Jarrod's Practice Notes

Day 2:

Went in refreshed and had a similar first sit as the first sit on day 1. A clear stroll up the arc. With the ease of mind concerning the schedule, I was really able to keep some great momentum going throughout the rest of the morning. I was very concentrated during the walking meditation sessions. I often found myself noticing the silence underneath the sounds that were arising. Overall, the walks were very pleasurable. By the 3rd sit, there was a fair amount of agitation arising (discomfort in the sitting posture, hunger, etc.), but in general, I was able to note my way through it. About mid way through this final sit before lunch, one of the teachers began reading a quote from Ajahn Chah. I'm not sure where it was from or even exactly what the quote was but it was something along the lines of being open and surrendering to whatever is arising. Initially, there was some anger arising for the interruption, but I noted it and just took in the quote. Something about it resonated despite the fact that I can't recall a single word of it. When it was over I really relaxed into the sit and felt quite open. I found myself with slippery mind with a lot of peaceful wandering. I noticed this then remembered to ask myself 'I wonder what my next thought will be.' I did this every few seconds and it became a bit of a mantra. This was very helpful and triggered an intense amount of flickering/strobing.

I shifted attention to the strobing and noticed I was tightening around it. I relaxed a bit of tension in the eyes and forehead, defocused the eyes a bit and the strobing sort of washed over me. I continued being interested in it but dropped the straining of trying to follow it so closely. I took a step back from it I suppose. The strobing filled up the visual field and then it washed over me and I felt total surrender. Suddenly my heart was pounding and there was a large surge of energy up and out. This disbursed and there was a huge sense of relief and ease. I just sat with this for the few remaining minutes of the sit.

Lunch followed. While walking around, eating and cleaning up, there was a tremendous ease and lightness. I was no longer bearing down to note every sensation, but now, each sensation was just there ready to be observed. I couldn't help but look around at the others while eating. I must have had a stupid smirk on my face. All I could see was strain and suffering on everyone else's face. I just wanted to tell everyone to stop trying so hard and just enjoy the meal.

The afternoon sits were a bit of struggle physically, but it didn't seem to concern me anymore. Really, at this point I just wanted to leave and go for a long walk and to take everything in. I seemed to have lost a motivation to keep up with constant noting. So, there was a bit of boredom there too. I decided to just sit and let whatever happen, happen. If I fell asleep, fine. If my mind wandered, fine. I didn't seem to care anymore. I dropped the noting and just watched things change. The final sit of the day was a guided metta sit. I knew this was coming and wasn't really looking forward to it, but it was actually a nice way to end the formal sitting. After this all the yogis went around and said a brief piece about what they thought of the weekend. I went home with a great sense of peace and enjoyed some time with my wife and son.

Back to the daily grind:

So far, now that I'm back in the day to day world, what I've noticed most is a 'de-coupling' of sensations. A good example would be stress associated with work. I expect this upcoming short week to be extremely busy. Usually, when I'm up in the morning and start thinking about the work day to come, I'm flooded with planning thoughts, then anxiety coupled with physical tension in the stomach. This morning was different. It's as if the links in the chain from the planning thoughts to the anxiety to the physical sensations have been severed. The planning thoughts arise, but with a sense of distance, and then that's it. No anxiety, no physical tension. I'm interested to see if this sustains itself as the chaos of the short work week unfolds.

I did a short 20 minute sit this morning, just to see if anything was different. I did not do the usual pre-sitting noting. Overall, the sit was easier than usual. My attention seemed sharp and quick. Right away I could note sensations quickly. Smoothly jumping from one to the next. There was some pulsing right away, but no fireworks. I just went right into bystander noting and the 20 minutes flew by.

What a fantastic report, Jarrod! Thanks for sharing. Keep us posted about the changes in your practice and your overall attitude. Sounds like you may have gotten stream entry.

Great reports! Sound promising, interesting to see how this unfolds!

Antero.

Good stuff! Wonderful!

A great report to read, Jarrod.
Would be great to hear how you find this affects your day to day life.

Yay! Mudita mudita mudita!

EYES GLUED TO THIS THREAD!!!

Awesome job Jarrod!
Welcome to the Stream!

Thanks for all the support.

It is tough to say for sure if this will stick. Time will tell. I don't know if such things exist, but it feels like a "retreat high" or something.

The thing that I keep coming back to though is the "de-coupling effect" in the day to day stuff. Sensations are there, the good and bad, but they just show up and go away, they don't create a momentum within the body of spiraling into other sensations. I continue to be surprised at the lack of anxious tension in my stomach during stressful work situations where I know it would tend to be present previously.

Something else I observed today was a more open attitude in social situations. I felt more engaged in discussions with an increased genuine interest in what people were saying. I think is also tied to the de-coupling effect since something that someone says in conversation was just less likely to trigger a stream of wandering thoughts. Thoughts would come and go but I would just be more present with the conversation.

I plan on sitting in the morning with an intention to pay more attention to any possible changes in my sitting. Any tips on that front would be welcome.

"I plan on sitting in the morning with an intention to pay more attention to any possible changes in my sitting. Any tips on that front would be welcome."-Jarrod

Does your sitting start immediately with the A&P instead of having to work up to it as before? Are jhanas more clearly delineated than before? Are you able to jump between jhanas and nanas at will just by inclining the mind toward them? Do you experience a looping pattern in your sittings where you make your way up to the 11th nana/4th jhana, then find yourself instantly teleported back to the 4th nana only to repeat the looping pattern every few minutes for the duration of the sitting? Do you notice any momentary blips of "nothingness"? Do you feel as though you are "off the ride" at least for the moment? Do you feel that something has been lost but it isn't exactly clear what?

These are a few of the changes likely to accompany stream entry.

Some of these ring true but others don't. The last 2 questions of feeling "off the ride" and if I've lost something are answered with a resounding YES. The drive to sit for the purpose of getting it done has dropped away. Prior to the retreat, the desire to sit was nearly a compulsion. If I didn't sit, I would be upset over the ding to the momentum. Now, I've jammed on the brakes and got off the ride and am taking in the view. Sits seem more motivated about observation and learning rather than accomplishment. The something that is lost seems to be related to no longer being in my own way. I'm observing this as the 'de-coupling effect' that I've mentioned. Some links in the chain that make up my particular neuroses have dropped off.

For this morning's sit, I resolved to clearly experience each of the nanas and to have a fruition. There was definitely a lack of settling in period but if it was A&P right away, it was subtle. Some pulsing and slow undulating, not a large amount of upward energy and not a lot of excitement. Noting was quick and smooth though. It was very easy to jump from one sensation to the next. My mind may still wander, but it is just noted and it falls away (rather than being coupled with frustration and judgment). As I inclined the mind to move up the arc, sensations changed but again it was subtle and hard for me to say for sure, just yet, which nana I was in. I think I did track up to the 11th though and experienced a fair amount of flickering and strobing. I relaxed into it but there was no blip or looping back to the 4th nana.

[more next'¦]

I dropped this and tried some jhana jumping. This seemed more successful. I took a couple of deep breaths then inclined the mind towards the 1st. Pretty quickly I could feel the attention narrowing in. This jhana seems all about the slow collecting and pulling in of sensations. I seemed to get pretty deep into this then tried for the 3rd. It seemed more like jhana sliding than jhana jumping. I guess I was expecting it to be a bit rougher, but the attention that had collected in the 1st now eased up and slowly slid out. I thought about my skin, arms and neck and the attention just settled there. The bliss was clear and I let it permeate. Then down to 2nd. This one took a little longer but eventually felt a good amount of upward energy rising up and out the top of my head. Lots of spontaneous smiling. Then I tried the 4th. This felt like a slide again. The energy leaving the top of the head slowly disbursed and spread wide. There was some attention in the body during the 2nd that now slid upward with the center of attention now in the head but inclusive of much more. I let this one develop a bit then decided to try 5th, imagining an infinite line stretching through space. I think I caught a good glimpse but I'm not as familiar. I've tried this with Kenneth before and it felt like a struggle, but the struggle was gone this time. I tried bringing the attention back to the center to reach 6th. Same thing, I probably glimpsed it but lack familiarity. It seemed like enough so I tried to jump back down to 1st. It felt like a slide again but more turbulent than the other shifts. I bit of rocking in the body but a strong sense of collection again.

I sat this morning and made a resolution to experience a fruition in this sit. I had no other agenda. Yesterday I made a similar resolution but I was also eager to try the jhana jumping. I felt more determined about it this morning. I sat and again the noting is just easy and smooth. There's a clear lack of a settling in period and all the itchy sensations that I had gotten so used to just don't show up. I'm becoming more convinced that I'm starting at the 4th nana. I just started in with the noting and after a couple of minutes had a clear shift into 5th nana. No trying, it just happened. Same with 6th and 7th. I hung out in each for a short period. 8th-10th are murky but eventually I was clearly in 11th. The attention was wide and the tone was peaceful. I hung out there for awhile. Just relaxed noting. I noted a lot of peace and silence with the occasional sound popping up. This built confidence that I was in 11th and I noted the confidence. My mind would wander on occasion and I asked 'I wonder what its next thought will be'. There was a lot of this, then noting striving and desiring, then relaxation. Flickering, strobing, striving. Took my time and noted patience. Would start feeling close to something and would note the striving and excitement. A lot of pressure was building around my head like wearing a crown. Noted pressure and anticipation. Relaxation, then suddenly brightness behind the eyes and warmth rising energy in the torso. A 'was that it?' thought and some giggling. It was so so so subtle. It lacked the heart-pounding fireworks of what happened over the retreat. I got up and have had an A&P-like high so far this morning. I'm thinking that may have been another fruition but through a different door.

More data points:

Many of the changes I've experienced seem to be lingering, which is encouraging. One thing that was bothering me yesterday was the lack of a(nother?) fruition. That is the last lingering doubt I seem to have over whether this is really stream entry or not. This whole thing would be much easier if there were a handheld scanning device that could gauge progress on the path. If such a thing were ever invented I think it should be called a 'pathometer' â„¢ but I digress.

During my working day yesterday I did experience moments of anxiety/stress/etc. but the interesting thing was that it seemed to be just happening on its own. It was happening during objectively non-stressful moments at work. And during the more objectively stressful moments, I wasn't necessarily getting caught up in the stress. Perhaps this was just a natural cycling through the nanas, but I'm not sure.

Bingo!!!!!!

Nick - didn't you describe the various doors in a thread once? I seem to recall this but can't find it.

Check my 2nd notes thread. First couple of pages;

kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/40...tice+notes,+Phase+.2 .

Just remember, yogis can have differing entrance and exit experiences depending on where they are mostly focused in the body.

"Check my 2nd notes thread. First couple of pages;

kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/40...tice+notes,+Phase+.2 .

Just remember, yogis can have differing entrance and exit experiences depending on where they are mostly focused in the body. "

Boom ... there they are! Thanks. Disclaimer duly noted

"A great report to read, Jarrod.
Would be great to hear how you find this affects your day to day life."

I've been thinking about this more and more as I settle in to this different phase. I thought of an analogy when talking with Kenneth the other day and it feels right the more I think about it. Ever watch a movie with a twist ending? Then if you watch the movie again, you just see it with a different perspective. It's the same movie, but now you catch some things you may have missed before and you see the misdirection and you have a wider sense of what is going on. So, it's the same story, nothing has changed, but at the same time there is something that's different. You can still get absorbed into the plot, but you can also step back a see the bigger picture. As I go about my day to day routine, it's all the same but every now and then I notice a little difference that feels like a slightly different perspective from before.

Just sat for 50 minutes and quickly passed through the nanas from 1-11 in about 10 mins or so. 2nd, 8th and 9th are still murky for me but the qualities of 10th are becoming clearer. I used to get a sense of general agitation, but now the "whack-a-mole" physical sensations and the mental jumping around and confusion have become clearer sign posts. The shift into 11th is clearer. All the physical and mental chaos spreads and fizzles and the attention shifts upwards and out and seems to be centered around the top of the head.

I just hovered in 11th for a long time. The whole thing just developed nicely. Mostly pleasant relief at first, then a long period of wandering and day dreaming. Continually asking "I wonder what its next thought will be" really helps this phase pass. Then all sensations were slow, clearly arising and passing completely. My attention slowly shifted to whatever presented itself next. At one point I was with the breath for a bit. It was slow and soft. Each in breath stopping completely before the out breath started. Then each in breath broke up into phases that passed away completely before the breath continued. Then a plane was flying high overhead and my attention followed its sound. The interesting thing is that it was on equal footing as the sensations of the breath despite the 10k foot difference in distance.

I had periods of a strong build up in energy and would feel like a fruition was close. I'd note the anticipation and excitement but it all slowly faded. No fruitiions this time around. This is a little frustrating and confusing. They really do seem to just happen on their own, rather than being able to will them into existence. It is hard to get too upset about it though when hanging out in Equanimity that long. My bell went off after 40 mins, but had no desire to stop the sit. Sit for another 10 mins or so.

Hi Jarrod,

Fruitions were a cause of great frustration and striving for me after 1st path as I couldn't do them at will after the path moment. Do not worry. One is enough, you know.

Btw, Great Job!

Antero.

"Do not worry. One is enough, you know. "

Excellent point!