Richard's practice journal

Hi this is my first post after lurking for a couple of months.

I find that my daily life practice is getting short shrift and I'm going to keep track of my mindfulness throughout the day with simple notes and elaborate if there are any major difficulties. I'll also include daily meditation notes.

I'm going to use Jhanic factors like in Shaila Catherine's enjoyable book Focused and Fearless:

1. The ability to direct the attention to a chosen object overcomes dullness
2. The capacity to sustain the attention on the object overcomes doubt
3. Feelings of delight, rapture, and interest that arise through the concentration accrued by sustained attention overcome aversion
4. Pervasive feelings of happiness, peace, contentment, and joy overcome restlessness
5. The stability of single-pointed focus overcomes lust and greed

I'll also use right speech and right conduct to try aim my actions to try and benefit others.

Hey Richard, glad you decided to post. There are also some good articles of Kenneth's on Jhana but I guess you probably know that if you have been lurking... Good luck, a siting journal helped me a lot...

"Hey Richard, glad you decided to post. There are also some good articles of Kenneth's on Jhana but I guess you probably know that if you have been lurking... Good luck, a siting journal helped me a lot..."

Yeah I'm probably on second Jhana. It took me a good half hour to get there today but it's a nice feeling. The 3rd eye pressure is much softer now.

I'm also pushing into mindfulness and looking for the suitability of all my thoughts and actions. That really is interesting while being at home. Clear Comprehension can really deal with jungle like fetters in home habits

This is a history of my Dharmaoverground progress:

www.dharmaoverground.org/web/guest/discu...oards/message/636712

www.dharmaoverground.org/web/guest/discu...oards/message/933917

1 hour concentration meditation

I quickly got into a basic concentration by sustaining this awareness on my breath as per instructions. As this continued I moved to another state (greatly reduced mental noise and less effort needed to stay with the breath). This lasted probably 20 minutes until I noticed some sleepiness appearing. I changed posture by straightening my back to regain energy. At this point some of the concentration waned and then I brought more effort back to sustaining concentration on the breath. Approximately halfway through the sitting I started getting nice fine tingly vibrations in my body (especially my head) and concentration was easier due to even less discursive noise. Normally I would lose some concentration by being wowed by this but keeping with the instructions I stayed with the pleasant feelings in the body without needing the breath as an anchor. Towards the end of the sitting I was aware of some aversion due to this knowledge that the sitting was almost over. I noted it and continued with the effort of following the breath to return to comfortable concentration again. At the end of the sitting my concentration continued automatically on it's own for a few minutes (narrow focused feeling with no hindrances).

Yesterday's mindfulness in daily life practice yielded a new insight. By letting go rehearsing thought as quickly as possible the emotions and tensions related to those thoughts changed quickly to relief. I can tell at this point I should enjoy and savor this feeling throughout the day much more than I normally do.

Open Mindfulness Meditation 1 hour

Using noting along with feeling tone the following:

- Pressure on leg, hip and butt '“ unpleasant
- Sensations on parts of the leg neutral or pleasantly relaxed
- Ham string was tightened (unpleasant) but I consciously chose to relax it (pleasant).
- Had to straighten back as it hunched forward '“ shoulders, pressure, unpleasant
- Itchiness, unpleasant (especially on the face)
- Warmth in hands pleasant
- Numbness in arms that were falling asleep (slightly unpleasant)
- Pressure in third eye and much of the skull '“ neutral and sometimes unpleasant with the teeth shooting up soreness that quickly passed
- I had many funny visual daydream interruptions that made no sense. I noted them: dreams, unpleasant and felt much better
- Noted good feeling after unpleasant daydreams were stopped
- Noted retina brightness
- Noted mental rehearsing unpleasant
Basically the only real thing that was pleasant was just being able to be there for what was there. It was surprising to note how visual thoughts carried such powerful moods and emotions yet noting them and not taking them seriously ended the emotions because they disappeared along with those daydreams. I can really FEEL that emotions are heavily attached to my thoughts.

Daily mindfulness practice: I just savored throughout the day when my mind wasn't bothered by discursive thoughts. I can see how I can make desire for the feeling of freedom due to mindfulness compete with every other desire I have.

1 hour mindfulness meditation.

Notes:

- Noted doubt
- Noted rehearsing
- Noted distracting thoughts (including visuals of people talking)
- Noted enjoyment of neutral and pleasant feelings when nothing was bothering me
- Noted itchiness on face and legs. Also noted touching sensations.
- Towards the end of the meditation noted warm buzzing and tingling sensations throughout the body and how the itchiness disappeared
- Noted strong 3rd eye pressure that covered my entire facial bones and sinuses.
- Noted shaky awkward breathing
- Noted very bright lights and jewel tones (never had it this bright before)
- After meditation head still feels the 3rd eye pressure strongly.

"Hey Richard, glad you decided to post. There are also some good articles of Kenneth's on Jhana but I guess you probably know that if you have been lurking... Good luck, a siting journal helped me a lot..."

I saw the youtube jhana video with Nick. Very interesting those pure land jhanas. It shows how far you can go.

Mindfulness run:

Starting off the exercise I walked with mindfulness. I basically noted "lift" "step" over and over again sustaining the concentration. I quickly got into the feeling of a slightly floating motion. In the past when I got to this position it was more jerky but this time it was more smooth. There was a sense of relief as I could just let go of thoughts other than "lift" "step". As the run started I really had a nice joyful feeling and that continued for about 40 mins. As the run continued the joy disappeared and it was just a nice enjoyable feeling. Looking at trees and anything was very fun. The concentration was steady and made it look like my vision was a steady cam with a small shake for every step. Towards the last half of the run and walk I had to sustain more (since I periodically left "lift" "step" to enjoy the surroundings) and stories and Buddhist rehearsal started creeping in. Yet I felt I could bat it away easier than before. After the run the feeling lasted throughout most of the day. Of course by this morning it's all gone and now I'll have to start all over again. Certainly that was the most enjoyable run I've had so far. I still can see though that it's important for me to just keep noting no matter how good it feels especially since that joy wave only lasts for a while before you settle into the meditation. I can't lie but some of the Direct Path instructions helped with stopping discursive thought.

60 minute concentration meditation:

- I started with the breath. I don't use numbers I just feel the in and out breath until I can stay fixed in concentration.
- After some time my hands gain warmth and tingly sensations (blood resting there). It feels nice and then the 3rd eye pressure appears per usual
- I switched my concentration object from the breath to the 3rd eye pressure and just kept attention to that one spot of sensations
- I still was bothered slightly by thoughts but not too much. I used my breath to bring me back and continue in the 3rd eye pressure. There was enjoyment and a slight expansiveness
- More than halfway through I start seeing a hallway image and choose to walk down it. The image disintegrates and brightness increases and I'm getting nice tingly raptures throughout my body. I'm not sure if it's 1st or second jhana. I continue with the 3rd eye pressure with more ease. It almost feels like water permeating my head in a nice way.
- Closer to the end of the meditation I feel rested and in control of thoughts and stay with the 3rd eye pressure. The raptures disappear but it feels less distorted and okay.
- After meditation and as I write I can feel the concentration winding down.

Took a break to deal with "stuff"

60 minute mindfulness (1st gear) practice:

- Noted "thoughts" "anxiety" "pleasure" "vibrations" "pressure" "soreness"
- For images in the mind I noted "visual" and sounds in the mind "sound"
- Noting was slow at first but got faster when I noted "thoughts" "rehearsing" "planning"
- Noted "pleasure" and "discomfort" but I forgot to note neutral now that I remember after the sitting.
- Noticed that noting got easier when 1st and 2nd Jhana appeared. I describe the 1st jhana as an ease with concentration and a nice feeling of no hindrances. 2nd jhana feels to me similar to the 1st jhana but not quite as blissful but even easier to note. The feeling in the visual field with eyes closed is like zooming in.
- Noticed that 3rd eye pressure would decrease in intensity especially when I did a body sweep of noting half way through the sitting.
- During the body sweep I would note the part I was targeting and then feel (or sometimes not feel) any "touching" or "tingling"
- Swallowing saliva was less disturbing than usual. I just noted "swallowing" over and over again until it was done.
- Towards the end of meditation I noted "anticipation" due to my anticipation with ending the meditation.
- The other thing new was the blame I aimed at myself was non-existent when concentration left and I felt this to be the first time 1st gear was as fun as concentration. When concentration intensity and enjoyment disappeared it was "okay". I think this was because if it did annoy me I already knew I would just note it like everything else.

Richard,

You're doing a wonderful job here. It's best not to speculate on what is Jhana 1 or 2 at this point. Remember that when you are doing noting you are looking at Nanas more so than Jhana (although they are related, they have a slightly different feel depending on if you are doing vipassana or shamatha).

The first few nanas are:

Mind and Body (this is where first Jhana lives)
Cause and Effect
Three Characteristics
Arising and Passing away (this is where second Jhana lives)

For me, concentrating for a while causes some nice sensations in the body, happiness, and a sense of effort in holding the concentration. This would be first Jhana. Typically the sense of concentration remains as I move into the next strata but there is a drop off in the pleasure as I move into cause and effect. This layer often leads me to mental activity and can be a place where thoughts about your past actions and things like that are prevalent.
The next stage is very clear for me usually. I begin to feel pressure (unpleasant) around the body and get itches all over (and other unpleasant sensations). It's not a very nice place to be (Anicca, Dukkha, Anatta).
From there I begin to notice pulsing, brightness in the visual field, tingling, warmth, joy, etc. I also notice that the sense of applied focus has dropped away. Third eye pressure also seems to come up here.

Also, when I'm doing strict noting, without building up jhana, I usually don't notice much in the way of the first two strata. I get my bearings via the three characteristics.

But yeah, keep noting the sensations you are experiencing as that's what gives us the clearest indication of where you are at. You are doing a great job!

"Also, when I'm doing strict noting, without building up jhana, I usually don't notice much in the way of the first two strata. I get my bearings via the three characteristics.

"

Thanks for the tips. Yeah I feel the difference between noting and concentration simply because the jhanas (or good feelings of concentration) happen unexpectedly whereas when only concentrating I pretty much know when it's going to happen. I've gotten to 3 characteristics before but I haven't solidified it for every sitting. I've gotten the itches before and subtle nausea but it's possible I'm staying in concentration during part of the sit. I find when I note I tend to get enjoyable concentration like effects sooner and more solidfied and clear. It's possible that the noting removes the anticipation of good feelings so they are more likely to happen, if that makes sense.

What I'm really enjoying more is using it in daily life. I don't use mental noting to make moods go away. I use it just to be patient with it and let it be. It will leave on it's own time. And of course it does

I've got the Nanas/Jhanas table from DhO and I'm sure I've gotten to Cause and Effect (because the description is super accurate) but I'll try to use it more often and just note until my noting speeds up and some new nanas appear.

At the end of 1 hour still feel I can go longer so I'll try at some point to go longer. Is there a point where should stop using words when noting?

"Yeah I feel the difference between noting and concentration simply because the jhanas (or good feelings of concentration) happen unexpectedly whereas when only concentrating I pretty much know when it's going to happen. I've gotten to 3 characteristics before but I haven't solidified it for every sitting."

Hi Richard!

My experience seems similar to what you've listed above, but I am completely unable to clarify which nanas I've reached (if any). How would you describe what occurs when you realise that you're at 3 characteristics? Are there just certain sensations or characteristics of sensations that will be 'felt', is there a conceptual 'knowing' that the phenomena you're experiencing are impermanent, unsatisfactory and not you, or is it something else that I haven't considered yet?

I may just be not experiencing any of these stages yet, but I don't actually know what I'm looking for. I've read all of the descriptions in the progress of insight, the nana/jhana table from DhO etc, but I never understood whether it's something you'll just know when it happens, you could experience and not even notice, or if there are specific pointers (physical/mental) that indicate that you've reached each stage.

It seems to me that when you get into details or typical experiences of any stage or state of practice, there can be huge differences between practitioners. But--- it seems to me the common structures of the insight stages have more to do with what they mean. They are in a sense a sequence of subtle interpretations of whatever you're attending to during the session. The sequence of meanings is more important that the details of sensation, feeling, thought, etc.

The latter arisings are what is noticed, the fact that they are: empty of separate self, constantly changing, and unsatisfying if related to as if constituting or belonging to a separate permanent self--- is what is noticed about them.

As one becomes more directly and deeply absorbed in noticing these truths, i.e. A&P and beyond, there is naturally an increasing intensity of energy flowing through the body, so the body's energy system adapts accounting for many strange and wonderful symptoms which may or may not occur yet which make the flashiest descriptions of meditative experiences, so.... hence the danger of details. Some people may just require less or gentler re-wiring.

For example: one could focus on the sensations of breathing, looking to see whether they are in fact solid or empty, fixed or changing, to see if they ever become a perfectly enjoyable experience then stay like that or if they are actually unreliable as a foundation for one's well-being. Noticing that they are empty, changing and painful to the degree they're resisted or controlled, and looking into how all that functions, one will likely have a series of insights about how all this functions. Mind and body... cause and effect... a deepening appreciation of the basic ways experience functions.

A&P, this appreciation becomes more effortless, and can even completely overwhelm the activity of trying to be separate so that it subsides and there's a profound sense of awakening which may even seem to be full enlightenment yet will prove as empty, changing and unsatisfying if clung to as everything else. Hence The Dark Night (cue the scary music) and so on.

This process will take care of itself in some sense, ultimately whether you want it to or not. There are many approaches to starting and facilitating this process, but I think they all boil down to investing surplus attention into some method for being objective or honest about what's actually happening in your experience.

If you don't know where to find surplus attention, another name for it is boredom. Then as you step it up a notch and the process progresses, this is the engine of progress. As one accommodates a new level of practice, one gradually finds oneself getting bored-- it's old hat. One re-invests the surplus attention into an intensification of the chosen technique(s), and discovers a deeper more direct appreciation for what's really happening in one's experience of the present.

As this goes on, one's whole sense of the technique, the nature of the present moment, and of the practitioner itself will shift, shift and shift again. This is pretty heavy stuff, to be engaged with a sense of self-respect-- aware that one frequently tends to both under and overestimate one's actual capacity (doubt and pride), one can develop capacity in a balanced way, both becoming more calm and open to what is, as well as more clear about what is and how it functions.

60 min concentration meditation:

- Made sure I felt the breath before noting "in" and "out". Sometimes I would replace "in" with "just" and "out" with "this". I also would note my butt pressure on the seat inbetween in and out breaths to keep that space from letting my mind go off.
- Made small notes to note hindrances "thoughts", "image", "talk", "sound". If there was no hindrance I would just continue with the breath.
- As I got quieter in the mind the concentration felt laser like in the third eye with pressure. I switched from the breath to staying with that feeling in the forehead.
- I find the brain feels like it shifts automatically to concentration after a few minutes. Usually after a small hindrance it "locks in" and feels really good.
- After some minutes concentration flagged and I reasserted my touching the feeling of breathing in and out of the abdomen and got back to the same place again.
- The second "lock in" felt even more solid than the first and more relaxed at the same time.
- Towards the end of the meditation I slipped out of that nice feeling but still had decent enough concentration.
- The meditation ended and my mind still felt narrowly concentrated for a few minutes afterward.

Daily mindfulness notes:

I'm starting to enjoy the practicality of daily mindfulness. I often have chocolate cravings but I have to watch my weight. I feel when I'm bored my mind jumps to the pantry but I just noted it and laugh because I'm actually not that hungry. It's just an old habit.

Okay I'm off to go workout. Will use mindfulness to keep from checking out the ladies or making ridiculous envy comparisons with other muscle-bound guys. The quest is to note my entire journey from this keyboard to the workout centre and back.

Thanks jhsaintonge! Good writeup.

Thanks jsaintonge for the explanation - that clarifies a lot, and thanks Richard for the PM.

Now, sorry for hijacking your thread! ..as you were ;p

"
Now, sorry for hijacking your thread! ..as you were ;p"

LOL. I think many lonely posters want their thread hijacked :joking:

Okay my mindfulness workout:

It was definitely the best workout simply because by being mindful I didn't compensate like I usually do by working the machines too fast. By using a lower weight and slow speed you get a better workout.

I did check out a chick there and she checked me out but definitely I did not allow fantasies to go too far. It's amazing that you can have an argument in your mind with someone you don't know. You date, get married, fight and get divorced in 15 seconds LOL. This time I reminded myself that no woman can satisfy 100% and no woman could live up to my fantastical ideals. That shot of reality ends the fantasy quickly. When I got caught up in thought I noticed that when my brother said Buddhism is brainwashing, that it still bothers me. I'm not going make the mistake of talking to him about it again. When the anger came I noted anger and noted the heat and vibrations in my head and body and it went away quicker than usual. It's almost like my note reminded me why I was there. The rest of the workout was fantastic precisely because it didn't feel forced. Mindfulness is so much better than watching those little TV screens while you run.

good luck and enjoy your practice guys! may you awaken swiftly for the benefit of all--
Jake

60 min concentration meditation:

Frustrating meditation. I normally stay with the breath even without counting but today even counting didn't help. Everything was irritating. I got so angry at my lack of results. I got so mad at my discursive part of my mind that I just wanted it to tell it "Shut the #%$@ up!" Of course how can the discursive mind get mad at itself and tell itself to shut up? I felt like I was starting over again. It seemed like everything bad that happened to me in my life appeared in quick snapshots to sack me like I was a quarterback. Blame, blame, blame! Enormous disatisfaction with the state of my mind. After the meditation I started noting again and felt better. Just have to pick my self up and start up the mountain again.

I'm new to all this but one thing I've definitely realized is that one bad day(or week) of meditation doesn't mean you fell off the mountain... it just feels that way. It could be a huge step towards enlightenment that you'll only recognize months or years from now(I hope). I've found that if I cut myself some slack over results and just put in a sincere effort and dedicate my practice to others the rest seems to take care of itself. Keep on and you'll get there.

"I'm new to all this but one thing I've definitely realized is that one bad day(or week) of meditation doesn't mean you fell off the mountain... it just feels that way. It could be a huge step towards enlightenment that you'll only recognize months or years from now(I hope). I've found that if I cut myself some slack over results and just put in a sincere effort and dedicate my practice to others the rest seems to take care of itself. Keep on and you'll get there."

Yes you're right and I'm told to expect this. I don't feel as chaotic as I did in the far past but it was more than I'm used to. I think the mindfulness is doing it's work on me as you will see below in my latest mindfulness meditation. My disatisfaction with the mental noise (even existing at all) is probably a good sign in that I want to do something about it.