Giulio B. pre-practice journal

  • Giulio B.
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7 years 8 months ago #92794 by Giulio B.
Replied by Giulio B. on topic Re: Giulio B. pre-practice journal
Today's:

I got up in time, done 15 minutes of relaxation + noting only physical sensations.

Noted nicely throughout some periods of the day.

By the late afternoon mood began to degrade, and a down cycle started. It highly impacted meditation (basically disrupted it). I began a hour late; there was a lot of drowsiness first, then straight sleeping/dreaming with sudden "wake ups" and then sleep again. Uncontrollable. Walking meditation was equally disrupted (quite rough noting, a lot of tension/agitation), but still noted as good as I could until the end. My routine is stable since months anyways and pretty much nothing can stop it anymore.
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  • Giulio B.
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7 years 8 months ago #92795 by Giulio B.
Replied by Giulio B. on topic Re: Giulio B. pre-practice journal
Lots of sleepiness again. Although it was sunday and I got up after nine, it was too strong to be normal. I aborted the session at 30 minutes, renouncing to the further 15' of walking because I couldn't even manage to keep my eyes open. Sessions like that, apart from the discipline training, are practically good as not done.

Somebody said: "take care of your practice and it will take care of yourself". I think it is right and that I need to be proactive. Today I took 100 mg of Armodafinil (a drug that is generally given to narcoleptics), for studying too and let's see how it goes. If I still get sleepy tomorrow morning I'm going to move formal meditation in the morning.
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  • Giulio B.
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7 years 8 months ago #92796 by Giulio B.
Replied by Giulio B. on topic Re: Giulio B. pre-practice journal
Today's:

Session beginning with the usual negative-to very negative stuff, then the usual perceptual distortion jumped in (feeling like a formula 1 driver accelerating to high speeds), and at this time it reached an extremely pleasant peak. I was literally bursting in happiness (looked like the peak of a very pleasant psychedelic trip...). It went down to some extent at the first bell, alternating an happiness afterglow with despair feelings (yes, quite extreme opposites). Walking meditation somewhat sucked, a lot of negative (also extreme) feelings ultil the very end, where i had a little happiness returning. Many laughs and humor (also when surrounded by negative phenomena). Armodafinil seems to have worked (probably) so I'll take it again. Ok so I think suicide is posponed. Joking.
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  • Giulio B.
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7 years 7 months ago #92797 by Giulio B.
Replied by Giulio B. on topic Re: Giulio B. pre-practice journal
Flash-update:

Because of urgent work I have to do, and also to counter sleepiness, I'm re-scheduling formal meditation from late afteernoon to the morning. It will start at exactly 8.00 and end at 8.45 from tomorrow. If I see that It's going well, i might anticipate the starting time a little further. Thank you. Giulio.
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  • Ona
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7 years 7 months ago #92798 by Ona
Replied by Ona on topic Re: Giulio B. pre-practice journal
Updates? <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s:) -->
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  • Giulio B.
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7 years 7 months ago #92799 by Giulio B.
Replied by Giulio B. on topic Re: Giulio B. pre-practice journal
Thank you Ona, good to hear from you!

I had some demanding time during the past 10-15 days, and unfortunately formal meditation was stopped since about 10 days ago (for the whole 10 days). Noting off the cushion continued, but the stress levels were pretty high, so most of the time it wasn't optimal (due to my stupidity in continuously postponing work, i finally came to the point when i was too close to the deadline and had to rush for it).

The whole thing ended this thursday, right when I met Kenneth (who, by the way, had to listen to 45 minutes of my gibberish lol). I was quite upset at the time, so I planned to recover these 10 lost days (that won't happen ever again) by doubling the dose for another 10 days. But then the thing was settles with adding a period of concentration.

So the new schedule is: 45 minutes of noting in the morning, 30 minutes of breath counting at the hara spot in the evening. Today has been the first day. Since I'm sort of re-starting, i thought that it would have been better to start off by only noting one foundation at a time (today was physical sensations), and then noting without restrictions from the fifth day on.

I program to re-start posting here on a weekly basis (so, probably, every saturday).

Thank you. G.
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