What a long, strange trip it's been...

Hi folks,

I've been meditating for'¦well, that's a hard question to answer actually, depending on how you define it. For reasons that are beyond me, I stumbled into a meditative practice of my own when I was a child, but didn't have any formal instruction until I was in my early 20's. What practice there has been, was on again/off again for several decades, but I have been lucky enough to have had some very profound experiences. The hindrance of doubt is not a problem for me

In recent years, I've decided to work it all out, once and for all, and'¦finish the job? In that process, I've come into contact with some dharma friends, and we have shared our meditation histories with each other. Having reviewed my written history, they suggested that I post it here, to provide a case study, perhaps to provide motivation for some, and to perhaps receive some useful feedback from anyone that might have an opinion on how best to proceed.

That said, here it is'¦a study of one. If anyone is helped by it, I am glad. If anyone would care to comment, I would be thankful.

Regards,
P



~1974: Around age 6, almost killed on Hallowe'en night, when a car crashes into nearby telephone pole and the power cables come down around us in a hail of electricity. Carried clear of the danger by my father. Profoundly frightening. Ah'¦I can die.

1976-1984

When I was a kid, we would go on trips each summer far up North to visit my uncle and his family. On these trips, we would leave early in the morning, but I'd be all napped out early in the day. That said, with little else to do, I would still try to nap, but often drift into a state in which I was very clearly 'inside' my head, like I had found a hidden room from which to observe everything outside. I came to look forward to this experience each summer. Upon later reflection I suspect that this was some flavour of Access Concentration.

On at least three occasions over these years, I awoke in the middle of the night, coping with an immediate sense of impending death and a rhythm that followed my heartbeat. Although terrifying from one perspective, I was very resigned to my fate from another, it was inevitable, so what could be done? The only solace I could find was to lie on the floor of our bathroom, as the cold, hard tile floor offered a feeling of stability and some permanence. My parents would find me like this and take me back to bed, thinking it was delirium (maybe it was). I would reluctantly fall back to sleep, and be 'normal' again in the morning. In each episode, the sensate experience was the same.

~1978: it has always taken me a long time to fall asleep (still does), so I would basically think while waiting for sleep to come. As a child, I loved space, so I would often think about the infinity of time and of space that stretches out in all directions, and how utterly fleeting our species' entire existence has been, much less that of a single person. One night, while staring at the spaceship wallpaper I had in my room, and thinking about this, there was a shift in perception, and I had the insight (?) that everything in the universe is made up of microscopic particles that are phasing in and out of existence, dozens of times every second. And so there is no reason to fear death, as we are actually dying over and over and over again each second already, just without knowing it. I snapped out of it after a few seconds, but knew that what had happened wasn't a dream, but something else, something unusual. I knew that I had been shown something that most people don't know. I didn't tell my parents, as I felt certain that they wouldn't know what to make of it from a Western, Catholic perspective. I kept it to myself, but knew that it was significant. Years later, I found out about the stages of enlightenment, and strongly suspect that this was some manner of A&P-type event, brought on my nightly 'meditations'.

In this period, I was hit by cars twice, both times while riding my bike. In both cases, I was essentially uninjured, but it really eats away at your sense of permanence, when death lunges out at you from time to time

On another occasion, I was attending an annual fair that the local church held each year, with rides, food, games, etc. People came from all over. I looked forward to it every summer. But then one summer, perhaps around ten years of age, having just arrived, I realized that once it was over, I'd just be back where I started. The pleasure of the fair would end in short order, and make no permanent change, and only really served as an inconsequential distraction for a short time.

It was during this period that I really started considering the priesthood, going to mass on Friday mornings by myself and thinking about religion, faith and the church. Still I was acutely aware that because I had been born in that particular time and place by chance, didn't mean that the dominant faith in the neighbourhood was any more 'true' than any of the others out there. So what else was there?


1984-1987

It turned out that girls weren't so bad after all, so the priesthood was out, but I still had a strong attraction to the spiritual side of things. I didn't have access to the Internet at that time (very few did!), so what I could find was all book learning from the library or book stores, and the odd TV program.

Some of Shirley MacLaine's works came my way, and I found out about some other systems of belief. I found out a bit about the formal practice of meditation. So I would do meditation experiments in bed, lying still and trying to quiet my mind, watching each of the sensations that popped up, and trying to shut down the noise. I would think hard about moving my finger (for example), and try to discern the origins of the tiniest mental signal that would result in movement. I bought a book about astral projection, which involved a sort of meditative technique. I never got out of my body, but it did help me to calm my mind.

All through high school, I had an intense interest in the paranormal, spirituality, etc. although as I said, I was somewhat hampered by a lack of information.


1987-1990

While attending university, my primary program was mathematics (and computer science), but I spent almost all of my electives on the study of world religions. In fact, after graduating from the math program, I also completed a BA which would have been in Religious Studies, except for one core course not having been offered at the right time. I mostly focused on religions of the East, although I also studied Islam, Christianity, new age groups, cults, paganism and the paranormal.

Outside of class, I was visiting psychic fairs, buying crystals, learning tarot and reading things like the Bhagavad Gita, the Bardo Thodol, the Egyptian Book of the Dead, the Dhammapada, etc.


1990

Then in January or February of 1990, while on a (co-op) work term, I took the introductory instruction course for TM. I had been motivated by the prospect of reducing stress and anxiety (especially at exam time), but I was also interested in the psycho/spiritual aspects as well. It went OK, although I wasn't too keen on the TM community aspect. But I kept up the practice as it helped with anxiety immensely. I established a very regular practice: two 20-minute sessions each day.

I had many interesting experiences, like seeing through my eyelids, seeing everything in the room at once in a kind of 360 degree vision, various bodily spasms (large and small), crumpling to one side or the other, spontaneous verbalizations although never more than an unintelligible grunt, the sensation that I had just been reading a book in my lap, finding that I had been thinking entirely in numbers, or thinking only on one side of my brain. And I would have the experience of bright light, followed by a joyful energy welling up inside me, which I later learned was likely jhana. At the time though, having broken from the TM crowd, I had nothing to provide direction or ascribe meaning to my experiences. So I followed the central TM direction to just ignore stuff like this, and keep focusing on the mantra. Until'¦

March/April: 'the big experience' - To describe the experience: this happened during a period of very regular practice (twice a day for 20 minutes, like clockwork). Basically, I was gone for a short time, with no awareness to speak of, and I think my breathing had slowed down to the point of stopping. Not really sure how long I was 'out'. My first recollection, adjacent to this "gap" was...as if I were being slowly drawn up out of the blackest depths of an ocean (this experience not being unpleasant in the least) into light/consciousness and watching the component elements (ie. - concepts and individual memories) of my mind reintegrate one at a time, much like small rocks floating in space, being drawn into a gravity well, and forming the planet that was my mind. Specific examples of these "components" that I can recall, include a toy I had as a child, and the general idea of a toaster (as opposed to a specific toaster from memory).

About a year later, I was taking a course on the Psychology of Religion, and in reading through Ken Wilber's Transformations of Consciousness, I came across a passage in Chapter 7 that closely described my 'big experience', referring to it as a Cessation Experience, and as the first moment of enlightenment. This was the first inkling I had that there might be descriptions out there for exactly what had happened to me, and that there might be answers.


1992-1995

But I locked this thought away, and had no practice to speak of for about three years. I graduated and joined the work force, which obviously took up a lot of my time and attention.


1995

Until I came into a period of increased stress at work, I returned to some level of practice to help cope. Basically using the TM procedure again, although typically sitting cross-legged on my bed (I used to sit in a chair in university). I began to experience Jhana again on a fairly regular basis (although at the time, I didn't know the term or significance), along with some of the old 'makyo' type events.

But one experience stood out that summer. While sitting, I shifted into a state of awareness in which my body felt rock-solid, and stable to the extent of being immovable. My mind was supremely calm and focused, but I was still aware of external stimuli (e.g. sound, vibrations, kids playing outside, etc.). But these sensations passed 'through' me, without generating any reactions, or thought in response. A friend with a Zen background would later describe this as 'burning clean', which was apt enough. Perhaps it was very high equanimity? 3'rd or 4'th Jhana?

But my practice now lapsed again, for no obvious reason'¦

In the aftermath, For two or three days afterward, I was mentally super-charged, my mind buzzed, experiences were very intense, to the point that I didn't feel 100% safe to drive, because the colour of objects beside the road were so bright and absorbing. Aware that I had experienced an absence of self, I equated this with enlightenment. I flippantly wrote in a rough journal at the time: 'achieved enlightenment', but without really understanding what this meant, or if it was accurate.


1990-2
Various

My practice continued through the next few months'¦

Then, about the summer of 1990, during what was my most math-heavy school term, I had another big experience, this one mathematical. I was out at a campus bar with some friends, and had had a few drinks. Suddenly there was a shift in my perception, and everything I perceived was cognized in terms of numbers. The rhythm of the music, the dimensions of tables, the formulae describing how people would move through the crowd, the probability that a guy was going to get slapped, versus go home with the girl, the wavelengths of light, the passage of discrete intervals of time, the decibel levels of the music, etc. etc. I sat there, and marveled at awareness through a mathematical filter. After about two minutes, things shifted back to normal, but I was left with the certainty that something else had happened. To go with my spiritual experience of a few months earlier, I now had a mathematical experience too. Left brain, right brain. Balance.

Although I'm now sure when/how it happened, my practice dwindled and I stopped meditating. If the blackness was stream entry, might the mathematical experience have been the A&P of a new cycle, and I crumbled under the dark night??? Not sure. I didn't take notes at the time, so the finer points of what may have been happening at the time are lost.

1996-2008


And then there was little practice for a good, long time, about 12 years in fact. Sad now, to have lost such an opportunity, but such is life.


2009

Owing to the part-time nature of my main work engagement, I had two free days per week. I had begun running for the sake of fitness. To supplement my physical fitness with some mental fitness, I began meditating again. But, remembering what I had read in Wilber's book (which I had kept), I was also specifically interested in trying to identify the nature and significance of the experiences I had had in 1990 and later.

So I began by practicing TM on and off. In an effort to go back to 'source' material to better understand meditation, I read the Digha, Samyutta and Majhimma Nikayas. I read some books on Jhana, and began doing mindfulness of breathing. But there was initially some frustration as I did not experience anything as deep as I had 20 years earlier.

And then I bought an iPad, primarily to facilitate the reading of various e-texts I had discovered online. Then through i-tunes, I found and downloaded all of Vincent Horn's Buddhist Geeks podcasts, and they seriously kick-started my dharmic education, leading me in particular to the work of Daniel Ingram.

2010

New materials that I encountered included: Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha, Dharma Overground website, Kenneth Folk Dharma, Buddhist Geeks

I payed a few visits to a Tibetan temple nearby, and although I feel a strong connection with the space, I do not connect with the services. Plus, I am not interested in learning Tibetan to facilitate my understanding, when there are so many other resources available that have already been translated.

Later in the year, I take on a second part-time job, so I am no longer free two days per week, which impacts my practice somewhat.

Toward the end of the year, I connect with a new friend who shared an interest in meditation, and we begin to compare notes.


2011

I make a New Year's resolution: meditate twice a day.

I am still primarily using the TM technique on a regular basis, and it continues to provide some progress.

Feb/March '“ I took Vincent Horn's pragmatic dharma classes online, which provided some first-hand instruction on Mahasi-style noting.

March - Began using noting as my primary technique.

For the entire year, I take the subway to get to one of my jobs. While on the subway, I do noting practice in the morning and evening. In spite of, or perhaps because of, the chaos, noise, smells and jostling, I begin to regularly achieve access concentration. I find that focusing on auditory stimulus alone is very effective in this regard.

At one point, with the subway in motion, I experience myself as a whirling mass of sensations, hurtling down the subway tunnel, something like a comet in visual terms.

March 6 '“ under various pressures at home and work, I snap at my mother while on the telephone. This has never happened before. Is this a dark night symptom, or just some regular upset?

April 13 '“ doing noting practice as I walk down a stairwell at work (a regular, on-the-fly practice of mine), and awareness of my left arm sort of vanishes for a moment.

April 17 '“ I awoke in the middle of the night, and found that I couldn't understand the concept of "other" people. As if the possibility of other people is non-sensical or too complex to be practical. Sort of like non-duality in a way, but seems more like parts of my mind are turned off.

Beginning in late April '“ I have several sits in which I experience pressure in my forehead, which pulses sometimes.

May 24 '“ while using the noting technique on the cushion, I experience a small gap in my thoughts'¦but nothing dramatic follows.

May 29 - insight while noting: the objective truth/meaning/purpose/utility of some thoughts is not always immediately apparent, but requires assessment at a different level of consciousness (this is what I wrote immediately after the sit)

June '“ I switch back to TM technique for a while

July 29 '“ I have some difficulty sitting, as I am in a very strange headspace, like I've forgotten how to meditate

August 5 '“ doing noting practice, and I 'hear' two blasts of static, which is not apparently external, as nobody else nearby heard it.

Sept. 1 '“ in the middle of the night, I transition instantly to being fully awake, but can sense my otherwise sleeping body all around me. In front of my internal visual field is a rectangular array of ~150 glowing, pulsating spheres of different colours, much like a large bank of TV's. I intuit that this is very much like a Windows 'task manager' for my mind, with each sphere representing a discrete process within my functioning mind. I reach out mentally and remove one ball, and then put it back. I thought to try and open my eyes, but found that even the dark of the room was much too bright, so I close them again. This wakefulness 'bubble' then bursts, and I fell back to sleep. '“ was this an A&P event within a cycle?

Early October '“ while deeply calm, I notice how the mind seems to have a function that is dedicated to spewing random ideas for consciousness to attend to. I watch this stream of ideas, and marvel at how random they seem to be. I am left thinking of how some suggest that there is not consciousness, except consciousness OF a thing. Does this idea generator facilitate the sense of a continuous self, by providing a constant flow of objects to focus upon?

Oct. 17 '“ Have my first day-long meditation retreat at a friend's place. All-day sessions don't seem to be the challenge I thought they might be!

Oct. 25 '“ like in early September, I instantly transition to full wakefulness in the middle of the night, but 'within' my sleeping myself. There are no glowing spheres, but the state is interesting.

Nov. 3 '“ meditating in the attic in the evening, and had the experience of an energy building in my head, which led to powerful sensations and then physical pain/pressure in my head, followed by intense sweating.

And then at its peak, for the merest fraction of a second, there wasn't a 'me'. The otherwise omnipresent sense of "I" basically ceased for a micro-second or so, while a sort of non-local, passive awareness took its place. The floorboards, walls, and nearby items in the room became me; I became them. We were one, big, quiet, calm, empty field...with no distinctions and nobody "in charge" (is that ego?). There was still an awareness of the room, but it was sort of an inherent property of the space itself. I hate to use so loaded a term, but it is apt from my perspective to suggest that I was in a non-dual state.

And then a slow drift back to normal'ish awareness began.

On the way "out", my first thought was, "Well then where does the impetus come from for anything to happen??"...and I was reminded of some accomplished yogi's statements about being pleasantly surprised to see what happens next in their moment-to-moment existence, as if the will driving their own body were an unpredictable externality. My next thought was, 'What would it be like to live from this vantage point all the time?'

In the aftermath, there were no fireworks, no fruition/gap, no 'bliss wave', and no grand sense of accomplishment. If anything, the experience was simply novel and unique among my experiences to date, but it did leave me feeling somewhat jazzed and very eager to sit again. Also very eager to tell someone, my wife being the first (and she was very polite in humoring me, as I don't typically discuss my practice with her), followed by some dharma friends'¦who sent me here. I've also noticed in the week since, that when I sit (still doing anapanasati), the time passes extremely quickly, and is almost effortless. I sat for an hour last night, and on Wednesday night too, and the time just flew by, with almost no concern for time. If I could find the time, I suspect that a two hour sit is achievable now.

Met a second dharma friend, and our little Sangha begins to grow.

Dec. 8 '“ insight: the mind is constantly trying to sync itself with its surroundings, to cement itself in space and time. I am having more and more instances on the mat, of not knowing when/where I am, as if that is a discrete function or energy level of the mind, and it has been switched off.

.
2012

Renewed my two-sits-a-day commitment for New Year's

Jan. 27 '“ jhana, rarified awareness and a 'blip' in awareness, not as strong as a cessation (I assume), but noticeable

Feb '“ decide to do mindfulness of breathing exclusively for a bit'¦

Feb. 6 '“ had solid, stable jhana for a minute or so. Not absorbtion, but intense light and energetic joy that floods up inside and draws attention.

February 12, 2012:

I set my timer for 40 minutes of mindfulness of breathing. I achieved a nice, deep calm, fell into access concentration, hovered near first jhana, but only got the slightest taste of it this time. Then the timer went off. I opened my eyes, and the room was in a comfortable twilight. My breathing was slow and even, and something told me to stay with my breath, with eyes open, even though I always meditate with eyes closed.

My visual focus drifted in and out, there was a slight mental shift, and the perceived locus of my awareness seemed to drift a bit forward into the room, and expand slowly to merge with the surroundings. This shift was very gradual, and there was an initial fear resulting from the sense that I was letting go of something important, but that was fairly easily tempered, allowing me to let the shift unfold as it did, if with a bit of wobbling.

At one point, I sit for 90 minutes, with the only concern being some pain in my knees.

Feb 19 '“ while sitting doing noting practice, I become aware of an audible and tactile ~10hz vibration in the back of my head, focusing on it leads to a jhana-like state of light and reduced awareness

Feb 25 '“ There is a flash of jhana after which my hands both feel like they're in two places at once

March 7 '“ I always tend to meditate with my eyes closed, but I mix it up a bit, and achieve Access Concentration with eyes open while meditating at home!

March 26 '“ While doing noting practice, it strikes me as oddly humorous how my head sort of stays up 'all by itself''¦?

April '“ In advance of an upcoming retreat with Shinzen Young, I study and practice Shinzen's '5 Ways' technique.

April 8, 2012 '“ During a family dinner, I snap at my sister over some innocent comments she has made, which I take to heart'¦is this more dark night stuff? Again, this is very unlike me'¦?

April 12, 2012 - General upset, meditation in the evening was almost scary in some ways, having to do with fear of losing my mind, and becoming someone else, as in Shingon or Vajrayana, where they become the deity in their practice.

April 15, 2012 - Later in the evening, something shifted, and I felt much better, and optimistic.

First week of May '“ Week-long retreat in Niagara Falls with Shinzen Young!

Primary goals:
'¢ To see if I can do it, particularly in the wake of the February event.
'¢ To sit a retreat, and see what pops
'¢ If the chance arises, to ask Shinzen about my past experience and any significance

Almost from the start of the week, I had intense strobing/nimitta when I closed my eyes. This resolved into light jhana twice, and fairly solid jhana on Wednesday morning. The strobing nimitta was almost physical in its intensity at times, like being slapped in the face.

During group session on Monday, I was surprised by a stroking on my hand, only to find that my left thumb was stroking my right hand.

Mental state seemed to stall/flatten by Tuesday, but then realized that I had simply leveled out all around.

Early in the week, noticed tightness in the lower, middle chest, as I would stand up from sitting. This lessened and vanished by week's end.

Some pain in my knees one afternoon, so I focus on it, and move beyond it.

Wednesday night: I discovered that sitting in a chair is somehow critically different from the mat, in terms of the depths of experience I achieve. This being evidences by experiences like those I had 20 years back, when I first learned TM.

At some mid-week point, I became obsessed with the concept of the brain producing pairs of quantum-entangled particles and using them to communicate across time, making the brain a 4D computer and explaining much paranormal ability.

Spent two days ( Wed & Thurs) engrossed in 'hear in' dialogue in my head, mostly with family members'¦probably a consequence of dealing with noble silence and missing my family?

Thursday: interview with one of the facilitators, who suggests that I speak with Shinzen directly.

Insight on Thursday evening: while meditating on a chair, I had been having little dips or nods, somewhat like falling asleep in class momentarily, but not being certain how long you were out for. Then it occurs to me that they were perhaps cessations of some kind. Careful attention shows that they are consistently following the out-breath pattern related to 'unknowing events' in Ingram's book. Further, that when penetrated, they got smaller.

Friday: The chirping of a bird outside a nearby window creates synchronized spasms in my hand/face

Session with Shinzen on Friday: Suggests that my February experience is significant, and that some advanced yogi's spend their time entirely in that state.

Playing with the energy in my arms/hands as 'flow', tying it together.

My cushion sitting posture is apparently pretty good, when/if I thrust my chest forward, based on adjustments made by a volunteer specialist.

Various notes on the week:
'¢ I was able to sense within a minute or so when 30/45/60 minutes had passed.
'¢ Although the morning chanting wasn't really my thing, it did help me to wake up in the mornings.
'¢ Knees are much more flexible now
'¢ At some point, 'Rumour has it' by Adele gets locked in my head, along with Paul Simon's You can call me Al. Can't escape them!
'¢ There was a lot of sensory cross-talk, in terms of seeing and feeling sounds, and even feeling vision.
'¢ There was a lot of phantom movement, where my body moved or spasmed on its own.

Key lessons learned:
'¢ That my concentration is reasonably strong.
'¢ That my experiences are somewhat significant (ie. '“ based on the facilitator's reaction)
'¢ That my 2012 experience has changed me somehow, in that I can sit for long periods without any worry, which had not been the case previously.

While driving home, my friend is very excited about all that they experienced and learned. His commentary is getting louder, which is extremely distracting. I have to ask him to chill out so that I can drive safely.

First night at home again, I got to SLEEP...for like...over six hours! Even got to sleep in until 6am! Heaven!

First day (a Monday) after the retreat:
- finding myself to be very/noticeably calm...in feeling, and in listening to my own voice...desperately hoping it lasts...
- finding small, trivial things sort of humorous
- watched some anger spring up this morning at one point, and then subside without causing a blow-up...nice!
- noticing that some of the "walking around the office" meditation I had been doing is MUCH deeper now than before, one big fade-out on the stairs had me grabbing the railing
- moved my meditation bell/bowl up by my cushion, more for comfort than function
- some traffic silliness this morning, but found I was referring to drivers as "foolish monkeys", rather than more conventional/colourful expressions...not sure where that came from
- finding that I am VERY sensitive to others' emotional states, especially anger, upset, etc.
- sat last night and this morning...very calm, felt somehow different though...will try to investigate and quantify
- During last night's sit, I noticed one of those (what for now I will call) cessations, although very small "in my head" compared to the initial ones noticed on retreat, so maybe I'm becoming more sensitive to them?
- while driving to work this morning, slipped into Access Concentration. Gah! The transition was a bit panic-inducing, but once in, attention/driving was noticeably superior

May 17 '“ doing anapanasati, and there is a very intense visual blackout 'blip', which is obvious even behind closed eyes. Doesn't appear to be related to any lighting issues in the room.

May/June '“ having some manner of cessations off the mat. Are they Ingram's 'unknowing events'? Short periods in waking life, which I seem to not have experienced, although I can sort of infer what happened, or reconstruct it from memory. Very odd.

General change noticed since February (?): in that specific tunes get stuck in my head for weeks sometimes. Not awful, but very annoying.

June 26 '“ reading a translation of Tibet's Lam Rim Chen Mo, and I decide to split my daily practice into concentration in the morning and insight in the evening.

July 9 '“ while walking around home in the evening, there are several instances of suddenly feeling completely insubstantial, as if I had turned to vapour. Each instance only lasts a step or two.


And that brings us up to date...my, that was a lot of cutting and pasting...

Cutting and pasting? You mean there's more???



Welcome, Privacy_Dude. I'm just teasing, but wow, you did post a lot of stuff to read.

Agreed; you've had a long, strange trip. I personally think that it's very helpful to do a practice thread in a place like this where you can begin to normalize your experiences. I guess you've been over on Dharma Overground as well; the more you can participate with others who are doing the same work, the better able you are to cope with some of the odd phenomena that can come up (like kriyas, just as a small example). Working in isolation, or having stuff happen to you out of the blue with no community, can leave you fearing for your sanity. I know that in my case, I tended to ruminate a lot about previous experiences, and see myself as some sort of nut-job. But now I'm just toolin' along, doing my thing. Sometimes I get overwrought and people here tell me to chill. I grumble a bit and then chill and it's fine.

I don't know much about TM; what I do know is that somehow, people seem to gravitate toward a practice that makes sense to them. For me it's been a combination of noting and open awareness, with metta and anapanasati mixed in. There are people here working with kasinas (I can't do it b/c it makes my eyes hurt), others doing various other practices. Some of us are pre-path, others at middle paths, and others post-4th path.

I'm not a diagnostician, so I'll leave it to more knowledgeable people to comment on where you're likely at. But I want to extend a KFD welcome. Hope to hear more from you.

Thanks Marti, That's the bulk of it. I was referring to the pasting in 2000-word chunks

That was a really good summary. Just the right level of detail for an overview.

It seems like you are rocking along, probably with a path or two behind you. One thing I've noticed is some yogis get bliss waves after cessasions, others don't. So the next question is... what's your plan?

e.g., Practice techique? Working with a teacher? Being a quiet yogi and occasionally checking in with questions? Being a post-every-day yogi?

Hello Betawave,

Thanks for the comments. I should point out that the above is a summary, which primarily aimed to include the highlights, whether substantial, significant or merely novel. The bulk of my log is actually pretty boring stuff (eg. - 6am: 40 minutes of noting; 8pm: 30 minutes of TM, thought a lot about my nose, etc.) But no, with two or three obvious exceptions (described above), I'm not aware of any bliss waves, so I might just be one of those types of yogi that you mention. On the plus side though, I'm not generally aware of much dark night stuff either.

Plans for the future are as follows:
1. Continue sitting twice each day, typically for 30m per sit. More when I can swing it.
2. Keep reading, researching, working on my knowledge-base
3. Post updates here when events warrant. As I mentioned, most of my day-to-day experiences are pretty unremarkable
4. Keep in touch with our little, local Sangha. As they say, enlightenment is a team sport!

A teacher...interesting that you should bring this up. As many people might tell you (my wife being first in line, I'm sure), I much more of a do-it-myself kind of guy. I've certainly had success with this approach, but I am also open to the idea. I think I just need to find the right teacher (don't we all?). Someone that has the right knowledge to help me, and someone whose capabilities are apparent to me. I've had the opportunity to seek advice from several remarkable individuals, but nobody with whom I clicked. That said, I'm still aware of making progress, and I have yet to hit a substantial wall, so I've still got things I can accomplish on my own. But I will say that connecting with my two dharma friends has helped focus and inform my practice, so I can't recommend community enough! I wish I'd known this about 20 years back

Regards,
P

Forgot to mention: plans for practice...

Currently doing mindfulness of breathing in my morning session, and Mahasi-style noting in the evenings. I supplement this with regular mindfulness exercises through the day, when walking around the office, up/down stairs, while eating lunch, etc.

I don't do a lot of TM anymore, but I've been considering integrating some of Shinzen Young's "5 Ways" technique into my ongoing practice, this having been taught by him at the week-long retreat I attended earlier this year.

P