Squee's practice journal

"Any remedy for the soreness/pain/strain in the throat "

This may sound a little strange, but try talking "from the stomach". The energy of speaking should feel like it is coming from deep within your body.

The throat can easily become tight from any kind of mental/physical tension -- in fact it is a great location for biofeedback. If it gets tight, you know you aren't as relaxed and grounded as you could be. Don't worry about it (which would be a negative feedback loop), just take a nice pleasant sighing breath -- ahh..... and then speak from your belly.

When you get it right, it's a positive feedback loop, it is energizing.

(But make all of this secondary to the actual noting. Noting tension, tightness, soreness is right!)

Hope it helps!

The last couple of days featured really unfocused sits. When noting, I sit and feel so disengaged and not concentrated. I tried to shift half of my time on the cushion toward concentration practice on my breath, but I lose focus very quickly and return to the breath only after some time. My last sit, which ended right now, featured such a small amount of noted objects compared to usually. Since my talk with Kenneth some 10 days ago I have been trying to meditate on the flickering of the eyes but I hardly arrive at the state where that is possible. If before I could experience sensations of space and general pulsing--which usually lead me to be able to practice with the eyelids--every sit, I now experience it only every few days. On the bright side, it has been getting better since I returned to note out loud and my throat is not sore anymore.

I was reading over kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/41...utm_campaign=Content , the thread about noting. I noticed someone advised there that when too many objects rise that it is impossible to note, one should drop noting and stay with bare awareness. I am wondering - should I do this? I sometimes get into an experience when objects present themselves rapidly, and one note steps on another as I try to note as many as I can. In such a situation, should I stick with bare awareness? What if these sensations are not subtle but many gross with many visuals, thoughts, etc? Lastly, I have noticed that it is much harder for me to note mental objects (be them thoughts or emotions) when not noting; that is, I find it hard to be aware of them without an inner noting dialogue. Should I work on this or is this reasonable?

Cheers.

In that case perhaps noting overwhelmed etc. would help. You should always be able to note something. Noting is the ticket, and noting loud is even better. There are subtle states where noting can get in the way (say high equanimity as an example).

Use noting as a tool to make sure you aren't getting embedded.

I wouldn't worry too much about it at this point. You've gotten really far doing what you are doing, so I wouldn't go messing with something that ain't broke. Just note your doubt and your striving and your uncomfortableness and things like that.

Keep chewing! Swallowing will happen eventually.

Also Squee, have you done any Kasina practice up to this point? A few rounds of breath counting followed by a few minutes of kasina tends to really settle my mind and help me keep on task (i.e. get around aversion to sitting/noting, minimize stray thoughts, etc.).

Hey mumuwu, thanks for the feedback again. In regard to your question - I used to do some kasina before sitting, now I just follow the breath for a while to concentrate, and do so again when I get the urge to look at the clock / stop meditating. It works pretty well like that.

Cool. I use breath counting a lot. I find it is a lot more failsafe than simply following the breath. It is very powerful and simple.

Interesting things happened last evening in my sit (I sat with my yoga teacher so I had to note silently):
I was counting breaths to concentrate, a few minutes into my sit; one moment I was sitting straight counting, the other I found my head thrown back as far as it could. My girlfriend holds that I fell asleep sitting, but that would have my head going forward rather than back. I have no idea how my head got there.
Later in that sit, I began to have a similar experience to the ones I reported having in my last retreat. I started noting physical sensations quickly, and as I sped up they all sped up into tiny vibrations across the body. I continued tapping noting them quickly trying to push myself to the experience where I am being "sucked" and resurfacing, but that did not work.

Lastly, I've noticed now that many a times when I meditate I find that everything physical is shaking/pulsing. If I observe an itch, it itches, but it pulses. The same for a pain, a tingling. Even my whole body, when observed, seems to be shaking in some way. It is not physical shaking, it just feels like my "vision" is shaking, so naturally every object I'll look at will shake. I don't know if I should go on as usual or focus on the shaking/pulsing. The interesting thing now is that while I have these pulsing I can't seem to do the eye-flickering thing. When I try to, I get no flickering per-se of the eyelids or the muscles around the eyes or anything like that. Instead, it there is just a sensations of shaking or pulsing out there, either in the darkness of the back of my eyelids or in my head or something. But my eyelids won't flicker and I just can't seem to be practicing that. Any thoughts / tips?

"Later in that sit, I began to have a similar experience to the ones I reported having in my last retreat. I started noting physical sensations quickly, and as I sped up they all sped up into tiny vibrations across the body."-Squee

Squee, stop doing so much. You don't have to do anything or force anything or look for anything. You seem to be having an A&P experience. Just sit there and let it happen.

Hello!

It's good to be back. My practice in the past couple of months spiralled down as I was focused on school work. While school is still in session, I hope that for the next couple of months I'll be able to breath dharma again. I did continue to meditate for 1.5-2 hours every day, but I have really noticed a difference as my focus shifted away from meditation to school work.

Anyway, lately I have been experiencing a kind of a breaking in continuity of consciousness, or something. It usually happens when I feel a lot of pulsing; it seems like experience happens, and then continues, skewed. The only other way of explaining this that comes to mind is of a straight line being broken and continuing: ____/

---

, or something like that.

Yesterday I was meditating and I felt a stronger discontinuity. I definitely did not fall asleep since I was very much awake. I noticed it only a few seconds after it happened, and as soon as the thought that this might have been a fruition arose, pleasantness flooded my body. I was really equanimous after this and kind of indulged in the calmness.

What are these discontinuities? is it possible to experience them without actually going through fruition, or am I perhaps misinterpreting this as discontinuity while it is something completely different?

Thanks!

Have there been any other changes in your practice? Fruitions don't happen in a vacuum. They signal stream entry, which is the completion of the first Progress of Insight, and are accompanied by a whole constellation of changes in the way your practice unfolds each time you sit as well as your off-the-cushion experience. Have you had a feeling of being "off the ride" at least for the time being? Do you have easy access to jhanas? Does each sitting now begin with vibrations in the body and light in the visual field instead of requiring 15 or 20 minutes to warm up? These are a few of the changes that occur with stream entry.