Antero´s practise journal

Thanks, Antero, for the continued excellence of your reporting. No posturing, no speculation, just the facts. You are a role model for the rest of us.

Thank you Kenneth,
You really have a gift to see through your students! Reporting is a thing I feel very inaduquate about even though I really have to put effort to it. That is why your compliment feels good indeed

40 min sit in the evening
I started the session at the A/P. There was some vibration, strobing, pulsing, release of tension and feeling of peace. Soon I noted widening of the attention, expanding, release of tension and a short wave of bliss. Within a minute of two I found the concentration deepening, there was a feeling of expansion and the limits of the body dissolved. I noted equanimity, lightness, fluttering. I started to observe the fluttering which was quite subtle, twitching, fluttering, twitching, analyzing thought. This state lasted easily over 10 minutes.

I noted feeling of contraction and discomfort at the back as I slowly moved through unstable strata of mind. Then a stable stratum was found, release of tension, cool vibrations, analyzing thought, peace. After a little while again on the move, exhale, release of tension, vibrations and fluttering. Short stop here then mind wandering and release of tension and I find myself to be at the first jhana.

After a short while I find myself ascending. On the way I notice the discomfort at the back, then widening of the attention, release of tension, increase of light and equanimity. Short stop there before moving through rougher terrain. There was tension at the shoulder, discomfort, tension, points of discomfort appearing and disappearing at the back and then equanimity, dissolving of the body, analyzing thought, fluttering. Again I closely observe the fluttering and some parts of the body twitch during harder discontinuities. I spent the rest of sit in this state.

Yesterday evening I observed cycling through the nanas. In the afternoon I felt clear signs of A/P with the telltale energy moving along the arms, in the face and on the top of the head. Later in the evening I noticed characteristics of the 5th nana: peace and expanded field of awareness. As I was lying on the bed I suddenly became aware of going through the dukkha nanas. There was uncomfortable feeling at the back, tensions at the shoulder coming and going, tightness of the throat, pressures here and there, tension at the leg, constriction of the chest and so on. I was paying close attention to these feelings and noticed when I moved to the equanimity. I would have wanted to see where it would go from there, but fell asleep before it happened.

I am trying to record my practise sessions with as much detail as possible hoping that someone with experience would comment and give me some idea where I am and put my practise in context.

40 min sit after asana practise

Starting at the A/P, strong fluttering, pulsing, release of tension, then I feel the transition'¦

expanding, peace, release of tension, momentary feeling of bliss, some cool vibrations, fluttering continues and I observe it, then moving on'¦

Fluttering still continuing, moving slowly trough the dukkha nanas, tightness, tension, imaging thought (ants), fluttering, cold shiver at the spine, sharp pressure (pain?) at the third eye, analyzing thought, tension, release of tension, fluttering, tension, release of tension. Very gradually the field of awareness opens up'¦

Expanding, release of tension, body dissolving, space, equanimity, lightness, fluttering, analyzing thought, peace, release of tension, expanding, equanimity, light, observing fluttering, waiting, remembering thought, space, light, analyzing thought, fluttering, release of tension. This state of equanimity is slowly deepening until the session ends.

45 min sit after asana practise

During asana practise I notice the cycling through the nanas 1-11 until at the end of the series I am at the equanimity.

The sitting starts from the equanimity. I note release of tension, light, peace, widening of the attention, space, fluttering, release of tension, strobing, lightness, flickering, and some. There is some tension at the third eye. I feel flickering every time the attention touches that area. Slowly the tension is released as I slowly fall deeper into concentration.

Bodily sensations have fallen away and I sense mostly subtle movement of the mind. I start to ask myself 'I wonder what my next thought will be'. I note mostly imaging thoughts and remembering thought. I find myself going more and more into a dreamlike state as I note drowsiness, dullness, release of tension. The thoughts are now mostly imaging thoughts. The thoughts become more and more vivid. Then I fall asleep. I became aware of it as I become lucid in the dream. I continue to note thoughts in a very relaxed and drowsy state until the session ends.

When I lay in savasana after the sit, there is all the time strobing, flickering and vibration going on in the body.

Watching the nanas cycling during the day works nicely as a mindfulness practise. Today I have spent the entire day in the 11th nana since the morning practise. How different day it was from yesterday, when I was cycling through the nanas with the emphasis on the dukkha nanas! Today everything was peace and calm, while yesterday I was feeling cranky with bodily discomfort, worrying and negative thoughts.

Sat for 30 min in the evening

The session started at equanimity: release of tension, lightness, expanding, warm, release of tension, pulsing, equanimity, dullness, tension, release of tension, coolness, imaging thought, lightness

After some minutes I started to feel flickering. There was tension behind the eyes. I started to observe the flickering, since there were not many body sensations to note. The flickering had several components:

- Tension behind the eyes and micro movements of the eyeballs
- Clicking sound of the hard stops between the packets
- The strobing of the visual field
- Subtle flickering of the mind itself

First I concentrated on the sounds of the hard stops clicking. The other components faded to the background. Then I watched the bright flashing of the visual field. Again other phenomena were pretty much ignored. When I turned my attention to the flickering of the mind, the strobing and clicking vanished and there was just very rapid pulsing of the mind itself. It was harder to spot the irregularities of the flickering without the other components. After 10 minutes the flickering vanished. I was left with the beating of the heart, which I observed for a while.

I became to feel sleepy, dullness, drowsiness, falling asleep, imaging thought, imaging though... A lot of imaging thoughts followed one another. There were also some short movie-like segments and it felt kind of watching a television as I was hovering on the fine line between waking and dreaming.

Sat for 35 min after asana practise
The session started at the A/P as I noted tingling and vibration at the back. I felt sense of ease, release of tension, light, widening of the attention, the light increased, sense of relief, release of tension, expanding, dissolving of the body, lightness, remembering thought, peace, bliss, pleasure, imaging thought, cool vibrations, pulsing, very fast flickering of the mind. The body sensations slowly faded away and there was only feeling of space and light. This state went on for 15-20 minutes.

Feeling of sliding though the stratum of mind, tension, uncomfortable feeling at the lower back, tension and then release of tension, sense of relief, expanding, light increasing, lightness, dissolving of the boundaries of the body, light, widening of the attention, some imaging thoughts, flickering, very fast vibrations, equanimity, space, light, light, light. I dropped noting and noticed that there was release of tension behind the eyes and at the third eye. I let myself get thoroughly soaked in the light, very relaxing indeed.

There are some subtle but noticeable new features in my practise that have emerged after the Event (see post nro. 87):

Concentration starts immediately when I sit down on the cushion. Or more precisely, there was already a strong awareness of the nana; it just becomes more apparent when I close my eyes.

The mind is quite content in just watching phenomena arising or passing. There is much less desire to manipulate the experience or get to a certain state.

I feel the distinct characteristics of the nanas stronger. There is not that much difference in the jhanas (nanas 1, 4, 5, 11), but the nanas in between. During the first couple of days after the Event I experienced the dukkha nanas as subtle vibrations at different parts of the body and there was no discomfort. Now I feel the nanas as tensions, pressures or other uncomfortable feelings at the back, chest or throat, sometimes staying in one place, sometimes moving around and sometimes coming and going rapidly all around the back. There is also one peculiar recurring sensation, a moving pressure like a worm furrowing under the skin of my left shoulder blade.



To be continued:

kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/41...7s+pactise+journal+2