Antero´s practise journal

I have just started practising Vipassana method after finding this interesting website. I wrote something about my previous practise in this thread:

kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/39...o%27s+practise+going

8.5.10
I sat in siddhasana for 30 minutes. I noted the rising and falling of the stomach while trying to notice all the sensations associated with the movement. I noted the tightness of the left shoulder and went back to the rising and falling. I noted slight touch of the shirt, expectations, mind wandering, some tingling, pressure of the heel at the perineum and some more subtle sensations here and there that are hard to express in words. Is it necessary to name them? Tried to note these feeling without giving names and it seemed to work. I noted also the softening of the left shoulder and some discomfort at the lower spine. I did some corrections to the posture. Always after noting I went back to the rising and falling of the stomach. At some time I noticed that the focus of my attention was softening and the mind was getting quite calm. I also noted that I was noting, which was a bit weird. The movement of the stomach was slight and there were very few sensations, so I just noted rising and falling most of the time. Nice and peaceful sessions ended when the phone rung.
Afterwards I felt good and calm with some subtle vibrations along the spine during the day.

Questions after the first session:
Is is advisable do mental noting without words?
Could ashtanga yoga affect the Progress of Insight somehow?
How to practise during daily activies?

Antero.

9.5.
I sat in siddhasana for 50 minutes after Ashtanga Vinyasa practise. I noted rising and falling of the stomach, softening of the left shoulder, mind wandering, planning future, tightness between the eyebrows, tightness in the neck. It was easy to stay focused on the rising and falling of the stomach. After some time the breathing became shallow and the concentration was easier. I noted light, peace, calmness, smiling, warm, nice feeling, expectations, thinking. I tried to fade the noting to the background a little bit as it was nice to just sit. Anyway the session was enjoyable, even though I was perhaps analysing the situation a bit too much. The breathing was very shallow, so there was not much to note, only the faint rising and falling of the stomach.

Question:
Should the noting be allowed to soften, or should it be held in tight focus all the time?

Antero.

hi...as a fellow getting to grips with note-ing fellow, I found these descriptions useful (just in case you havent already seen them):

Four Foundations:
kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/

Additon of bystander and practical examples:
www.buddhistgeeks.com/2010/03/the-yogi-t...vestigating-reality/

Ingram: within the book proper, as well as the 'insight practice instructions' handout. Esp. his recommendation of aiming to note 1 or more times per second...
www.interactivebuddha.com/mctb.shtml

From reading others meditation logs, Ive found useful tips such as note 'gap', 'missing', 'something' etc when unable to name subtleties, or nothing seems to be coming up. It seems to develop with time and vocab emerges, perhaps when one begins to see/recognise/'sensation resolves' more clearly.

Also I get the impression (from others logs) that mind is sometimes slow and sometimes extremely fast, noting at over ten times per second and being reduced to noteing 'mm','mm' etc.

hope thats fairly representative and useful, and that the adepts here will correct me!!

Hi Sparqi

Thanks for the links! I also found your tips on noting very helpful. I wonder about the speed of noting. Kenneth wrote in 1 Gear\Basic Meditation Instructions:

"If you are able to notice the sensations while maintaining the mental note, "Rising, Falling," do that. This is the preferred method"

I interpreted this that the idea is to fix the mind on noting the rising and falling. If some other sensation is felt, then it is noted while keeping the mind noting "rising and falling". If no sensations seem to manifest, then just rising and falling is noted. Is it possible to maintain the focus on noting "rising and falling" if one is noting at the rate of one note per second? I have to admit that I am a bit confused on this. Could you Kenneth clarify?

Antero.

14.5.
I sat for 40 minutes this morning after my usual asana practise. I started scanning body sensations and noted the rising and falling of the stomach. I noted pressure, release of tension, mind wandering and all that for some time. Yesterday was the first time I tried the four fundamentals of mindfulness and it didn't go all that smoothly. Well, practise makes perfect.

I Moved to the quality of experience (pleasant, unpleasant, neutral). I noted mostly unpleasant bodily sensations like pressure and tension and some neutral ones, like the movement of air in the nostrils. After some time I started noting emotions and thoughts, which I also categorized according to their pleasantness.

Noting of the emotions started very slowly. At first I could only note calmness, expectations, investigation and tiredness. After some time it speeded up a bit and I also noted dullness, worry, pleasantness, happiness and triumph. Still it was so hard that it made me wonder if I am lacking emotions or not able to correctly recognize them. I moved to the noting of thoughts, which seemed somewhat easier. The mind was moving quite slowly and I noted future planning, imaging thoughts and remembering thoughts.

(continued)

The most interesting part was when I moved to the Bystander-method. I started with 'Look how it sits' and went on to note how it felt pressure, warmness, different bodily sensations, thoughts, investigation, expectation, dullness, irritability and so on. After some time it seemed to go very nicely. I tried to check that I included all the different levels of mindfulness in equal measure. Just before I stopped my sitting I noticed fast flapping or throbbing sound/feeling. It was somewhere there in the background. I couldn't place it and at first I thought I imagined it. Then I noticed it again and there seemed to be also some micro movements of the eyeballs involved. The feeling went away and it left me wondering was it real after all. Or was that feeling present all the time and this was just the first time I noticed.

I continued the practise in the train on my way to work, but I fell asleep. As I walked to my workplace, I continued to do Bystander practise just get the hang of it.

Questions:
When I note my breathing it seems to change. This is also true to the different sensations in the body. How does noting affect emotions and thoughts?

Antero.

"When I note my breathing it seems to change. This is also true to the different sensations in the body. How does noting affect emotions and thoughts?"-Antero

Hi Antero,

Things tend to change whether you are noting them or not. Noting just ensures that you are paying attention; when you are paying attention you notice the changes. If things do not appear to be changing, that could be a sign that you aren't really paying attention in that moment. No problem! Just begin to note and see what happens.

This practice works through objectification. As long as I am looking at something and clearly seeing it (objectifying it), it cannot be "I". Surely "I" must be the one who is looking. And since even this sense of "I" can be objectified, it can be seen that "I" am a fiction; there are only phenomena arising and passing within the field of awareness, referring back to no one. This is freedom.

You don't have to be concerned with how the objects behave. Sometimes they will seem to be changing, sometimes not. All you have to do is see them clearly. The noting practice is just a systematic method of making sure you are seeing things clearly, including a real time feedback loop to keep you on track. Every moment of noting is a moment of freedom. When you can string enough moments of freedom together in a row, something in the mind changes and you reach a new platform of clarity, making it easier to continue your practice of momentary freedom. Eventually, you reach escape velocity; the mind changes so deeply that this fundamental problem of mistaking experience for self is completely see through. From that point on, it is no longer a problem.

15.5.
I kind of played with Four Foundation of Mindfulness (not sure if I am using the correct expression) during the day while doing various chores. It reminded of my lucid dreaming practises I did years ago with reality checking and recognizing the dream like nature in things. Step by step I created and adjusted my vocabulary and noting became almost a habit, starting on its own when some emotion, sensation or thought somehow provoked it.

In the evening I sat for 30 minutes. Perhaps the daily practises in mindfulness and noting were not in vain, since the meditation went smoother and recognizing different experiences was definitely easier. Also at some point I could see myself doing noting almost from the outside, so I noted 'Investigation'. Near the end I noted pressure near perineum and while I noted it, it changed into pulsing. I noted 'pulsing' a few times and it disappeared.

This morning I tried to be mindful of body sensations while doing my asana sequence. I felt focused and aware. Two birds with one stone?

After that I sat for 40 minutes while noting the sensations of the body. All was nice and peaceful. I ended in a mind state where concentration was easy to maintain. Breathing and movement of the stomach was almost nonexistent and there were not many sensations to focus on. It made me wonder what I should do at this point, suggestions anyone? I was probably not daydreaming either, since I was still noting occasional relieving of tension here and there (though I did NOT note the underlying feeling of frustration and expectations). Still I couldn't help wondering that I may be missing something. Maybe I should just relax and try to enjoy myself and not be so impatient to get miraculous results after one week of practise

I did my asana sequence for the second time with noting and decided to do that from now on. I sat for 40 minutes and went to nice concentrated state like yesterday. I wished to go deeper. After some time I found myself in another state which was brighter, lighter and more concentrated. I let the noting go softer and enjoyed the warm, nice feeling.

After getting up from my cushion, I continued to note during morning chores and on my way to work I shifted to Bystander '“mode. All this went so well that I decided that in future I will continue my morning practise this way until I arrive at work.

Questions:
Did I experience access concentration or Jhanas?

My normal practise routine during working days:

Morning:
100-110 minutes of asana practise while noting body sensations
30-40 minutes of sitting in siddhasana, noting body sensations
10 minutes of Samyama and relaxation
55 minutes of Bystander method while doing morning chores and walking to work
25 minutes of noting body sensations while sitting in train

Evening:
30 minutes of noting body sensations while sitting in train
30 minutes of Bystander method while walking home

During weekends:

On Saturday
30-40 minutes of sitting, noting body sensations

On Sunday
120-130 minutes of asana practise while noting body sensations
50 minutes of sitting, noting body sensations
Some Bystander method during the day

What kind of routine do you have?

I sat for 45 minutes. The session was nice, but I noted that I would have wanted to go deeper and failed to do so. I noted future planning thoughts, pressure, imaging thoughts, warmness, light, happiness, pulsing, remembering thoughts, frustration, tension, release of tension and investigation.

I sat for 25 minutes in the morning and 25 minutes again in the evening. This time I sat without earplugs, which I normally use. In addition to body sensations, I tried to also be aware of feelings and thoughts and to note fast. The noting went quite well and the unseasonal heavy rain and thunder provided nice dramatic background. Every time I heard some noise outside, I noticed the thought it provoked and noted 'imagining thought'. I also noted future planning thoughts and remembering thoughts as they arose. I noted frustration, calm, expectations, irritation, excitement, investigation, triumph (when succeeded in noting) and contentment. There was at some point some pulsing sensations near perineum and a brief moment of tingling at the left side and between the shoulders, but otherwise the body sensations were normal tensions, pressures and so on. I noted perhaps 2-3 times a second continuously for most of the time but not without some effort.

As I sat this morning after asana practise, I tried to stay conscious of the quality of the meditation as Kenneth suggested. As I began the mind seemed to be calm and relaxed. I began slow and steady slide deeper into concentration. There were pulses near the perineum, some tingling at the side and along the spine into the head. All these sensations were very subtle. After some time I was in nice slightly concentrated feeling which I recognized. The concentration did not stay at that level and I felt like surfacing again for some time before getting back into that state.

Some frustration arose and I noticed that I was feeling anxiety and lack of confidence about the technique. I noted 'hoping'. I am not completely sure about the exact sequence of the next events. At some point a realization came to me that instead of striving for something I can just as well sit and do nothing. Just sit without any purpose. It felt good to drop the ambition. I noted this complex thought / feeling without being able to give a name for it. I sat and enjoyed the feeling of calm, light and warmness. Every now and then I noted 'hoping' when I noticed I was not satisfied with the situation.

Without a warning I noticed that I had just crossed some threshold and found myself in a more concentrated, lighter and nicer state. It had just happened on its own and in a very short period of time. I continued to note and noting seemed to be faster and easier. Near the end of the session the pressure at the perineum was getting stronger. That is quite usual, since I normally sit in siddhasana. I took the pressure as an object of noting and noted 'pressure, pressure'¦'. The pressure felt solid, although after some time I could almost feel it change to throbbing or prickling feeling. I continued to note the feeling but was unable to deconstruct it further. As I checked the watch afterward, I had sat for one hour.

26.5.
During recent sittings I have experienced uncharacteristic doubts and lack of motivation. These emotions can quickly change to hope, contentment and even joy. During my last asana practise I felt like I was completely wasting my time and wondered why I am doing this at all. I noted frustration, doubt and hope. I sat for 20 minutes after that. I noted body sensations and some passing emotions. The session was mostly nice and undramatic.

In the evening I sat in the train. The session was relaxed with slightly diffused focus. The noting seemed fast and efficient. I noted mostly different body sensations. At some point strange electrical tingling moved along my left arm. The feelings I recall noting included irritation, joy and calmness.

28.5. 30 minutes of sitting in the plane.
Determination, acceptance, desire, hope, confidence, wish to recall later, dullness, letting go, alertness, pleasure, future planning thoughts, remembering thoughts warmness, coolness, vibration, brush, pressure between the eyebrows. The concentration was easy, but not very deep. The noting went fast and easy though. After 20 minutes I felt like surfacing from the concentration. After some time it deepened again to the same level.

40 minutes of sitting in the plane. alertness, calm, contentment, pleasure, frustration, expectations, excitement, hope, triumph, letting go, wishing to be able to let go. Nice concentrated feeling developed easily. It deepened somewhat, but I was unable to let go of the deeper tensions so the concentration was not as deep as expected. This left the feeling of dissatisfaction and frustration, which I noted. I was able to note more feelings than normally and I felt triumphant for that. The pressure between the eyebrows felt annoying and got me frustrated. With my earlier mantra meditation I was able to le go of that and perhaps that is why I was able to go deeper into meditation.

29.5. 35 minutes of sitting after asana practise
I was happy about the quality and relative smoothness of noting although the concentration was quite shallow, except at the end of sitting when it deepened somewhat. I noted without much frustration and expectations different sensations, emotions and thoughts as they came and went. I noted contentment, letting go, irritation, warmness, coolness, softness, pressure and release of it, thinking, worry, planning thoughts, a lots of imaging thoughts and some remembering thoughts. I also succeeded in releasing the tension between the eyebrows a little which was nice. It seems that my ability to enter deeper concentration is declining and at the same time the ability to note is improving. Is this usual?

20 minutes of sitting in the evening
This time I felt like I was sitting inside of my body and watching as sensations and thougths arose. The mind was faster than normal and I felt like I was playing some kind of game as I noted everything happening. Perhaps I am getting somewhere with this technique.

30.5. 35 min of sitting after asana practise.
During last couple of days when sitting, I have noted mostly feelings and not so many thoughts. this morning a lot of thoughts came and went. I just sat watching as a lot of images resembling short dream sequences materialized. Fast, precise and easy noting. General feeling alert, confident and good.

1 hour of sitting in the evening in the plane.
After 40 minutes of sitting tingling energy sensations mostly in the left leg and a desire to stop sitting. Drowsiness and dullness during sitting, but felt confident, alert and energetic afterwards.

2.6.
35 minutes of sitting after asana practise
This time the feeling of the watcher deep inside of me is clear. Calmly and peacefully I observe the phenomena of the mind. After some time I seem to go through a drowsy and sleepy state of mind which feels like falling asleep. I note all kinds of images coming and going. After that comes peaceful and nice feeling, lightness and happiness. It seems like the ability to fall into a state of absorbtion is slowly coming back.
Feeling full of energy and the need for sleep is reduced.

4.6.
30 minutes of sitting after asana practise
The sitting was nice and pleasant. Very soon came the feeling of light and enjoyment, even though the noting was not at all as fast and efficient as couple of days ago. The concentration did not deepen and the mind seemed to wander easily.

As I ran to the train this morning while doing noting, I suddenly became aware of the whole of my body intead of small parts as usually. This same feeling of unclear focus continued when I sat for 25 minutes in the train. Instead of feeling pleasure at the base of the spine, I felt it all around the body, though less clearly.

Man I can tell from your journal you are one serious yogi... keep up the good work, I really don't have anything to add...

After I left work this evening and walked to the station I did noting practise as usual. Currently noting starts on its own and continues without effort. This time noting speeded up a lot and I noted mostly body sensations at unprecedented speed. I switched to note only 'beep' to keep up with the pace.

In the train I felt that I really realized something I have been thinking a lot lately. It felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. It was really a simple matter of knowing that all I need to do is just note and be aware. There is no need to manipulate the experience or try to get into certain jhanas to progress. Just be aware and accept. This simple insight filled me with deep joy and tranquillity and I sat and meditated in the train with a smile on my face.

This time as I did my asana practise, I dropped noting. There were so many sensations that I couldn't keep up. So I just tried to be aware of the sensations as a whole. I tried to get the general feel of the asana by putting together small pieces of body sensations as they came in large numbers. Every now and then I went back to noting just to be sure I was not embedded.

I sat for 45 minutes after asana practise. Immediately when I started, I felt like a deflating balloon. All the tensions, expectations and worries were drained out and I was left noting everything that passed with great calm and precision. After a little while I clearly noticed the desire to stop sitting. First I was a little surprised by this feeling, but then remembered that Kenneth had once asked me about it, so I thought it must have something to do with the maps. The feeling passed quickly and I continued the nice and tranquil session.

35 min of sitting after asana practise
Things change fast. This morning I was lost in the labyrinth of daydreams, memories and whatelse. Mind seemed to be slow and it was hard to maintain focus.

This morning there was more clarity and focus than yesterday. As I did my asanas, I could feel a lot of sensations but the pace was slower and somehow the feeling softer than last week. Still I could get into the 'feeling' of the asanas by dropping noting and just observing. Then I sat for 30 minutes and the same feeling of relaxed focus and easy steady stream of noting continued. When I continued my sit in the bus for another 35 minutes, the feeling of concentration went a bit deeper and it was quite easy to note feelings and thoughts.

At the tram some guy started behaving aggressively at me apparently just for sitting opposite to him. I had been doing noting practise, so I just continued to note. I noted annoyance and excitement, but not anger. I remember reading from somewhere that anger does not easily arise just after meditation. Could someone wiser confirm this?