Jarrod's Practice Notes 2.0

I decided to start up a new practice notes thread. Old thread is here:

kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/38...d%27s+Practice+Notes

Through the past couple of months, I let work life trump a regular sitting schedule. I've maintained some level of continuous practice, just less formal. This is partially because of the number of hours I've had to put in at work and partially because the urgency to sit every day significantly dropped off post-path. When I did sit, it felt more experimental in nature rather than goal-driven. I tried different techniques and played around with 2nd and 3rd gear practices for the first time. Just going to the body during stressful moments at work was very helpful. During the past couple of weeks I've found my concentration skills to be stronger than ever. I've also started to feel a pull to get moving towards 2nd path. My current strategy is to capitalize on the relative ease I'm having with concentration, so I can start working through the strata of mind again.

This morning I sat for 45 mins. I start with my attention generally on the body and lightly following the breath. Once I feel settled in the posture, I move the attention to the blackness behind the eyelids, continually bringing it back gently when it wanders. I find that a light touch is the key here. It's all about patience and acceptance. The mind WILL wander on its own schedule, so I surrender to that process, get out of the way and let the mind quiet down and the jhana sensations arise naturally. Slowly the thoughts shift to the background and I feel locked in. Tingling sensations on my arms/hands. I look for any tension in the body and relax into it. I soak into this as long as I can. Then my head/torso start to rock. I let this happen and occasionally mentally note pulse, pulse. I ride this as long as I can. Then my face get itchy and I could feel strong discomfort in the sitting posture. I noted itch, itch or pain, pain. I tried to keep attention on a spot of pain or itch as long as I could. At first they went away quickly, then they lingered longer. When not there, I kept the attention on the pulsing. Eventually, I locked into the pressure of the cushion and the discomfort in my legs. The pulsing seemed to integrate into the pain. My head/torso generally rocked and as it passed through the legs it quivered with sub-pulses. Slowly there was no pain and I was sitting on a bed of undulating pulses, my body felt warm, the darkness behind my eyes brightened and I felt happy. I soaked into the warmth, feeling it rise up and fill the torso.

[continued below]

[continued from above]

The warm sensations dispersed and peripheral sounds became obvious. Pleasant and curious at first, then somewhat confusing. I felt some tension around the confusion but relaxed and let that go. Legs started to hurt again and the body rocking picked up in intensity. A lot of tension and confusion arising. My shoulders tensed and locked up. I tried to relax them but then my jaw locked up and I found myself grimacing intensely. The tension moved up to the eyes and I furrowed the brow. Definitely had the feeling of energy working its way out of my system. Highly uncomfortable. Felt a heaviness in the chest. Tried to focus there, but then it moved to the stomach. Felt nauseous. Couldn't really take it anymore, so decided to stop and pick up the fight another day.

Hi Jarrod,

Skillful riding of the jhanic arc. It seems to me that you really know how to stand back and let the process unfold naturally. I admire your clear reporting style!

Eagerly waiting for more posts.

Antero.

Thanks Antero. It's all about surrendering for me at the moment.

Did I read correctly that you are a 4th-pather? You and Ron have really taken off since the December conference call!

"Thanks Antero. It's all about surrendering for me at the moment.

Did I read correctly that you are a 4th-pather? You and Ron have really taken off since the December conference call!
- Jarrod"

Yes, it seems that things can unfold pretty rapidly at times.

In my experience surrender can take you pretty far. That is something I have been working with for the last couple of months now. Surrendering and accepting. That is just about all that is needed to get it done. And a great teacher of course.

Antero.

Things do seem faster this time around. I'm finding that I'm attributing this to an enhanced ability to surrender and let the process play out on its own, but who knows. Over the past couple of weeks, I had been hovering around 3rd nana, possibly teasing A&P on occasion. I spoke with Kenneth last Friday night and had clear signs of A&P within a few minutes after our call. Now, I seem to be quickly powering through the dukkha nanas.

Today's sit was 40 m with the same approach as yesterday. I had some pulsing within the first minute or so. This threw me off but I let it happen and just continued with bringing attention to the blackness behind the eyes. Slowly, I settled in and felt pleasurable tingling sensations filling my body. I steeped in this for several minutes. Had some wandering thoughts and mild discomfort. Most notably I had an extremely persistent itch on my rib cage. Not too much discomfort otherwise. Stuck with the itch. It brightened and intensified over several minutes. I occasionally moaned as a result. The discomfort slowly morphed into intense pleasure. Warm pleasantness followed for a few minutes. Things settled and quieted down. Nothing seemed to be happening for awhile then I noticed cool tingling on the skin and I became absorbed in that. Some light pulsing began here but didn't last too long. I started to get lost in thoughts, which turned to paranoia. Physically, my face scrunched and cringed again, but most notably there was a lot of mental activity going on. It was confusing and disorienting. There was a sudden shift from the mental activity to auditory sensations. Sounds completely dominated. I could hear my son downstairs but the sensation lived right at my ear. This lasted only a couple of moments, then I felt confused again and could feel a sense of descending. It felt like I was settling into the body. Time's up.

Interesting sit this morning. Did 40m using the same technique. As soon as I sat I noticed a very active mind but I wasn't getting lost in thought. It was more of a very active energy in my skull, like a rapidly babbling brook. There seemed to be a physical sensation of the 'babbling' located within the skull. It quickly settled down though and within a few minutes I was left with more like a still pond in the head. I had never experienced anything so physical like this with mental activity. I continued with the technique of concentrating on the blackness behind the eyelids. My mind would occasionally wander and I would quickly notice that each time it did there was an associated tension (usually physical '“ either in the legs or face, but sometimes there was also a mental tension). Slowly I became engulfed in pleasant body sensations and I would shift the attention there for as long as I could. I felt enclosed in a bubble of pleasantness. The bubble itself never seemed to go away, although its qualities shifted. I've come to associate the pleasant bubble with 1st jhana and in this sit I never seemed to burst through it. The shifting qualities were more extreme than usual though. There were periods of deep relaxation in the bubble with the pleasant tingling being predominant. Then there were periods of relative irritation, but still overall pleasant. Periods where the bubble seemed thin and weak and my mind was wandering. I'd notice the associated physical tension, relax into it and then the bubble would strengthen. There was a period that felt like 4th jhana-ish. Nice openness and slow undulating body sensations that presented themselves one by one. I suspect that this was not actually the 4th jhana because of the sense that I never 'burst the bubble' during the entire 40m. Perhaps it was a sub-jhana. Time will tell.

This post contains rambling speculation, read at your own risk:
I seem to have hit a bit of a wall in my practice (which is consistent with what happened around this time pre-first path). My sits have been dominated by frustration and irritation. Everything that seemed so easy in the previous couple of weeks now seems utterly impossible. Previously I just let things be and they arose naturally, now I seem to be forcing the issue and then not getting the results. Off the cushion, I've been irritable, frustrated, confused, and more easily caught up in emotion that usual. Compared to pre-path, there is still a bit of a separation with the getting caught up, but lately I get caught up, then I see clearly that I'm caught up, and then I get frustrated that if I can see it clearly why am I getting caught up in it? Of course, this is just getting caught up in the frustration, which I then realize and note. Quite the vicious cycle.

It seems that the jhanas/nanas are still arising for the most part but it takes a real effort to get there. And when they do arise, they are not as obvious/clear. They seem obscured in a way. They lack intensity. I have a working theory that gives me some comfort at some level. As Kenneth has pointed out, whatever your cutting edge is in practice will color your mood off the cushion. This rings true. What seems to be happening lately is that whatever my cutting edge is becomes a lens through which I experience all things on and off the cushion. Including all previous strata of mind during each sit. In order to move up the arc, you must disembed from each strata through the lens of the current cutting edge (specifically all previous strata). So, if I'm in the dukkha nanas then I must have disembedded from nanas 1-5 already, but now I have to do it again through the lens of 6 and then again through the lens of 7, and so on. Perhaps I'm not making much sense at the moment, but it is perfectly clear to me through my current lens.

"This post contains rambling speculation, read at your own risk:
I seem to have hit a bit of a wall in my practice (which is consistent with what happened around this time pre-first path). My sits have been dominated by frustration and irritation. Everything that seemed so easy in the previous couple of weeks now seems utterly impossible. Previously I just let things be and they arose naturally, now I seem to be forcing the issue and then not getting the results. Off the cushion, I've been irritable, frustrated, confused, and more easily caught up in emotion that usual. Compared to pre-path, there is still a bit of a separation with the getting caught up, but lately I get caught up, then I see clearly that I'm caught up, and then I get frustrated that if I can see it clearly why am I getting caught up in it? Of course, this is just getting caught up in the frustration, which I then realize and note. Quite the vicious cycle.
-jmatteson"

Hi Jarrod,

Everything you wrote in your previous post could have been from my post path journal word to word. Having seen a preview of enlightenment coming back to earth really sucks, doesn't it?

You say that you are "forcing the issue and not getting the results". Could you specify what results do you mean?

Antero.

"You say that you are "forcing the issue and not getting the results". Could you specify what results do you mean?

Antero."

Hi Antero,

Yes, it does suck (sometimes)! By 'not getting the results' I mean clearly seeing progress through the nanas/jhanas. During my surrender phase (the earlier posts in this thread), it was so easy to just let things be and unfold and the nanas/jhanas could be seen to evolve and arise naturally. Now, it isn't so easy, so I grasp and cling and try to get back to that unfolding through sheer effort, which of course is exactly the thing that's getting in the way. So results = clear progress. Among other things, a clear flaw in this is the assumption that this is a purely linear process.

"Now, it isn't so easy, so I grasp and cling and try to get back to that unfolding through sheer effort, which of course is exactly the thing that's getting in the way. So results = clear progress. Among other things, a clear flaw in this is the assumption that this is a purely linear process.
-jmatteson"

I know exactly what you and the same thing happened to me too. The mind would really like everything to be as smooth and easy as before. See if you can recognize that greed in action. Mind reacts to some sensations with aversion by shrinking away from them and to some with greed by trying to cling to them. You may find that you have nice objects for investigation right under you nose

Antero.

"I know exactly what you and the same thing happened to me too. The mind would really like everything to be as smooth and easy as before. See if you can recognize that greed in action. Mind reacts to some sensations with aversion by shrinking away from them and to some with greed by trying to cling to them. You may find that you have nice objects for investigation right under you nose

Antero."

It's nice to know I'm not alone in this practice hurdle. Thanks for the encouragement. How easy it is to forget! I thought I learned this stuff the first time around. It is quite obvious on an intellectual level, but the difficult part is actually doing the practice in the moment of the struggle. This is a very helpful reminder.

"It's nice to know I'm not alone in this practice hurdle. Thanks for the encouragement. How easy it is to forget! I thought I learned this stuff the first time around. It is quite obvious on an intellectual level, but the difficult part is actually doing the practice in the moment of the struggle. This is a very helpful reminder."

For what it's worth, I think I just went through this. (And heck, might go through it again.) Felt like I was doing penance, no technique would help... then a week and a few sits later: groovy sensations and fluttering appeared without any warning. It really suggests none of this is under our control, we just have to show up. Sit that is. It seems to happen faster on the road to 2nd, but it's the same stuff, just more witnessing maybe.

"It seems to happen faster on the road to 2nd, but it's the same stuff, just more witnessing maybe."

Thanks betawave. Yeah, this time around it feels like more of the same but I'm more aware of it, which makes it seem more intense. Higher highs and lower lows.

I had a decent 40 minute sit this morning. I realized that I had become used to easily entering into some jhanic state and then turning to investigate the qualities of that state. So, when the jhana wasn't there, I just got frustrated waiting for something to note. I went back to basics this morning. Spent a few minutes building up concentration and then turned to noting the 4 foundations. Insight alert: noting what's there rather than waiting for what you want to be there is more effective!

I seemed to progress through the nanas (still dull though). Started fairly concentrated and found a nice noting rhythm, which was coupled with an internal pulsing that acted as a metronome. Some scatteredness followed and then a brief window of excitement and pleasant body sensations. This settled quickly and pains and itches surfaced. When I turned to them they went away. Just sat with this for awhile rather than chase them. I had a couple of intense pushing sensations at the 3rd eye causing my head to push back slowly. Ending with a lot of noting of thoughts and emotions as I anticipated the bell going off and felt a strong sense of scattering and confusion.

Been too busy to keep up with my notes, but I have been able to sit most days over the past 3 weeks or so. I got into a rut of giving into to the desire to get up at the 25 minute mark, so wasn't really breaking through 3rd nana. I was generally miserable off the cushion, having a much more intense dark night phase than ever before. Decided that the only way to break through was to sit longer. So, I started sitting at least 45 minutes each morning. The past week or so I've been able to step back once again and watch the different strata pass by. Typically, I sense a shift in perception a few minutes into the sit. It feels pleasant and I'm much more focused on my breath. The breath becomes subtle at this point, so I focus on the pleasant tingly qualities in the body. 30 mins in or so I get an intense rush and increased focus. This varies in intensity with each sit. Sometimes very subtle other times almost too much to bear. This is short and then there is a clear phase of the energetic rush shedding off. Sometimes this feels like a melting sensation, other items like riding a wave that's descending. Always pleasant. This has helped me develop more patience with the sits and the past couple of sits I've been having another shift to a panoramic peacefulness. Spoke with Kenneth the other night and he helped guide me to the formless jhanas. They were clearer than ever before. I hoping to develop these a bit further, since I've never had a good sense of them previously.

Just signed up for a weekend retreat that starts in 2 weeks. I has helped motivate me in the past to keep the momentum high, so I'm hoping it will help me break through the next level.