Serena's Practice Journal 1

Yes Richard's reply is excellent. And I certainly can relate to the frustration and impatience you mention Serena.

Really glad you found it helpful. I'm in England too BTW!

A ha! Another Brit on the site! BTW, have you found any good places for personal retreats in the UK? I've tried a few but they're quite keen to promote their own 'brand' of buddhism, so I'm not having much luck so far....

Sure. I've done lots of solitaries in the uk. If you want to PM me your e-mail I can probably put you onto a few.

Thanks Richard, will do.
Today's sit - tried the witness whilst practicing vipassana techniques...fatigue is still strong, frustration seemed a little less intense today, more feelings of acceptance. There's a slight relief at the idea of just sitting without trying to attain anything, but I found the mind was wandering a little more today and concentration wasn't as strong. I'm not sure how to work with this paradox yet. Perhaps I'll strike a balance in time.

BTW - @Richard - can't find you on this site...you don't seem to be a member...drop me a here and I'll email you.

Serena, just click on Richard's name or picture, then click on "profile." This will bring up a pop-up menu with the option to "send a message." Click on that and you'll get the PM text box.

Thanks Kenneth, managed to get it to work and have PM'd Richard. Thanks

Sat for half an hour this evening doing vipassana. Started by noting sensations, then sensations-feeling tone, then sensations, feelings, feeling tone. Observed eye fluttering for a time and then moved on to looking down at third eye and then sinking into it. Several times during the sit I felt compelled to really shake out my head and neck. This felt quite invigorating and releasing.
Since last week I am becoming very much more conscious of my relationship to my feeling of frustration connected to illness. I am able to spot it and note it when the feeling arises much more, and instead of wrestling with it and ending up in emotional knots, I am noticing it dissolve into more of an accepting feeling from time to time. The acceptance feels more peaceful.

There's not a great deal to report here - just that I'm still sitting most days for around 30 minutes doing Vipassana. I guess I have a question at this point, which is, should I be doing meditating more intensively, i.e. for longer periods of time, to get anywhere i.e. like first path? Or, if I just carry on like this..doing a half an hour a day, will I get there at some point? Is it as mapped out as say, piano practice; I do my practice every day for half an hour, I make gradual improvements, or I practice for 5 hours a day and I make much quicker improvements. Or doesn't it work like that? I guess this is the proverbial 'are we there yet?' question really. There's a little part of me chomping at the bit.

Spent a lot of time noting today during the sit. It's been a particularly bad day health wise. i've been pretty much bed ridden and so I've mostly been noting fatigue and anger. It seems better at the moment to get to a point of accepting the anger through noting it, before getting to any kind of true and long lasting acceptance of having the illness. The anger and frustration seem to be the most prevalent emotions during bouts like today.

"There's not a great deal to report here - just that I'm still sitting most days for around 30 minutes doing Vipassana. I guess I have a question at this point, which is, should I be doing meditating more intensively, i.e. for longer periods of time, to get anywhere i.e. like first path? Or, if I just carry on like this..doing a half an hour a day, will I get there at some point? Is it as mapped out as say, piano practice; I do my practice every day for half an hour, I make gradual improvements, or I practice for 5 hours a day and I make much quicker improvements. Or doesn't it work like that? I guess this is the proverbial 'are we there yet?' question really. There's a little part of me chomping at the bit."

Just MHO, but I think that 30m is pretty light to get any sort of momentum. It may be ok once you have a path or two under your belt, and can tune your practice more effectively, or at least, know what you are looking for, but I certainly did not feel any significant progress until I was doing at least 45m regularly (ideally twice a day) and then having some much longer ones thrown in as mini-retreats.

Hi Tomtovos, yes, I'm sure you're right. Unfortunately, I'm realising that finding and sustaining that sort of practice time with having a family, working and managing a long term illness is not possible for me at the moment. I figure 30 minutes a day is better than nothing, though I'm sure, given more time, I could go deeper. I'm hoping to do a retreat before the end of the year is out though...

"Is it as mapped out as say, piano practice; I do my practice every day for half an hour, I make gradual improvements, or I practice for 5 hours a day and I make much quicker improvements. Or doesn't it work like that?"-Serenamay

Yes, Serena, I would say it is very much like that, although slightly non-linear and skewed toward the more-is-better side of the equation. This is because of the momentum phenomenon that Tomo mentioned. In any given sitting, you want to get to the A&P stage and beyond and for many people this does not happen in a short sitting. 45 minutes is usually enough, especially if you set it up with a few minutes of walking meditation beforehand.

Keep on keepin' on and feel better soon!

Kenneth

PS: Try noting continuously during reclining meditation when you feel too fatigued to sit.

Thanks Kenneth, yes let's hope the health picks up - it took a dive a few weeks back, which is why my sits are a bit meagre. Frustrating really. I'll try the reclining noting as you suggest and it is helpful to have an idea of the times I should be aiming for and the difference this will make, for when I'm up to it again. For now, I guess checking in daily albeit for short amounts of time is better than not checking in at all.

Serenamay,

Have you ever read the three pillars of zen? One of the accounts in it are the letters back and forth from a bedridden girl and her teacher. It's pretty inspiring.

"I love this forum, but sometimes feel as though I can't keep up with all these people gaining path at a rate of knots!! "

Hi Serena,

Great to see you working at this through tough circumstances in terms of time and health.

And I can certainly relate to the mixed blessing about seeing so many people on the forum attaining paths . It can be both inspiring and a cause of frustration. Part of the grand experiment here, I think, is to see if we we can gain benefit in the inspiration that outweighs the possible negative force of craving. Although, I figure any craving for particular path (or fruitions, or upper Jhannas, or whatever.) I experience is just a particular incarnation of more general craving that needs to be dealt with anyways, so the forum and the maps do me the favour of digging such craving and frustration up and bringing it out into the light of day. =)

It is also going to be inspiring to many of course, to see you and others continuing to push on through the realities of day to day difficulties.

And as I've learned working with Kenneth, we shouldn't underestimate the additional momentum that comes from bystander practice applied during activities off the cushion. I've been amazed... Trips to the grocery store have become one of the favourite parts of my practice (and as a result they have become much more pleasant and less exhausting, as well).

(-=B, who continues to operate here under pseudonym for now