first ever practice journal!
- EndInSight
- Topic Author
14 years 2 weeks ago #79008
by EndInSight
Replied by EndInSight on topic RE: new practice journal!
"Where is this motivation coming from? This I do not understand. Are there perhaps some built in preferences in this condition that I cannot see?
"
Speaking from my own experience, it seems that I am fundamentally kind and interested in the well-being of others...but, my own self-interest and conceit would get in the way of expressing that. Remove those, and I go back to being benovolent by nature.
On the other hand, I find residual patterns of behavior from my prior mode of experience that remain, which stand in the way of acting skillfully. I also recognize that I simply don't know how to be skillful in many situations. In the past, I may have found general answers to questions such as "in what cases would I enjoy helping others given my own identity?" and "given my current limitations, how should I act?" but knowing the answers to those questions is woefully inadequate in assessing my own current limitations and choosing a manner of behaving that is good in itself rather than good given my desires and conception of who-I-am or who-I-want-to-act-like.
"
Speaking from my own experience, it seems that I am fundamentally kind and interested in the well-being of others...but, my own self-interest and conceit would get in the way of expressing that. Remove those, and I go back to being benovolent by nature.
On the other hand, I find residual patterns of behavior from my prior mode of experience that remain, which stand in the way of acting skillfully. I also recognize that I simply don't know how to be skillful in many situations. In the past, I may have found general answers to questions such as "in what cases would I enjoy helping others given my own identity?" and "given my current limitations, how should I act?" but knowing the answers to those questions is woefully inadequate in assessing my own current limitations and choosing a manner of behaving that is good in itself rather than good given my desires and conception of who-I-am or who-I-want-to-act-like.
- EndInSight
- Topic Author
14 years 3 days ago #79009
by EndInSight
Replied by EndInSight on topic RE: new practice journal!
Got back from a retreat, doing the typical vipassana / jhana / etc. sorts of stuff.
Bhante G's description of the "soft focus" moment characterizes my experience (before dependent origination has its way with it) very well. Experience is like one long swoon of everything-falling-in-love-with-everything, the universe saying "Yes!" to nothing in particular, everything fantastically, wonderfully blurred, soft but somehow pristinely sharp at the same time.
I really am lost for words in trying to describe it.
It also occurs to me that I'm really just dipping my toes into this mode of perception, and I've yet to see how deep it truly goes.
At the moment I see no need to continue my practice journal, as I would just fill it with this breathless kind of reflection. So, I'm putting it on hold indefinitely.
In parting, I will state (as I have found it personally beneficial to contemplate) that, as the Buddha said, life is suffering; from vedana comes craving, from craving comes clinging, and from clinging comes becoming. A dizzing cycle of suffering and misery which has no point and no redeeming value...suffering and misery which may go deeper than can easily be conceived...to step out of it (even just a little bit) is the most compassionate act that you can undertake, for yourself and for the world. So, please try to step out of it.
Be happy. Be free. Best wishes to you all.
Bhante G's description of the "soft focus" moment characterizes my experience (before dependent origination has its way with it) very well. Experience is like one long swoon of everything-falling-in-love-with-everything, the universe saying "Yes!" to nothing in particular, everything fantastically, wonderfully blurred, soft but somehow pristinely sharp at the same time.
I really am lost for words in trying to describe it.
It also occurs to me that I'm really just dipping my toes into this mode of perception, and I've yet to see how deep it truly goes.
At the moment I see no need to continue my practice journal, as I would just fill it with this breathless kind of reflection. So, I'm putting it on hold indefinitely.
In parting, I will state (as I have found it personally beneficial to contemplate) that, as the Buddha said, life is suffering; from vedana comes craving, from craving comes clinging, and from clinging comes becoming. A dizzing cycle of suffering and misery which has no point and no redeeming value...suffering and misery which may go deeper than can easily be conceived...to step out of it (even just a little bit) is the most compassionate act that you can undertake, for yourself and for the world. So, please try to step out of it.
Be happy. Be free. Best wishes to you all.