Dodge's Introduction and Practice Log

I am terrible at keeping a regular log!

I finished another cycle of Insight about a week ago. It was quite an intense one; a big A&P event, not too bad DN, but EQ went on forever.

I had a similar situation to my very first time in EQ, where I would suddenly get a dropping sensation, my eyes would screw up real tight, but otherwise all physical sensation vanished in an instant. It feels like being hit over the head with a cricket bat! The surprise throws me back out, only to have to go through it again...and again.

I'm fairly certain now that this is just a sudden and dramatic slip into formless jhana, probably 8th, but it feels very different to samatha.

Anyhow, I made it through to fruition in the end, and I'll have a better idea how to get through it next time.

Now I'm in wonderful, wonderful review!

I had a few free hours alone in the house this afternoon, so I sat down for a mammoth practice. Essentially I'm closing my eyes and letting the mind go where it wants with a little guiding, be it jhanic arc, or cycling through the nanas.

For some reason the witness state was causing too much energy, I could feel it pumping, but there were some blockages and it started getting painful. I decided to go for old fashioned samatha instead. Progress was much slower, but more delicious! Wonderful sensations would blossom at each of the energy centres and allow the path all the way to the top of my head. I am just letting myself rise without paying much attention to where I am until it gets to the undeniable formless territory.

When I get to my cutting edge, instead of naturally coming down, I realise I have started rising through the nanas, but with the tranquility from the jhana - lovely! In EQ I sense that all reality is spinning quite fast. As I watch it slows and slows, then all phenomena seem to be made out of tiny 'chunks'. Fruition.

The afterglow sends me straight up the arc, and this time down again quite quickly. I can feel the energy resting in the belly and perineum area. The trunk feels kind of hollow. Then it starts to rise again and I get the sense it's another jhanic arc, but I am only feeling the energy rising up the spine like an A&P event , all the way to the top. Another fruition.

Then it was time to get up. I've not had practice like that for ages, it really seemed to clean out the 'pipes'. It still feels good a few hours later.

Urgh! Seems like I'm into some fractal DN thing...blockage in the neck, sick in the throat, pain on crown. Gonna have to shift this thing in a big sit.

One thing I've been noticing lately is almost every transition between states, samatha or vipassana is a big wrench. The eyes screw up real tight involuntarily and I'll bet I'm grimacing like a lunatic!

Hey ho, another strange stage in the fun that is meditation!

I didn't have chance for that big sit last night, but squeezed in a half hour before work this morning.

It seemed like review was over and I was straight into a fresh 1st nana, but I find it difficult to tell anymore. The early stages took quite a while, then a big A&P, quickly through early DN. Reobservation was a bit of a rollercoaster, but got fruition after a short EQ.

Feeling better now, but things are cycling quickly on their own. I seem to be a mass of squirming energy. Lots going on under the navel and in the middle of the head.

Sat for about an hour today. Rode the witness up the jhanic arc. Concentration not great at first, but got much better by the time I was in formless territory.

As seems to be the case at the moment, I didn't 'witness' any coming down the arc after reaching 5th PLJ, it seemed to go from there, through some nebulous transition and onto the start of a new arc where the nanas are prominent, rather than being pure samatha.

At the end of the second arc I thought there might be a fruition, but instead entered a different state. Jhana..ish, but with a strong sense of emptiness. Rather than seeing everything as not being a permanent 'me', the emphasis was on the positve fip-side: all phenomena seemed to be a temporary me!

There were lots of quick perceptions occuring, but I wasn't attaching or identifying with them at all. That's all 'I' was: a constantly changing stream of consciousness. It was very inclusive and equanimous and I will be trying to cultivate it in the future.

I'm really feeling the 'being meditated' thing at the moment. Last night I had a 20 minute wait for a train, I sat down, the wind was blowing. The zen cliche 'it is the mind that moves, not the wind' came into mind and I slipped through a series of quick and deep transitions...eyes screwed up, face contorting, in public! I couldn't tear myself out of it and ended up in some formless territory. 20 minutes went in a flash.

This stuff is happening all the time lately, whenever I sit still. It's all feeling a bit out of control...totally out of MY control.

I've had a persistent tension/ fatigue in the brainstem again, couldn't seem to shift it. I tried NS this morning, it seems to have had the same effect as kicking a wasps nest! The energy and spontaneous transitions I am experiencing is insane.

(continued)

I've realised that I've generally been feeling very equanimous over the last month or so. For instance, I've been kicked in the balls several times at work recently and it looks like I'm about to get laid off. It is just not affecting me at all. I'm positive that a year ago I would have been tearing my hair out and angry at the world. Maybe there is something in meditation after all!

A part of me thinks that a bit more stress right now might actually be a good thing, to stir some action. I think my girlfriend disagrees! I suppose that's why stress/ the self is there in evolutionary terms, it must serve some purpose. Having said that, I am determined to see this thing through and it's too late to turn back anyway.

I seem to have access to a new state today that I've had a few glimpses of before. I don't know what it is: witness MKII, 3rd gear, some sort of fractal nanas within jhanas, no idea. It's a bit like straight 1st gear with a constant sense of no-self, I am still cycling wildly underneath it, but it is all just passing by in sharp focus without any resistance from 'me'.

I've been a bit wobbly recently, so I started off trying to steady myself with some straight, deep samatha. After refreshing myself with the first 2 jhanas, I decided to ride the witness. Half way up the arc, I slipped into this new state.

There was a great feeling of emptiness. Sensations arose with great clarity, like fabulous jewels for inspection and slipped away without any grasping or rejection. I quickly went through a whole series of transitions, but had no interest in what they were. It still required a certain amount of concentration to avoid narrative/ discursive thinking, but when I let go, thoughts appeared with the same brilliant clarity as sensations. I felt like I had completely melted into the experience.

Mental images/ visualisations were also very distinct. A couple of times I had a sudden image of faces that were so realistic as to cause a shock.

At one point it felt like the crown of my head was being pulled up, stretching and distorting the shape of my head and body. There were a couple of jerks upwards stretching even further, then up to infinity. Interesting!

My instincts are to pursue this, whatever it is, but I'd be grateful for any input.

Wow, that was intense.

I am now certain the experience in the last post is nanas within jhanas resulting from resolving to stay in a jhana longer than I normally would (riding the arc).

As an experiment I just resolved to stay in 2nd jhana and cycled from A&P to fruition, all within that jhana, quite quickly. Then again through all jhanas up to 8th. Fruitions in the formless jhanas were pretty special, but 8th was absolutely mind-blowing; the most profound cessation I have experienced yet, more so than NS I would say. I feel like I have witness death and re-birth first hand. I have never had so many fruitions in one sitting.

The whole thing seems effortless, in fact I could not easily turn it off. Next time I will try the PL jhanas. I think I will call this practice 'Bananas in Pyjamas'...no-one reads this anyway!

" I think I will call this practice 'Bananas in Pyjamas'...no-one reads this anyway!

"

Busted!

At work and cycling at a rate of 1 every 4 or 5 minutes. Man this is tiring!

I am unable to enter jhana now without cycling inside it, so that respite has vanished. At least the cycling is posing no problems at the moment. There is very little in the way of blockages, it just feels totally out of 'my' control.

All good, I suppose.

Are you still in review? I've been rereading your journal but can't quite get the picture--probably because I haven't had the experience of getting to where you are.

"Are you still in review? I've been rereading your journal but can't quite get the picture--probably because I haven't had the experience of getting to where you are. "

The way I've been cycling over the past few days reminds me a lot of the review stage after SE, but to tell the truth I am not at all sure where I am on the map. I don't think the map is much use at this point to be honest. The cycles have been happening fast all by themselves (calmed down a bit now) with or without me being deliberately mindful. Often the sensations are so intense I can't help but notice them though.

Wherever I am, it seems to be new territory for me, so that can only be a good thing. I am mainly only noticing a slight bump (A&P), a kind of buffeting (DN), the peace of EQ seems quite obvious and fruitions have been regularly intense.

I seem to have been through a lot of 'new' cycles and part cycles where the nanas seem fresh and harder to penetrate. This is nothing lke that. It reminds me of the Witness, but instead of rising through the jhanas in the witness, I am rising through the nanas while in jhanas...in fact all the time.

Make any sense? No me neither, I'm just trying to hang on for the ride!

Thanks for the interest.

X

It doesn't really make much sense, but that's okay . It's amazing how this stuff can throw us. I can't figure out my own practice either. Oh well, keep on keepin' on! L

Its been quite a while since I last posted. I've mainly been trying to access 3rd gear, emptiness/ awareness. With the help of some advice here and from reading some old practice journals, I think I might be finally getting somewhere.

I've been building concentration by going up and down the arc a few times, or doing a cpoule of rounds of NS, then bathing in PL5 for a while. Then I ask 'who is watching the witness' or pay attention to the surrounding space as you would to move from 4th to 5th jhana. After a transition it seems there is little difference between the inside of my body and the outside world and feelings of love and trust in the universe well up in my chest. A big stupid grin spreads across my face.

This subsides and I am left with a feeling of utterly still emptiness. These moments are only fleeting though, we're talking seconds. I'm not exactly making love to the universe yet, just kinda resting a hand on it's knee, but it still feels good!

Does this sound like I'm getting the hang of it? I would appreciate some feedback from those more experienced in this state.

Thanks,
Dodge.

Using the word "resting" is usually a good indicator that you are getting the hang of it, from my perspective. If there's effort involved, that negates "resting." And to note that "resting" implies not seeking any particular experience, including the experience of "making love to the universe."

Thanks a lot for the pointer giragirasol, I keep forgetting surrender is the most important aspect.

I wasn't really being serious about the 'trying to make love to the universe' thing, I've had that joke brewing for a while and neede a context. Not sure about the punchline though; something along the lines of putting a hand up the universe's skirt/ it turned me down/ it was a pre-op transexual! I'm still working on it.