DanielThorson Practice Thread

Daniel,

Have you passed through a clear period that seems to match up with descriptions of the dukkha nanas? Are you experiencing a clear series of strata in each sit culminating in what you are taking to be equanimity or do you think you've been simply in equanimity for a year?

"Daniel,

Have you passed through a clear period that seems to match up with descriptions of the dukkha nanas? Are you experiencing a clear series of strata in each sit culminating in what you are taking to be equanimity or do you think you've been simply in equanimity for a year?"

Muwuwu, yes I went through a pretty clear period of dukkha a few years ago and have landed back in there a few times since then. Recently I haven't been seeing any rise up through the nanas. When I practice less often it is obvious. Right now I think it just happens so quickly that I usually miss it.

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August 29th, 10 min sbp, 10 min breath, 40 min insight

Concentration moderate. A few distracting thoughts, but little or now no proliferation or rolling. Enjoy the ease of just being with breath over the effort of jhana, but notice I am more concentrated when I spend some time in a jhanic state.

Noted for about ten minutes then let go. Peace, vibration, spacing out (lots of spacing out), sleepiness, planning thoughts...lots of peace and equanimity. Sitting is effortless but somewhat boring.

I think my body is fighting off sickness which might explain the sleepiness I am experiencing.

Good work Daniel.

How's your Jhana access?

"Good work Daniel.

How's your Jhana access? "

Pretty weak. I havent spent much time developing it, putting more of my effort into insight trying to get SE. I can get into 1st jhana pretty quick and 2nd is usually pretty available but 3rd and 4th aren't developed though I have stumbled into them at various times.

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August 29th, 15 min kasina, 5 min breath, 40 min insight

More agitation then usual, though nothing too intense. Became aware of some subtle resistance to experience and sit mellowed out. Light crown activity but otherwise no centralized vibrations, more everywhere at once ish. Otherwise par for the course as per my previous sits.

"Pretty weak. I havent spent much time developing it, putting more of my effort into insight trying to get SE. I can get into 1st jhana pretty quick and 2nd is usually pretty available but 3rd and 4th aren't developed though I have stumbled into them at various times.

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August 29th, 15 min kasina, 5 min breath, 40 min insight

More agitation then usual, though nothing too intense. Became aware of some subtle resistance to experience and sit mellowed out. Light crown activity but otherwise no centralized vibrations, more everywhere at once ish. Otherwise par for the course as per my previous sits."

Good stuff.

Keep an eye on that agitation. Let us know if it lingers or starts showing up more.

August 29th, 15 min sbp, 5 min breath, 30 min insight

No remarkable agitation this sit. Wide, dispersed vibrations. Vibrations seem to be getting more intensified/stronger (at least over the last few sits). Sense of everything happening on it's own very obvious. Lots of peace, presence.

Hard to remember what happened during sit. Seemed so normal at the time but almost like a dream once over.

August 29th, 15 min kasina, 40 min insight

Can't really remember sit (writing immediately after it ended). Feeling pretty absentminded. Little suffering, lots of peace, vibrations. No expectations. Whenever I get lost my mantras are 'allow' and 'trust'. Really working hard on just trusting the process and allowing it to take place, letting go more and more deeply.

August 31st, 15 min sbp, 10 min kasina, 5 min breath, 70 min insight

Longer sit, which I think I'll try to do at least one of daily (particularly in the morning, really jumpstarts my practice). Really powerful sit. Concentration started out weak but picked up steam along the way. Laughed at the ridiculousness of the illusion of self hood. It was so obvious! Everything was so easy to see through, spacing out, being distracted all of it was so obviously not me. Felt light, free, happy just sitting watching the play of forms.

Sat three more times yesterday. Generally more distracted and sleepy. Had some things in my mind which didn't let me hit my stride and go as deep as I'd like.

Today sat for 40 minutes in the morning. Very pleasant but never felt like I established very deep concentration or flow of mindfulness which is usually the case for morning sits.

Sept 1st, 15 in sbp, 5 in breath, 40 insight

No concentration this sit! Very sleepy and distracted. Noted sadness, frustration, impatience, loneliness and desire to give up. Lots of drop outs. Tough sit.

Daniel, I got the feeling a few posts back, based on the fact you were talking about vibrations and energy that you were in A&P territory. When you talked about being in a pleasant state, but not particularly concentrated - it sounded like dissolution to me.

It now seems like you are in Dark Night territory.

September 1st, 15 in kasina, 45 insight

Sleepy again but a lot of peace this tie. Not much to report. General feeling of lack of progress and frustration at my recent practice (duly noted).

September 1st, 10 min kasina, 50 insight

Very very peaceful sit. Really strong concentration. Went by quickly with little suffering. Lots of subtle vibrations throughout headspace. Interesting experience of dis-embeding from trying to apply a technique to get 'back on track' from being distracted. Seeing the intention and then seeing the noting but being disembed from it. Pretty neat.

"Daniel, I got the feeling a few posts back, based on the fact you were talking about vibrations and energy that you were in A&P territory. When you talked about being in a pleasant state, but not particularly concentrated - it sounded like dissolution to me.

It now seems like you are in Dark Night territory."

It's definitely possible! I feel it's more likely that I fell down into DN from EQ because I went a good 15 hours between yesterday and today without practicing. I'll keep practicing and find out. I appreciate the continued support muwuwu, it's good to know people are reading this.

Didn't post earlier so here are all my sits today....

September 2nd:

Sat three times in the morning about forty minutes each. All the sits I had terrible concentration, lots of drop out and impatience. Never really feel like my mindfulness got enough momentum, think I just sort of struggled in low equanimity. Then I took a nap...

10 min breath, 40 min insight

Finally enough concentration to sit. Got up to EQ and let go. Noticing more and more subtle levels of manipulation while watching the habit of techniquing play itself out. Practice seems makes me drowsy and absentminded.

15 min sbp, 5 min breath, 40 min insight

Excellent concentration. Got into pretty strong 2nd jhana and then started insight. Again nothing too remarkable, peace, vibration, spacing out...tried out "I wonder what my next thought is going to be" which silenced some of the more subtle thoughts. Getting a sense that there is less and less difference between concentration and insight practice. I'm just watching reality do it's think, trying not to get in the way and lightly getting the mind back on track when it gets distracted. Generally practice is effortless if somewhat boring.

September 3rd, 15 min SBP, 5 min breath, 40 min insight

Definitely becoming aware of subtle processes that I still seem to be embedded in. This is creating a bit of tension in my sits where I try to target these subtle objects with noting, but then I remember to release the technique again and just allow. Very little going on except calmness and vibrations and wandering mind and the coming and goings of the sensations related to subject (sensations of self).

Sept 4th, 10 min sbp, 5 min breath, 45 insight

Was instructed yesterday on how to access the 3rd + 4th jhana so did that and started practicing insight by asking "what is aware of this experience" and then just paying attention. Lots of calm and peace. Noticed a subtle and unifying oscillation/vibration that seemed to lie behind or underneath all the different experience. Things just happening as and when they happen. No problem!

Sept 4th, 20 min kasina, 40 min insight

Lots of concentration this sit, though petered out a bit towards the end. Got up to equanimity and asked "what is aware of this experience" and watched. There was a sense that everything was included in my awareness and I was watching it from a removed place. I would then get sucked back into experience for a little while then realize it and go back to this spacious dis-embedded place. Just allowing this back and forth between being embedded and dis-embedded to take place, trying not to have preference for one or the other trying not to manipulate my experience.

Been away from my computer for the past two days, but I've still been sitting! Will continue journal from todays sits.

September 6th, 20 min kasina, 60 min insight

Distracted mind during concentration, distracted by a 'big issue' going on in my life. After twenty minutes noted up to EQ and proceeded to ask "What is aware of this experience" and watched the reaction until I started spacing out, then would repeat the question. This went on for a good while and felt incredibly dis-embedded from my experience in a really direct and obvious way. Predominance of energy, while still remarkably diffuse and soft has noticeably shifted to my crown and front top of my head. Had some tension and bliss pressure on the crown that I've only ever experienced on the third eye before. Some upwellings of excitement and energy rapture etc that I think I did a pretty good job of objectifying. Lots of peace and ease in this sit, could have kept sitting after 1hr and 20.

Two more sits:

September 6th, 10 min sbp, 10 min breath, 40 insight

Pretty good concentration. Clear 1st + 2nd jhana and then something after possibly 3rd or 4th. Lots of peace, joy and acceptance. No preference for anything that arises or doesn't arise in my experience. Just sitting with curiosity.

September 6th, 10 min kasina, 45 insight

Lots of ease. Effortless sitting. Activity/energy has moved up to my crown. Seems very easy to dis-embed and see no-self characteristic of everything in my experience. Peace has faded leaving behind a sort of dreamy normalcy. Also present is a strong sense of curiosity.

Feeling of meditation happening all on its own. Rising excitement occurred again, like energy is consolidating in my head but unable to break through/escape. Happened 3 or 4 times. Very hard to maintain equanimity during these times. Sitting continues to be rather effortless, an hour and a half sit is no problemo, and I could probably sit for longer. The spacing out has largely gone away (at least towards the end of the sit) and my mind is very focused and concentrated.

Went through several periods where it seemed live vibrations had just stopped and there was just sense of easy calm and pervasive awareness. Also had one moment that I thought might have been a blip but I think was just a powerful kriya.

Pay close attention to what occurs after that blip. Let us know if it happens again.

Not much to report. Sitting 5-7 hours a day. There's a sense that my practice has it's own momentum and it's just a matter of getting out of the way and letting the process ripen. Really enjoying my practice right now.

The event that I thought might have been a cessation was not, or at least it hasn't repeated.

Towards the end of every sit (often times more than once in a sit) I've been having an interesting energetic experience. Energy is intensely moving in my head towards my crown. My eyes involuntarily roll back. The vibrations are very fast and there is rising excitement and anticipation. What's going on here?

When I ask "what is aware" attention goes to the boundaries of experience and drops whatever object I am embedded in.