Even's journal: Avoidant personality disorder,most likely at 2nd path.

I just realized that my last question regarding the difference between NS and fruitions was already answered in the URL that Nick gave me. So, just ignore that question

As a summary: Compared to fruitions, NS seems to have...
1) '¦less feeling of sustained effort.
2) '¦more calming and relaxing feeling during and after.
3) '¦a more gradual entrance/exit.
4) '¦more stability, meaning less of the wiggling characteristic of fruitions.
5) '¦more possibilities of exploring the territory right up to the point of going blank.

Been meditating for maybe 50 hours since my last post. I've taken Jackson's tip seriously. No intention, no manipulation. 99% of my awareness are placed on the stomach, with the last percent just observing what's happening.
I seem to do Developmental Cycles lasting maybe 5 hours each, containing mostly re-observation and equanimity. I'm still shaking somewhat during re-observation, but a lot less than previously. No crying anymore now during meditation.

Every once in a while (every few hours) I seem to enter Review Phase B. During these reviews I seem to go gradually up the jhanic arc, and these reviews generally lasts maybe 10 minutes or so.

Here comes a short description of what I'm experiencing at the top of Review Phase B. I will refrain from using terms on them, since I simply don't know what it is.

---'Something' state nr. 1:
From the closed, dark and closed feeling of 8th Jhana, it now feels like moving into an open space. Lots of air around me, and it's very bright and clear. It feels very good (blissful) compared to Jhana 1 through 8. I feel very tall, and it feels like I'm pushed high up into the air.

---'Something' state nr. 2:
After the previous state, it now feels like I'm pushed down to the ground. I feel like a short dwarf, and I feel very compressed, stable, and short in length. It feels very good, and it feels like I want to stay in this state forever. I feel a strong craving to stay in this state, since it's pretty blissful. This is probably my favorite state of them all.

---'Something' state nr. 3:
After being a dwarf for a while, I enter the last state. In this state it feels less open around than in the previous ones. It feels like I'm sitting very close to a wall, with just a sense of 'knowing'. I do not know anything special --there's just a sense of knowing.This one also feels very good.

These three states are what appears each time I enter the review phase.