Anthony's Adventure Log

Training in the Dharma, for me, is a great adventure. Right now with my current style of practice it's full of surprises, hard work, excitement, fear, perilous twists and turns, blissful views, and ever changing scenery.

My ultimate goal is full awakening. The great adventure of life is fun but it is flawed. All of the world's treasure holds little sparkle for me now. The happiness that comes without conditions is the right happiness for me.

I have made a few posts here already and I have Skype'd with Kenneth once and now I would like to start this practice notes thread. I will try my best to keep it short and to the point.

But first I thought it would be nice to tell a bit of my story. None of my friends or family are interested in this stuff and I do not have any type of Sangha in my town. This seems like a unique place where I will be welcome and understood in this telling.

Mundane stats:
My name is Anthony. I am a 29 year old born in Flint, Michigan but raised in several cities in Texas- including Dallas, Ft. Worth, a few small towns, and mainly Denton. I love to run marathons, have done a few triathlons and would like to complete an Ultramarathon or two. I have a degree in Kinesiology (exercise science) and I will start grad school in the fall for a masters in Exercise Physiology. I am recently single and working at a computer tech job until school starts up again.
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My Dharma Story:

The beginning...
I was raised by my mom mostly. She was very open-minded about religion and spirituality. I went to church a few times but never liked it. Throughout my teen years I was very interested in philosophy, martial arts, chakras and magic. It was a bit rough let me tell you to be interested in those things and going to school in a small Texas town.

The first time I ever gave serious thought to Buddhism was in my 11th grade world history class. I remember reading the few paragraphs in the book about Buddhism. It told a short story of the Buddha described the four noble truths and briefly mentioned the 8fold path. I immediately thought it was interesting but didn't pursue and study of it.

Fast forward to 2003. After several years of too much partying I got a call from an old high school friend. I never liked this guy, thought he was an A-hole, but I decided to meet up with him. He was much different. He had gotten into Tibetan Buddhism and the man was much more peaceful and happy. I was immediately interested in the scene and I traveled with him for several months to the Karma Thegsum Choling center in Dallas (Karma Kaygu lineage). The teacher there was this very nice Tibetan man Lama Dudjom Dorjee. We would typically do a one hour Samantha sit and then have a lecture or discuss dharma. I started to read many dharma books and I felt very much at home with the Tibetan Buddhist culture. I took refuge with the Lama and received the dharma name Karma Yeshe. I became good at meditation and really enjoyed studying the dharma.
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Eventually (looking back now I suspect some possible Dark Night interference)I stopped going to the KTC at some point and went back to too much partying. I started to question my life daily and needed to get away and figure stuff out. I quit my job, cashed in my retirement, and sold almost everything I had and went to India.

I made it to India and went straight to Dharamsala in northern India, the new world Tibetan headquarters. It is a very magical place and I fell right back into serious dharma practice. I went on a 10 day retreat at the Tibetan Tushiita meditation center. It was a great experience. I may have made it through a few of the stages of insight but at the time I did not know what that was. After Dharamsala I made my way to Bodh Gaya to see the Bodhi Tree.

After seeing the tree I thought to myself, 'crap I should have stayed in Dharamsala and continued to practice. This place is crazy!' I went to Kathmandu from there but could not ground myself again so I came back to the USA to give college a chance again.
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The new dharma...
Fast forward several years later of half-hearted dharma practice-early summer 2009. I was bored one night and I picked up a book that I don't know where I got it from called 'Pure and Simple' by Upasika Kee Nanayon a Thai Theravadin teacher. This book floored me. It was so direct and so simple. No rituals and diversions. Just pure and simple and real dharma or dhamma at this point. Lol.
She was so matter of fact and to the point about the dharma. It was my first real experience with the Theravadin tradition and it made me very curious again about practice. A few months later of late night web searching, I found an article about what an Arahat is by Daniel Ingram'¦

So I ordered a copy of MCTB and I am sure most of you know what happens next. I was very energized and excited again about the dharma. Enlightenment is real! Its not some mystical super human achievement made only by cave dwelling monks. Regular lay Buddhists can do it too! So this book confirmed a long time suspicion (this suspicion turned out to be a major road block for me) that there was more to the dharma than sitting around meditating on the breath and trying to be compassionate. Compassion is great, of course, but I knew there was a different door to this enlightenment thing. The mushroom culture definition hit me hard. I have just been a giant portabella this whole time.
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So a few months later I went on a 10 day Goenka Vipassana retreat. I hit the A&P and maybe made it to some early equanimity. After the retreat I spent a few months in some serious dark night territory( see the part about being newly single).

I then graduated college went on a self-retreat via camping on the beach. I listened to a ton of Buddhist geeks podcasts on that trip which is where I ran across Kenneth's teachings. His approach to the Dharma really fine tuned and even further simplified the whole thing for me. I am practicing as much as a can now and I think/hope the worst of the DK is past.

So I am out of the dark now and into the bright stinging light of the great dharma Adventure!
Thank you all so much for listening to my tale. May we all break on through to the other side, yeah.

-Anthony Yeshe
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My practice notes:

In the past month I have been sitting several times a day for formal samatha and Vipassana meditation. This has been going really well. My concentration has improved and Mahasi-style noting is really wonderfull. The most important improvement to me, though, is my constant daily noting.

Waking up I note: streach, vibration, sensation, pleasant, planning though. I note as I brush my teeth, as I drive to work, as I type on the keyboard, as I walk down the hall'¦ left, right, left, coolness, right, aversion, left, right, pleasant, ect'¦

I am trying to note as much as I can and see the actual components of what I consider my self.

Last night I created a yellow Kasina and consentrated on that. As fortold it shifted and expanded and did all sorts of funny stuff. No matter what I just stared at it.

Before bed I sat to do some noting. I tried to note as fast as I could. Sounds, feelings,thoughts, sensations, heat, cold, airflow, dat, dat, dat, dat,dat, dat, dat, dat as fast as I could. Everything then became very in the moment and somewhat agitating. The sound of my window unit AC was growling. It was crawling in my mind. I wanted it to stop. I continued to note it and my agitation. I had some pretty restless sleep.
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hey Anthony...interesting story!!

by the sounds of your practice chances are you will progress rapidly here!

I would recommend reading some of the other logs here,...they are very inspiring,... a number report of gaining paths, and thats just in the last few months!!

welcome...

45min samatha. Anapana style. My concentration is getting better. I have gone into the first jhana a few times before and in today's meditation that initial phase shift thing started to happen several times but no jhana. I just focused on the breath and got into a good rhythm. I think my biggest problem with jhana is getting too excited when it starts to happen. I start to think too much and I probably scare it away.

Several noting sessions and lots of daily noting:
One thing I have been noticing lately is that I note the sensation 'fear' more often than 'anger'. I thought myself to be a more angry person than fearful. Currently I am noting 'agitation' quite often. And for silly things like random noises and people walking by when I am doing walking meditation.
Overall, while I know this is a normal part of the process, I still find myself wondering if I am making any progress at all. Not sure where I am at now on the stages and I wish I could do more to speed it up. Ha!

Bedtime noting: tingling sensations, noting many many changes in my body temp, the pre-jhana bubbling up happens here too, I just note it.
I find that when I meditate while laying down I prefer to note the rising and falling of the abdomen. But while siting or walking I prefer inhale and exhale at the nose.

Anthony I'm experiencing similar things with 1st Jhana. Before knowing it well the shift would just happen. Now that I am anticipating it it's more difficult.

I am also noticing the body temperature thing quite a bit. I get really warm when I'm concentrated or doing vipassana.

I too am Partial to the nose area.

Have you tried breath counting when out walking around and things like that. I find it wonderful. I start by counting each breath, going up to 10 (counting at the nose where I feel the breath, restarting if I lose where I'm at). I will eventually move to noting only on the exhale and lastly inhale only. It's a good way to build up concentration.

"Anthony I'm experiencing similar things with 1st Jhana. Before knowing it well the shift would just happen. Now that I am anticipating it it's more difficult. "

Exactly! It used to happen so easily when I didn't think it would come. Now that I know I can do it, it is an elusive little bugger.

Anyone else go through this? Whats the recommended strategy?

mumuwu,
I havn't tried to do concentration practice while walking yet. I usually just note. But I will give it a try for sure. thanks.
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Anthony, I think if we just persist we'll give up on it and it'll start happening again.

The last time I got into 1st Jhana was via 4 foundations practice and intense noting.

I do the breath counting while playing ball with my Dog.

Let me know if you crack that Jhana nut!

"Exactly! It used to happen so easily when I didn't think it would come. Now that I know I can do it, it is an elusive little bugger. "

Out of curiosity what does the expectation feel like, does it have tension, tightness, (if so where, in a number of places?) a quality, a semantic aspect, a verbal aspect? How long does it last? Can you feel that its going to happen? Does it start slow and build...etc? Is it pleasant? Is it similar to anxiety or excitement or frustration or...? hehehehheh

ok. the expectation. for me, when the jhana shift starts to happen I get the floating out-of body feeling start to happen. i start to feel the tingling of rapture and then I start to think, "oh hey! here it comes!" and then it fades away. there is excietment and maybe a bit of anxiety about doing the right thing to make it happen this time.

This pre-shift thing happens all of the sudden mostly as I am concentrating and slowly starts to rise from there. This "expectation" feeling usually lasts a few seconds and it has been poking around several times when I do samatha or noting meditation latley.

the most perpelxing thing, though, is that when the 1st jhana has happened to me before I acted just the same. i was excited and I started to think about it and it happened anyways. i guess it wants a little more concentration from me now that it has shown itself. haha.

I wrote a thread about it here. I was trying to figure out what this state shift was to begin with. Pretty sure it was 1st jhana. I could be wrong though:
kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/39...trata+this+may+be%3F
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I just real all this for the first time.
You had enough retirement to cash in in your 20s to travel the world????????? Dude.


Another story that shows the oddness of the mushroom (portabella!) culture. If you hadn't encountered Daniel and Kenneth you'd either not be practicing right now or you'd be "watching the breath and acting compassionate." But, now, now that you know a few simple facts if you just follow directions and be consistent there is a very good chance that you will become enlightened.
Amazing.

"I just real all this for the first time.
You had enough retirement to cash in in your 20s to travel the world????????? Dude.


Another story that shows the oddness of the mushroom (portabella!) culture. If you hadn't encountered Daniel and Kenneth you'd either not be practicing right now or you'd be "watching the breath and acting compassionate." But, now, now that you know a few simple facts if you just follow directions and be consistent there is a very good chance that you will become enlightened.
Amazing. "

well said my friend.

p.s. i only got back 3k from a few years in the state retirement system. i sold my motercycle and everything else. it was enough for about 6 weeks of world travel. worth every penny!

How are you doing your noting? Today I noted the sensations just at the stomach. I think this really helped with concentration as I had been noting everything in my experience (shifting my attention around to whatever was most predominant). Noting at the stomach seemed to build up concentration while also allowing me to note.

Anyhow, I found a spot that felt like joy/exhilaration/energy and noting these sensations at that point caused me to shift into first Jhana. I was able to stay with this spot and I think I may have moved through several Jhana's.

Have you tried this style of noting (I believe it's the Mahasi Sayadaw style)

"How are you doing your noting? Have you tried this style of noting (I believe it's the Mahasi Sayadaw style)"

Yep. thats the style I use currently.

Recent Noting:
I have been opening up to alot of body pain and unsatisfactoriness latley. Man, it just seems like this human form isnt really that great of a deal. No matter how great sensual pleasures can get they always fade away and you are left craving for more. If you can get over that then you still have this pain of aging and the fact that you wont last.

Thats the thing about life I guess- nobody can get out of it alive.
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www.katinkahesselink.net/tibet/jhana-2.html

Sunday night:

Had a restless night. Worrying too much about my mundane affairs and also the horrible deal that I feel human life is. I went to the park and laid down in the grass to watch the sky. It turned into a noting meditation.

I got into a good rhythm with noting. I dont know if this is a proper part of the noting process but I started to note the intentions behind my thoughts and emotions. I was trying really hard to figure out why these dark thoughts about impermanance disturbed me.

Ah yes. Its the ego and its fight for survival. As I unmasked this creator of suffering for what it was I started to laugh and feel less anxious about everything. Maybe this is the beginning of equanimity or maybe I was just being exhausted with thinking too much.

The pain and stress of life seemed sort of ok in those moments. Rather than feeling passive to it or defeated by its inevitability, I felt as if I found some strength to endure it. How can a sensation cause so much suffering anyways? I guess I saw that the sensation was not the one holding the power to cause suffering; it was my sense of self. Kinda like a "duh" moment.

It was interesting to me that I also felt a stong sense of compasion and loving-friendliness. I tried to note the intention of these feelings. It seems to come from somewhere that I can't understand yet. I used to think of these things as something you were born with or something you had to cultivate. Could they be something born from equanimity? I can see some sort of connection but I can't quite put it together yet.

Anyways. My levels of investigation are high right now. Can't wait to get home from work and practice some more.
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Tonights session:

I started with about 15-20 min. of concentration to settle my mind then switched to noting. After several minutes I began to feel subtle body vibrations. I had an itch on my cheek and I turned my attention to it. It began to dissolve and I could actually feel my pulse at the spot of the itch. After that I could feel vibration and pulse at my finger tips really well.

At this point I shifted into the 1st jhana. (yeah! its been awhile) This time I think it had more of a Vipassana jhana feel to it that a concentration one. (Does that make sense?)
I think I moved into 3C because I started to feel like my attention or mind was twisting in my head. My face felt scrunched up even though I wasn't physically doing it. I had a bit of neck tension too.

I felt as though I was floating. I typically have a sensation when I am in jhana like I am stretched out or like I am on stilts. I was lying down but I felt like I was standing straight up at times. At other times it felt like my mind was about to turn inside out. I can't think of a better description than that.

I continued to note as many sensations as I could. I also had this sudden sensation like when you are on a plane and you lose altitude with no warning.
I just let the whole thing unfold and noted as much as I could. I have never had much chakra sensations before but I certainly had some pressure at the 3rd eye chakra afterwards.

So question: what does it feel like in the moments before an A&P happens? I felt like something was about to happen.
I hit the A&P once in a retreat but I have no memory what so ever about the moments before it happened. Just curious.

MTA: Thought I would through this in. When I started this meditation session I was feeling a bit tired. Right now, 30 min later, I feel like I have had a pot of coffee. I am feeling relaxed and a bit joyfull but definatley wired!
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This weekend's notes:

I practiced almost all day Saturday and I think I started to get a few glimpses of equanimity. On Sunday I had a hard time sitting down to practice. I started to fall back in that thinking of, 'how in the world does noting things arising and passing away lead to happiness? I just don't get it'

Does this doubt in the process go away after stream-entry?

Anyways, I know this stuff works and I knew that this type of thinking is part of the process. Still, it is a bit difficult to stay focused.
I noted as much as I could Sunday- always having this feeling that I was wasting my time and/or not doing it right. I started to have a lot of cravings and desires pop up.

Of course, I awoke today and felt 100% different about it. Noting and disembedding came easily this morning and I feel a bit equanimous again.
Whats up with all the mood swings? I am trying to separate my own psychological crap from actual stages of the process of insight. It makes it hard to tell exactly where I am at.

Any tips for what I should be doing right now aside from noting anything and everything I can?

Thanks
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Have you watched any sensations go from solid to a bubbly frothing mess? I tend to do it with my lips.

My opinion: mood swings - normal part of practicing and being human. No big deal.
You'll have doubt, cravings and desires again; remember to just note those like anything else. Just like anything else. There are no preferred or wrong objects to note. The present object is always the door to liberation. I believe this.

"My opinion: mood swings - normal part of practicing and being human. No big deal.
You'll have doubt, cravings and desires again; remember to just note those like anything else. Just like anything else. There are no preferred or wrong objects to note. The present object is always the door to liberation. I believe this. "

Ya. I know this intellectually. I guess I need to be more patient in turning that into real understanding.

I know, it is really hard to get. What I do so often is sit and look for whatever my most recent idea is of a "correct" object to come up and note and if it doesn't then I suffer until I give up again and go back to what is really happening. Which, then, of course, changes as soon as I note it and disembed.
It is amazing how temporary it ALL is -- the good the bad the high the low the blissful and the hellish.