Content Stuff Blocking Progress?

I was wondering if it is possible for something content related can block progress in insight. I ask this because I feel like I have hit a roadblock as a person for a couple of years now. This is in the sense of self acceptance in aspects of sexuality and identity. I have been in denial of certain things which make me suffer so much. At first I thought if I kept practicing this suffering would end, however this is not the case. The pain has become so overwhelming that it is difficult to meditate or even focus. I notice that the main blockages in my body are associated with fear and self- hatred. This may be related to this. Right now I am not typing as objectively and clearly as I wish to because when I delve into this subject my mind freezes up in fear. My apologies for this. Is it possible that this situation can pose as an obstacle for insight? I know self acceptance is very important in practice, and frankly I have not been able to do much of that.

I think it can. Not because of what the specific content is (everyone has some kind of scary stuff to confront at some point, for a wide variety of reasons) but because of the fear itself. Fear is a really tough thing to be with. It can be very wise not to do a hardcore insight practice (edited to add: not alone, at least; with a teacher, maybe fine) when you are coming from a base of fear and pain already. It can be helpful instead to either work through the challenge with something like a metta practice (generating compassion and kindness towards self and others), working with a group of supportive people who have similar obstacles, or even doing some intensive psychotherapy (I did three years of therapy to help with anxiety and depression a decade before I started meditating, and I think it was a valuable choice.) You may find others on this forum who have faced similar obstacles and can offer some good advice. Fear is a tough thing - it is based on fantasies and imagination, largely, but it can be really real in its effects. I hope that helps a bit! Peace!

If your fear is debilitating you should really see your doctor. Fear is a really nasty bugger, and so is anxiety, which is it's ugly sibling. I've faced both in my time and both can overcome the best mediation techniques if they are out of control. It's possible, even common, to have a brain chemistry issue that can be treated, and the psychotherapy suggestion is spot on, too. Everything is not curable with mediation. Some things require medical assistance or other therapies.

I wish you the best with this.

A different approach regarding the blockages might be what you need. Try reading through this thread: www.dharmaoverground.org/web/guest/discu...ards/message/1652976 . Though the advice is given to those on the path to actual freedom, the techniques that Trent suggests are essentially just another way to focus your attention (much like meditating), so maybe some of the advice there could be helpful...

Content stuff blocking progress of insight... or progress of insight blocking content... either could be possible, I suppose. In other words, it's just as possible to use microscopic insight practice to bypass lifestyle and emotional explorations which need to happen as the other way around, and I find that a holistic approach is the best for me.

I frame this holism in terms of modes of authenticity.

Meditation is for me focused on phenomenological authenticity-- learning to see the as-it-is-ness of things, which is the same regardless of content (although different folks articulate it differently). Empty of fixed essence and thoroughly flux: I could see and say that of any moment.

But personal authenticity is important too: that is, being in touch, on a macro level and in daily life experience, with what I'm *actually* thinking, feeling, sensing, doing in any moment, rather than having my actual life buried beneath layers of thoughts and feelings which screen and distort other thoughts and feelings, living a stagnant half-lived life.

And here's the kicker: both these approaches to practice, when I engage them sincerely, reinforce each other. Because without the insights of phenomenological authenticity, it's too easy to get stuck in a fixed identity-- which is exactly what creates the backlog of unfelt feelings and unthought thoughts and unsensed sensations which distort personal authenticity and cramp my style in everyday life. And yet, without the commitment to BE who I actually am in any moment-- which means to BE the thoughts and feelings and experiences which are happening now, without screening them through a censor-- concentration and investigation can generate a spiritual identity behind which I hide from unexamined issues and situations in life.

So a conflict between insight progress and life issues could be a helpful sign of imbalance between these two kinds of authenticity!

Can I just add one more word of encouragement for dude, who sounds quite shaken by his suffering: I can guarantee you, no matter how much it may feel like you have a horrible secret or inner conflict you can't face, there are hundreds, probably thousands, of other people in the US alone who have gone through the exact same issues. Especially if you live in a small town or are still living at home, use the internet to find the support of others who have gone through these things and you will see you can come to terms with it. A meditation practice is a great thing, but it sounded to me like finding some others with similar experience with identity and sexuality would really be a good support, too.

Thanks. I just moved out of home to NYC and know that I have the freedom to do more but the fear has just gotten worse. I was so excited to come but now I'm all depressed and unsatisfied as usual. I suffer every second of the day and I don't have a teacher. The therapies and meds I've tried before never helped... Then again the therapy never got to that subject I touched one before, I guess because I never brought it up.

This stuff has gotten to the point of suicidal thoughts all day. I don't even know if I can start school to study what I thought was a passion. It feels like its all gone and nothing will ever work for me. It might just be DN but everything is boring and unsatisfying.

"A different approach regarding the blockages might be what you need. Try reading through this thread: www.dharmaoverground.org/web/guest/discu...ards/message/1652976 . Though the advice is given to those on the path to actual freedom, the techniques that Trent suggests are essentially just another way to focus your attention (much like meditating), so maybe some of the advice there could be helpful... "

I don't quite understand the practice Trent is trying to suggest...

"I don't quite understand the practice Trent is trying to suggest...
"

Hmm I think it's for a different issue. You said 'blockage' so i thought of that, but that's of a different nature...

Maybe these readings on naivete will help? Self-acceptance will help, and naivete will lead there, and trying to cultivate it might produce results more quickly than vipassana/samatha - not to say that you shouldn't practice those things. But - try reading the first exchange from here: actualfreedom.com.au/richard/selectedcor...dence/sc-naivete.htm . does that reaching-down exercise do anything for you? Or perhaps try reading the rest of them, or actualfreedom.com.au/library/topics/naivete.htm , and see if you can tap into what they are referring to. it's not easy for me, but when i've been able to do it i felt great

"This stuff has gotten to the point of suicidal thoughts all day. I don't even know if I can start school to study what I thought was a passion. It feels like its all gone and nothing will ever work for me. It might just be DN but everything is boring and unsatisfying."

Darling, a therapist can't help if you don't tell them! Go to this website and call one of these support services: www.gaycenter.org/nycresources Even if your secret is NOT exactly one of those things, trust me these folks have heard of every kind of problem and will know what to suggest. They've seen it all, trust me. I guarantee you can't think of anything weird or awful enough that they won't be accepting and offer good suggestions.

Dark night is not the same as depression and suicidal thoughts.

Take care of yourself, so that you can then get back to a good meditation practice. Kenneth even has meetups in NYC sometimes.

"This stuff has gotten to the point of suicidal thoughts all day."



DUDEITSEDDY -- PLEASE GO GET MEDICAL ASSISTANCE IMMEDIATELY.



This isn't something we here can help you with and it's very, very serious. I have experience with this kind of thing and it's urgent that you go see a medical professional Do not delay.You need medical assistance. And please BE HONEST with them about what's bothering you.

Do it now, please.

Folks, someone is talking about suicide. It is not helpful that we suggest they do anything but seek medical assistance immediately. I'm locking this thread now because I want to remove the temptation for this person to duo anything but get appropriate assistance.