Rob's Practice Notes
- Rob_Mtl
- Topic Author
13 years 6 months ago #68782
by Rob_Mtl
Replied by Rob_Mtl on topic RE: A change of outlook
[part 1 of 2]
It's been 6 months since I posted on this journal. It seems to be pretty common around here, to lose interest in posting your progress after a certain point. Fourth-pathers seem to undergo a renaissance, and write all sorts of great stuff. But as for myself, I think I'm right in the trough right now. So I thought that I would try to give some kind of account of where I feel I am in this "progress".
Here is what's changed since I last posted, 6 months ago:
These days, I'm largely uninterested in paths and nanas, though still intrigued that there could be a feeling of being "done" that is still to come with 4th path. I very much do not feel "done". I could be in 2nd or 3rd path- I am not sure. There's a relatve ease with mindfulness that makes most of life quite bearable, and thatis "good enough" most of the time.
I don't mean to sell this short- life is great, better than ever. I am able to draw on equanimity as a reserve of strength for most things that come up, though I am not by any means "equanimous" full-time. I wonder if this "good enough" feeling is that "Golden Chains" they talk about with 3rd path.
However, I have not experienced the 3rd-path clinchers like "nirodha samapatti", and I would not know how to recognize a "Pure Land jhana". I still feel I can't speak with any certainty about jhanas beyond 6. So I dunno. But these sorts of markers seem way less important than they did.
Stress and emotional upset are experienced as very distinct physical phenomena, usually travelling up to my forehead. So it is much easier to avoid acting badly based on them... most of the time!
[continued]
It's been 6 months since I posted on this journal. It seems to be pretty common around here, to lose interest in posting your progress after a certain point. Fourth-pathers seem to undergo a renaissance, and write all sorts of great stuff. But as for myself, I think I'm right in the trough right now. So I thought that I would try to give some kind of account of where I feel I am in this "progress".
Here is what's changed since I last posted, 6 months ago:
These days, I'm largely uninterested in paths and nanas, though still intrigued that there could be a feeling of being "done" that is still to come with 4th path. I very much do not feel "done". I could be in 2nd or 3rd path- I am not sure. There's a relatve ease with mindfulness that makes most of life quite bearable, and thatis "good enough" most of the time.
I don't mean to sell this short- life is great, better than ever. I am able to draw on equanimity as a reserve of strength for most things that come up, though I am not by any means "equanimous" full-time. I wonder if this "good enough" feeling is that "Golden Chains" they talk about with 3rd path.
However, I have not experienced the 3rd-path clinchers like "nirodha samapatti", and I would not know how to recognize a "Pure Land jhana". I still feel I can't speak with any certainty about jhanas beyond 6. So I dunno. But these sorts of markers seem way less important than they did.
Stress and emotional upset are experienced as very distinct physical phenomena, usually travelling up to my forehead. So it is much easier to avoid acting badly based on them... most of the time!
[continued]
- Rob_Mtl
- Topic Author
13 years 6 months ago #68783
by Rob_Mtl
Replied by Rob_Mtl on topic RE: A change of outlook
[part 2 of 2]
Pleasure also travels along this upward physical path, and equally, I don't seem to have to act on it. Nevertheless, I do experience stress, upset, and pleasure very acutely.
I can voluntarily "center" myself in various situations where I feel I am losing emotional balance. I do this a lot. But this "centering" also brings on a certain tension that is not altogether pleasant. I still like it much better than losing that balance, though.
Both formal practice and daily life seems to be all about returning to this center over and over, and not much else; most other practice strategies seem like "effort" and keep me off the center. So I don't feel a huge difference between meditating and not meditating, other than the fact that during formal sitting, there's an unfolding of a whole different family of phenomena that I would not experience in daily life. However, the appropriate response always seems to be the same: return to the "center".
If I am "cycling" through nanas, I think it must be fairly fast. Something is unfolding, yes, but a couple of months ago, I felt there were waves of about 3 weeks; now, I can no longer really detect a pattern.
I used to think a lot about how to explain dharma to others. I have a Google Docs folder full of wonderful observations about the path that I wrote a few months ago. Now, however, I've lost interest in preaching this stuff. I feel like the amount I *don't* know just grows and grows, and what I can report seems like the same old stuff. Which is why I don't post very often.
I still waver between thinking I should "focus" my practice more, and thinking that I should be as diffuse and un-effort-driven as possible. Writers like Gary Weber and Adyashanti make the most sense to me these days. I don't seem to be driving the bus.
Pleasure also travels along this upward physical path, and equally, I don't seem to have to act on it. Nevertheless, I do experience stress, upset, and pleasure very acutely.
I can voluntarily "center" myself in various situations where I feel I am losing emotional balance. I do this a lot. But this "centering" also brings on a certain tension that is not altogether pleasant. I still like it much better than losing that balance, though.
Both formal practice and daily life seems to be all about returning to this center over and over, and not much else; most other practice strategies seem like "effort" and keep me off the center. So I don't feel a huge difference between meditating and not meditating, other than the fact that during formal sitting, there's an unfolding of a whole different family of phenomena that I would not experience in daily life. However, the appropriate response always seems to be the same: return to the "center".
If I am "cycling" through nanas, I think it must be fairly fast. Something is unfolding, yes, but a couple of months ago, I felt there were waves of about 3 weeks; now, I can no longer really detect a pattern.
I used to think a lot about how to explain dharma to others. I have a Google Docs folder full of wonderful observations about the path that I wrote a few months ago. Now, however, I've lost interest in preaching this stuff. I feel like the amount I *don't* know just grows and grows, and what I can report seems like the same old stuff. Which is why I don't post very often.
I still waver between thinking I should "focus" my practice more, and thinking that I should be as diffuse and un-effort-driven as possible. Writers like Gary Weber and Adyashanti make the most sense to me these days. I don't seem to be driving the bus.