fr Jack: Accident

My practice was going along fine, usually with 1 hour in the morning and 45-60 minutes at night. I would usually start off with 15 min samatha breath work and end with 45 min noting. Then last Saturday I had a bicycle accident and servered my quad tendons on both legs. Opererated on that Sunday, I am now in a rehab facility. It has been very difficult to meditate even though I have lots of time. Constant low grade pain, interruptions, etc. I can't concentrate even with out loud noting. Any suggestions/

My suggestions to myself have been to keep trying and to make all the distractions an object of meditation. Not working so good.

jack

Hi Jack,

So sorry to hear that you got hurt. Check your private messages for one from me. Meanwhile, keep trying to note the unpleasant and pleasant sensations whenever you can along with the mind states of worry, fear, hope, confusion, boredom, aversion, euphoria (when the morphine kicks in), etc.

And keep asking yourself, "why do I think this is me?" What is it about this particular constellation of phenomema that makes me think it is me? Is this personality more me than the bed or the room? embrace the disorientation that results. Either none of it is you or all of it is you. Who is doing what to whom?

Get well soon,

Kenneth

Wishing you a speedy recovery, Jack!

Hope you're better soon, that sounds awful. I'd second what Kenneth says, just bring your practice into your day while you've got the chance 'cause all the unpleasantness is good stuff to break down and get insight from.

Take care of yourself.

I'd say do as much practice as you can, but definitely don't beat yourself up for not doing as much as you think you "should". Take care of yourself, and all the best in your recovery!!

Like Tommy said, sounds pretty awful. I broke my leg about 10 years ago and I remember it threw me for a while at least into witness/scientist mode. Maybe if you try to take an objective/interest in the unfolding discomfort it might help?....either way, take it easy and give yourself plenty of metta!

I have a lot of experience with chronic pain; I was in a practice session this morning with a teacher from Minneapolis, Mark Nunberg. We began with a sitting, and I was working with some pain in my back that sat like a lump in the middle of my body/mind--I couldn't soften it. Then my mind tried to compensate by going to sleep. He said I needed to approach it with "right view" which meant don't actively try to make the pain go away, just investigate it. The problem is--and I'm sure you can relate--you can tell yourself you're just noting, but underneath it all you're hoping the pain will go away if you just relax and note it well. I haven't yet discovered the secret to working with pain without that agenda.

So--along with all the others here, I offer you my best wishes for a speedy recovery, and for good insights out of this difficult experience! Maybe we need a separate thread, working with pain (or if there has been such a thread in the past, maybe we should revive it).

Hi Jack.
Man, sorry to hear about the accident. Wishing you a speedy recovery.
If you go to the link below, you'll see a whole series of talks on meditation and chronic pain, including a bunch of guided meditations. Don't know if any of this will help but just thought I'd pass it along.
www.audiodharma.org/series/57/talk/1783/

"The problem is--and I'm sure you can relate--you can tell yourself you're just noting, but underneath it all you're hoping the pain will go away if you just relax and note it well. I haven't yet discovered the secret to working with pain without that agenda." -Laurel

The key to this is to take another step back. You don't have to drop your agenda; you just have to notice that you have an agenda. This is such a huge issue for beginning and intermediate yogis that we should probably devote entire books and websites to it. There is this natural inclination to think "if only I could stop doing (whatever it is), I could meditate better." But it isn't true! You don't have to stop doing (whatever it is). You just have to notice that you are doing it. As soon as the fact that you are doing (whatever it is) becomes the new object for investigation, you are doing vipassana in the most efficient way possible.

"You don't have to stop doing (whatever it is). You just have to notice that you are doing it. As soon as the fact that you are doing (whatever it is) becomes the new object for investigation, you are doing vipassana in the most efficient way possible."

Oh. Dang, I keep forgetting that! So simple, and so difficult to keep in mind when I'm freaking out. Thanks for the reminder.

Many thanks for your good ideas and kind thoughts. What I have found most effective is ping pong noting which powers through. Kenneth was very kind to call me yesterday at the hospital, encourage me and make suggestsions. If anyone wants to ping, let me know. I tried voxli but no one was there. I'm tied up with physical therapy until 3 or 4:00 pm CST but free most of the time after that except for nurses popping in every once and awhile. I have a new noting labelcalled "nurses".

jack

jack

"

The key to this is to take another step back. You don't have to drop your agenda; you just have to notice that you have an agenda. This is such a huge issue for beginning and intermediate yogis that we should probably devote entire books and websites to it. There is this natural inclination to think "if only I could stop doing (whatever it is), I could meditate better." But it isn't true! You don't have to stop doing (whatever it is). You just have to notice that you are doing it. As soon as the fact that you are doing (whatever it is) becomes the new object for investigation, you are doing vipassana in the most efficient way possible."

This is too long to have tatooed on my arm, right?

"This is too long to have tatooed on my arm, right? "

;-D

After 2 1/2 weeks in the hospital, I am back home but wheelchair bound. I was getting back into the meditation groove when I had an allergic reaction to the drug, cumenin. I broke out in a rash and itched like crazy for 4 days. Before that I was meditating with pain fairly OK but the itching was too much. Couldn't sleep, couldn't meditate, couldn't do much of anything. When the itching let up a little, I tried to dis-embed from all the sensations I was bombarded with. At one point I could feel a glue that kept me embedded and wouldn't let go. I decided to not even try meditating. Today I tried and was successful in two short 10 minutes on the cushion (the cushion on my wheelchair). Tomorrow I hope to try a short phone ping pong noting.

I have to wear a brace that locks both legs for another 2 months. The doc says it will be 6 months before I can start thinking about doing something athletically. But, no problem. The rehab room at the hospital would have maybe 25 different patients at one time working with their therapists. There were broken backs, brain injuries, neck injuries, etc. I learned I had it lucky.

jack

"After 2 1/2 weeks in the hospital..."

Whew, time spent in a hospital is like triple or quadruple that time. Glad to hear you are on the mend. Best wishes!!

Welcome back, Jack!

Good to have you back. I'm astonished and deeply impressed that you were able to maintain a practice given your circumstances, but also secretly pleased, truth be told. You go, Jack!

I haven't had a chance to chat with you before this and feel a little bit like a party-crasher jumping in on your thread, but I think I know what you're going through and wanted to offer some encouragement. A couple years ago my appendix burst and I had an emergency operation and spent weeks in the hospital - meditation became so damn hard to do, if it wasn't the pain wrecking it, it was the medication.

But in times like this even 10 minutes of effort in meditation is a total triumph, it is worth hours on the cushion when you are totally well. Keeping at it now will totally pay off!

Ron

Best of luck with your recovery, Jack!

Many thanks for all the kind words everyone. It really helped.

Today I phone ping ponged for 30 minutes with my regular partner. He has also had some health problems that screwed up his practice. The reaction to medication has been a big problem for both of us.

Anyway I am back on track with even more motivation. When pain and itching was screwing up my practice, I kept thinking that it wouldn't have been a problem if I had built up my meditation/dis-embedding practice more.

jack

Hey Jack, thanks for inviting me to this group. Very sorry to hear about your accident! Thought I'd throw in my two cents, even though I may not be so great at practicing what I preach. I think it's good to remember that "bad" meditation is just as important as "good" meditation. In other words, we think we should be doing it well, having mindfulness, being able to concentrate, noting well, demonstrating our skills and justifying the effort we've put in and the progress on the path. I think it's good to understand that when we are struggling, off-course, in pain, unable to focus, had too much wine or pain meds, experiencing anger or resignation, that *this* is the exact right time to practice acceptance and understanding. As soon as we understand that we are "messed up and it's not working" and we accept it instead of fighting it, we're instantly back into awareness, so really, if we don't try to get out of the box we're okay. If we try to escape we're dead. All the thoughts about where we should be is ego, period. So it's probably good to see that and then look at "what is" again and try to hang there, even if it seems like a bunch of painful confused junk at the moment. Also while struggling to stay mindful when we are in pain and confused may grow the muscle for awareness and concentration a lot more than when it is going well, and we may not see the benefits until next time, or sometime in the future, but the effort will eventually register and pay off.

Welcome, Robert.

"As soon as we understand that we are "messed up and it's not working" and we accept it instead of fighting it, we're instantly back into awareness, so really, if we don't try to get out of the box we're okay. If we try to escape we're dead. All the thoughts about where we should be is ego, period." -RobertEpstein

Right! Well said. It's perverse, but real happiness only comes from being so tightly boxed into this moment that we have no chance of escape. Any wiggle room whatsoever just leads to suffering. As soon as you realize there is no escape, you relax... and it's fine.

I feel for you Jack. Good luck in your recovery. Its going to be tough, but at least you have some tricks in your toolbox to play with. When I had a staph infection in my spine I found concentrating on a dot on the ceiling to be my best friend.

Hey man, I'll leave the advice to those more qualified, and more importantly to your own instincts. I just wanted to pass along my well wishes.

Jack: respect for keeping up with your practice and I wish you a speedy recovery!