pat log

hello

i have put my sitting practice aside for a while, only doing off the cushion (i don't really choose to, i just seem to do it always)

earlier today i felt a strong emotion. which is unusual for me.
sadness mixed with hopelessness and frustration.

On my way to get a lunch, a felt disgust, so i thought half jokingly that this must be the disgust phase.
Then 10 minutes later i thought it changed to misery perhaps, it sure wasn't disgust anymore.
Then i thought it was dissolution, but things didn't dissolve completely.
Then i felt sadness again...

moving on with the lunch, i did 10 minutes kasina, which i didn't do for a few months.
Went well, was fairly easily concentrated but i feel i eventually hit a wall where things wont go any farther.

Now the interesting part, not long after the 10 minutes kasina, i went and sat outside for 10 minutes.
Then i realize that i feel... spacious inside.
Or empty.
Feel like there is nothing inside, which is a new feeling for me.
There are usually all kind of things inside, organs, sensations of all kind...
But now i feel like a empty lobster shell.
But there are a few, corse sensations lost in there.
As i speak i feel the pressure of the table on my arm, but it is smaller than usual.

It's a distinctly new feeling for me and still here after maybe 20 minutes after i realized this.

I'd be curious to find out if any of you ever feel this way and if this is something related to the path or not.
Anyone has any idea?


Thank you!

ps: hopefully i will get a routine going and post updates on this thread.
I welcome advices and comments of any kind, my goal is to get this thing done as easily and swiftly as possible and any advices or comments that will clarify where i am and how to get moving along is welcome with open arms from me

btw when i said:
> On my way to get a lunch, a felt disgust, so i thought half jokingly that this must be the disgust phase.
> Then 10 minutes later i thought it changed to misery perhaps, it sure wasn't disgust anymore.
> Then i thought it was dissolution, but things didn't dissolve completely.
> Then i felt sadness again...
im not implying that i believe to be at those stages.

im not quite sure where am i on the map yet. Really interesting things have happened to me in the past and i believe to have had a few very strong experiences of A&P, when i compare my experience with stuff that mr Folk have described...

"3) Note "triplets" (body sensations + feeling tone + mind-state), e.g., "pressure-neutral-investigation; coolness-pleasant-contentment; itching-unpleasant-aversion.""

okay, time for an update.

during the weekend, i've did many kasina sessions of 15 minutes.
For the first time this morning, everything remained "flat". No weird usual visual effects (no peripheral vision getting dark, no things detaching from background).
But i didn't felt any sense of frustration.

Many untimed vipassana sessions.
Doing okay i guess but nothing eventful.
Just looking inside and noting stuff.

I have a question, if anyone could answer i would be very happy.
I've been reading Omni's practice log. (thank you all for sharing
And reading mr. Folks advices which i quoted.

I would really like to note precisely, but the vast majority of my time, on or off the cushion, I don't know what are the sensations im noting.
There are usually only a few of them, a couple on my left/front side below the ribs, one on the right side, one behind the collar bone.
I don't know what i could call them. Nothing in the realm of emotions seems to match (fear, anger, irritation, stress, sadness).
They are just sensations. Energy maybe.

I just very rarely have any emotions to note. I note some if my wife takes too long to get ready to go out for example so i note them (impatience, irritation). But that's pretty much it for the rest of the day.

When i actually sit to meditate, i don't have much stuff to note beside theses few sensations which i don't know how to label, and the occasional itch.

so it would be "itch-neutral-neutral", or "left side sensation-neutral-neutral" all the time.

thank you!

15 minutes kasina & 45 minutes vipassana,

noting what is on foreground, itch-negative, itch-negative, itch-negative.
itch getting more and more intense, often replaced by another one somewhere else.
itch getting "soft", then spike in intensity.
End up having many itch all over, just kept on noticing them.
itch seemed to be pulsating.
At then end itchy feeling was hard to differentiate with pain. Or was going back and forth.
sometimes noting some thoughts, but only after they were gone. Not very distracting tho, would last only a few seconds.

intensely noting seem to work like a charm. which was somewhat surprising to me since i was so busy talking in my head.

seem to be getting a small head ache by the end, trying too hard to note fast maybe.

just went on to note the head ache.

was cranky most of the evening after the vipassana, which is unusual for me, and felt like it came from the vipassana session. noted "cranky-negative".

delete me please