Pete's practice log

I'm totally new at this, but in the past week I've been reading lots of books and websites *about* meditation. For the past week I've been trying to do some walking meditation on the way to work, and I've gone to a local "intro to meditation" course a couple times. Still not really sure what to expect.

Sometimes when I sit, I'm not really sure if I've gotten into some really concentrated state, or if I'm in some sort of weird half-asleep state. I'm still aware the whole time, and I can focus my attention on any particular sense I want, but it feels a bit like I'm somewhere else. It's different than when I actually fall asleep (which sometimes happens), but in those circumstances I remember nothing and wake up suddenly and know right away that I was asleep.

I find following the breath really difficult, probably because in the past I've used breathing and "body scan" methods to put myself asleep. On the other hand, I'm very good at intense concentration on visual and audio sensations because of the time I've spent birding. It seems like everywhere I go, I see suggestions to meditate by following the breath, so I might have to untrain the falling-asleep habit wrt that.

Currently I'm just trying to pay attention to physical sensations and let thoughts pass me by. I occasionally try "noting" but sometimes I find it a bit annoying to be saying things to myself in my head.

Any suggestions for beginners are welcome.

Got up early this morning and sat for 30 minutes before work. After about 10 minutes I got quite concentrated, and kept noting sensations. It seems like there's a certain undescribable thing that I can "do" to get more concentrated...hard to explain. I still tend to focus on visual sensations to do so, even when I've got my eyes closed. It seems much easier to focus on visual, and then notice specifically when some other (hearing / thought / touch) comes up. I can then be aware that the two sensations were not simultaneous or continuous. Overall there are very few times when I get distracted by thoughts. Sometimes thoughts come up, and I just note them and they move on.

I sat easily for 30mins total, and was sorta disappointed when my alarm rang when I had to leave for work...if I had more free time I would have liked to continue for a lot longer. I'll try again tonight when I get home.

Welcome to KFD, Pete. It sounds like you're enjoying your practice. A lot of people don't like the idea of noting at first; I had to be encouraged to do it over and over again before it "took." It can be a big help at certain points in a person's practice because it keeps you focused.

Try to be as precise as possible in explaining what you technique you're using and what is arising. That makes it easier for experienced people on the forum to give you guidance and advice. Again, welcome!

Welcome! Make sure you read the material here on the practice, especially the first gear stuff: kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/page/Start+Here

Thanks for the feedback.

This morning I got up a bit earlier to give myself more time, but it didn't go so well. I got lost really easily, mind wandering all over the place. Couldn't concentrate at all. Tried noting out loud, which worked for a bit, but then it felt like I was robotically repeating some of the previous things I'd noted, in an effort to keep the pace going. When I tried to really focus on things, it just felt like there was nothing there to find.

I noted lots of planning, random storytelling, worry, desire to stop meditating, self-judgement. After 40 mins, I got up and had a shower to see if that'd help, and I was able to make the constant thinking stop by investigating water droplets on the shower curtain. I finished and sat back down to meditate again, but thoughts ran wild and I felt more frustration. Tried staring at a colored circle for a bit, since I'd heard that suggestion somewhere, but it just made me forget to blink and then my eyes would get dry.

I guess I'll just try and refrain from self-judgement today, and give it another shot again when I get home from work, or tomorrow morning. I'll try some noting throughout the day.

Hi Pete,

A wandering mind doesn't mean that your meditation isn't going well. Rather than trying to make it stop, welcome it and continually return to your method, no matter how many times you have to do it.

It sounds you're already doing it, but make sure to note your frustration! Remember, just note whatever is predominant in your experience. If that's searching for something to note, then note searching or looking or labeling thought, etc.

The colored disc thing is called a kasina and is used as an aid for concentration (shamatha) practice. I wouldn't worry about integrating that with your noting practice right now.

Nadav

Thanks for the reminders, this is really helpful. It's odd how the simple can sometimes be so hard to grasp. My morning mindful walk to work has rejuvenated my enthusiasm, and I'll remind myself of your suggestions before my sit tonight.

Hey - Welcome!

You might want to have a look at Kenneth's videos on youtube.

www.youtube.com/user/kennethfolkdharma/videos

The 6 most recent ones (the most recent being Intro to Meditation: Noting the five senses aloud) will probably be the most relevant to you at this point.

I also recommend checking out Kenneth's Buddhist Geeks articles / podcasts.

www.buddhistgeeks.com/page/3/?s=kenneth+folk&x=0&y=0

This should give you a good introduction to some of the ideas / terms that form the basis for the discussion on these forums.

Best of luck!

Ya, thanks for the suggestions. I've actually read through a lot of the articles here on this site, and I've read through Daniel Ingram's MCTB, watched several videos, etc. I'm just completely new at putting this stuff into practice. I haven't yet watched the video you mentioned about noting out loud, so I'll watch that as soon as I get home.