose a bit stuffy. About a dozen low to medium intense chills. distracted, disrupted by noises of person.

09/01/2010 - 30min+10. about a dozen chills. confused about eye focus. They wanted to focus down...which is can be hard with eyes closed, so let eyes open for several minutes then closed. Near end also opened straight ahead. After 30min sat there, did not seem to matter if i moved or not, eventually until I thought about why it did not matter if i got up or sat there enough to lose noting and get up.

10/01/2010 - 30min just sat noting. ehh. thinking, planning how to describe sit rather than sit, ha. Only couple chills. Near end chest tight.

Postnote: new scientific study on chills gotten from music. Related to dopamine release, not surprising. www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episo...o-brain-dop-11-01-09

11/01/2010 - 60min. had intent to be interested. Lots of chills fast. A bit jittery though. Mostly expanding chills, sometimes up back of neck and head. Back got rather cold feeling with all the chills. After 20min less jittery less chills. Went though some more cycles. Bit of aftereffect...harder to get to sleep. naturally noticing breath more next morning.

12/01/2010 - 60min. not jittery, not much chills.

13/01/2010 - 60min. again a settling type sit. perhaps breath came more to center of awareness, and less efforting to note. Subtle, not sure so don't want to say much.

14/01/2010 - 60min. for a bit very short breaths. Seems too much thoughts, the random fragments that arise, and the more deliberative that make some sense. Bit of anguish about not sure what I'm doing where its going, some ache from sitting longer.

Previewed "Practing the Jhanas" on google books. It's a samatha book from Pa Auk Sayadaw & couple westerners. More content: buddhist geeks 159-160, other talks, free ebook "knowing and seeing", etc. Richard Shankman talks about this as Visuddhimagga jhana very focused, hard jana style. Here Richard might argue drawbacks, not all get nimitta light, while pa auk might say you need that to show absorption.
1. the anapana spot. "the specific spot can be anywhere from the upper lip to the entarance of the nostrils, but not inside the nostrils." "the attention is placed on the awareness of the breath as it goes in and out of the nostrils."
How does one notice the breath at nose? cool/warm. pressure/tingles from air on skin/hairs.
These hairs are obviously inside the nostrils.
So it seems that I should not make these sensations a focus since they occur inside the nostrils, yet to be aware of in and out breath some awareness of them persists. My best take is the spot is some kind of mental holder where breath movement occurs before entering nose. also see: www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/ariyadhamma/bl115.html
2. "It is important that you don't start to take the numbers ... as your object, which can easily happen. Your object is always the breath, and these devices are only temporary aids to help focus awareness." Thus, I am going to drop the noting "iiin, oout" for the last 30min starting the 16th.

The authors of "Practicing the Jhanas" have a number of very good audio recordings that go over much of this material available at their website: www.jhanasadvice.com

1. It is the awareness of the tactile sensation at the breath at the anapana spot. It's not noticing charactaristics such as cool/warm.
2. It's not noting "iin, oout", it's only the awareness of the breath at the anapana spot.

Not much interesting to say imo, hope I don't bore people with my muddling around.

bauseer - I've listened to some of the audio from that site by now. Generally good content I suppose. Main thing I took from it was the technique is basically to remain on the object constantly. There are a whole host of practices that pa auk uses as well, 4elements, kisanas, etc.

15-17/01/2010. 60x3. Seems more like "just sitting". Seemed more calm. More mental focus with mental
awareness on anapana spot. Lots of same things already mentioned of course. Starting to get some
pain though, which is generally why I've stopped sits before, so might have to change something or come to terms with it or whatever.
18-19 30x2 - more energetic sits since i was trying "stop" command on monkeymind a bit, and tried to infuse more mindfulness.
20 - no sitting today. Tried to observe object 30x2 or so during everyday life. Makes me wonder about this kind of practice...how important? Can get access with this? I any case makes sense I suppose to do this more throughout the day for the sake of mindfulness at least.

At this point I think I've read enough (or at least realized that it does not matter much) and just need to crack done and get it done though mindfulness constantly...easier said than done.

Dunno what happened to 21. I even keep a log with program on phone. Should probably try to write down thoughts right after sit too. Dropped noting.
22-30min.
23-60min. much thinking, thinking, thinking.
24-60min. calming down. more issue with swallowing lately. Maybe doing it more or noticing more. today was the worst with saliva flooding mouth often.
25-60min. most pleasant sit in awhile with mid 30mins tingling. Body felt a bit light. Mostly I watch at in between space. Often notice at nostrils, then I might notice at back of palate. Can direct to middle of nose. Can feel midbody. Can feel stomach. Can notice which nostril is moving air, or both evenly. Better aiming or awareness I suppose, but I should try to keep only at nostril area.
26-55min. liberal use of "stop" command, seemed to make me more agitated if anything and stopped sit short.
27-75min. since I don't have much skill, I suppose one strategy is increase time. Sat until pain gets some intensity. Don't seem to be getting subtle breath, too many thoughts and whatnot.
28-60min. Definitely notice that I am not fully with breath even though I am with it. Feelings of too controlling of breath. Want to get to the effortless attention. Like often last 10min or so waiting for timer to ding, and then I am like but I could sit more.
29-30min. thoughts mostly about practice of this sit. easing tension around eyes. Straighten up. quite aware of hands on knees. often aware of breath at nose and stomach at same time.
30- 70min. swallowed only 4times. some subtleness finally, where breath is a bit more elusive. Notice breath at two places - front tip of nostrils and more bellow area. last 10min was struggle.
31/1/11-none had headache and just wanted to sleep.

Ciocoiu,
Good to see the consistency in sitting, that seems to be the key. Keep at it and it just seems to happen. Good days, bad days, just keep sitting, it all moves you towards your goals.

Yea time practicing is number one I suppose.
As JanasAdvice teachers said a lot of times you can do this practice and feel like you are not getting anywhere. True enough. At this point also seems likely when they say doing 60min a day chance of jhana is pretty much zero. So somewhat discouraged lately.

1/2/11-55min. Attention drifty first half, then able notice mostly and keep at nostril front.
2/2/11- 30min. Busy right into sit. restless. Felt long and did not want to try more.
3/2/11-60min. noticing more visual field...think this was b/c i had eyes slightly open often it was just dark. Drifty attention again due to different focus of breath.
4/2/11 60min.
5/2/11 30min. Just tried general awareness of breath since I seem to have shifting awareness lately.
6/2/11
Tried some red kasina practice. used back of non-shiny red disc golf disc ~8inch, has a rim. color might get bit dimer or glower. sometimes dissapeard mostly, sometimes split off into 2 to varying degrees, dissapearing to various degrees. eyes watered some. reading text was blurrier afterwords. probably could have used a cleaner/tidy practice area. Also have a yellow & off-white disk I will try.
7/2/11 30min yellow kasina. much the same.
8/2/11 30min off-white kasina. tied some to keep it from breaking up...seems to make more luminous at times.
9/2/11 mediation on death. Reminded myself that death is definite and the time is unknown. Most obvious is contortions in face. Body move more. Some more awareness of blackness of visual field.
I suppose after some experimenting ill go back to the breath.

So its been several months I've stopped.
Suppose I did not see much progress, lost motivation, dissapointed, doubtful, etc.
Lately I am almost gone though Gil Fronsdals mindfulness of breathing series.
Suppose some motivation is back and will do more sitting samatha, but tempted to do some brute force dry-insight.

I'll sum up some of my highlights of meditation so far:
1)earlier in life states of flow playing sports - probalby much of what got me into these experiences
2) perhaps 3rd level of piti while focusing on pleasantness of smile
3) some breif encounters with equanimity, or that state of non preference
4)once meditating at desk and the walls took on amazing complexity, saw imperfections and grooves in zoomed in detail.
5) I can induce 1st level of piti -slight goosebumps/tingles- often on demand by having intent/focus. So seems I've gotten some sense of the energy in the body.
6) Recently some vibrations, pulsing, starting in body, ending in legs

As to Jhana practice, what Leigh B wrote where about focusing on pleasantness of smile or warm sensation in hands I can definitely relate to. He says a technique is to switch to that in access concentration. This seems to contrast with the Pa Auk, just focus on the breath until nimita/hard jhana style. The main issue I think though is perhaps not getting to access even, that is very subtle breath and stillness needed to then be able to focus on pleasantness around mouth or hands. Guess that's why advice to yogis in seclusion is important. So seems I should work mostly the calming aspect, and of course the fist two of directed thought and evaluation.

Ciocoiu,

I found it helpful to understand that different teachers have different approaches to jhana, and what works for them or other yogis may not work for you. Some people get very specific about where you should focus the attention of the breath: at the opening of the nostrils only, or on the upper lip only, or in the whole of the nose. But really it doesn't matter, so long as it works for you. Teachers also get very specific about where you should start feeling the piti that leads to the first jhana. Leigh tends to go for extremities of the body - such as the hands - but I found that although I could generate quite intense piti in my hands, it wasn't at all pleasurable or relaxing and so I couldn't move into jhana. Kenneth's advice is really excellent: just sink into whatever is there. I was finally able to achieve first jhana by following the breath at the nostrils but then sinking in to the feeling of lightness in the head on the in breath and ease and relaxation in the body on the out breath. But again, it's really important to find what works for you. Just relax and enjoy!

Yes, find what works for you...the only way, ah.

Lately reviewing practical insight mediation:
books.google.com/books?id=M2S-7-lWzHIC
And The Wings of Awakening:
www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/thanissaro/wings/index.html
Interestingly in there he writes a paragraph about noting as potentially a way to cultivating jhana.

6/8/2011 60walk, 40sit, 20walk
6/9/2011 40walk, 60sit
6/10/2011 40walk, 60sit
6/11/2011 30walk, 30sit, 30sit.

walking: lifting, moving, placing, standing, turning,
occasionally intending-swallowing, seeing, etc.

Typical content of noting sitting:
rising, falling, touch, sitting, intending-swallowing, intending-straightening, hearing, taste, flickering, tension, relaxing, cool, warm, tingling, pressure, pain, pleasant, unpleasant, sensation, thinking, remembering, planning, amusing, itching, restlessness, doubt, desire, smiling, etc.
*Suppose my pace is around 1-5 a second mental labeling.

1. Been doing 60min nightly sits basically, 6/12-24/2011
2. Definitely see how with this practice there is little time thoughts to arise and ruminate, too busy noting. The practice seems rather mundane. Mostly go around and around noting the same 20 things or so. tension/release/flickering, ache, unpleasant, thinking, hearing, etc. Around 45min typically pain intensifies, and shift around half the time. Notice with slower noting and keeping more with rising/falling is more calming compared to faster noting, which is more searching/jumpy. One time arms/hands felt rather odd. At end of a sit noting pressure/aversion and gladdened, ha. Tried "Who am I" at end of a sit which brought up most sensations/tingles.
3. www.justbegood.net/Downloads/e-books/In%...%20Life%20Itself.pdf
This ebook is the only place I have seen advice on starting with concentration or insight (p.23).
Concentration yogis easier focus air drought, point of touch. For walking, notice movement of feet, lifting and lowering.
Insight yogis easier focus on easier focus on whole phenomena, touch, coolness, calmness, rubbing sensation, tension, moving or stiffness of breath and its point of touch. For walking, notice sensations as foot touches ground.
Don't really see myself leaning to far one way or the other.

My only suggestion would be to pick a practice, and stick with it. I believe the general rule is try a practice for 5 years before judging it. I think that may be a touch extreme in most cases, but I think 6 months of 24/7 practice in one method should be enough to determine if it is working for you.
If you chose to note, note every moment you can, not just formally an hour or two a day. If you aren't interacting with another person, or in a highly cognitively demanding activity you can note. In this way you can pretty easily string together 4-5 hrs practice daily, more on days off work. If you want to maintain mindfulness of the breath, that can be done in almost any situation, 12 hrs/day is not impossible. You'll drop the ball and have to come back to it, perhaps hundreds of times per day, thousands of times per week. Keep doing it for a good period of time, this stuff works if you stick with.