AndyW's Practice Notes, Version 2.0

""You just have to love each breath, like it's the only one in the world.""

And then teach the latter to sing?

It's a good pointer. I'll try it now.

"And then teach the latter to sing?

It's a good pointer. I'll try it now."

I can't tell if you're making fun of me because I said something that sounds like the old Coca-Cola commercial, or if you're making fun of me because I said something that sounds like the old Barry Manilow song. Though really I had Barry White in mind.

You need to Barry White the breath, Andy.

"You just have to love each breath, like it's the only one in the world."

-Classic line, thanks I Will have to write that down somewhere.

I felt very restless today, kind of tense, and in need of release, quite a lot of meandering about looking for sensory gratification in one way or another. So basically that's at least a couple of hindrances purring away.

Didn't sit until just before my lesson with Kenneth, and spent an hour doing samatha practice, managing only first jhana before slipping off into distracted thoughts and daydreams. I tried for the remaining 30 mins of the sit trying to stay with the breath at least so that I wasn't it too poor a shape when Kenneth turned up on Skype.

During the lesson we went up from 2nd jhana to 8th and back down. I felt confident up to 4, even though the jhanas themselves weren't that "hard" (i.e. deep). 5 & 6 still feel largely imaginary to me, but I had a better handle on them than last time. As for 7, Nothingness, and 8, Neither Perception Nor Non-Perception, well, something was going on, but whether it was either of those I couldn't tell you. Is there a viscous quality of mind with 8th? Or is even trying to describe it pointless?

We went back down the jhanas, my confidence gaining as we went. Kenneth said that going back down is like putting the toothpaste back in the tube, which is a very appropriate way of describing it. Each one lower feels a bit "too much", a bit less refined. Although I still really like 4th

My mind now feels very bright and clean, completely rinsed out from all the aversion, restlessness and craving of today. So that's nice.

Going to hunt through the DhO and the old threads here on KFD in search of arupa jhana tips now...

Quick update from the last few days:

30/12/12: Went up the jhanic arc from 1 to 8 in less than half an hour, then went back down again to 1. Switched to vipassana, felt myself rising through the nyanas, into Equanimity. Little rift in the fabric of experience that could have been a cessation. Certainly came with a bliss wave - lots of tingles going through the body. Then switched to metta for the last ten minutes or so.

31/12/12: Didn't manage to stabilise any jhana, but felt happy enough just noting gently. Very peaceful sit, with a bit of metta at the end.

1/1/13: Distracted sit today. So I just decided to let it burn, with a very light touch choiceless awareness/gentle noting.

Practice seems pretty good at the moment. Either I'm doing jhana pretty well - I can consistently get up to 4th, and am rarely bothered about going much further - or I'm doing fairly efficient noting.

This evening I sat an hour with Liam, doing ping pong noting in a Google hangout. It's amazing how doing it with someone else gives you the strength to power through the difficult bits, and I think we both reached Equanimity pretty quickly. I started getting the classic no-self dreamy thoughts, recognised clearly for what they were - completely independent of any intention or control - and this caused wonderful bursts of pleasant energy throughout the body, a big expansive sense of joy and gratitude. There was also a sense of openness, beyond what I'd usually associate with equanimity - like a real taste of freedom, beyond the limits of the self. I saw the possibility of living beyond "me". The ability and willingness to surrender - even just for a few moments - arose again and again: surrender suddenly seemed so much easier to do than to fight the dukkha - in my case, as ever, bodily tension. Surrendering to whatever I wanted to fix felt natural, and wonderful. At one point, all I could note was "awe" and "wonder" as the limits of equanimity - which I think of as spacious, yet bounded, like being in a white cocoon - fell away and there was this very big sense of space, void and possibility. And yet it still all felt just the other side of normal. everyday experience. Other phenomena which arose during these moments of joy and surrender included tingles in the bad of the head right up to the crown - unusual in my practice - and waves of brightness in the visual field behind the closed eyelids.

Lots of positive mindstates too: metta, mudita, compassion, gratitude. I think the heart-centered aspects of insight practice are really accentuated by doing noting with someone else.