On the Use and Abuse of Maps for Life

I had a wonderful mini-breakthrough during practice this evening that I wanted to share. While the maps of insight are extremely useful, the map is not the territory, and I suspect you will never get enlightened by wasting valuable meditation time thinking about the maps.

I wasn't even fully aware of the extent to which I was constantly analyzing my vipassana experience in terms of the maps, wondering if I'd hit arising and passing, wondering if I'd hit dark night, wondering if I was in equanimity or falling back, etc.

Normally when thinking happens, you just note "thinking" and move on. But I was giving these map-thoughts a free ride - as though it's okay not to note them because they're oh-so-important thoughts about models and such.

No. Even if I'm only having map-thoughts for one minute out of 60 of meditation, that's still a full minute I could have spent wholeheartedly investigating the things themselves.

It seems a bit paradoxical, but in order to make progress, you have to temporarily forget about progress. You need to open up and surrender fully to the investigation itself. Afterward you can analyze it up the wazoo. But at that very moment, the only thing that matters is what's appearing right then and there and how it's appearing.

The more I think about this, the more clearly I can see the benefits and dangers of maps. The cool thing about a map is that you know what's coming next. The bad thing about a map is that you know what's coming next! Ever since I crossed the A&P, I've been suffering both on and off the cushion. Part of that is inherent to the dukkha nanas, but I think the lion's share of my suffering is coming from worrying about the dark night given everything I've read about it.

I mean, watch, I'll hit "post" on this message and then immediately have a dark night mental breakdown, but at least for me, the dark night stuff hasn't been that terrible. One big flash of anxiety, a bit of irritability, and a day where I thought I was coming down with an infection that turned out to be nothing. Most of the suffering came from worrying about and anticipating the dark night because I've read all these horror stories about it. As soon as I stopped giving these thoughts a free ride and noted them, awareness opened up, and the practice was almost effortless.

Of course, maybe the reason I was fixating on the map right at that moment was because I was in the dark night, and at the moment I decided to stop feeding those thoughts, I also entered Equanimity. You can drive yourself crazy analyzing it. But for me, the takeaway - trite as it sounds - is that the map is not the territory. Maps are super-useful and important. But when it comes time to meditate, a map-thought has to be placed on the exact same level as any other sensation. If it's not, it sucks up energy and attention that you'd put into the wholehearted investigation of phenomena, and it makes you friggin' miserable.

It's funny, I've seen this: "thank god someone explained the dark night stuff, because I thought I was going crazy and now I realize it's just part of what happens in meditation;" and I've seen this: "oh my god, why did anyone mention the dark night stuff, because now I'm afraid to meditate because I'm doomed to suffer terrible craziness that I don't think I'll be able to cope with!"

So you can't win.

Although I have an insight map posted on my office door, I seldom look at or study it. It's there as a reference for what I may read here or on other open dharma forums. I don't take the information on it too seriously. What matters most for me is how I engage my experience on the mat or out in the world. If I can offer any advice it would be to file the maps away for 6 months or a year, work with a competent teacher and practice with sincerity.

"Although I have an insight map posted on my office door, I seldom look at or study it. It's there as a reference for what I may read here or on other open dharma forums. I don't take the information on it too seriously. What matters most for me is how I engage my experience on the mat or out in the world. If I can offer any advice it would be to file the maps away for 6 months or a year, work with a competent teacher and practice with sincerity.

"

Perhaps I can leave the map on one wall but take a can of red spray paint and tag the opposite wall with "KEEP NOTING" in 3' tall letters.

That's the answer. Because it doesn't matter if a sit is 100% practice thoughts, mapping thoughts, anticipation thoughts, analyzing thoughts.... if each is noted, then we aren't embedded in them. They arise and pass, noted, noted, noted.