Giulio B. re-start

25 mins noting this morning. Began with counting 1-10 and backwards once, then noted silently. Lots of "heat" and "aching" in the abdominal area due to breathing, part of the times unpleasant, part neutral, in rare times it triggered pleasant feelings. Such as: "wow! i'm grounding it! i'm GROUNDING it!!!". Some resistance the last minutes, and drowsiness.

25 mins this night. Worry right at the beginning, but began noting with a fast pace, it dissolved and was briefly substituted with slightly exited feelings. After 5 minutes the pace slowed down. The back began to hurt, a few notes of drowsiness. Noting got more skeletal. Switched for loud a few minutes, it woke me up a bit, then silent again. Terribly unfocused, i gave up and interrupted the session at 20 minutes.

25 mins this morning. It seems that morning is better. Started worried but with a fast pace. LOTS of heat. Heat continuously arising and dissolving at the abdominal area. It was partly triggered by breath, partly by various mental objects. Then resistance. I wanted to do something else, not noting. Finished it with a much slower pace. My meditations tend to start ok and then degrade after a bunch of minutes.

20 mins. Morning. The short breath counting wasn't focused. Then started fast and steady, noting aloud with closed eyes. Went on with a rithm for about 15 minutes, then strong resistence started to arise, which seemed to be partly drowsyness, partly comfort, partly heat in the abdoen. Had 5 minutes of doing nothing then interrupted before the 25 minutes bell rang. I think i had two attempted re-starts in the last minutes, but short lived. Some excitement due to the steady rithm.

Giulio,

The heat, back pains, etc. sound like you are hitting some of the early unstable nanas (particularly 3 characteristics). This would explain why you seem to start out good (1st nana - stable) but things lose focus as you proceed.

Keep pushing forward, and be on the look out for stable, bright itches. When you get some of those, try to stay with one and see if you can begin to discern the texture of it clearly. Rather than a point, can you discern any grain it, does it change, disappear and reappear, etc.

Thx. Mu.

Stopped 4 days.
Yesterday evening 25 mins, interrupted at 15 because drowsiness, backpain, strong resistance took over and i felt going on would have been throwing out time.

25 mins this morning. Started with the usual 2-minutes counting 1-10 and backwards, failed the backwards. Started out loud. Alredy quite strong resistance. Rapidly switched to silent, and kept it silent. Drowsiness wasn't a big problem, i started slowly and with some confusion, then after two-three minutes became faster. Kept the faster pace (could have been 1 note for second) for a minute or so, then the speed fell again. Strong resistance and began to be embedded to dreams. Peeked at the clock a few times. Went trough the end by with an extremely scarce noting.

25 mins this evening.

Depressed as hell. Lost motivation.
The days have been messed up, i re-restarted yesterday evening with 10 minutes twice a day, evening and morning, times respected for today. Current practice: breath awareness, building discipline.
I'm about to begin lessons with a teacher that will hopefully change the things for the better

25 mins concentration on abdominal movement. Went quite clear and i was mood-up.

15 mins concentration this evening. Nothing out of the ordinary. Lying down didn't work, but sitting position was ok.

This evening, 15 mins concentration. Went into a slight calmer state after 5-7 minutes, with some mild exciting feelings regarding it.

Evening, 15 mins. concentration. Interrupted at 12-13 due to uselesness, i couldn't really focus on anything at that time. Mind full of various thoughts concerning my ex. (Broke up today)

35 min anapanasati-noting-anapanasati-noting this morting. I basically began with concentration, then immediately understood it was not the case, switched to noting. Went with a nice step. Then in the middle some resistence arisen, and i felt like switching to concentration again.

Remember even if it seems like a crap useless meditation, the daily effort counts. You'll get more momentum soon enough, just by trying. Hang in there!

"[..]the daily effort counts. [...]"

I'll remember that. I'm actually 'struggling' to build up a daily schedule.

"I'll remember that. I'm actually 'struggling' to build up a daily schedule."

If it's any help, I literally started with 10 minutes a day (because I didn't really find meditating very interesting, but it seemed necessary). Then I started adding a second 10 minutes later in the day. Then I stretched that to 15. Then 20. I also used guided meditations (audio) to help me stay focused in the beginning or on days when I felt really distracted.

I remember hearing an interview with Shinzen Young on Buddhist Geeks where he thought that you could make progress with only 10 minutes a day couple with some longer sits.

If you haven't yet looked at Buddhist Geeks, it's worth taking some time to glance through the site, and to listen to some of the podcasts. There are lot of good ones, including Kenneth Folk, Daniel Ingram, Shinzen Young, Ken McLeod, Adyashanti, and many, many others.

www.buddhistgeeks.com/

Thanks gira, andy, helpful.

10 minutes noting yesterday evening.

10 mins concentration this evening. I noticed that i didn't have an exact idea about what sensation (s) to delve into among those that arise in the abdomen... Mahasi Sayadaw suggested to focus on the pure mechanical sensations in the abs area, i tried to seek for them but were vert subtle and sometimes impercettible. Heat was dominant.

10 mins noting this morning. Around a stable 1 note /second, lots of heat in the chest area.

10 mins concentration this evening.

10 mins noting this morning. Noting is worse emotionally than concentration. Lots of resistance (due to *i don't know what to do* *i don't know how to do it* *i can't do it* *i'm bad at this* *ok, the session is screwed* etc.), but i knew i had to go on and i went on. When the bell rang i was willing to continue.

10 minutes of concentration this night.

Wednesday evening, 10 minutes of concentration. The object was the abdomen, i wasn't able to concentrate (timing was quite off too)

Saturday blank day.

This morning about 15 minutes of noting (alarm-less). I was somewhat dreaded as always about it. Lots of heat in the abdomen. I think 1/3 of the notes were "heat". Lots of frustration and worry. It looks like i ground the emotions in the abdominal area as heat. Frustration and worry were due to the noting itself. I no more wonder why i tend to avoid actual practice despite all the thinking and hopes about it. I hate it, unconsciously when i'm off the cushion, it's like i get flooded and beated by frustration and worry most of times. I'm keeping noting, hard stuff anyway.

30 mine noting this afternoon. Started with 1 min fullbody mindfullness, 2 mina conc. And got it right. Noting for 15 mins, sometimes perceiving the causality among mental phenomena. Then couldn't note effectively anymore for the rest of the session.

10 min conc. This night.

Had three days of gruesome practice. It could have been four attempts, both in concentration and noting. Each time began and after a bunch of minutes aborted whatever i was doing because: "No way i can do anything at this time, stress level is too high, mind wanders way too much, or whatever".

30-mins session of pure concentration (anapanasati) yesterday evening. I was able to concentrate to some extent. I hardly got past counting the 5th-6th breath, but it felt like some concentration was present. The feelings in the abdominal area were enough clear and followable. Interrupted at 30' because of drowsiness, continued into bed with the same exercize.

I've had the first teaching-session with Ron. I now feel much more confident about the fact that i can do noting practice.
(To remember: first kind physical sensations, second kind mind, third kind emotions, fourth kind feeling-tone. Italian-english mixing is ok. If the abdomen brings troubles, swich to nostrils or the upper respiratory trait. Dedicated concentration-only and noting-only periods.)

30 mins noting aloud before lunch. Hated to start that. It went on with a rythm for 15-20 minutes, then slowly resistance started to kick in. It was in the form of negative emotions such as: worry/concern, frustration, self loathing, guilt; all of them mostly referred to the noting itself. Strong resistance at the end, with a few notes of 'despair'. Relief and happyness when the alarm rang.