The Tollbooth

Thought of Kenneth's post below and thought I'd bump it up this morning...

The Toll Booth

This exercise is inspired by a comment that Adyashanti made in one of his talks. He said that once you discover this simple, direct, awake way of being in the world, you would like to be able to live this way instead of just lucking into it now and again. You *can* learn to live in it, he said, but there is a price. The price is simply all your resentment, all your fear, all your anxiety, all your stress, all your manic joy, etc; you have to give over all of that in this moment in return for peace.

I think of this as a toll booth. Anytime I am suffering, a man appears in front of me with his toll booth. "Hand it over," he says. At that moment, it is as if a gold coin magically appears in my pocket; my anxiety IS the currency in question! All I have to do is hand it over. This is the best value in town! I happily hand over the gold coin and smile. In return, I get peace.

It helps to check in with yourself on a regular basis to see if you are indeed maintaining a positive relationship with this moment. If not, remember the tollbooth guy. The more you develop it as a habit the more success you will have.

I think I understand the idea behind the toll booth, but I suspect I misunderstand something else here, Jayson, and I wonder if it's in the your definition of "positive relationship."

I thought that maintaining either a positive or a negative relationship with the present moment implies having a preference to the vedana of the moment, whereas surrendering any grasping or aversion would be the way to go.

Is that clear?

Can you explain what you mean by "positive relationship?"

Am I fighting this moment? Can I be at peace with it? If not, why? Is that a good reason to feel bad? Who feels bad? Is that me? If I were to feel good would there be any more self involved? Would my mind be better suited to seeing reality as it is if it weren't fighting reality? etc...

I think he just means staying present and not being embedded in the kind of nastily unpleasant phenomena Kenneth mentions--anxiety, manic joy, obsessiveness, etc.
"Positive" in the sense that you're free in that moment.

Ah, Jayson beat me to the punch. Claro!

"I think he just means staying present and not being embedded in the kind of nastily unpleasant phenomena Kenneth mentions--anxiety, manic joy, obsessiveness, etc.
"Positive" in the sense that you're free in that moment.
"

What I'm trying to deal with for the last few weeks is overpowering sloth and torpor, always in my evening sits, but almost never in my morning sits. The question is: how to remain present in a state of overpowering stupor? It's really weird and obviously a mental roadblock, because as soon as I'm off the cushion the sleepiness vanishes.

JGroove, I recall you when through a similar stage in your practice but can't remember how you dealt with it?

Thanks,

D.

Hi Dadriance.
When I first started noting aloud, it was like someone had shot me with a tranquilizer gun. I had a massive amount of aversion to the sleepiness, which definitely made it worse, but I was also going into it with the mistaken view that noting aloud had to be a hugely difficult, energy-sapping practice, which might have been part of the reason for the dullness as well. I went through a lot of gut-it-out sessions, just noting through it, but I'm not sure whether the progress I've made on this front isn't just the result of a physiological change.
I have a different take on sleep than a lot of folks in the meditation world. The common view is that too much sleep "dulls the mind." However, I've been swayed by researchers' suggestions that people today are massively sleep-deprived, and that for 99.999 percent of our evolutionary history, we went to sleep at sunset and got up at sunrise, giving us way more sleep of a better quality than we get today.

I've been trying to get more sleep and have made a practice of completely darkening our bedroom, even covering up alarm clocks and the little pinpricks of electric light that come from, say, a plugged-in DVD player. I've also given up "chronic cardio"--running or biking long distances at a highly elevated heart rate--which is supposed to spike cortisol levels, boost insulin resistance, and make it much harder to get a good night's sleep. And I've given up sugar completely. [cont.]

[cont.]
Anyway, this low-carb diet I've been doing has shifted my metabolism from running on dietary sugars to ketones and my body's fat stores. I think I've got much more stable blood sugar as a result. My fasting blood glucose is now perfect, whereas before I'm sure I was prediabetic (I weighed 255 pounds). I'm guessing all of this physiological stuff is part of the picture.

jgroove: Primal Blueprint and marksdailyapple.com I'm guessing? I've been primal for a year and half and its been almost as an enlightening as this enlightenment stuff I used to suffer from enormous stress which definitely dulled my mind - changing my diet, walking a lot, and lifting heavy things has caused the cortisol levels to plummet, my mind to become clear and pliable again, and I think has laid the groundwork for my contemplative practice.

Totally! I've dropped 40 pounds now. I started with Gary Taubes and have gradually gotten more into The Healthy Skeptic, Rob Wolff, Sisson.
It's interesting how hunger has disappeared. A classic example of Mind and Body in action. I used to psychologize/spiritualize hunger: "This hunger is a result of you not wanting to be present with this moment just as it is. Your heading to the fridge is a psychological/spiritual problem."
Not at all. In fact, metabolic derangement was shunting nutrition into my fat cells, with insulin ordering it to stay put, and so my active cells were starving. The result was physiological hunger, which I then psychologized.

But I don't discount the other side. So, in some cases, I really do believe that you sit down on the cushion and are "out of phase," drowsy, aversive, forced to "gut it out," and it has to do with something psychological or mind-related, like resistance, fear, maybe the nyana you're in, etc.
Very interesting stuff.

So I just did my evening sit and... not more than a trace of drowsiness. Here's what I think is really happening: in the mornings, it's really early and there's nothing else to be doing (except sleeping, but I'm a morning person). In the early evenings when I sit, there's plenty of other stuff I wouldn't mind doing and I kind of have to force myself to sit. As a result, I think I sometimes I approach the evening sit as a self-improvement exercise more than an observation of reality in this moment. And as a result of that, I don't really pay attention - even when noting in triplets. So when boredom hits, instead of paying attention to it (KF mentioned once to me that it is often a signpost of a shift into another stage), I succumb to it and go to lala land. At least, that's my theory for now...

"So I just did my evening sit and... not more than a trace of drowsiness. Here's what I think is really happening: in the mornings, it's really early and there's nothing else to be doing (except sleeping, but I'm a morning person). In the early evenings when I sit, there's plenty of other stuff I wouldn't mind doing and I kind of have to force myself to sit. As a result, I think I sometimes I approach the evening sit as a self-improvement exercise more than an observation of reality in this moment. And as a result of that, I don't really pay attention - even when noting in triplets. So when boredom hits, instead of paying attention to it (KF mentioned once to me that it is often a signpost of a shift into another stage), I succumb to it and go to lala land. At least, that's my theory for now...
"

That makes perfect sense. And of course, you might also be legitimately tired from a long day, just as a contributing factor.

Well, I'm afraid I wasn't able to offer any constructive suggestions. The phenomenon has disappreared for me, for the most part. However, I wouldn't be surprised if it returned at some point.

"That makes perfect sense. And of course, you might also be legitimately tired from a long day, just as a contributing factor.

Well, I'm afraid I wasn't able to offer any constructive suggestions. The phenomenon has disappreared for me, for the most part. However, I wouldn't be surprised if it returned at some point. "

Actually, just talking this through with you was very helpful... as evidenced by this evening's sit.

Thanks!

"jgroove: Primal Blueprint and marksdailyapple.com I'm guessing? I've been primal for a year and half and its been almost as an enlightening as this enlightenment stuff I used to suffer from enormous stress which definitely dulled my mind - changing my diet, walking a lot, and lifting heavy things has caused the cortisol levels to plummet, my mind to become clear and pliable again, and I think has laid the groundwork for my contemplative practice."

wow guys, this is SWEET! Fascinating to read a program that mirrors where my intuition has led me in recent months... move slowly, often; lift heavy things; sprint once in a while... man, brilliant!!! Can't wait to check out the diet stuff and see how IT jives with what my intuition has been pointing me towards. Either way I'm so impressed that I'm inspired to give it a shot. Anyway, here's to a truly integral mind-body approach to awakening and health, eh? Thanks to you both for mentioning this stuff, I have a feeling it will contribuute greatly to my Path!
--Jake

"wow guys, this is SWEET! Fascinating to read a program that mirrors where my intuition has led me in recent months... move slowly, often; lift heavy things; sprint once in a while... man, brilliant!!! Can't wait to check out the diet stuff and see how IT jives with what my intuition has been pointing me towards. Either way I'm so impressed that I'm inspired to give it a shot. Anyway, here's to a truly integral mind-body approach to awakening and health, eh? Thanks to you both for mentioning this stuff, I have a feeling it will contribuute greatly to my Path!
--Jake"

Hi Jake. Glad you're interested! I'm very enthusiastic about this stuff because I'm pretty confident it might have saved me from being six feet under in an early grave (assuming I'm not hit by a truck). Be sure to check out The Healthy Skeptic podcast by Chris Kresser, an avid Zen practitioner and total paleo nutrition uber-geek. I'm guessing you'll really dig his work!

"Actually, just talking this through with you was very helpful... as evidenced by this evening's sit.

Thanks!"

Actually, I just remembered that a few weeks ago I had a ridiculous sloth-and-torpor session. I nodded off over and over and over. I just had to chuckle at the end of it. I'm guessing these hindrances just come and go and are a part of the practice. I'll probably see my friend sloth and torpor again. Anyway, best of luck, D.!

"Actually, I just remembered that a few weeks ago I had a ridiculous sloth-and-torpor session. I nodded off over and over and over. I just had to chuckle at the end of it. I'm guessing these hindrances just come and go and are a part of the practice. I'll probably see my friend sloth and torpor again. Anyway, best of luck, D.!"

Can't tell you how many times I've had the exact same reaction - just have to tip your hat to this hindrance and enjoy the absurdity of it.

"What I'm trying to deal with for the last few weeks is overpowering sloth and torpor, always in my evening sits,"

hello D,

sloth and torpor? no problem!
what i do when it comes, immediately, stand up!
feel the feet on the ground, blood flowing down.
then after a while i sit again..
if it comes back, cold shower! or washing face and ears with cold water.
this sure helps me.

"Hi Jake. Glad you're interested! I'm very enthusiastic about this stuff because I'm pretty confident it might have saved me from being six feet under in an early grave (assuming I'm not hit by a truck). Be sure to check out The Healthy Skeptic podcast by Chris Kresser, an avid Zen practitioner and total paleo nutrition uber-geek. I'm guessing you'll really dig his work!

"

Thanks, man, will do

"hello D,

sloth and torpor? no problem!
what i do when it comes, immediately, stand up!
feel the feet on the ground, blood flowing down.
then after a while i sit again..
if it comes back, cold shower! or washing face and ears with cold water.
this sure helps me."

Ajaan Chah used to advise meditating at the edge of a cliff... maybe that's the last option!

Try redbull....

I've tried Five Hour Energy before. Usually, it helps me focus. Other times, however, I've gotten the wakefulness I wanted, but with no better ability to stay focused. Your mileage may vary. Professional driver on a closed course. Contents may settle during shipping.

Best of all, for me, is getting all the sleep my body needs the night before. I find if I do this on a regular basis, I make much better progress down the path, noticeably so.

Good advice on sleeping. If I was falling asleep during meditation, I would just go lie down and take a pleasant nap.

"Best of all, for me, is getting all the sleep my body needs the night before. I find if I do this on a regular basis, I make much better progress down the path, noticeably so." -andymr

I agree. A good night's sleep is worth a whole passel of tricks to defeat sleepiness!

There are some places along the progress of insight where sleepiness just seems to happen a lot during meditation no matter what you do. I would just consider it normal, note it as unpleasant or pleasant, and trust that it won't last long. There was a time during a long retreat in Malaysia when I just couldn't keep from nodding off. I tried super-fast walking to get the blood pumping, but as soon as I sat down I would fall asleep again. I tried "pulling the mat" and sitting directly on the hardwood floor, but it just gave me bruises and did nothing for the sleepiness. I tried fiddling with my diet. I tried complaining about it to the monks, who wisely advised me to "note it." Finally, with time and more practice I moved through that phase and into the next, whatever that happened to be.

The hindrance to my practice is rarely what I think it is; it's usually my failure to notice that I am obsessing about how I could note better if only things were different... ;-D