Gary's Practice Journal

Disclaimer: This is my take on it all thus far.

'You', Gary, ARE the flow of becoming. The felt sense of:

self/being/presence/location in the world/subject to objects/duality/inner world/me-ness/instinctual passions/any affectively felt mind state/moods/being of any kind/ being the absolute/being one with everything/ being one with anything /being connected to everything/ being space/ being infinite consciousness/ being no-thing-ness/ being the void / being anything / imagination/ the flow of time/ existing.

All mentally felt. All illusory. All compounded. All impermanent. All impersonal. All dukkha. Thus the notion that 'I' am my feelings and my feelings are 'me'.

The 'I' is written like so as it is taken as a process of delusion. It still arises as a process when there is ignorance and delusion in place. We are not saying a self or all the above exists. We are saying that ignorance and delusion is allowing this process to flow. The process is described in the Buddha's dependent origination (1).

Affective feelings of any kind, pleasant, unpleasant, neutral, positive or negative, are the aggregates clumping together to give rise to a mind state, an affectively felt mind state, no matter how subtle it gets, now matter how equanimous it 'feels'. This is the flow of becoming. This flow is in temporary abeyance in a PCE.

How does one focus on the flow of becoming? When I had my very first full blown PCE, it lasted for 3 hours. It was the big convincer as it showed me what was absent. Suffering of all mental kinds were absent and so was any felt sense of all the mentioned above. When the PCE ended, it left the imprint on me of what was absent. And it was easy to see what had replaced that absence when the PCE ended. All the felt sense of the mentioned above.

(1) www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/than...shapeofsuffering.pdf

The idea is not to 'not' expand becoming nor 'expand' becoming. It is to refine the flow of becoming so that discernment of its flow is possible. Expanding seems to be the flow of being manifesting as a felt 'expanding'. Does it allow the mind to start discerning and being attentive to the senses at the point of contact? Can one start to play around with seeing cause and effect in action? Can one see what causes the arising of the flow of becoming and its cessation?

If not then return to a refinement practice.

1/ Refine the flow of being. One or another of the following techniques will refine the flow of being.: HAIETMOBA, cultivation of felicitous states of mind, cultivation of the sublime abodes and jhanas, dismantling the social identity, investigating beliefs/instinctual patterns, anapana, kasina meditation and other concentration practices, and many others I can't think of. (1)

2/ From a refined flow of being one is able to attend to sensuousness. In other words one is able to pay closer attention to the sense doors and their corresponding sense objects at the point of contact. (eye/sight, ear/sound, body/touch and sensations, nose/smell, tongue//taste, mind/thought). Cause and effect can be discerned here.

When one is able to discern the senses at the point of contact, the flow of being gets even more refined. The more the flow of being is refined, the more sensuousness becomes easier to continuously discern and eventually reaches a tipping point and becomes automatic. At this stage, release is inevitable.

The techniques deployed at stage 1/ help refine the flow of being, making being manifest as felt states of wellbeing, happiness, joy, felicity, highly refined equanimity. These felt mental states allow one to see more clearly the flow of being in action, moving towards discerning the actuality that lies underneath its veil.

(1) From above, refinement leads to a heightened mind. Continuing to refine the flow of becoming via attending to concentration (kasina, anapana, accessing jhanas etc), uplifted energy (cultivation of sublime abodes, joy, felicity, accessing jhanas, subduing of the 5 hinderances etc) and equanimity (HAIETMOBA, vipassana, where the point of sense contact can be seen with a non-reactive mind), one will develop a mind that is 'pliant, malleable, luminous and not brittle'. Perfect for discerning and ending the flow of becoming.

"A monk intent on heightened mind should attend periodically to three themes: He should attend periodically to the theme of concentration; he should attend periodically to the theme of uplifted energy; he should attend periodically to the theme of equanimity. If the monk intent on heightened mind were to attend solely to the theme of concentration, it is possible that his mind would tend to laziness. If he were to attend solely to the theme of uplifted energy, it is possible that his mind would tend to restlessness. If he were to attend solely to the theme of equanimity, it is possible that his mind would not be rightly concentrated for the ending of the fermentations. But when he attends periodically to the theme of concentration, attends periodically to the theme of uplifted energy, attends periodically to the theme of equanimity, his mind is pliant, malleable, luminous, & not brittle. It is rightly centered for the stopping of the fermentations. Nimitta Sutta

www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an03....100.11-15.than.html

These past 2 posts are absolute Gold. Very well defined instructions.

"The techniques deployed at stage 1/ help refine the flow of being, making being manifest as felt states of wellbeing, happiness, joy, felicity, highly refined equanimity. These felt mental states allow one to see more clearly the flow of being in action, moving towards discerning the actuality that lies underneath its veil."

Would you say that the value of these states is due to their relative painlessness? I can see a sharper contrast that these states provide in terms of feeling/seeing contraction begin and being able to clearly see how painful that contraction is...

""The techniques deployed at stage 1/ help refine the flow of being, making being manifest as felt states of wellbeing, happiness, joy, felicity, highly refined equanimity. These felt mental states allow one to see more clearly the flow of being in action, moving towards discerning the actuality that lies underneath its veil."

Would you say that the value of these states is due to their relative painlessness? I can see a sharper contrast that these states provide in terms of feeling/seeing contraction begin and being able to clearly see how painful that contraction is..."

Yes. The 5 hinderances are temporarily subdued. The subtly of dukkha is clearly seen in even the most refined states of becoming.

"'Stress should be known. The cause by which stress comes into play should be known. The diversity in stress should be known. The result of stress should be known. The cessation of stress should be known. The path of practice for the cessation of stress should be known." Nibbedhika Sutta

www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an06/an06.063.than.html

"The idea is not to 'not' expand becoming nor 'expand' becoming. It is to refine the flow of becoming so that discernment of its flow is possible. Expanding seems to be the flow of being manifesting as a felt 'expanding'. Does it allow the mind to start discerning and being attentive to the senses at the point of contact? Can one start to play around with seeing? Can one see what causes the arising of the flow of becoming and its cessation?

If not then return to a refinement practice.

1/ Refine the flow of being. One or another of the following techniques will refine the flow of being.: HAIETMOBA, cultivation of felicitous states of mind, cultivation of the sublime abodes and jhanas, dismantling the social identity, investigating beliefs/instinctual patterns, anapana, kasina meditation and other concentration practices, and many others I can't think of. (1)

2/ From a refined flow of being one is able to attend to sensuousness. In other words one is able to pay closer attention to the sense doors and their corresponding sense objects at the point of contact. (eye/sight, ear/sound, body/touch and sensations, nose/smell, tongue//taste, mind/thought). Cause and effect can be discerned here.

When one is able to discern the senses at the point of contact, the flow of being gets even more refined. The more the flow of being is refined, the more sensuousness becomes easier to continuously discern and eventually reaches a tipping point and becomes automatic. At this stage, release is inevitable.

The techniques deployed at stage 1/ help refine the flow of being, making being manifest as felt states of wellbeing, happiness, joy, felicity, highly refined equanimity. These felt mental states allow one to see more clearly the flow of being in action, moving towards discerning the actuality that lies underneath its veil. "

The answer to everything I haven't even asked ) great!

I re-posted, edited and added more info to my posts in an article for the Hamilton Project here:

thehamiltonproject.blogspot.com/2011/09/...-and-discerning.html

Nick

"I re-posted, edited and added more info to my posts in an article for the Hamilton Project here:

thehamiltonproject.blogspot.com/2011/09/...-and-discerning.html

Nick"

What a great thread. Thank you Gary for asking the questions and Nick for answering. My practice is catapulting after reading this, and the contributions @ The Hamilton Project and Down the Rabbit hole.

Nick, your views and reports from your practice fit perfectly with the tibetan teachings I've been receiving (Dzogchen, ngondro and the Mahayana view), and have filled the gaps I needed to advance. I think Owen mentioned in one of your conversations that it all goes back to Zen. Well, in my experience, it all goes back to Dzogchen and from what I've seen in my practice, the only differences between AF tradition, Zen, Theravada, etc., are conceptual.

After I get a few things done at work, I'll open a thread to report how this is all arising in my practice. Once again, thank you.

"The idea is not to 'not' expand becoming nor 'expand' becoming. It is to refine the flow of becoming so that discernment of its flow is possible. Expanding seems to be the flow of being manifesting as a felt 'expanding'. Does it allow the mind to start discerning and being attentive to the senses at the point of contact? Can one start to play around with seeing cause and effect in action? Can one see what causes the arising of the flow of becoming and its cessation?


"

Thanks Nick.
I have some confusion regarding your recent posts here. I'll try to hit the key points where I don't have clarity. Also I will endeavor to clarify my previous reports (posts 22 and 24) and give some updated report.
I'll start with the quote above. As I observed the flow of becoming, or sense of being, in post 22 it appeared to intensify. I called it expanding but it did not expand in space, it intensified in my body. I should have said intensifying. Not so much in my head, but more in my chest. I felt a momentum toward more intensification that took me away from my senses. I said I could see in front of me "hazily" but maybe "through a glass darkly" would better describe it. I know from previous experience that if I continue in that same direction I start to lose the visual field as I withdraw from the physical senses, and go "blind" for a while.

Anyway I feel a natural gravitational pull in that direction, even though I know that path has led me to a dead end each time I followed it. I followed it years ago, and more recently, months ago. Let's compare the gravitational momentum to that of a snowball rolling down a snow covered hill. As the snowball grows in size to a foot or so tall, I can still stop it at that point. However, if it grows taller than me, then I can't stop it even with the HAIETMOBA. The HAIETMOBA rolls up in the snowball along with me and gets carried down the hill.
What causes this momentum of intensification? My attention to that energy field?

So in post 22 I thought I needed to stop the FOB from intensifying, and pulling me away from my physical senses. I did not know how to do this, but in post 24 I found a way. By positing a relationship between the FOB/SOB and the sensory field, I managed to observe that FOB/SOB while also staying in touch with my senses. I reported that I heard and saw through the flow of becoming, but I did not specify that I observed the Flow Of Becoming, or Sense Of Being, mostly in my chest. But I did. Thus I heard sounds "from" my chest and saw "through" my chest. My consciousness resided there. It sounds weird to say, but it seemed like a normal way to perceive. It reminded me of your "sweet spot" post on your blog. When your consciousness descended to that spot, did you hear from there and see from there, or did you still feel the point of contact, (for seen and heard) at your eyes and ears? If the latter describes your experience, then that confounds me too.
Anyway, I count that experience as a "win" because I did not withdraw at all from my senses. However, from that state, and from subsequent experiences doing this, how would I answer your three questions?

1)Does it allow the mind to start discerning and being attentive to the senses at the point of contact? Not during that meditation, but later in subsequent practice sessions, and also in daily activities, I noticed I heard through my ears and saw through my eyes. Hooray. Chalk one up for the slow kid.
(cont)

2) Can one start to play around with seeing cause and effect in action? I don't know for sure. What do you mean by that? I did notice thoughts arising as if ballooning out of the FOB/SOB. Kenneth talks about the lava lamp and the thoughts bubbling out from the main glob. I have observed thoughts arising before, but not in the context of the main glob. So I did observe that for the first time. Maybe I should call it the FOB/SOB/GLOB. I know many times in my life I have felt like a FOB/SOB/GLOB.

3)Can one see what causes the arising of the flow of becoming and its cessation? I have started working through that book on Dependant Origination you recommended. I did not know about the complexity underlying this simple phrase. I understand it so far, but I know understanding differs from seeing, and I don't yet see it occurring in real time.
So to sum up my answers:
Yes.
Maybe.
Nope.
However, I have another reason why I count this experience as a "win" or as progress: As I continued in this practice, I noticed myself once appreciating fine gradations of light, contained in a patch of shadow falling across blue carpet. Things like that. I realize I had engaged myself in a practice which Kenneth describes in that same "direct mode" lava lamp youtube video.

In the video he refers to grounding anxiety but I think it works for my FOB/SOB/GLOB as well.
(cont)

I refer to the "lightning rod" practice, wherein you observe your sensory field and look for something that stands out in some way as a distortion, then you keep your attention on that, and thereby "ground it". For me, the FOB/SOB/GLOB stands out like a sore thumb. What acts as the ground for this lightning rod? Kenneth says the body, so I think that energy grounds to the physical senses. Thus the feedback loop which he describes: grounding the energy increases ones sensitivity and appreciation of ordinary sensory experiences. So when I go "ooooh, look at how the light varies so slightly across the shadow on that blue carpet'' I can take that as an indication that I have grounded that energy in the senses. I can also take it as an indication that I found another way to trick myself. But if I have, that trick will wear out shortly.

So, those things I see as progress. Owen also recommends the grounding practice, giving me further evidence that I have followed the correct path. Yet I can't answer "yes" to those three questions, and you recommend "If not then return to a refinement practice".
Under refinement practice, second to HAITMOBA, you recommend "cultivation of felicitous states of mind". What do you mean by that? Metta practice?
Also, what do you mean by "dismantling the social identity, investigating beliefs/instinctual patterns, anapana, kasina meditation"?
Oh, I just now noticed you have linked some of these concepts to answers/explanations on your blog post of September 19th. Thanks!

(cont)

One more question.
From your blog- "When the PCE eventually ended, it left a profound imprint on the mind concerning what was absent. And it was easy to see what had arisen to fill that absence when the PCE ended; all the felt sense of the mentioned terms above i.e. the flow of becoming."

Turning the concept of absence around, during your PCE, what, if anything filled the "absence" of the flow of becoming?

Thanks again,
Gary

"but more in my chest. I felt a momentum toward more intensification that took me away from my senses. .....I withdraw from the physical senses, and go "blind" for a while.

Anyway I feel a natural gravitational pull in that direction.....What causes this momentum of intensification?
"

It would seem there is a perception of the chest sensations as being a trigger for a mental reaction of 'intensification' and taking you away from the senses? It seems this perception of the chest sensations made 'you' go 'blind'? The natural gravitational pull is a strong feeling? If so, then perhaps contemplate the notion that 'you' (the mentally felt sense of existing) are your feelings and your feelings are 'you'. Also, pay attention to the chest sensations, perhaps looking around the edges of where the sensations seem to be arising. Then watch how the mind blindly reacts to such sensations, a felt expanding resulting. Play around with cause and effect of what arises via seeing from different angles.

By cause and effect I mean look at what causes the arising of a mind state, what causes it to drop away? Investigate and look continuously with this idea in mind. I can't give you the answer. That would be too easy. You do it yourself, and when it's done, you will know how.

The strong feeling is an intuitive feeling? Any strong 'gravitational pulls' may be just strong feelings, craving and clinging. This is the process of becoming. Intuition is a feeling. Why do 'you' trust it so? If it is a feeling then 'I' am intuition? Investigate that.

Rather than 'stop it with HAIETMOBA', watch the expanding calmly and dispassionately. See what happens. Lend no importance to that 'state'. Just see when it ends by itself, rather than thinking it should be happening or not. Watch cause and effect in action.

"One more question.
From your blog- "When the PCE eventually ended, it left a profound imprint on the mind concerning what was absent. And it was easy to see what had arisen to fill that absence when the PCE ended; all the felt sense of the mentioned terms above i.e. the flow of becoming."

Turning the concept of absence around, during your PCE, what, if anything filled the "absence" of the flow of becoming?

Thanks again,
Gary
"

stillness

"stillness"

Good answer.

"
By cause and effect I mean look at what causes the arising of a mind state, what causes it to drop away? "



Looking around inside. What causes this intensification of feeling? First answer: THIS.
THIS activity. Even though I use a pseudonym for my last name, and a picture of my favorite beach in Hawaii, I still put my personal inner workings on display on the internet. I post as honestly as I can. This intensifies my self consciousness. I usually keep my interior world more private.
When you wrote earlier on this thread about ignorance and delusion, I cringed a little inside. I know you don't aim that at me in particular. But as I read and re-read post 40, I realize I once again exhibited a bunch of ignorance and delusion with my recent posts. And I've put myself in the "hot seat".
Ignorance.
Delusion.
Craving.
Aversion.

I have a craving for approval. Please, look at my skills, and flatter me with your compliments. I get pleasant feelings from reading complimentary posts. I want to feel like the hero of my own narrative. I want to have a PCE, a real, no-doubt, ass kicking PCE, and see for myself it that convinces me. Craving.
I fear disapproval. I fear making a mistake following the path to AF. I wonder what I lose if I get AF. You mentioned intuition. Do I want to sign off on losing my intuition and my imagination? Do I want to sign off on losing love? I think love has saved my life at least once, and my intuition has also. My imagination has gotten me into plenty of trouble, but it wears a black hat sometimes, and other times it wears a white hat. Sometimes it causes me suffering, sometimes I have found it both useful and fun.
I have put myself under the microscope a little bit here. I fear rejection, shaming, failure... I fear making a stupid mistake. I've made plenty before, but I don't usually risk ridicule by making them in public. Aversion.
(cont)

"Who do you follow, as a teacher, Gary?"
"Well there's this guy from Australia, who is kind of a plagiarist and a cyber-bully with delusions of grandeur... and um.."
"You follow his guidance?"
"No, not exactly. I'm getting guidance from this other guy, Nick, he lives somewhere near the Andes, I think, and he has a blog, you know, and he has connected the Australian guy's teaching with real Buddhism."
"And you think that's wise?"
"Um... Well...
Yeah!"

So it goes, right? I made that up with my imagination. Ignorance. Delusion. Craving. Aversion. All on display. It permeates my writing. Yet I use my imagination to make sense of my world.
Should I post this or not? What will happen if I do? Uh-oh, here comes the black hat. Hey ever notice the word imagination starts with I-M? I AM? I wonder how many people read my posts here? I wonder if Kenneth reads my posts. I wonder what he thinks.

I feel a sense of responsibility posting here. Why don't I just skype you and get some guidance in real time? Has anyone ever gotten AF without some personal interaction with an AF person? I don't know of anyone. Why should I make this any more difficult than I have to? Altruism? Selfishness?
Craving?


"By cause and effect I mean look at what causes the arising of a mind state, what causes it to drop away?"
I think I need to look around inside a little more. With so many varieties of mind state clamoring for my attention, I have not noticed as much dropping away. Yesterday, while sitting in a waiting room for a while, I got quite entertained by the parade of mind states.

Gary

What causes it to drop away? Well, observation of course, but I knew that already. A thought balloons out of the main glob. I observe it. or "note" it, and it ceases.
What if someone breaks into my car? Noted. Done.
What if I have lung cancer? Noted. Done.
What if I made a fool of myself? Noted. Done.
The "whack a mole" road to cessation.

But that does not get to the taproot of the various mind-states. What ceases craving and aversion?
I observe my "object of meditation" my own physical sense of being. I remember the 6 R's from Bhante Vimalaramsi's instructions and I return to using that. Each time I notice that I wander from observing the SOB into thinking , I release the thought, relax around it, re-smile, and return to observing the SOB.

Then, a while later, I noticed the SOB had thinned out again. How did that happen? It surprises me each time it happens.

I think this form of practice refines my flow of becoming.
Nick, your post #40 points again to something formless and I keep returning to form. The formless way seems more direct and faster, but it feels too wide open to me. Since you've recommended either option, in your earlier post, I'll settle for form until I can sneak up quietly to the formless.
Gary

It would appear that you have begun to 'splay your innards' as I did in a similar post of my own: nickdowntherabbithole.blogspot.com/2011/...-indulgent-fool.html

It was here where I began to dismantle the social identity that 'I', as the flow of becoming, had set up so as to support said flow. All the little things I hid from 'others', so that my desires were met. So that 'I' felt a certain way. So that 'I' continued to flow as that flow of becoming. What you just posted in the last three posts takes a lot of guts. Guts. Splayed. Out.

Now as you just read what I wrote, watch as 'you' feel uplifted perhaps. Approval! Watch how 'you' take advantage of any perceived situation to prop 'you' up as a flow of affective feeling. 'You' should not feel bad about what is happening. 'You' is ignorance and delusion manifest. What you are doing is refining and softening that flow, tempering the hindrances, taming the negative thought loops, quietening down the whole circus within, so that one can see cause and effect in much more detail.

As I currently investigate dep. orig. in my own continuing practice, it is becoming clear that the Buddha was an exceptional man. Craving and clinging can be broken, but refine that flow first. Address all the blocks, obstacles, manifestations of 'you' that do not help with discernment, that do not support the direction of dismantling the who fiasco ('you'). Make the mind soft, pliant, malleable and luminous and 'you' will thin out. In the process life gets happier and one moves to a stillness that is unbelievably real. Seriously, the lack of push and pull is what 'I' always looked for, yet because of 'me', it was covered up. 'I' realized that and so put in all effort to move towards 'my own' demise.

Renunciation.

"1. Why don't I just skype you and get some guidance in real time?

2. What causes it to drop away? Well, observation of course, but I knew that already.

3. But that does not get to the taproot of the various mind-states. What ceases craving and aversion?"

1. My skype is 'nickhalay'.

2. Indeed.

3. The refining process takes one to the subtler depths of what is happning, where craving and clinging and becoming leap from vedana in the sequence of dependent origination. Hint! Vedana meaning 'feeling tone'. Investigate what happens there.

And if you are up for an experiment: when you are aware of a sensation that has an unpleasant feeling tone overlaying it, what happens when you observe the feeling tone exclusively and then 'hack' it. What I mean by hack is what if you see that unpleasant feeling tone as 'pleasant' instead. See if you can change the feeling tone by just will of mind. 'Hack the vedana'. See what happens to the aversion and mental tension towards an unpleasantness in the body, when instead of automatically having the mind read 'unpleasant feeling tone' and then have craving and clinging and becoming leap off of that, why not change the jumping platform to a pleasant one. What happens to the manifestation of becoming after that? Play around with it. See what happens when you see sensations that are read as unpleasant as pleasant. What does this tell you about the nature of feeling tone?

"

Now as you just read what I wrote, watch as 'you' feel uplifted perhaps. Approval! Watch how 'you' take advantage of any perceived situation to prop 'you' up as a flow of affective feeling. "

Oh yeah. I got so many pleasant sensations from the relief I felt. Like worrying over passing a final exam then "aahhh, I passed. I did well". Approval! Then the ME parade begins again, bigger and better.
I'll dismantle some more of my social identity.
I'll knock peoples socks off with my dismantling.
I'll be president of the Super-Dee-Doo Dismantling Club of America.
I'll write the next bestseller "Dismantle Your Mantle", get interviewed by Oprah, lead a world wide revolution, have lunch with the Dali Lama. Just how I roll, man, just how I roll.
Next stop- world peace!

But don't expect too much from me. I would hate to disappoint all my many readers. Besides, I think I have dismantled enough for a while. Been there, done that, right? Time to move on to the next thrill.
Just kidding (barely).

Thanks Nick,
Gary

"1. My skype is 'nickhalay'.

2. Indeed.

3. The refining process takes one to the subtler depths of what is happning, where craving and clinging and becoming leap from vedana in the sequence of dependent origination. Hint! Vedana meaning 'feeling tone'. Investigate what happens there.
"


1) I look forward to talking with you soon.
3) So I got into "feeling tone" this past week. I started by noting pleasant-unpleasant-neutral, during meditation and at various times during the day. Surprisingly, I kept noting "pleasant- pleasant- pleasant- pleasant..." almost like a mantra. Where does all this pleasant feeling come from? It just seems to feel good to feel my sense of being. The sense of existence, the flow of becoming feels good to me. It feels like a default setting.
I did not know I could feel good almost all the time. Maybe I have started fooling myself again. I check in with my sense of being. I feel it as a conduction of pleasant energy in my chest. With my mouth closed, I feel pleasantness up through throat, tongue, upper palate, and cerebellum. Luminous.
So I keep checking in, but I keep my eye on the ball, grounding it to my physical environment.
Can I "hack the vedana" as you suggested? I had some success with changing feeling tones, but I would not call it "hacking" yet. I noticed after a while, that I would have a little bit of unpleasant tone along with the usually more voluminous pleasant feeling tone. As I simply attend to the pleasant feeling tones or the pleasantries of visual, auditory, and tactile sensations, these pleasant tones would eclipse the unpleasant, or absorb the unpleasant tones.
(cont)

So I have a glob of pleasantness that seems to eclipse/absorb unpleasantness. (not exactly what you described) But I have only used this with minor unpleasant tones. I keep waiting for a really big one to try, but perhaps because I take care of the small unpleasant tones, I have not yet had a big unpleasant tone build up. I added "both" and "gone" to my noting technique, since I can have both U and P at the same time, and if U disappears, I note "gone".
This worked very well a few days ago, while driving to work. I saw traffic backed up on the bridge I take to work. I hate showing up late, so I did a quick turn off to another, longer route to a different bridge across the river. From my rear view mirror I could now see the bridge I avoided as I drove away from it. I saw traffic moving along fine, so I probably just avoided a minor slow down. I probably fracked up, but I felt committed at that point. I felt feelings of unpleasantness arising as I stopped at each traffic light, working through slow traffic on this longer route, feeling anxious about getting to work a little late. Then I noticed the pleasant feeling of my chest and head, and noticed the beauty of the city buildings, the flow of people and cars, and went back to feeling pleasant. I went back and forth like this unpleasant to pleasant, but mostly I stayed in the pleasant zone.
I know myself in these situations. Normally I would feel 100% unpleasant from this little excursion, and the unpleasant tones would last a while after the event. But instead, I stayed in my pleasant space, at least 75% of my drive, and arrived at work 5 minutes late, but feeling fine.
Funny, I just noticed how I said earlier that I keep waiting for a big negative feeling to work with. Normally this one would have qualified.

(cont)