Yadid's 'Get back on track' log

Ok, evening 1 hr sit - im on to something here!

A&P goes by and makes me mistake it for Equanimity, because its not mind-blowing, more like subtle deep noticing and happiness,
then arises DN with its rough vibrations and hard time sitting.

SO thats the evening sit.
Which is great news, because it means I am going by some good stuff ,and if I keep sitting, Equanimity is next stop.
So I am making it an objective to sit through A&P and then DN tomorrow and let it arise!

Another possibility is that the deep noticing and happiness is first nyana, but I somehow doubt it because 3rd nyana is associated with hard solid pain, and what I am encountering after supposed A&P is rough vibrations rather than any solid pain.

Anywho.
Good night.

So, evening 1hour sit and things are seeming a bit clearer.
After some attentiveness, happiness and subtle profound contentment (A&P) then come the rough vibrations which engulf me.

From a pure experience point of view, the Dark Night seems to have some profound aspects about it.
So today these rough vibrations didn't come with any negative mind states, and my concentration was quite good, so I noticed the DN has some clarity, broad and expanding mindfulness, etc.

Good stuff.

In regards to the technicalities of practice - I sit down on the cushion, close my eyes, feel the whole body and start noting moment to moment.

By the way - sitting while your dog lays infront of your meditation cushion is fun!

I built up some determination to sit more and move through the DN nyanas.
So I sat for 4 hours today, 1 hour in the morning, and 3 consequetive hours in the afternoon/eve, with short breaks in-between,.
Got into what I think is low/mid equanimity.
Cant wait to continue exploration.

"I built up some determination to sit more and move through the DN nyanas.
So I sat for 4 hours today, 1 hour in the morning, and 3 consequetive hours in the afternoon/eve, with short breaks in-between,.
Got into what I think is low/mid equanimity.
"

I think longer sits and more of them help with this. I got the most serious and longest lasting bout of equanimity the other evening since I fell back to reobservation Thursday night. It happened getting off an elevator while walking through a parking garage to the street. This was about an hour and a half after i'd gotten done sitting where I'd done the jhanic arc and gotten up to the 11th nana.

"I think longer sits and more of them help with this. I got the most serious and longest lasting bout of equanimity the other evening since I fell back to reobservation Thursday night. It happened getting off an elevator while walking through a parking garage to the street. This was about an hour and a half after i'd gotten done sitting where I'd done the jhanic arc and gotten up to the 11th nana."

Yeah, I agree.
It takes some momentum and also some discipline / strong determination - since the DN vibrations can really suck, at times it can feel sort of like sitting in an electric chair and really forcing oneself to take the shock without moving

3 hours sitting today - 2 hours morning, non consecutive, and 1 hour in the evening just now.

So the first two sittings were dark-nightish with what I call the 'electric chair' vibes which are hard to sit with, and also tiredness.
Same for the second sit.

Spaciousness and sense of freedom arising at about 10mins into last 1 hour sit, fading slightly and then expanding more and more while more subtle formations are seen clearly.
Gotta keep looking into this.. I'm gonna try sitting as much as I can every day without wasting too much time and do a self-retreat next weekend when my girlfriend goes on retreat at a centre.

If you're getting that urge to keep meditating and looking forward to more exploration then I think you're in a great position to make that push for 1st path, your current practice schedule and commitment to this thing will definitely serve you well in this and I think that this self-retreat could very well become the tipping point! You've got a firm foundation in the theory, you have a solid technique and you've worked hard for this so there's literally nothing to stop you from getting this done.

Resolve to attain 1st path, make a formal resolution to attain it on this retreat and don't, not even for a second, entertain the possibility that you won't do it. Stay curious about what's happening, be aware of subtle sensations still being noted while in 11th ñana and maybe even bring your practice into daily life, even if it's only for a couple of minutes while you're commuting, because this could drop at any point and all you're doing is staying present, staying in the moment.

Remember, fruition can appear at any time and, particularly on your first encounter with it, isn't something you can predict or prepare for but you'll know it when it happens.

Good luck mate, you're almost there.

Thanks Tommy, your encouragement is valuable.

I am practicing also in daily life which mostly is very possible in 95% of the cases (washing dishes, making food, eating, walking, riding the bus, etc). Sometimes I note, sometimes I don't, but its all about mindfulness.


Today I had an interesting experience speaking with my Sociology instructor. He has done quite a bit of Ramana Maharshi style practice in some forest and other practices.
Concept-wise, I totally don't share anything with him (god, light, etc - different conepts and ideas of enlightenment) - but his presence and speaking with him and looking him in the eyes threw me into a temporary state of freedom and profound mystery, for a bit. aka 'Transmission'

That was fun. Back to practice.

about 3 hours of practice today.
Dukkha most of it, last 1 hour sitting was obviously re-ob - it feels like a test in endurance - I sit as still as a Buddha and get 1000 volts of energy coarsing through my body and I get to see how still I can be with it. There is no pain, just these vibrations and a massive amount of resistance.

Sat with the Mahasi teacher who holds a once-a-week sitting and he and his friend, a woman who also sat for a few months in Lumbini, were talking me into going on a long retreat to get path, both saying how good it was for them
Anywho, keeping up with the momentum here at home and see where this leads for now.

"Dukkha most of it, last 1 hour sitting was obviously re-ob - it feels like a test in endurance - I sit as still as a Buddha and get 1000 volts of energy coarsing through my body and I get to see how still I can be with it. There is no pain, just these vibrations and a massive amount of resistance."

In that moment, just allow yourself to die peacefully in your sleep and you'll wake up to a new morning. ; )

Nothing like some Patisankha 10th nyana in the morning sit.
The 'Electric Chair' stage.

Three hours total sitting today, just now I think Equanimity is starting to open up to me, much subtlety, and stuff.
I'll push it a bit and sit for another hour to see whats up.

Three hours thursday as well, breaking through to Equanimity again I believe, this time it was much more chilled out, as if body vibrations are on a much lowered volume.
I resolve to keep sitting at least 3 hours a day of formal practice and 4 if i can pull it off, keep noting in daily life when I remember, and prepare for next weekend and do a self-retreat for 3 days.

Hi Yadid, great notes!..........sounds like your doing great. Listening to your accounts of Dukkah nanas - the electric chair thing, I cant help feel slightly nervous about treading down this path. However its one I have been searching for, Im happy to have found it.....even if it doesnt sound like its roses all the way.

I guess the pleasure and pain are all sensations we have to dissembed from eventually. I guess its just like the buddha facing Maras army and then then Maras daughters. I have to confess equanimity has never been my strong point in relation to either pleasure or pain.....so its going to take a lot of noting.

Anyway good luck with retreat. If you get a chance I would be interested to know if/how you structure your day when you do.

'With mindfulness strive on'

Hi Ed,
Sorry for scaring you with the *spooky voice* 'electric-chair'! Heheh..
It doens't really feel like actual electricity, but I describe it in this way because there is no solid pain at all, just vibrations and extreme resistance.
Once I get up from the sitting I'm fine, though

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"If you were sick, wouldn't you just want to be well? Would you engage in complex ontological discussions about the "true nature" of wellness? That's what sick people do do distract themselves from feeling sick.

In this moment, ask yourself, "Am I sick?" You know the answer. It's either yes or no. If yes, ask yourself if there is anything you can do about it. Now do that." - Kenneth Folk.

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"What taints, bhikkhus, should be abandoned by removing?
Here a bhikkhu, reflecting wisely, does not tolerate an arisen thought of sensual desire; he abandons it, removes it, does away with it, and annihilates it.
He does not tolerate an arisen thought of ill will...
He does not tolerate an arisen thought of cruelty...
He does not tolerate arisen evil unwholesome states; he abandones them, removes them, does away with them, and annihilates them.
While taints, vexation, and fever might arise in one who does not remove these thoughts, there are no taints, vexation, or fever in one who removes them.
These are called the taints that should be abandoned by removing".
Sabbasava Sutta: All the Fermentations (Majjhima Nikaya 2) www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/mn/mn.002.than.html

Hey hey,
I've decided to move my practice thread over to the DhO.
I realized that I am more comfortable with a no-'dude' structure, rather than a forum where there is one guy who is 'The Dude' power structure..
Catch me there!