Another Sitting Journal

This morning I went through the nanas, again practicing as much non-manipulation as possible. Feeling a bit more comfortable with the witness dwelling in the midst of the arch. Again only during DN was it difficult to stay with.

So thanks Kenneth and everybody who responded the Progressive Development + Non-Dual awakening thread. I sat today in 2nd gear. I had been trying to sit with noting practice in 2nd gear but find it gets cluttered until I hit Equanimity. So I decided to do pure Goenka Body scan (w/o noting) and reside in the witness. I found the witness and kept asking who is watching this (witness) after 5 minutes of intense questioning (probably 20 mins into the sit) the witness softened then I couldn't find it. Then I would see a glimpse of it. Then it would be just awareness. Vibrations in the leg are just vibrations in the leg. Same goes for thoughts, feelings, pleasure, pain. The witness would come back very subtle then disappear again. I always try to be critical of my progress (concerned about scripting) so I am not sure I hit 3rd gear. I guess I figured 3rd gear would be rapturous like a mind bending A&P but completely relaxed (its funny what unrealistic stuff I project) This was just the absence of a clear center point... Anyway may everyone have a great day...

I just read through Kenneths Q&A on the Non-Dual, I had never read it before because when I first came to this site I was focusing intently on landing 1st path at the exclusion of everything else. Now reading it I find that it contained everything I was hoping to see expanded in the Progressive Development + Non-Dual Awakening thread... just like awakening itself, I went looking for something that was there all along haha...

hi ClaytonL, can you detail the method of the pure Goenka Body scan? Thx!!

Also does your witness usually hang around in a particular location?

Above questioned was answered in sparqi's journal. Tomorrow I am off to Malaysia for a 10 day retreat a la Goenka. I disagree with a lot of what he says as I continue to practice, but it is what it is. I am excited. I feel like it will be easier for me to keep the mindfulness up all day long. That is the plan anyway. I am under no delusions of it being easy. I hope to cross the next A&P and ideally get a new cycle completed. Bill Hamilton talks about how the hardest part of the next path is getting to A&P and getting through the 11th nana... As per the Mahasi instruction I have made a resolution not to experience any first path fruitions till after my time of intense practice. Anyway just wanted to let the group know that all is well and I wont be around here for almost 2 weeks...

Have a great retreat, Clayton. Looking forward to your post-retreat report.

Kenneth

Excellent Retreat! Challenging but very productive...

Day 1 - Some Jhana Arch fun in the afternoon. Felt strongest 5th Jhana yet (my current Ceiling). With higher than average concentration I accidentally (haha) experienced a cessation that evening. There was an energetic twitch and a much stronger afterglow than normal. It lasted one hour and was probably the strongest afterglow since the first series of cessations. I imagine this had something to do with my strong concentration but I dunno. Then exactly an hour later I went in for evening sitting. All of a sudden it was like the Dukka nanas were on shuffle. It was very confusing and I felt like I was exploring new territory...

Day 2 - Some More Jhanic Arch arch activity. However it had the quality of tunning a radio station with bleed through from another buzzy station (Dark Night).

Day 4 - Start Body scanning and observing 3Cs in every sensation. Very powerful, still a challenge but seeing the 3Cs is helping some at this point.

Day 6 - Soo much craving on this day it was unbearable. Kept observing 3Cs. Started Mahasi noting during the evening sit hoping to get some relief. I heard a thunderstorm outside the hall which seemed very pleasant because of the malay heat. When hearing thunder all of a sudden everything felt connected. I thought, "That is the voice of God (more the Dao really). Then noted thunder-pleasure... Bam Explosion into 2nd Jhana feeling vibrations very subtly arising passing... grinning from ear to ear.

Day 7 - Feeling very enlightened (haha) A bit Manic. This evening I realized ow that wasn't a non dual event with the thunder that was a new A&P

Day 8 - Dissolution sensations in the morning, drifting thoughts, twinges of bliss etc. After lunch some abject fear for 10 minutes. Then started feeling burned out. I began to suspect that this was the new DN and I knew there was noting to do but accept it and dis-embed. Then during the sitting everything was falling apart. Painful sensations all over the body. Serious regret, Misery, whyyyyyy do I do this to myself again??. I just kept pumping the 3Cs and practicing acceptance. I knew fighting it wouldn't solve anything it would slow it down. Feeling a bit better by evening.

Day 9 Sit for an hour early in the morning. Sleep a little before breakfast. Lucid dream. Pleasant setting. Then I turn around and AHHHHHH!!! I see a cloaked figure and I think "wow so thats what a demon looks like" Immediately I Feel geyser of cosmic crud, strongest ever, strongest fear every, and my body being ripped apart. But as soon as it started I instinctualy had equanimity with all that. Waking up soon I found myself noting... tension chest fear aversion. I felt like a demon had been excercised. I know it sounds lame (it was only a bad dream) but I can not overstress how powerful this was. By Early afternoon I had completely abandoned the idea of getting path. I just wanted to keep things simple and get to equanimity before I got home so I wouldn't be a creepy yogi around my family. Acceptance. Acceptance. Acceptance. Then 4.30 sitting in bed observing sensations and blip. The afterglow built slowly like the 1st one I had. but within 5 mins I felt lighter, completely calm, mind like a mirror, innocent. etc. 6 Pm Sitting I sat down and closed my eyes after resolving to experience fruition. Feeling a blip I immediatly proceeded to have a hundred cessations during the hour sitting while not feeling like keeping my eyes closed at all. Just wanted to go outside. Meditation seemed so comical. I walked outside after the session and just didn't care about anyyyyything!! More than every in my life.

Day 10 Complete uninterest in sitting in the morning. By noon I was able to sit for hour at a time again. Feeling lighter. Clearer. I might come by and ad more later but that is it for now... anyone have any comments?

Hey Clayton,
Sounds like you had a good course. Do you feel maybe that that last fruition may have been another path? How do you feel? What's your perception like? How does the mind feel? Im very curious!

Hey Nick,

My working hypothesis is that it was another path. But I want to be cautious about calling it that, I am hoping to get some feedback from the advanced yogis on here including yourself. Well there was a mounting pressure in my 3rd eye for a week or so before the retreat, during the retreat the 3rd eye and heart chakras were in a lot of pain. that was released during fruition although I have noticed it a bit since then... I defiantly felt like I completed a new cycle. The territory was unfamiliar to me. But it was resolved. I felt a strong review cycle the night of day 10 with some DN stuff coming back up although seen a bit more equanimously. Daniel talks about this, powerful cycles as the path settles. The same thing happened to me after 1st path. My baseline--I feel like its best to let the afterglow settle before making any statements about that. Currently I feel like I understand the 3Cs at a much much deeper level. My head feels clearer. But its not as much a sense of look how clean my perception is (it was initially) its more a clearer perspective on my own subject/object delusion. I felt a sense of the work still to go. A lot has happened but there is much more to be done. However, now I feel a much greater sense of the need to surrender. Absolute surrender Whatever is happening is unfolding just as it should... it is obvious some development has been triggered and now I feel the momentum of that process a lot more vividly.

Also the fact that whereas I didn't have hardly any control before of the cessations now I have a significant amount of control and can access it w/o having meditated. This shift is probably the most significant reason I have for believing it was a new path. But I dunno, I feel like during the retreat and after the fuition my spiritual past has been pulled into a bit clearer perspective...

"Also the fact that whereas I didn't have hardly any control before of the cessations now I have a significant amount of control and can access it w/o having meditated. This shift is probably the most significant reason I have for believing it was a new path. But I dunno, I feel like during the retreat and after the fuition my spiritual past has been pulled into a bit clearer perspective..."

That sounds like 2nd path stuff to me. Congrats if it is. Be prepared for some confusing times ahead. Hall of mirrors!!!!
Enjoy the afterglow while it lasts. It was an amazing time for me.

Haha yeah I am enjoying it. Its funny though after a couple hours I thought of your sitting journal and all the pain chakra stuff your going through... I was like nooo haha now I have to go through that. Buts its all progress even if it is painful...

You could get lucky and not go through all those headaches etc. I think it will vary from yogi to yogi. Depends on how much "blockage" you got going on there. Hehe! It'll be interesting to see how it pans out for you. Keep us all posted. We are all collecting important data together here.

I am beginning to see (well understand as I have recently listened to Hurricane Ranch AGAIN haha) that at whatever level I am at this conveyer belt is going. More cycles will inevitably continue. But from here on out the important thing looks like a combination of surrender and investigation. I can have fruitions most of the time I intend to (retreat concentration is wanning a bit) and yet... how does that affect my day to day life. This is my next phase of investigation. How am I not enlightened through out my day. Where am I embedded in the delusions of permanence, satisfaction, and self. Particularly trying to steer my attention towards emptiness. I found this post of daniels in V Horn's blog. I think it seems like solid advice so i'll post it here...

"If you are past stream entry but not yet an anagami: keep cycling and begin to feel the apparent tension between the fact that Fruitions occur and yet during the experience of most sensations things are largely the same as pre-stream entry. Thus, look at their luminosity, their own manifestation/awareness where they are, on its own, the centerlessness of perception, and do this again and again until you get anagamihood. The Three Characteristics are still key."

Been playing around with a Kasina object. I feel like pumping up my concentration.This is what happened yesterday, this mornings sitting wasn't as sexy. I notice the bowl come into focus. Then I notice the outer edges starting to blur. Then it seems as if the bowl dissapears (kinda) with visual emphasis being stronger around the object. Then it all kinda chills out and comes back to normal. After that I close my eyes and imagine infinite space untill I feel my body start to feel like a thin fog and feel expansive. After that I turn my attention towards conciousness feeling the awareness that is non localized. Then upon further concentration I feel into a state that felt real empty. Just like I dunno empty. After that I continued to concentrate trying to find the 8th jhana... things changed but I am not sure if I got it. I got into some state that was almost like a lucid dream. I thought afterward of the phrase "heavens waiting room" haha I dunno why. I am not sure where that was on the jhanic arch but I will just keep practicing. I have always had poor concentration skills (diagnosed ADD as a child like everyone haha) so the fact that I am able to explore these states and develop concentration (which I can only imagine will increase enormously over the coming years) is a real blessing.

OK now I've got the plot. Ciao!!!

Haha hey Randy. This is the only cat out in the 'real world' who gets regular updates on my practice. I can't recommend the Kasina object enough to those attempting to develop their concentration. I was playing around this morning above the 7th Jhana. It felt like gentle fuitions, almost. Like my perception was turning on and off. More like fading in and out. Not like a sudden stutter like a cessaton. I believe that is 8. At least some level of 8. I dunno i'll just keep doing what i'm doing... Much love everyon--practice well

"Saturday: Swept. Mind chattering lost in future. Then opened up trying to be mindful of the six sense doors. Pain in left shoulder. Accept it. Don't greet it with aversion. Deconstruct into many sensations. Where is the I? Softening of tension in chest. Shoulder pain softened as well. Sense doors practice going well. Feel on the verge of something. Observe Excitement. Stay cool. Easy does it'¦ 45 mins Longest time spent in sense door/free awareness practice.

Sunday: I would like to write this down before my memory gets a chance to distort the events. I began with unusually strong concentration on the breath. I thought about what it would be like to attain stream entry. I feel like I might have gotton to one of the lower jhanas. Then I started scanning my body searching for the three characteristics. Preassure somewhere between the third eye and the crown chakra. Then I started feeling my awareness wind down almost like I was about to fall asleep then a split second later I would come back to awareness. After this happened maybe 5 or 6 times I had finished my scan and went to 6 sense doors awareness. I have been getting close to what may be formations. I observed the sense doors for probably 10 or 15 minutes. During this time I felt pretty chilled out but nothing out of the ordinary. Now I sit here pondering. Was that stream entry? Was I just almost falling asleep? I didn't feel that tired. But the total sit was only like 35 minutes'¦ I felt like I could have sat for hours but I just didn't feel the desire'¦ surely that wasn't it. It doesn't matter I know I am meditating tomorrow'¦ I just take life one day at a time anyway


"

Definitly recognize the falling asleep / waking feelings. I noticed this as well when doing awareness of breath at the nose tip paired with "bodhi." I would feel like falling to sleep and then waking up on a deeper level until eventually all that was left was pleasant feelings / equanimity.

Nice, Clayton. OK, now is the time to master the jhanic arc. Track your progress up and down the arc in each sitting, paying careful attention to the highest state you attain before you start back down the arc. And see if you can also be present and track the descent. The jhanas and nanas will present themselves in reverse order as you descend. Review the map of the 20 strata of mind. See if you can notice the exact moment when the ascent maxes out and you start down. You will feel this as a little bit of an "oh no!" moment. You will be in denial about it, not wanting to leave the subtle, blissful state of samadhi at the top of the arc. You'll think, "no, I haven't really started back down, I just imagined it. I can stay up here longer." Soon, though, you will accept that you really are descending and you'll realize that it can be just as interesting as the ascent. It just feels different. Whereas before the toothpaste was being liberated from the tube (rising, expanding), now the toothpaste is being forced back into the tube (sinking, contracting). But it's the same strata of mind as on the way up, just from this different lens, the lens of descending.

As you go up and down the jhanic arc several times in each sitting, realize that over time you grab off a little more territory at the top of the arc. This is how you make progress into the higher states at the cutting edge of your practice. If you become the world's foremost authority on tracking your own progress through your own jhanic arc, you will confidently move up through the 20 strata of mind, eventually seeing them all.

Good luck!

Kenneth

Mastering the Jhanic Arch: Part 1

Everyone knows the 20 stratum of mind--so I am not going to go through and describe what each one feels like to me. (at least today). Instead of trying pure concentration practice this morning I did as Kenneth suggested and began mapping the insight knowleges along with the concentration states. So rising up through the first 11, then the formless stuff. Then after 8 making a resolution to reach the Pure Land Jhanas. Started fluttering my eyes attempting to penetrate the object, lots of tensions around the 3rd eye. I turned my attention towards it. Eventually I found my eyes were fluttering rather quickly. I felt as great as tony the tiger. Relax--eyes clam down. Send energy with intention up to the crown. Restful state, very clear very calm... less embodied than previous state. Then felt the energy moving back down to 3rd eye. Dissapointment. Went back down to Mind/Body. Started rising up again. Strate more vivid 2nd time around. During the first state after jhana 8 my bell rang but I had to keep exploring. So I went up to the crown chakra state. After that I felt a pull towards something else... the third eye began to relax a little and I felt the begining of a shift for maybe 15-30 seconds. Then the pull back down the ladder. At which point I opened my eyes. Wow a tour of heaven and hell--and all before breakfast... how can you beat it?

Nice work!