awouldbehipster's practice notes (part two)

"The goal is to turn these temporary states into permanent traits. It is a lofty goal, but I do believe that is achievable."

Yes, definitely!

The idea of karma is I find very helpful here, since according to my understanding of it, the more time I spend in awareness of that intrinsic natural wakefulness, the more my relative ego (should) slowly come to align with it (hopefully)... As you pointed out earlier, "natural wakefulness is not separate from any of these perspectives, as it is what gives rise to them all, or makes them all possible." Even when I'm caught in my self-contraction, the natural wakefulness is still present. I'm just forgetting at that moment that there is always an opening/connection between my identity-as-self-contraction and natural wakefulness.

Slowing down to simply be attentive to those moments when I'm caught in the self-contraction and letting that natural wakefulness seep in through the cracks (insert obligatory Leonard Cohen quote here) is how I've been trying to bring my practice off the cushion and into the world. As you say, simply being open and attentive to what's going on, and trusting that the process of wakefulness is there even when I'm missing it. This has been deflating conflicts in the office rather quickly, at least.

On a more humoristic note, every time I read the words "self-contraction", I can't help but think of it grammatically. Perhaps the s'f? : )

"Ever since this most recent shift in my practice, where my own intrinsic natural wakefulness is becoming ever more clear through/during practice, I find that I'm getting frustrated with the fact that the clarity I experience in practice is not always so obvious. In other words, I easily fall back into the perspective of the self-contraction when I'm not practicing formally."

Hey Jackson, I share your dilemma and like you I don't see a fast resolution to it. Somehow there is a lot about this process that just runs on autopilot and can't be hurried, or even stopped. Wind it up and it just goes at it's own pace through what appears to be an infinite spiral of change.

Hi Jackson,

Just a suggestion, cause I have been struggling with similar issues and have been forced to see things differently.

Have you tried to just sit and see both clarity and the relative absence of clarity as two sides of the same coin, like every other meditative experience, ranging from the most refined spiritual experience to the most bothersome distraction?

In other words, to see every possible experience as taking place within true nature (that cannot be seen or experienced as such, apart from its manifestations), like waves rising and falling within the ocean. In this sense only, mediation can be seen as the actualization of original enlightenment, waves rising and falling within the unmoving ocean.

"Hey Jackson, I share your dilemma and like you I don't see a fast resolution to it. Somehow there is a lot about this process that just runs on autopilot and can't be hurried, or even stopped. Wind it up and it just goes at it's own pace through what appears to be an infinite spiral of change.

"

Thanks for the encouragement, Chris. I'm not surprised that you and I are going through some similar territory. Our paths have been more or less lined up in an uncanny way as far back as I can remember. Dharma brothers, indeed.

So then, our task is to continue to simply have the gall to keep practicing, even though the process is mostly (if not totally) our of our hands. I'm OK with that, as I'm sure you are too

"Hi Jackson,

Just a suggestion, cause I have been struggling with similar issues and have been forced to see things differently.

Have you tried to just sit and see both clarity and the relative absence of clarity as two sides of the same coin, like every other meditative experience, ranging from the most refined spiritual experience to the most bothersome distraction?

In other words, to see every possible experience as taking place within true nature (that cannot be seen or experienced as such, apart from its manifestations), like waves rising and falling within the ocean. In this sense only, mediation can be seen as the actualization of original enlightenment, waves rising and falling within the unmoving ocean.
"

Thanks Alex.

I haven't tried seeing things in precisely that way. However, I have found much value in the teaching of "no fixed position" - in that I feel it is unwise to attempt to carry unnecessary aversion toward what could be called mundane, contracted experience. Seeing the entire spectrum of perspectives as manifestations of natural wakefulness (or original enlightenment) is important. And I think that this may come about more fully as I learn to recognize the simultaneous inseparability of relative and universal reality.

What's going on with me lately almost feels like the first month or so of practice following stream entry. I would sit often, trying to learn how to get fruitions, which was basically learning to open up in such a way as to allow them to occur spontaneously. After a while it became no big deal, and now I don't even bother with fruitions. They happen when they happen. As Bill used to say to Kenneth, "How many times are you going to laugh at the same joke?"

(continued below)

(continued from above)

Now, the moments of wakeful clarity are happening more frequently, and there is a desire within me for that clarity to continue. So when I sit, I am naturally learning how to open up to a profound sense of this wakefulness more and more, just like I did with fruitions post-stream entry. What gets tricky, though, is that the more frustrated I get about not having as much clarity as I could, the less likely I am able to relax fully and allow wakefulness to shine unobstructed. The more I strive, the more I am humbled into submission. I imagine that after some time (probably a LONG time), this wakefulness stuff will be 'old hat'. Until then, it's surrender, surrender, surrender.

" Until then, it's surrender, surrender, surrender."

I'm so there right now. I havent posted in over week about my pracitce because I just feel "blah!' about it....so "meh!" Plus work started up fully for me so maybe that also is a factor. But everything now is very "old hat" like you said. I thinking I am going through Wow factor withdrawals. I guess I am wanting it to be all fun and fireworks but it does what it does when it wants, huh?

I am finding that most of practice is now when i am sitting on a bus, or walking down the street or preparing English lessons. Those times are when i am bombarded with negative sensations and I am "forced" to rely on my Dhamma practice to regain composure. I'm remembering something Chris said about 2nd path being a hall of mirrors. God, what a great term for all this.

Just out of curiosity to you guys who have gotten 3rd path. How long did it take for you to get from 2nd to 3rd roughly?

"
What gets tricky, though, is that the more frustrated I get about not having as much clarity as I could, the less likely I am able to relax fully and allow wakefulness to shine unobstructed. The more I strive, the more I am humbled into submission. I imagine that after some time (probably a LONG time), this wakefulness stuff will be 'old hat'. Until then, it's surrender, surrender, surrender.
"

Thank you Jackson.

That's exactly what I meant. It's tricky and frustrating, because at a point it becomes clear that efforts are counter-productive, while trying to be effortless is also seen as another desperate useless effort.

I was then forced to see things differently. The most difficult part was giving up the cherished idea that awakening could take place as the mechanical result of the application of a set of meditative techniques, while accepting the fact that what I am looking for is not a thing, nor an experience.

Practically speaking, this means trying to sit with no other purpose than just sitting, seeing everything, good or bad, as a display of Buddha-nature, while giving up the idea of finding anything within the content of meditation. This also means that meditation is to be seen as a symbolic act that only expresses one's pure desire for liberation, without any other expectation. If you think about the mechanics used to trigger lucid dreaming (a similar form of awakening), you will see why and how I came to this conclusion.

Trying that, it first felt like regressing to my early days in the Soto school. But then, I started to get it right, realizing that this new '˜meta-frame' could place me in the right condition to bypass the lust for result, boosting my practice beyond expectations, leading to what Kenneth calls 3rd Gear practice.

I will see how it goes, but suggest giving it a try.

"This also means that meditation is to be seen as a symbolic act that only expresses one's pure desire for liberation, without any other expectation.
"

Hi Alex,
Very nicely put. Part of the beauty is in that an expression has no doer.
Thanks for this.

"Practically speaking, this means trying to sit with no other purpose than just sitting, seeing everything, good or bad, as a display of Buddha-nature, while giving up the idea of finding anything within the content of meditation. This also means that meditation is to be seen as a symbolic act that only expresses one's pure desire for liberation, without any other expectation. If you think about the mechanics used to trigger lucid dreaming (a similar form of awakening), you will see why and how I came to this conclusion."

Wow, Alex, this is really very well said. It expresses the mystery of the thing; that we can't get there using a process, as a process implies subject-object. It's something that happens, but it's clearly not happening to anyone in particular. So we're left with this amazing discovery and the consternation and the puzzle of how to uncover it, which as far as I can tell can only be done by utter and complete renunciation.

"I was then forced to see things differently. The most difficult part was giving up the cherished idea that awakening could take place as the mechanical result of the application of a set of meditative techniques, while accepting the fact that what I am looking for is not a thing, nor an experience.

Practically speaking, this means trying to sit with no other purpose than just sitting, seeing everything, good or bad, as a display of Buddha-nature, while giving up the idea of finding anything within the content of meditation. This also means that meditation is to be seen as a symbolic act that only expresses one's pure desire for liberation, without any other expectation. If you think about the mechanics used to trigger lucid dreaming (a similar form of awakening), you will see why and how I came to this conclusion.

Trying that, it first felt like regressing to my early days in the Soto school. But then, I started to get it right, realizing that this new '˜meta-frame' could place me in the right condition to bypass the lust for result, boosting my practice beyond expectations, leading to what Kenneth calls 3rd Gear practice."

Thanks again, Alex. You hit the nail on the head with the regression remark. That's what it feels like, and it's also part of the fear. The other fear is not that I'll regress, but rather that I'm just wasting my time. That one comes through more often.

Again, what's so funny about the whole thing is that sometimes I have no problem just sitting, for extended durations, without the desire for results. Why this desire just decides to sneak up on me out of nowhere is puzzling (until I remember 'impermanence').

But I think your advice is very appropriate to my situation. By not just sitting at this stage, a subtle lack of trust in the process is being revealed. It may be time to reaffirm this trust and, well... just sit.

~Jackson

Thanks Gary, Chris and Jackson.

I understand you so well Jackson! It is not that I am free from the lust for results during the rest of the day, but I was forced to reframe my approach -if I may use this geeky NLP concept- in a way that equipped me with the trust required to go through the initial horrible feeling of regression, while apparently bypassing the lust for results while sitting on the cushion. I will see how it goes.

Fact is that there is no single right method or strategy that works for everyone at every stage of the process, which is also the strong point of Kenneth's 3 Gears approach. The circumstances leading to my new perspective are rather strange to say the least. I might develop the subject by email, lacking space on a forum.

I'm also leaving Amsterdam for a long family week-end and won't have an internet access until next Monday.

Take care and best wishes to the KDF team,

Alex

Vipassana practitioners have trouble not doing something (having no expectations) while meditating. At least I do. Vipassana and samatha practices in the Theravada tradition are both doing practices that involve the subject-object duality. So we gotta learn a new thing, which is cool, but also frustrating at times.

"That's exactly what I meant. It's tricky and frustrating, because at a point it becomes clear that efforts are counter-productive, while trying to be effortless is also seen as another desperate useless effort.

I was then forced to see things differently. The most difficult part was giving up the cherished idea that awakening could take place as the mechanical result of the application of a set of meditative techniques, while accepting the fact that what I am looking for is not a thing, nor an experience.

Practically speaking, this means trying to sit with no other purpose than just sitting, seeing everything, good or bad, as a display of Buddha-nature, while giving up the idea of finding anything within the content of meditation. This also means that meditation is to be seen as a symbolic act that only expresses one's pure desire for liberation, without any other expectation...
"

Thanks, Alex. This is so beautifully expressed.

Surrender... the final frontier.

"Thanks, Alex. This is so beautifully expressed.

Surrender... the final frontier.

"

So the Soto guys have it right after all?

If by "right" you mean the Soto Zen flag is the only flag plated atop Mount Enlightenment then no. It is, however, one of many flags planted there

"If by "right" you mean the Soto Zen flag is the only flag plated atop Mount Enlightenment then no. It is, however, one of many flags planted there -cmarti
"

Right!

"
If by "right" you mean the Soto Zen flag is the only flag plated atop Mount Enlightenment then no. It is, however, one of many flags planted there

"

I was partly joking but I cannot help but notice that the consensus building is that you just need to shut up, sit down, don't expect anything, don't strive for anything. Then all will be revealed.

This isn't really practice related, but'¦

I found out yesterday that I was accepted into the M.A. in counseling psychology program I applied to! Woo hoo!

That's all

~Jackson

Congrats!

...

Hooray! Nice job, Jackson!

Congrats!

"... not practice-related", eh?

If you say so.

'Big ups'!

""... not practice-related", eh?

If you say so.

"

: )

Wonderful news, Jackson.